Fathers Who Mourn on Father’s Day

Remorse, sadness and anger can affect a man’s life for decades after an abortion.

(photo: SaveTheStorks.com)

Fathers of aborted children are sharing their heart-wrenching stories, hoping to prevent the same experience in other men.

More research into the psychological effects of abortion on fathers is showing that men suffer along with women. In many cases the remorse, sadness and anger affects a man’s life for decades. This has been found not only in men who opposed the abortion but even in men who insisted on aborting. Alcohol and drug abuse, rage, loss of self-respect and a feeling of not having protected his partner are common aspects of what is termed post-abortion syndrome in men.

In my work with a crisis pregnancy center, I’ve spoken to men who say a past abortion is their biggest regret, the worst mistake in their life. How they wish they could “do over” that day. In some cases, the father had insisted on the abortion and even pressured the mother to have an abortion. They say, “If only I had known then what I know now!” Others were ambivalent about the mother’s decision. Still others strongly opposed the abortion and tried desperately to persuade the mother to have the baby. All of these fathers suffer, and they suffer because they realize now the abortion killed a child — their child.

Now more men are coming forward describing the tragedy of abortion in their lives. I find that when I mention that some of these men stand outside abortion centers and pray and try to speak to the young men arriving with their pregnant partners, people are astounded. They see the selflessness, the regret, and the powerful warning of these post abortive fathers. To me, they’re heroes. They're refuting the lie that aborting your own son or daughter is just no big deal. What better way to deal with their pain than by trying to prevent it in someone else?

One post-abortive father I know helped save a baby’s life recently. Praying with a small group outside a Planned Parenthood center, a young man and his girlfriend were dropped off by an Uber driver and were heading inside for a schedule abortion. “Steve” often tries to make a connection with the guy in some way before trying to intercede. This day, it was a New York Yankees hat. “Oh, you’re a Yankees fan too?” he asked. The couple were hesitant at first as Steve told them that PP’s motivation was to sell them an abortion, and that they wouldn’t give them the all the facts. He told them he could have people sit down and give them the full truth right then, a block away, and that they’d be shown the ultrasound of their little son or daughter. All for free. Wisely, the couple figured, “Why not?” Steve walked them over to our pregnancy center where an hour later the couple decided to keep their baby. 

It was so great to call Steve after and let him know the good news that resulted from putting in time outside the abortion center. He cried, and said he wished someone offering real help had been outside the abortion center years ago when he and his girlfriend went in for an abortion.