A question we all ask at one time or another in our lives is, “Was I meant to be?” Was I the product of chance, a being that was fated to be for no rhyme or reason? Or was I meant to be — in the sense that I was preordained by God or by some spiritual agency to come into existence?

A superficial view of life suggests that everything happens by chance. Which spermatozoon fertilizes which egg, from an empirical perspective, is a purely random occurrence. There is no God or spiritual being of any kind in the picture. Fate rules the world. Therefore, I am lucky to be alive — but I am also unlucky to be mortal.

This view contrasts with the Christian view that God not only rules the world but is intimately involved with everything that transpires. In this sense, destiny replaces fate so that, in a way we cannot perceive, each one of us was destined to be. This view is congenial to what we prefer to believe.

But why is it, we may ask, that we harbor this preference? Does this innate preference correspond to reality, or is it just a pipe dream? If we do have a destiny, then our obligation is to have faith. Faith, then, is the acknowledgment that we are creatures of destiny. Consequently, we have Someone to thank for our existence.

Another question that challenges us concerns marriage. Is someone destined to be my life’s partner, or do I find someone with whom I feel a certain mutual compatibility? Do I search for my partner who is “the one,” or do I choose one based on love and common sense? Were we “meant to be” husband and wife, or did we choose to be? We look to the stars and we look into our hearts for the answer. The answer is not always forthcoming.

According to Roman mythology, three goddesses presided over the birth and life of human beings. Each person’s destiny was regarded as a thread — spun, measured, and cut out by three Fates: Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos. In this case, there is a blend of fate and destiny.

Pythagoras looked to numbers. When asked what a friend is, he replied, “One who is the other I,” such as 220 and 284, which are what he called “amicable numbers.” The divisors of 220 add up to 284, while the sum of the divisors of 284 equals 220. Therefore, friendship was pre-ordained, written in the language of mathematics. No one takes this seriously today, but it does indicate the human desire to prefer destiny to fate.

Plato, on the other hand, had a more metaphysical explanation of love and friendship. In his dialogue The Symposium, Aristophanes speaks of the original androgyn who is a unity of male and female parts. The two parts were separated on earth, and one part was impelled to search for the other part of his soul. Love, in this view, is the desire to recover the other half of one’s being. It is more a matter of destiny than it is of fate.

A 1929 popular song implies that two lovers are destined to be together. The lyrics, by Arthur Freed, read, in part, “You were meant for me, and I was meant for you.” The song was featured in the movie Penny Serenade starring Cary Grant and Irene Dunne. Like many popular songs, it is based on the romantic feeling of Kismet. But is this realism or wishful thinking?

Selecting the right spouse is largely an exercise of freedom. But, placing things in a Christian perspective, this does not exclude the action of grace.

One may pray for a future husband or wife, and God may provide the grace that answers this petition. The issue is sufficiently complex that the matter of choosing life’s partner is not entirely in our hands. Freedom, grace and destiny all have their roles to play.

Mary, the Mother of God, freely accepted her role and received an abundance of grace so that her destiny could be fulfilled. With respect to our own lives, these three factors are not clearly or smoothly integrated.

And yet, we must relate them to each other as best we can. What this also means is that there will be inevitable tensions in our lives as we try to harmonize and coordinate these three elements.

Apart from meeting the “right person,” we can say that God sends various people into our lives to help guide us to our respective destinies. We do not achieve our destiny alone. From a Christian standpoint, our ultimate destiny is to be with God in heaven.

It is not fate that brings us to heaven’s gate, but the proper use of our freedom as we pray for the grace we need to complete our life’s journey. Our life consists of reaching multiple destinations. One destination fulfilled yields to another, and so on, as a series of destinations continues.

We often attach more importance to reaching a destination than reaching our destiny. We travel to Europe, but must return home. We become president of a corporation, but must retire. But our destiny is something that we must keep in mind as we travel to innumerable destinations.

The fundamental paradox concerning our destiny is that it comes to us from the outside, yet it is already present to us in some way on the inside. Our destiny is intertwined with God’s benevolence, his grace, and our freedom and faith.