Many years ago, friends of mine got married in Colorado. My brother, who was just rediscovering his Catholic faith, came with me. We grew up in Eugene, Oregon, where women were frequently awarded the title of “worst dressed” in typical marijuana-fueled hippie culture fashions. This wedding, then, of two faithful Catholic families, was a refreshing and striking change of scenery.

A forest fire had just run through the area near the outdoor reception; the residual smell of smoke and the acres of burned forest added a slightly threatening sense to the day amid the joy.

Leaving the event, my brother said, “That was a wonderful wedding. The women were beautiful, and the men were there to protect them.” I agreed, knowing he had captured not just the day and these families’ values, but something deeper and more foundational. When men are deeply committed to the will of God, understand the dignity of women and family, and exercise their gifts accordingly, women can be beautiful, not a superficial beauty, but the kind of beauty that radiates from inside. The rough edges of cynicism, bitterness, anger, and contempt no longer need to be clung to for self-protection.

Of course, there have always been men who behaved badly (and women, too). From its inception, feminism rose as an effort to protect women from abusive men. The problem was real, but the feminist solution was flawed from the start.

Rather than reforming men through deep Christian conversion, the idea was to eliminate the need for men and Christianity entirely by making women autonomous and more like men. The gifts of manhood — procreation, protection and providing — were scuttled or disvalued, culminating in the famous line of Gloria Steinem, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

Today, feminism continues to fuel an unquenchable contempt for what it views as the failures of men, undermining the very thing it claims so desperately to want: good men.

For example, in the sexual realm, feminism has created the flywheel of telling men they are terrible, then seducing them into leading lives of sexual amorality, and then wondering why men are terrible.

At home, feminist women demand their husbands submit to their will and then are incredulous when their husbands never exert a will of their own. Feminism helped create a world perfect for loutish males: Contraception is expected, abortion demanded and divorce is readily available, enabling a man intent not on defending but deserting.

The inner dynamism of men as protector and women as protected has been lost and replaced by the Marxist terms of victimizer and victim, even in the Church. Feminism leads women to believe that because they are victims, life is better lived apart from men entirely, making an idol out of female autonomy. Anything that gets in the way of that idol (or career necessary to achieve autonomy) must be sacrificed, including the unborn.

Feminism has convinced women that freedom is more precious than children. This is why Catholic women contracept and abort at roughly the same rates as the rest of the culture. Feminism’s rotten fruit, despite efforts of reform, saturates the Church.

The truth is, men, we need you. What few realize is that the very thing women are counting on to protect us today, namely, feminism, is precisely what is undermining all of us. Here are four ways to help right the ship.

1. Stop being complicit with the feminist ideology.

Feminism has been hiding in plain sight now for years and it is time to call it out. I’ve written extensively about this and resources continue to expand. A man listening to the heart of God can also trust his gut instincts and prayer. Don’t fall for shallow talking points that “men can’t speak to this because you are a men” or the lie that “feminism is only about helping women.”

As I explain in my book Something Wicked, when compared to other deadly ideologies, it is the deadliest in all history, with roughly 40-70 million abortions annually worldwide. Getting rid of it can significantly help the pro-life effort but also clear out of the Church the feminist litany of lies, half-truths, and distortions of male and female, providing fresh ground upon which to rebuild.

2. Speak and act.

I’ve had men say to me privately that they agree with me about feminism, but can’t act publicly for various reasons, such as, they don’t think it’s that important, it will hurt so-and-so’s feelings, or it will make a lot of women angry. Regardless, it is easy for men to simply be silent. And that’s the problem. Women cannot do all the heavy lifting to fight feminism; especially when a quick look around at the strongholds of feminism in the Church aren’t run by women, but by plenty of good and solid men who have chosen to simply not engage.

Feminism has intentionally fomented anger and bitterness in the hearts of women for decades. It is extremely difficult to stand firm in the face of anger, protests, and canceling efforts. Certainly, be prudent, but don’t conflate silence with prudence.

Jesus exhorts us to protect the vulnerable. The moral life doesn’t come with an asterisk, making an exception for dealing with angry women. Courage involves being strong and not allowing the wolf to decimate the sheep, even if the sheep have taken on the habits of the wolf. Yes, it will be tough. But God is faithful.

You may feel alone, but a ground swell is happening; more men and women are moving forward with a God-given determination to restore male and female complementarity. Christ was able to do a great deal with just 12 men. Imagine what he can do with 12, 120, 1,200, and beyond, who finally say, “Enough.”

3. Lead your sons.

All men are called to fatherhood, whether biological or spiritual. Men, we certainly need you to protect the women in your lives, wives, daughters, sisters, but you have a special role to play when it comes to your sons.

For decades, many men mistakenly thought that they were being good men by appeasing feminist demands (instead of praying, talking and discerning with their wives about the needs of the whole family). Consequently, many young men no longer know what a good woman looks like, with fewer and fewer having the experience of kind and thoughtful women, the grandmotherly type who adores them. They are tired of being on the receiving end of contemptuous women.

These young men, without the guidance of older, wiser, and courageous men, reject what many view as the previous generation’s complicity with their own demise. Left to their own youthful devices (or worse, models like Andrew Tate) many young men mirror the scorn and contempt that has been directed at them through feminism. They justify violence, anger, and the denigration of women because they have few good models.

Modeling respect and sacrificial love — living as a true icon of manhood in Christ and his cross — even when uncomfortable, is essential. This is also vital for spiritual fathers, for clergy, religious and bishops, to be authentic models of masculinity for all men, and authentic fathers for all the Church. The world, deprived of authentic motherhood, is also hungry for authentic fatherhood.

4. Be good men.

We need men to model true manhood and leadership, neither of which involves the extremes of domination or capitulation. It comes from men who are committed to being faithful, united to the will of God, fiercely protective and uncompromising.

Men have no idea how attractive and compelling a man is who places God first in his life. There always seems to be a group of single women who hang around seminaries. Yes, there is something “safe” about a seminarian, but there is also something attractive about a man who has put God first, and who will give up everything to follow him. Be aware of this and how prioritizing God over all will make it very easy for others to follow your lead.

The wedding my brother and I attended wasn’t some kind of Brigadoon, an event that happens only once every 100 years. When a man knows it is his job to protect, it makes it much easier for a woman of good will to allow herself to be protected.

When men are men, worthy of the name and striving for the heart of God, then women can be women — kind, thoughtful, emotionally stable, capable of deep self-sacrifice and self-gift, and the fruit of that is something that no amount of make-up can ever give: a beauty that reflects the true heart of God.

And when the two work together, man and woman, that is when God can do his best work though them — healing, building, and hallowing — the very things for which we all thirst.