When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him; but Mary sat at home (John 11:20, NAB).

“Are you a ‘Mary’ or a ‘Martha’?” This question is sometimes asked in Christian settings, and I even discovered it on a church sign recently. Mary and Martha, sisters of Lazarus, were from the town of Bethany. They were Jesus’ friends and are best known for the scene where Mary sat at Jesus’ feet listening while Martha busily served the guests.

Martha verbalized to Jesus her frustration that Mary wasn’t helping, saying, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.” And Jesus gave his famous reply: “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” (Luke 10:40-42, NAB)

Considering Martha, we also should read the encounter that took place following the death of Lazarus. Jesus was out of town and had been notified that Lazarus was dying but didn’t rush to Bethany to heal his friend. Four days after Lazarus’ death, Martha heard that Jesus was on his way into town. She ran to meet him on the road, but Mary stayed home. Martha’s essence is shown in her passionate question upon reaching Jesus: “Why didn’t you come? If you’d been here, Lazarus wouldn’t have died.” What zeal she displayed in going to meet Jesus! Such faith —knowing he could have healed her brother!

But Mary sat at home. Only Martha rushed out to see her Lord. It’s clear from both stories that Martha was a doer — I can relate.

For 10 years, I organized Sunday coffee hour at our parish. The unique liturgy of our Mass attracts people from a distance, thus turning coffee hour into much more than just coffee. It is a hearty spread — think lunch — every week.

A ramp extends from our church down to the parish hall where coffee hour is served. After receiving Holy Communion, I often head immediately down to finish preparations before the ravenous faithful make a beeline for the food and coffee. In that moment of hosting, if asked whether I’m a Mary or a Martha the answer is clear: I’m Martha, for sure.

I recently stepped away from organizing Sunday coffee hour due to greater work responsibilities. With these increased demands, I also began shortening my time in adoration. My twice-weekly Holy Hour was now becoming a holy half-hour or sometimes just a holy 15 minutes. And in those condensed times of prayer, I struggled with impatience as the day’s to-do list paraded through my head.

My recognition of this concerning trend coincided with words from our priest, Father Herman Majkrzak, who spoke of Mary and Martha in a homily. His timely thoughts hit home when he said, “We have to receive before we can give.” I realized that being a ‘Mary’ means receiving from our Lord first, before serving others. The first commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. The second commandment is to love our neighbor. The second can only be done properly after the first takes place.

I later shared with Father Majkrzak the personal relevance of his words, and he offered yet more wisdom: “While in adoration, pray about your to-do list with the Lord. Adoration is preparing yourself for eternity — the one thing needful. None of these earthly things will follow us, except faith, hope and love remain.”

Martha’s fervor in running to meet Jesus showed her ardent faith, hope and love. Could Mary possibly have fallen short during that moment? We don’t know why she stayed at home. Maybe she was incapacitated by grief, overcome with disappointment, perhaps angry. In any case, in this second story, it is Martha who shines the brightest.

Following Father Majkrzak’s guidance, I have resumed my adoration time to equal a true Holy Hour because one must receive before one can give. And if some items on my to-do-list remain undone, then I trust God’s provision in that shortfall. Like the boy who sat among the crowd of 5,000 people, I offer Jesus the “five loaves and two fish” of my time and talents, trusting him with the outcome.

So now, when contemplating the question, “Are you a Mary or a Martha?” My answer is: When I run to adoration, I’m like Martha in my zeal and desire to be with Jesus. While sitting before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, I’m like Mary by choosing the better part, and it will not be taken away from me!

Sts. Martha and Mary (and their brother, St. Lazarus), pray for us.

Lisa Livezey writes from Pennsylvania where she found her way to Rome via the Anglican Ordinariate. She is the author of Minding Mom: A Caregiver’s Devotional Story (En Route Publishing) and posts weekly photo devotions at LisaLivezey.com/olivetree.