Family Matters

What is the most common problem you see in counseling or consulting these days?

Whether a person comes in for counseling on personal issues or consulting on business matters, one problem nearly always comes up: There is not enough time to do what has to be done. Time is rarely presented as the main concern, but it's a contributing factor in just about every quandary — and opportunity — people find themselves facing.

Time is our most precious resource. On a retreat a few years ago, the priest said we should confess wasting time when we're guilty of it. At first I thought that was a bit much. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized how precious a gift from God time really is. If we waste it, we waste chances to grow in formation, recreation, enjoyment and accomplishing the things God wants us to do. Lost time cannot be replaced. Everything we do takes time — including doing “nothing” — so how can we justify wasting it when there are so many important things to do?

There is plenty of literature on time management. If you study Earl Nightingale, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracey (my favorite), Stephen Covey, Jim Rohn or the Catholic author David Durand, you'll see that they solve the problem of time management by attaining a sense of direction and setting firm priorities. (By the way: If you are stuck in traffic a lot, listening to recordings by these guys is a good use of time.) Once we discover the priorities in our life and set goals to bring those priorities to fruition, then our time gets purposeful and directed. We use our time for the most important things. Time then brings us nearer to our goals.

Spending time on priorities yields fulfillment and order in our lives. Disorder is often propelled by spending too much time on inessentials and thereby ignoring the more important issues. If a person spends so much time playing golf that the higher priorities — faith, family, work, relationships — all go sorely neglected, then he is living in conflict with his priorities. He will suffer the consequences.

Many time managers just encourage clients to order their priorities however they see fit. But the Catholic perspective, always suspicious of relativism, cautions us to look carefully at our priorities to be sure we have it right. Our priorities are the way we live our fundamental purpose in life. A suggested list of priorities in order might be building and maintaining strong relationships with, in this order, Christ, our spouse and our children.

Just below that top tier, you might place living out your commitment to integrity, building your career, keeping your finances in order, maintaining your health, nurturing friendships and participating in civic improvements. This is where a strong prayer life and spiritual direction are needed. Ask God what are the most important things he's calling you to and how he wants you to address them. Then break out a pad of yellow paper. Go somewhere where you won't be interrupted. Write down the most important priorities of your life. Then circle the top 10 and rank order them.

These are the areas where you want to spend the bulk of your time. Show the list to your spouse and spiritual director, and get their input. Then put your time into those most important things. Doing what we feel like or prefer instead of what's the most important is what gets us into trouble and raises anxiety and, often, despair.

The paradoxical thing about priorities is that, when we have them in the right order and live accordingly, we often have more time. You need not worry about your kids if you put Christ and your spouse as more important. Your love for Christ and your spouse will make you a better parent. Yet more proof that God works in mysterious ways!

Art Bennett is director of Alpha Omega Clinic and Consultation Services in Vienna, Virginia, and Bethesda, Maryland.