Spirit and Life

Dear Adrienne and Lance,

“Remember to pick up your clothes … No elbows on the table … Straighten your tie before you go into school … Your shoes need polishing … Don't forget the note to Grandma … Make your bed … Comb your hair … Iron that shirt … Pass the food before serving yourself … Put your dirty dishes in the sink … Stand up when someone enters the room … Offer your seat on the bus to a lady … Open the car door for your mom … Take out the garbage … Time to clean the goldfish bowl … Don't slouch … Clean your room. And always remember to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’”

Maybe you recall Mom or me saying some of these things to you. Maybe you remember us saying all of them, several times each. They probably seem like little, picky things. In a way, they are. But little things can add up to big things.

Back in my days in corporate public relations, I complained once to a wise supervisor that we seemed to be doing so many little things that didn't have a big, immediate payoff. He reminded me that a reputation is built “one brick at a time — and eventually you have a big building.”

So it is with personal reputation — character, if you like. You have to start with the little things and they build you into the sort of person others (and you) can respect.

This is not a new idea.

You recall the parable of the talents, recounted in Chapter 25 of the Gospel of Matthew. Three servants are given funds to manage while the master is away. Two of the three invest their funds, earn a profit and win the gratitude of their master. The third buries his money in the ground and is tossed out in the darkness where “men will weep and gnash their teeth.”

The two servants who did well with their investments got the same grateful message from the master: “Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much, enter into the joy of your master.”

In other words, to get the big things right, you have to start by getting the little things right. Being polite, exhibiting good manners and maintaining a certain level of decorum really will make you better people.

Yes, there are some slobs who are really decent people. Yes, there are some very polite criminals. But, on average, people who show respect for others in small matters will have a better sense of right when it comes to big things.

If you don't have the decency to say “please” and “thank you,” why would I think you are fair and honest in your business dealings?

If you don't have the sense to wear business attire to a business meeting, why should I believe you understand your business or that you respect me enough to value our relationship?

If you are rude to the flight attendant on an airplane, why should I believe you will be considerate to your co-workers, your spouse or your children?

On the other hand, if you are polite and considerate I'll at least listen to what you have to say.

Abide by traffic laws when the police aren't around and I'll figure I can trust you as a business partner when I'm not around.

Give up your seat on the bus to a little old lady and I might let you sell me a used car.

I don't expect anyone to be perfect, but we all must try. Will Rogers said, “Live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.” I'm glad our parrot doesn't talk.

Jim Fair writes from Chicago.