Torsten and Cathy Helk weren't convinced that Sunday Mass, grace before meals and a loving home were enough to nurture their children's faith. So they took their two children on family retreats. “We wanted to give them something more,” says Cathy. “We wanted them to grow up with a relationship with God.”

The family played and prayed at the Marianist Family Retreat Center in Cape May Point, N.J. They took part in lively sessions on forgiveness and commitment in the morning, attended noontime Mass, frolicked at the nearby beach after lunch and, in the evening, enjoyed ice cream at sunset or participated in a decade of the rosary at the Mary statue.

The retreats taught the Helks “how to have fun with one another,” says Cathy. “We learned you don't need permission to talk about your faith. You don't need to keep your faith private.”

The Helks credit the retreats with enlivening their children's spiritual lives. “She's grown up inspired by the Spirit,” says Cathy of Kimmie, 17, who in the fall will attend a college run by the Sisters of Mercy.

The Helks found what other Catholic families seek. The frenzied pace of life, the lack of family time together and the secular trappings of society make it difficult for parents today to keep their faith foremost. Families are pulled in so many different directions that the call of the Holy Spirit can be drowned out.

“We live in an individualistic society. It's so easy for young people to get lost all day in a video game,” says Holy Cross Father John Phalen, president of Holy Cross Family Ministries in North Easton, Mass. “So often we have very little to do with one another. Prayer is very important for bringing us together. Prayer brings us together. It forms us in community.”

Trying to deepen your family's spirituality is not just about making sure everyone is polite and respectful with one another or that family members attend Mass regularly and otherwise outwardly observe the rituals of the Catholic faith. Without consciously working toward the goal, it's more a matter of building a small Christian community within the family unit. Families with a vibrant spiritual life can handle crises both large and small and offer unstinting support and compassion amid daily challenges.

“A deeper trust level develops (in spiritual families),” says Beth Mahoney, mission director for Holy Cross Family Ministries, founded by “the rosary priest,” Father Patrick Peyton. “When we come together and pray, God's presence is with us and around us and allows us to be vulnerable and fragile with one another. Look at the life of Christ. He led a life of vulnerability.”

Those engaged in family ministry say a family's spiritual growth won't happen by accident and won't happen merely by attending Mass together. It has to be done intentionally. And what works for one family may not agree with another. But it can be done.

Here are some concrete ways to cut through the clutter of everyday life and enrich your family's spirituality.

Mend the Marriage

A marriage that is floundering or one even operating on cruise control is not ripe for spiritual riches. “Make sure your marriage is working,” says Father Phalen. “Don't just go through the motions of saying prayers. Improve the relationship between the partners. Consider Marriage Encounter or Cursillo.”

It's within the family that children develop a spirituality that will stay with them when they grow up. Children learn by observing, not by commands and dictates. Parents able to work together, disagree respectfully and help each other get over personal humps leave a greater impression than a stern parental lecture on right and wrong or even a Sunday homily from the pulpit.

“Young people decide who they are and what they want in life through family relationships. Bringing people together for give and take gives us a model for what we can be,” says Father Phalen. “If people forgive one another at home, that will carry over later. Forgiveness helps people connect in their relationships.”

The family is also where the drama of being human and the calling to a life of holiness is played out. “The family is the domestic church. All the elements of the Church are available in this basic unit of society,” says Father Phalen. “Our salvation is together, not just as individuals. We're saved as a community.”

Find the Sacred in the Routine

Catholics wrongly tend to confine God to one hour on Sunday. Barbara MacDonald, president of the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers, likes to recount an anecdote about a Jewish girl who befriended a Catholic girl. Before long, the Jewish girl discovered the difference between the two faiths. “For Jews, everything important happens in the home,” she concluded. “For Catholics, it's at church.”

‘When you renew your spiritual life, that will overflow to the kids’

a Deeper Spiritual Life (Servant, 2004). “If you are serious about your faith, if you show your love for God, your kids will be turned on to God.”

Cirner has five children, ages 33 to 21. As teen-agers, they went through the typical rebellions of youth. But she and her husband did not waver from the Catholic faith.

When her children became adults, “they came back to us and said, ‘Everything you told us was based on your belief in God.’ It's not like they felt we imposed something on them.”

Don't fret, says Cirner, if your spiritual batteries seem to be running low. “John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila said, pay attention to the dissatisfaction in our life. That's a sign of the Holy Spirit leading you to Christ,” she says. “If you feel like your spiritual life is faltering, rely on God to breathe some winds into your sails.”

Be sure to share with your children your own struggles and successes in following Christ, advises Father Phalen. Children benefit immeasurably from hearing their parents talk about their personal concerns.

“What's the cross you are bearing today? Is it an overbearing boss? Let your children know you've prayed for patience,” he says.

Likewise, openly give thanks for positive experiences. “What are your resurrection experiences? What's gone right with you? Share that, as well.”

Go on Family Retreat

Most families want to spend their precious vacation time on the beach or sightseeing in a far-flung locale. Indeed, most of the families who attend a family retreat include a reluctant spouse (usually the husband) and wary children. But that changes dramatically as the retreat unfolds.

“Ninety-five percent of our families return,” says Anthony Fucci, director of the Marianist Family Retreat Center. “Kids realize they can have a good time and be spiritual at the same time. They also realize they can have a positive experience with their parents.”

A family retreat offers “the perfect formula. It reaches you at every level,” says Cathy Helk. Part of the appeal is the camaraderie that develops among and within families as people realize what they share in common. “Families realize they all struggle with the same issues,” she says. “There's not enough time, trying to limit the negative influences on the kids, getting them to go to church.”

Families on retreat quickly discover that, while Mass is the highest form of prayer and worship on earth, it isn't the only place you can glorify God. For example, many rediscover the joys of praying a family rosary while on retreat.

Part of the beauty of the family rosary is that it's “the catechism on a string,” according to Father Phalen. The mysteries open our hearts and minds to truths about the human condition and the divine plan.

“Link the rosary to everyday life,” says Mahoney. “It's not only one of the prayers that's part of our tradition but it allows us to reflect on everyday life.” The visitation, for example, can be related to how we receive visitors into our home and how we relate to friends or those in need.

The bottom line: Over time, through prayer, retreats and generally paying more attention to the workings of the Holy Spirit in day-to-day family life, God can be more manifest in every home.

“The family that prays together stays together,” says Father Phalen, echoing Father Peyton's mantra. “A family may face a big problem, but nothing is bigger than the grace that supports us.”

Jay Copp writes from La Grange Park, Illinois.