The Heart Grows Fonder

Q We think Natural Family Planning is wonderful. We have practiced this method in order to have more children. However, this is the first time that we are using the method to avoid pregnancy. Do you have any practical recommendations?

A Lisette: Too many couples are still uninformed about Natural Family Planning. The more that information is made available, the more they'll be able to enjoy the fruitful results of this method — whether they use it to achieve or to avoid pregnancy.

Now that you're using it to avoid pregnancy, there will be certain times during the female cycle when you have to avoid sexual intercourse. Like other couples, however, you'll probably find that the sacrifice enhances your love for each other.

During our marriage, there have been times when out of medical necessity we've had to avoid pregnancy. There have also been times when we've tried to achieve pregnancy. The latter has actually been our biggest struggle because we've had several miscarriages. In both instances, though, we've learned a lot about our relationship, about ways we can give love to one another.

During those times when we had to avoid pregnancy there were so many expressions of love we cherished more than ever: holding hands, soft and tender kisses, romantic walks and many laughs over long dinners. Out of necessity, we were more creative than before. We learned to date again. I cooked George's favorite meals and baked his favorite desserts. I even encouraged him to play golf — with a smile!

We found many ways to show that we loved each other. George and I realized, in fact, that we had become best friends again during this time. It was like lighting another spark in our relationship. Trying though it was at times, it was wonderful.

George: Based on personal research (i.e., conversations with other guys), men have a harder time with abstinence than women do. Natural Family Planning offers a husband the opportunity to express the tenderness of his love and affection outside the marriage bed.

If my data is correct, wives uniformly applaud these kinds of efforts from their husbands. I know Lisette does.

Life can get hectic. With work, school, extracurricular activities and everything else, time with each other can get pretty scarce for Lisette and me. During the times when we also needed to abstain from sex, I had to be creative, thinking up new ways to express my love for her.

Nothing fancy. Holding hands as we walked around the neighborhood talking about life was one of our favorites. It was a simple act, but the difference was that I initiated it rather than waiting till Lisette asked me to spend time alone together. I made the first move to show her my love. That was the key.

Love is giving oneself to another; and, for us, Natural Family Planning taught us a lot more about doing just that.

George and Lisette de los Reyes host

The Two Shall Be One on EWTN.