I had an abortion when I was 17 years old. At the time, it was much like it will be now, before Roe v. Wade — legal in New York, but not across the country.

As much as the pro-abortion narrative would like everyone to believe that the choice of abortion is always freely made, I know that this is not true. Not only was I abandoned and coerced by my father, but in the Entering Canaan post abortion ministry I co-developed with the Sisters of Life, we’ve learned, over the past 26 years, that most women face some kind of pressure to end their pregnancies. This of course, does not make the abortion okay, but it speaks to the lies of the industry and the difficulties faced in the healing process.

The road to healing from an abortion can be excruciatingly painful. It's a battle for belief in the love and mercy of God after an abortion experience, which is the ultimate failure of love. The horror can be so deep, it can often take people decades to heal from its trauma.

It is a very long journey back to truly internalize the love of Christ who was always there, but whose forgiveness and mercy evades those suffering because they are overcome with guilt, shame and a lack of forgiveness of others and self. It is only through the mercy of God that someone can truly look at their sin, in the light of his unconditional love, and find the healing that he longs to give them. It’s a battle that’s impossible to win without the grace of God given to us, especially in the sacraments.

So it is that the antics of Nancy Pelosi at the Vatican deeply pierced my heart and the hearts of many others who truly have experienced the humility of the love of God in forgiving and healing us of our abortions. But not everyone is there. Millions of post-abortive mothers, fathers and even siblings are sitting in silent suffering, struggling to find their way back to the heart of God

The recent actions of Pelosi at the Vatican, and her receiving of the Eucharist despite the entreaties of her bishop, Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, are a mockery of the Church and particularly stinging to those of us in the United States who just saw the reversal of Roe. This is a woman who holds grave responsibility for the death of millions of unborn children. Her total disrespect for the gift of life and the teachings of the Church she professes to love cheapens and distorts our most precious gifts of faith and the Holy Eucharist.

These actions have negative repercussions on the many who have struggled for years seeking healing of this grave sin. In many ways it felt like our children were aborted once again, not to mention the unborn who continue to die every day because of her actions and the actions of others who not only support but promote the grave sin of abortion. Millions are separated from God as a direct result of her actions, which cannot be measured in this life. It is heart-wrenching.

Pelosi’s total lack of respect for the Eucharist make it difficult for those new to healing, or those still struggling on the painful way of the cross, to believe in the mercy of God and the possibility of forgiveness. Why bother if we do not, as a Church, put into action what we say we believe? The real presence of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist, which should not be received unless in the state of grace, can turn into a fantasy to appease your personal beliefs, instead of the beautiful mystery of redemption that it is.

There is no doubt that God loves Nancy Pelosi and desires her salvation. His mercy is there for her as it is for each one of us and we should all be praying that she comes back to the fullness of faith. He is waiting for her and always has been, just as he waits for each one of us who repents and truly seeks his will, but the seeming acceptance of her actions by many in the Church tacitly condones the sin of abortion. It is a disservice not only to the souls of those who are paying the price of dying to themselves to be born again in Christ, but also to Nancy Pelosi herself. Mostly, it is a disservice to the millions of innocent unborn babies who have died because of her policies and her continued quest to ensure and codify in law, that they be murdered all nine months in the womb while women, men and society are denied the truth about the damage of abortion. Millions of babies, millions of souls, lost.

In Luke 15:7 we are told that “there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 righteous persons who need no repentance.” I pray the day will come when we can all experience the joy of Nancy Pelosi’s conversion, but for her sake and ours I also pray that we stand faithful and courageous in our faith, always proclaiming the truth.

Theresa Bonopartis is director of Lumina/Hope & Healing After Abortion and co-developer of Entering Canaan post-abortion ministry.