Alternative lifestyle?  Maybe.  Definitely a different way of thinking.  The concept of trying to avoid a pregnancy while simultaneously being open to the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy can be a big jump for some people.

My wife and I have taught NFP for ~5ish years now.  Through this ministry I am can honestly say there is little, if anything, we haven’t heard on the subject.  The three important reminders I keep telling myself is to be gentle, be truthful, and most of all be patient.  I know this may come as a shock coming from a male, but I am inherently impatient.  I want people to comprehend 100% of our witness the moment they hear it.  The reality is it takes time.  Also, if I am abrasive with this ministry (even in the face of abusive opposition) no one will hear a word of it.  To quote Teddy Roosevelt “Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”  It’s hard enough hearing a truth which is in opposition to what we’ve been brought up to believe.  Adding insult to injury is the fact that NFP promotes something which attacks the “apparent” freedom found in contraceptives.  The second shocker as a male is that I am also a prideful individual.  Reminding myself to stay truthful keeps me humble in that I must acknowledge that what I am promoting is not my ideas but that which we believe is found in real truth from God as taught by His Holy Church.  The Code of Cannon Law makes this point rather clear as it reminds me that the true Catholic Teachers are the Roman Pontiff and the college of bishops.  All I am capable of doing is merely acting as witnesses to the faith (CCL, 756-761).  This is no minor role in the church to be true.  We are all called to witness this faith (CCC, 3).  In a manner of speaking our only pitch is to continually strive to be more faithful to God’s plan.  From this the world will see your witness.  The more we work at this, the more the members of the faithful will take notice.  The next thing you know a complete stranger will approach you with a humbling question…  “How do you do it?”  While you may feel as if the last hour was spent in a futile Sisyphean exercise in controlling children during mass.  The rest of the world saw a family who was happy and managed a group hug after communion.  Be true to the Gospel and God will work through you.

By the way thank you for your ministry.  Keep up the good work.

Sure it’s an alternative lifestyle. How organic & crunchy is it to ingest or inject powerful steroid hormones into your body to avoid a natural process?
:)

I think the sacrificial aspect is certainly in play when you try to “sell” NFP. I also think there is a credibility issue with those who teach it. The feedback I’ve heard, and my own experience in engagement prep, is that the couple who comes to talk about NFP has 5 or more kids, and they assure those present that all of those kids are “planned.” The typical young adult engaged couple (1)can’t imagine ever wanting 5 kids themselves; (2)has a hard time imagining anybody else wanting 5 kids; (3) obviously therefore the folks doing the presentation are just not telling the truth or are glossing over failures in the method. This does go back to sacrifice—it takes a lot of sacrifice to have a big family. Those who find such sacrifices unimaginable, aren’t going to believe those who are welcoming to lots of kids. I don’t know what the solution is, but perhaps more emphasis should be made in “recruiting” NFP teachers—at least those presenting to engaged couples—who are childless for the present or have one or two kids for now. NFP is one of those things that if you just do it, you’ll see the benefits and grace will take over. Just my thoughts.

The only reason my husband and I switched from condoms to NFP was obedience to the Church.  Our outlook and view of each marital act has always been that it could create a child.  We had surprise babies with both NFP and condoms.  Many married (contracepting) couples I know have had surprise pregnancies and they took them in stride - I’m not sure switching to NFP will alter a person’s outlook. 
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I really think there should be more of a push to convince people they need to switch to save their souls.  Admittedly, that’s not going to convince any lukewarm Catholics.  And while I think those other efforts may be effective in some circles, for the average Catholic couple sitting in the pew - the ones who would never abort an unexpected child - other reasons may ring a little hollow.

How about pitching it as Organic Sex? Better for you and for the enviroment.

Maggie—I like your thinking. The Church has been preaching about the morality of NFP vs. contraception for years, and yes, she should keep doing that. Some just don’t “get” the reasoning. For those folks, there’s nothing wrong with some creative marketing. As I said in my previous post, having a couple with five kids talking to engaged couples about NFP isn’t good marketing. Promoters of NFP should work A LOT harder to get into the heads of those couples and meet them where they are. If you are tuned out long before you explain the moral issues, what good is that?

You know what we really need? MORE information, a wealth of information, I mean a glut of information! Right now NFP info is only there for Catholics who are eagerly seeking it out, searching online, contacting their diocese etc. My wife asked for help from our parish and got links to the internet and a pamphlet, not a judgement on our people there but come on!

PS I love Maggie’s idea! Organic Sex sounds great! Green sex, errr not so much ;)

@Kathleen - Obviously, the Pill is awful for a variety of reasons, but I wonder how many practicing Catholic couples actually use it?  I think the overall rate of married couples using hormonal contraception is only like 30% (thanks Google!), and I wonder if that’s lower among practicing Catholics who might find hormones too unNatural.  Of my practicing Catholic friends and acquaintances who’ve confided their family planning methods to me, I would say they fall pretty much along the following lines in terms of popularity 1)condoms 2)diaphragm 3)vasectomy 4) NFP 5)tubal ligation.    Although I do know married women on the Pill, none of them are practicing Catholics.

I’m journeying with NFP from the other end- I’m trying to get pregnant, and am grateful to God for the gift of NFP & NaPro Technology to help me in this quest.  I think in this day of people trying to start families later in life, using NFP instead of IFV is also something that we need to really get out there, especially as I understand NaPro Technology is more effective, and I know it doesn’t have the body count that IFV does.  I’ve started to share it with my girlfriends, and will continue to do so as I progress through the program. I really like the fact that the doctors are more interested in figuring out what is wrong & treating that vs just giving me drugs to make me more fertile, etc. and completely bypassing the problem!  All in all, NFP really empowers a woman to understand her body, whether she is trying to achieve or postpone pregnancy, and that is something to be shared!

Eileen ,
I’m not sure what the statistics are for Catholics.
Years ago we had a teacher-a registered nurse-come to my former parish to train parishoners in NFP.Our pastor tried his best to promote the classes but invariably parishoners would admit that it was “too late”, that they’d been surgically sterilized-vasectomy or tubal ligation.
Those procedures seem to have health issues/risks associated with them, too.

Mrs. Hude,
Exactly!
Women should study NFP to understand & take responsibility for their health, as well as for planning or spacing a pregnancy.
And NFP works both ways.We seem to only hear about using it to avoid pregnancies.

I do think it’s important to look at using NFP/Fertility Awareness as a “lifestyle choice,” although many don’t see the use of contraceptives as a such.  I think if it is only promoted as a means to avoid pregnancy, or only as a means to achieve pregnancy, the total package is left lacking.  Like many other “lifestyle choices” the decision to use NFP usually doesn’t happen overnight; it requires seeds to be planted, a ripe environment, and cooperation.  As mentioned in a previous post, patience is key: for most people, they only come to accept NFP after taking in bites at a time and mulling each one over (ruminating, if you will).  At least, that’s been my experience. :-)

I wish when priests do homilies on NFP that they wouldn’t make it sound so easy. Some of them say things like “you only have to abstain for a week”. That isn’t really true for everyone. There’s a lot of abstaining, especially in the beginning. Which was fine for my husband and I - but we did feel like some people “sold” it to us.

I don’t think it needs to be sold. I think we need to make it clear what the alternative is - the culture of death and using one another. For me, it wasn’t what NFP could give me or how great it sounded. It was that I wanted to live an authentic Catholic life. That’s what we need to talk about. Being authentic Catholics. Let the priest suggest NFOPin the confessional and make classes available in every church. Don’t sell it - live it.

Yes, if you are using NFO you should be a witness, but you need to just be honest - don’t sugar coat it.

I have found NFP to be a great blessing to my marriage. We conceived and we have avoided with the help of NFP. It has brought my husband and I closer and we have grown. It has also been hard. As a woman - there have been times when I wanted to cry because my body wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do. However I got through it a better person and have realized that it’s not about me :)

I tell my friends when they ask me if I’m using birth control. I tell them that I use NFP, that at times is can be difficult - but I have found it to be well worth it and I can’t imagine ever using birth control again. It really is silly to spend all that money on something that is hurting your body when all you need is a few months of instruction to learn how your body works :)

It is very empowering and my love life has never been better :)

I am really really not good at NFP. Not good at following the rules, not good at communicating with hubby (who wants to leave it all to me anyway). I’m now 42 with 5 kids and I think I conceived number 6 about 10 days ago. Selling NFP can be difficult when the NFP teachers all have 8 kids, because being open to life means that life happens. :) It does make me feel bad for being such a poor practitioner though.

I’m not sure that we did a great job of discerning not having any more, and that perhaps played a part. I don’t know. I just feel like I let my husband down. Please pray for us as we go forward.

@Kathleen - Oh, there are definitely risks from any surgical procedure.  One woman I know who had a tubal went on to lose a child to an ectopic pregnancy.  :(  I believe the risk of an ectopic is high relative to a woman whose tubes were never touched.    My sister, on the other hand, went on to have two more children after her tubal.  :) I asked my OB about it and he asked me if she’d had it done during a c-section, which she had.  And then he said that’s not that rare.    All of which my husband and I take to mean that God’s in control.  If you have sex, you can get pregnant.  End of story. 
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Many years ago, a pro-life speaker used to ask at the beginning of her college talks how many folks in the room were (or thought they might be) “accidents”.  Inevitibly, half the hands in the room went up.  Today, it probably wouldn’t be quite that many - so many people are the product of IVF and other fertility treatments.    But you can be sure it would still be a fair amount.  I think there’s an important message there that needs to be delivered to everyone, and married people particularly - some of life’s greatest gifts are unexpected.

No, I think pushing “sacrifice” and “alternative lifestyle” is the complete wrong way to go about it.

The biggest obstacle is NOT the self-sacrifical aspect, it is doubts about the science. And I have seen many well meaning Catholics push the theology with a poor understanding of the science. Then couples don’t understand the method, are Bad at NFP, have unplanned pregnancies and they think the Church and NFP promoters lied to them.

NFP is a method of birth control. (And that is OK for Catholics to plan their families. See HV 10 about responsible parenthood.) Saying “here’s a method of birth control, but be prepared for lots of babies” will send most women back to the doctor for a prescription.

Second, the METHOD requires far less sacrifice than the Church and it’s OK for Catholics to be honest about this. The CHURCH requires that all acts be oriented toward procreation. The METHOD only requires that couples refrain from doing anything that can lead to conception. (There is a difference.) “Fertility awareness” is often a stepping stone to a greater appreciation of marital chastity.  But if couples think that they have to go weeks on end without any sexual activity, they will reject it without ever trying.

Even if they never do fully embrace Church teaching, the “fertility awareness” couple is in far better shape health wise, relationally, and morally than one who is constantly contracepting.

Promote the science. As for the moral aspect, don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

@Elaine -  Prayers for you and your husband.

You are right that it is hard to sell self-sacrifice, but the other glaring problem is that society (meaning many Catholics as well) is steeped in the stupefying poison of consequentialism. How many times do you hear, “Well, contraception results in no pregnancy, NFP results in no pregnancy; therefore, they are morally the same!” Then you have the unenviable task for teaching people about the existence of objective good and objective acts which in this day and age is like explaining vector calculus to a macaque.

Scott W.:
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This is why it is best to K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple, Stupid.
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1. Don’t surgically damage your body for sex.
2. Don’t radically alter your biochemistry for sex.
3. Don’t put foreign objects where they don’t belong (which DOES alter your biochemistry) for sex.
4. Nobody likes condoms and, if nothing else, NFP tells you when you don’t need them.
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No vector calculus. No complicated theology.

Elaine, Congratulations! will pray for you, we have all been there before, the unknown can be frigtening, but remember God has a plan and it will all work out.

I am a protestant who uses NFP.  In my group of friends and family, I find most are turning to NFP after being disappointed with the morality of the other methods available and wanting something more for their marriages and families.  If I could say one thing that I think would help those who are not Catholic choose this path, it would be the providing of resources that are not inherently Catholic.  Although my friends and family have taken classes at various parishes and have read “The Art of Natural Family Planning,” I can see how it could be off-putting to some who are not in the slightest inclined toward that faith.

Many years ago my wife had a Catholic OB/GYN whom she asked about family planning which was called the rythym method at that time. He pointed to a photo of his family which included 7 beautiful children. He said, with a laugh they were rythym children. He then said “Rythym” is for dancing.
I hope todays NFP is better then the old rythym method.

@waywardson - I don’t think it’s true to say nobody likes condoms.  From just a logistical perspective, my husband and I both preferred them to tracking my cycle.
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One person’s way of looking at something is not necessarily going to match someone else’s.  For example, while you can clearly see that surgical sterilization is a form of mutilation (which I also believe it is), a couple with very difficult pregnancies may see it as a lifesaving or life affirming procedure.  And throwing words like surgical damage out there might well be met with, “aaah, what does this guy know?  Has he held his wife’s hand while she was slipping away only to be thrown out of the hospital room for a scary emergency c-section?  Her body’s already damaged.  We’re just fixing it (via a tubal ligation) so her damaged body won’t kill her.”  It all comes back to the idea that we’re either Catholic or we’re not.  That’s the primary idea that should be conveyed and that’s really the way to keep the message simple. 
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Let couples figure out on their own what’s great about NFP over other forms of family planning.

People are only willing to sacrifice in proportion to the gain. Everyone knows diet and exercise make you healthy, but you need to WANT it bad enough to do it. We have known for a while that my husband is at risk for type 2 diabetes. It’s taken a scary blood work result to get our butts in gear to eat well and exercise, though!

As people reach a similar bottom of feeling crappy from the pill’s side effects or from feeling used by their spouse, maybe more hearts will b open to the sacrifice necessary to practice NFP.

Jennifer:  You wrote: “letting them engage in intimacy whenever they want.”  Please don’t fall into the trap of regarding contracepted sex as ‘intimacy’  The truth is it lets them have orgasms whenever they want. That is NOT intimate.  Part of our problem is seeing contracepted sex as in any way similar to uncontracepted sex. It’s not.

@ Peter J Kelly: “Today’s NFP” is substantially more reliable at pregnancy prevention than the “rhythm” method.  In fact, it is equally as effective at pregnancy prevention as most forms of contraception.  If you are interested in stats and science, I can provide you numbers and links. :)

I am waiting for the Church to condemn gastric by-pass surgery, where the gastro-intestinal system is mutilated to thwart the natural outcome of eating—the nourishing of the body by absorbing calories consumed.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007199.htm

Why can’t overweight people just abstain from eating too much?

But not a peep from the pope, or any pronouncements from the bishops that it would be immoral for a Catholic employer to provide insurance that covered this procedure.

“Mutilation” is only bad when it allows sex that cannot result in pregnancy.

I too have wondered about the morality of such surgeries. They are exactly what you said—mutilation.

Posted by Peter J Kelly on Monday, Sep 17, 2012 1:53 PM (EST):Many years ago my wife had a Catholic OB/GYN whom she asked about family planning which was called the rythym method at that time…”
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“Many years ago” is the key phrase. Of course it’s changed.Just a quick search on the web can give you the details.

cowalker,
Ageing is a natural process.We have plenty of surgical means that attempt to thwart that,too. At least outwardly.

Eileen: There is a saying that hard cases make bad law. Focusing on the hard cases, such as the very difficult pregnancies runs the risk of not reaching people in less dire situations.
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Obedience to the Church was the LAST thing on our minds with NFP. We had to know that NFP wasn’t like “creation science” and that the Church wasn’t trying to force us to have more children than we could handle before we would even consider us.
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I am sorry to hear that charting is so burdensome. We have found that some methods are worse about this than others and changing methods (We use Billings) made a big difference for her.
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Elizabeth: Yes, people are only willing to sacrifice in proportion to the result. But with NFP, this is not a linear relationship. We found we got the most gain from that which required the least sacrifice for us. YMMV.
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Matthew: No, it’s not intimacy. But it IS an orgasm. And not too many people are receptive to an “orgasms are bad” message.

@cowalker,
I hope you just meant to be flippant and witty. Don’t worry, it seems okay to make fun of fat people and Catholics. Wait! You did both!

In order to be considered to have gastric surgery, most reputable doctors insist you have tried everything else and are now seriously endangering your health.

I would think that would classify gastric surgery as other surgery not to be undertaken for your convenience but because it will preserve your life.

I do think that the Church could make a statement about cosmetic surgery, which can even endanger your health.

But it’s not as funny.

Cowalker, I see your point.  In fact, I’ve heard some really gung-ho types embrace that argument to the point of saying it’s intrinsically evil to chew sugarless gum, which seems obviously silly to me.  I think the difference has to do with the importance of sex and its consequences.  Nutrition is important too, but passing on our nature to new human souls is a matter of infinitely greater moral weight, so messing with the natural process and its natural pleasure are much more perilous.  (Although, about gastric bypass, I don’t know. . . the Roman vomitoriums were morally degenerate for sure, and getting a surgery to do the same thing seems like it could be similar. Maybe it would depend on the particular case and what’s going on with the person’s digestive system in the first place.)

For people not ready for the fully sacrificial part of it, there is Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). During peak periods couples can engage in intimacy and either use a barrier or climax outside of the body. I realize this is not fully ideal, but may be something for some to consider who are moving away from artificial birth control. Also, this method keeps husband/wife communication open where both parties are responsible and the life-giving properties of sex stay a fundamental part of the marriage.

NFP is a way of life and when it’s well presented, with respect and truthfully, you will find out that this is what most engaged couples are looking for.
Please have a look at the answers from engaged couples who went through www.CatholicMarriagePrep.com.
Question: Do you intend to reject any form of contraception out of respect for God’s laws?

NFP:        2008   2009   2010   2011
No         5%    6%    7%      5%
Maybe       23%    33%    32%    30%
Yes         72%    61%    61%    65%

Whatever happened to the Church teaching NFP was only a legitimate option if used in “grave” circumstances? Why does NFP seem so imbued with the contraceptive mentality? Great blog on this: http://cantuar.blogspot.com/2012/02/you-can-only-use-nfp-for-grave.html

NFP lacks credibility because it uses the language of the Sangerites. “Family planning” was a euphemism coined precisely to throw off the objections coming to the words “birth control.”

Having heard throughout my childhood I was “an accident” who ruined my father’s retirement plans and my mother’s well-established career, not to mention my parents’ marriage, since they couldn’t keep from blaming each other for my conception, I can tell you it would not have been less hurtful to have heard that I had been “an accident” through failed NFP as opposed to “an accident” through some other kind of contraception. What an awful thing to say to a child, to tell them they are “an accident!”

True, when used legitimately, the process called NFP (and the name should be changed) is in line with Catholic teaching and not sinful, but there needs to be much, much greater emphasis on spelling out the conditions for legitimate implementation (in accord with Church teaching) of NFP as well as welcoming the little strangers God sends to parents during the course of their marriage, instead of trying to figure out every non-chemical or non-barrier method to shut the door. Every child God sends us is a precious individual He has great plans for. What a slap in the face it is to Him if we behave in such a way that we show a lack of faith in His promises of Providence. We’re so focused on money. The focus has to get back on love. St. Paul said abstinence is permissible for a limited time, and that that time should be a time for prayer. 1 Cor 7:5

To go after people on contraceptives while not confronting the contraceptive mindset that makes them want to use contraceptives in the first place is, basically, dishonest, and people see through that. The contraceptive mindset is inherently this, “Hey, Little Stranger, there is NO ROOM for YOU here.”

Like the earlier writer said, “Sex means a possibility of a baby.” The emphasis on welcoming Christ when He shows up in a family’s life as a little stranger, your own baby, whom the Bible tells us is a GIFT from God…children should be emphasized as being a BLESSING and not a CURSE.

LS: “Grave” reasons is a mistranslation of the Italian. The correct translation is “serious”. The Catechism uses “just”.

Humanae Vitae 10 states rather clearly that couples need to know science of fertility awareness as part of their duty to be responsible parents. Responsible parenthood means discerning whether God wants them to have more children or to avoid pregnancy.

According to HV 10, Catholic parents SHOULD plan their families in accordance with God’s will and using moral means to do so.

The USCCB has an excellent article on the subject.

http://old.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/seriousq.shtml

@Jamie: I agree completely about Fertility Awareness Method and similar concepts.
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For many couples who have been using contraception, learning the method and learning marital chastity at the same time is simply too much to ask at once. One method asks that couples abstain for weeks on end until they understand the method. Many couples will see such abstinence as unrealistic and/or undesirable.
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Plus, the science of fertility awareness isn’t a “Catholic thing”, but something that can benefit every woman and every couple—including those who do not agree with the Catholic teaching on sexuality and those who do not accept the authority of the Church. This is a significant issue in mixed marriages.

I agree both with the post-that we need to embrace NFP as a lifestyle and not just as “another birth control option” and also the commenter who mentioned the science aspect. So many non-Catholic organizations report ridiculously high failure rates that many people, both Catholic and not, who would otherwise be open to NFP, honestly believe that if they are even in a situation where they had a serious medical need to avoid pregnancy, NFP would not be a reliable method to count on. But the real science shows it’s just as reliable at avoiding pregnancies as any of the other methods available. My husband and I have trusted it in the past when my health was at stake!
But for most people, the lifestyle approach is probably best though and would help them understand the most. I recently had a relative express frustration that I wouldn’t commit to attending a family event 3 years from now because I don’t know whether or not I’ll be pregnant or have a newborn them. She thought I ought to plan such things. She knows I do NFP, but clearly doesn’t understand the attitude of openess to new life unless there’s a serious reason not to be that goes along with it.

I know people tend to knock heads over “grave” and “serious”, but the fact of the matter is that there is magisterial support suggesting plenty of leeway:

“Therefore, in our late allocution on conjugal morality, We affirmed the legitimacy, and at the same time, the limits — in truth very wide — of a regulation of offspring, which, unlike so-called ‘birth control,’ is compatible with the law of God.” – Pius XII, Morality in Marriage (emphasis mine), from Papal Pronouncements on Marriage and the Family, Werth and Mihanovich, 1955

I definitely think NFP is a name to get rid of. It really doesn’t ring any bells in this generation of young people who consider it way more natural to not be pregnant or to even have periods thanks to the pills…

Maybe we should call it the Natural Discovery of Life and Love Method. Haha.

@waywardson - Of course I’m familiar with the phrase tough cases make for bad law.  But the point is family size is a decision only rightfully made by a husband, wife, and God.    For nearly every family, additional children strain finite emotional, financial, and physical resources.  It is not your place or my place to tell a couple their specific reasons for attempting to limit their family size are stupid or selfish. 
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I know you haven’t done that, but you have called a difficult pregnancy followed by an emergency c-section a tough case, while I would call it a common occurence.  Off the top of my head I can think of more than a dozen mothers that fall into that category (Maybe because I’m 46 years old and most of the pregnant women I know are well into their 30’s or 40’s).  You may think that with modern medicine the danger’s exaggerated.  And maybe it is, but not for that couple that lived through a very scary experience.

I think trying to “sell” NFP is a losing campaign. And why should we? We already have the best “product” ever - eternal salvation through Jesus Christ. If we are “selling” anything, let’s focus on helping people fall in love with Christ and His Church. After that happens, then a person is ready to begin living the self-sacrificing love (whether that be NFP, a houseful of kids, or celibacy) that comes with being a disciple of Jesus Christ. Personally, I think trying to self the sacrifice before the reason we are sacrificing seems rather backward.

I know there is NO way I would be committed to a life of chastity that is appropriate for my vocation (which includes a lot of NFP in my case) if I wasn’t totally committed to Christ and His Church AND recieved the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage to help me.

Eileen:
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Just because something is a tough case, does not mean it is uncommon. Nor does it mean I don’t know about difficult cases.
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I am younger and the couples I know are (1) in their 20s and engaged/newlywed or (2) in their 30s and having their family. A very different audience. If we are trying to reach women in their 40s who have difficult pregnancies with NFP, then we are about 20 years too late.
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My wife was 20 when we got married. With normal fertility, we would have far more children than we could possibly take care of. (Do the math.) We NEEDED a good method of preventing pregnancy.
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And yes, most of our struggles with NFP have been “scientific” in nature.

After teaching NFP for almost 2 years- So much seems to be about a change of hearts. Even the crunchiest/more organic healthy types don’t care when it comes to interfering with their sex life. Those who aren’t sold on it for religious reasons have to try the mainstream stuff and have the side effects or failures to give it any credit. And if they experience a user failure with NFP they are quick to jump ship unless they are sold on it from the get go. So frustrating some times.

waywardson, please be very careful with your interpretation of HV. It does NOT say that couples are required to know “the science of fertility awareness”, it says that they are to know the proper functioning and end of the procreative system - in other words, they cannot deny that sex = babies and not just pleasure (orgasm). Interpreting it the way you do unfortunately leads many people to claim that couples MUST chart and keep up with all the modern tools in order to have a moral sex life. That leaves those who use “no method” (i.e. letting God plan their families without interference from them - and obviously I don’t mean interference in a contraceptive way, I just couldn’t think of a better word) out in the cold, and they are often outright rejected by those who chart as not being “responsible” or (yes, I have seen people say this) not having a truly moral marriage. Also, pay close attention to the final sentence of 10:
“The very nature of marriage and its use makes His will clear, while the constant teaching of the Church spells it out.”
NFP is a fairly new thing, so the only way to read the above quote is by looking at the nature of the marital act and the constant teaching of the Church; thus he reiterates that it is God’s will that the primary purpose of marriage be “the procreation and education of children.”

LS makes some great and beautiful points above.  The true Catholic alternative to contraceptive drugs, devices, and surgeries is babies.  That is, the child is the fruit of the marital embrace and parents are called to welcome the “little stranger,” even if he/she is about to arrive at an inconvenient time.  The language of family planning does not seem to be consonant with the Gospel virtues of generous hospitality, docility, humility, and trust in Divine Providence.  With regard to periodic continence, let’s not confuse that which is permitted for serious reasons with the ideal of Catholic family life… “sinite parvulos et nolite eos prohibere ad me venire.” Mt. 19:14

MC
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But Paul VI also wrote in section 24:
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“Our next appeal is to men of science. These can “considerably advance the welfare of marriage and the family and also peace of conscience, if by pooling their efforts they strive to elucidate more thoroughly the conditions favorable to a proper regulation of births.” It is supremely desirable, and this was also the mind of Pius XII, that medical science should by the study of natural rhythms succeed in determining a sufficiently secure basis for the chaste limitation of offspring.”
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Your interpretation of the last line of HV 10 ignores the rest of the document.
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Yes, couples can feel called to have lots of children or do nothing to prevent pregnancy. This is not immoral. But even so, “with regard to the biological processes, responsible parenthood means an awareness of, and respect for, their proper functions.” The couple may have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy in the future and will need to know this information.
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Put another way, is not knowing the birds and the bees “responsible parenthood”?
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Fr. W. M. Gardner: 
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Like it or not, the Church teaches that NFP is a positive good in a marriage.
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“Their humanizing character [of NFP methods] is all the more obvious from the fact that using the natural methods requires and strengthens the harmony of the married couple, it helps and confirms the rediscovery of the marvellous gift of parenthood, it involves respect for nature and demands the responsibility of the individuals. According to many authoritative opinions, they also foster more completely that human ecology which is the harmony between the demands of nature and personal behaviour.”
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Pope John Paul II http://www.ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/JP96D07.htm

We need to highlight the health risks associated with artificial birth control. NFP is not only the healthier, more natural alternative- it’s also safer. For every year a woman uses birth control, her cervical crypts age two years, which makes it doubly harder to conceive the older she gets. She is at greater risk for cancer, including breast cancer. Altering her hormones for that many years also harms her body. Having and breastfeeding children promotes the woman’s health.

You miss the fact that all of these quotes are considering NFP as opposed to artificial methods of birth control. They are not holding up having fewer children above having children in God’s time, they are holding up a proper understanding of the human person and serious discernment of situations to those who would otherwise use contraceptive methods and call it responsible parenthood. NFP (as in various methods of charting) is in itself morally neutral. It can only be a positive when the couple is using it as an alternative to immoral methods, lifting themselves and their marriage out of the quagmire of contraception. My husband and I did not take classes and do not chart, but we are not ignorant of “the birds and the bees”. What a ridiculous thing to say! We have studied the human body and the way it naturally works, and discovered easily that in the vast majority of cases, true ecological breastfeeding has as a side effect the natural spacing of children. God designed a wonderful system.

Many who plug NFP do so by overplaying the use of the phrase “responsible parenthood”, while never mentioning the many references to generosity, self-giving, trust in God, and the primary end of marriage in the same documents. What comes across is a notion that “you and you alone decide when and why to have children, and you better have a good reason before being irresponsible enough to have sex at the wrong time.” This may attract secularists and those who wholeheartedly believe that the earth is overpopulated, but it is not likely to attract those who want to cast aside fear and put themselves wholly in God’s hands.

I think that what we have to come to terms with is that sex was designed by God to create people who want to love and serve him.  I know this is shocking when it comes to talking about human beings, but we see it very clearly in the animal kingdom.
Now, the next question is, how does one create these type of people?  Obviously sex creates babies.  However, love, devotion, security, happiness, etc. creates healthy human beings.  Where is this most commonly found?  Within the context of healthy, happy, Christian marriages between a man and a woman for life.  What goes into making this type of marriage?  Love, commitment, unity.  Hence, the unitive aspect of sex within in marriage. Even the stress relieving power of orgasm is something so powerful and necessary to keep going.  Everyone knows that a healthy sexual relationship is a huge part of a healthy marriage.  However, it is a means, not an end. 
Consider is you will you dream house,which you might build if you had an unlimited budget.  Perfect carpet and drapes, exquisite furniture, that finest paint and wallpaper.  But you don’t put a roof on it.  Since the ultimate purpose of any house is to provide shelter, what good is it, really?  Likewise, sex is beautiful, wonderful, fun, healthy, etc., but if you take away the potential for creating life, it is not serving its ultimate purpose anymore than a house without a roof.
But what about someone who is unable to conceive due to age or infertility.  The reality is that such a person still open to life, according to God’s timing and pleasure.  His perfect timing seems to be that when a woman reaches an age where she would no longer be physically capable of caring for a child full time, she also finds herself unable to conceive. 
Are there a thousand hard, unusual cases?  Of course there are. But that is why we don’t trust in our own judgment, based on by best friend’s cousin’‘s experience.  We have the magisterium, with 2000 years of wisdom, study and prayer.  And by the way, since they are all celibate men, they have the advantage of evaluating the teachings of the church impartially, without the fog of personal experience to hamper their teachings.

MC:
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Ecological Breastfeeding IS a method of NFP. Plus, charting is useful for dating a pregnancy, even if you have no intention of avoiding.

Funny how people will sacrifice for fitness, or for the way their body looks. Draconian diets and exercise regimens. Multiple plastic surgeries with painful recoveries. Some people also make some dramatic sacrifices out of concern for the environment (apparently some people even give up toilet paper!). And yet on the issue of contraception they are still aghast that someone would have to abstain from sex occasionally.  Maybe a combination of health concerns plus environmental concerns are slowly making a difference in how people think. Once they make those steps, perhaps their minds would be more open to the full understanding of human sexuality and life. I came across this online the other day: http://www.lifescript.com/health/centers/birth_control/articles/birth_control_the_natural_way.aspx?utm_source=outbrain&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=birth_control

waywardson: OK, fair enough, although that depends on your definition of NFP. I do not ecologically breastfeed in order to postpone another child (I’d be perfectly happy with having one now), I do it primarily because it is best for my child. It happens to be the “most natural” natural family planning. By NFP above, I meant using periods of abstinence in order to avoid/postpone children. Charting may indeed be useful for other things, but it is not necessary to a holy marriage.

Many of my concerns with NFP stem from a disturbing conversation with a friend a year ago. She and her husband are for all intents and purposes devout Catholics. However, in none of their pre-Cana classes or NFP method classes were they led to believe anything beyond the idea that they could simply decide the size of their family arbitrarily, based on criteria as shallow as how many people would fit in the size of car they wanted. They decided on two kids right off the bat, and intended to space them by several years. She joked to me after their second was born, far ahead of “schedule”, that she had been an accident and warned “don’t drink on date night when you’re avoiding!” It saddened me terribly.

I hoped theirs was an isolated mentality, but it is not. Somehow, all our “don’t-use-contraceptives” education continually fails to contradict what is generally termed the “contraceptive mentality”, instead perpetuating it under the guise of “responsible parenthood.” The notion of needing serious reasons to postpone does not even come up. That needs fixing.

@MC - I agree with you.  I do think we live in an overly planned society and it’s unhealthy and unGodly.  I hate when Moms are pregnant with their second child and they announce “Now we’re done!”  No matter how little I know them, I almost always respond with a smile, “Mmmmm, You never know what life has in store for you.”   
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Something else I want to say that’s sort of off topic, but the idea of calling a child a little stranger is interesting to me.  As the mother of both biological and adopted children I would disagree that a biological child is a stranger.  So many personality quirks, talents, and struggles I see in our biological children, I’ve seen in ourselves and/or in our relatives.  That’s the beauty of making a baby together - he (or she) is the offspring of both his parents.  Not to say the child doesn’t have free will, but the DNA is quite familiar and recognizable to observant parents.

MC:
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LAM does not work for every woman or for every family. Nor is breastfeeding morally required.
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The catechism CONTRASTS responsible parenthood and selfishness. CCC 2368. That being said, the reasons that may be serious enough to postpone pregnancy may be “very broad”, to quote Pope Pius XII.
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The Church does not make a checklist, but states that it is a matter of discernment between the couple and God. And that God may call couples to achieve or to avoid.
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While your friends may have a “contraceptive mentality”, I have seen a lot of the opposite problem, where couples think that “serious reasons” requires them to have more children than they can take care of. I have also seen people become very judgmental over those of us with smaller families over it.
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Some of us are planners by nature (imagine a world without planners, if you dare!) and some of us are better with children than others. That is why the discernment process is important and will be different for each couple.

MC: And I have also seen people praising couples for “drinking on date night”, which is NOT what the Church wants couples to do either.
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The Church teaches couples should seek new life out of generosity and responsible parenthood, not alcohol and hormones.

waywardson, on the contrary - according to your own logic I would say that at least trying to breastfeed is indeed a moral requirement. You can bring up as many exceptions as you’d like - I am fully aware that some women legitimately cannot breastfeed - but it is simple fact that breastmilk is better than formula, and bottles are physiologically inferior to breasts. Isn’t NFP all about following God’s plan in the nature of the human person, and seeing the proper end of each action (and body part)? Too many women receive insufficient education or support to breastfeed successfully, but for those who do ecological breastfeeding spaces children 18-36 months, with an accuracy comparable to any NFP method. It may require some sacrifice on the mother’s part, but isn’t sacrifice an essential component of NFP methods as well? Sadly, most NFP classes fail to even mention breastfeeding as anything more than a complication in charting.

When exactly do you judge that a family has more children than they can handle, and judge them to be irresponsible or morally culpable because of it? What parent of a large family would point to a child and call them anything other than a gift and a blessing?

And what exactly about my post led you to infer that I was encouraging drunken sex? That is quite a distortion. Also, is this what NFP has done - label sex (within marriage) in response to hormones “irresponsible”? What exactly are the hormones there for? I have a friend who recently expressed crippling anxiety over having sex with her husband when she was “in the mood.” Her NFP education had drilled into her that sex must always be a rational, planned response to a sticker on her chart, and as a result she always felt guilty for simply wanting her husband physically. She was convinced that she was “using” him if that happened. Where in Catholic teaching do we find that the body is a filthy mess which must always be contradicted and never indulged?

God said “increase and multiply and fill the earth.”
There is something wrong with people not wanting children. Also, NFP is only tolerated in extreme circumstances. The quibbling about translations of whether the word is serious, grave or just, are silly and a way of avoiding the point. This idea of limiting one’s children is NOT responsible and is certainly NOT Catholic.

Wow. I guess the tone of some posts reflects why it can be hard to “pitch” NFP…...
Bicker, bicker, bicker….
:)

MC:
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Parents are called not just to have children, but to raise them in the faith. If one has more children than they can take care of and raise in the faith, that’s not responsible.
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I can provide you with everything from Scripture to Papal documents on the matter, but you appear to have your mind made up.
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Apparently we have very different friends. I know someone who was stressed because she thought her desire for her husband was a sign that God was calling them to have another baby, which she was NOT ready for.
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As for Catholic teaching, HV 10 clearly states that spouses are supposed to learn control of their passions in planning their family. See also CCC 2367. Like it or not, that IS Catholic teaching.

Am I missing something?

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CCC
2366: Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is “on the side of life,” teaches that “it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life.” “This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act.”

2367: Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God. “Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility.”

2368: A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality:

“When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart.”

2369 “By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its orientation toward man’s exalted vocation to parenthood.”

And how on earth could someone ever know from the beginning that a child’s education in the Faith will be impossible? That is dangerously close to saying that children born to unwed mothers or broken homes will necessarily lead terrible lives, and therefore they should not be born. For the families you speak of, wouldn’t having sex at all be irresponsible? If they are to be held morally culpable for the conception of a child whose future no one can know (except you, apparently), shouldn’t they be held culpable for any sex, since by Church teaching each act must be open and welcoming of life?

MC:
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You are bringing up arguments that I didn’t make. I have presented Church teaching with citations.
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Is self-control not a virtue?
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Is knowledge of our health not responsible?
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Should we control our passions or should our passions control us?
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Why does the Church talk about “just reasons” for spacing births and the benefits of NFP to married couples? (CCC 2370)

Good article Jennifer, and good discussion.  To reply to your original question, it requires much more than a sales pitch.  Sex is only a part of marital love.  Couples need to understand and experience love in their courtship and marriage before they will become less afraid of marital intimacy.  Love is a gift to the beloved, and as a consequence is inherently a dying to self.  Is there a woman who, in her heart of hearts, does not long for her knight in shining armor?  Is there a man who does not long for a bride to die for?  This ideal is built into the human heart and will resonate within all of us, at some level, however deep this may be buried.  In our discussions with couples in marriage preparation classes, my wife and I find that starting the discussion with this big picture puts them at ease, provides something with which they can identify, and their minds and hearts are a little more open to listen to what God has planned for sexuality.

I already answered that when you said it earlier. Once again, you missed the second part of 2370, where it says “in contrast…” and goes on to describe contraceptive behavior. Of course NFP is superior to contraception. Of course it will help a couple deep in the despair of contracepted sex. The Catechism is NOT touting those benefits as a better alternative to generously and devoutly using “no method.”
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This is the third time recently that someone has accused “no method” Catholic couples of a lack of self-control. Is periodic abstinence and having fewer children the only possible way a couple exercises self control over their passions? The notion is absurd.
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Knowledge of health is an entirely different matter. I already said that charting is morally neutral; it is not morally necessary. There may be a very few, rare health issues that can be picked up ONLY through dedicated charting and no other physical signs, checkups, etc., but I do not know of any.

We should remember that children are a gift from God. Not a burden. With God all things are possible.

Treating children like they are a burden leads to the culture of death.

How many children a couple has is up to them and God.

I think it is beautiful when couples leave it up to God entirely, my husband and I are not that brave :)

MC: If you are going to insist on distorting my posts, there is no point in continuing this conversation.

waywardson, I’m confused. You state general, vague leading questions, I attempt to relate them to the discussion at hand and provide specific supporting qutotes (as opposed to “it says so somewhere in Church documents X Y Z,” or “that’s Church teaching so deal with it”), and your only response is to pretend to take an imaginary high road and throw up your hands? Can you not provide a refutation for a single one of my points?

MC:
There may be a very few, rare health issues that can be picked up ONLY through dedicated charting and no other physical signs, checkups, etc., but I do not know of any.”
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A woman’s reproductive health & fertility issues are often best understood through charting.Problems that are missed during dr’s check ups can detected through observing charts.

Are there any specific examples you could provide? If, for example, I had an irregular period or other “off” fertility signs, I might begin tracking my temperature. As it is, I keep basic track of obvious things like period, weight gain, cramping etc. Are there any serious reproductive-system issues that have no noticeable symptoms and can only be discovered through daily mucus observations or temperature tracking?

My point being, there are so many possible diseases and so many signs. Telling every woman to go to the trouble to get up at the same time every morning and take her temperature or observe discharge, without any reason specific to her, seems to be somewhat excessive. It’s like telling everyone to take their pulse daily, check every mole and take a picture daily, etc. At what point does it turn into obsessive and unnecessary work, on the off chance that an undetectable issue (heart disease, the beginnings of skin cancer) will be detected in 1 out of 5000 people?

MC,
One of my children teaches NFP & often has clients whose fertility problems are better detected through charting than through dr visits.
I think it’s an important thing for women & girls to do to know how their body functions.Many women are woefully ignorant of the whole process. It’s more about taking charge of your health as a woman than being obessive.

I have no issue with charting to discover or diagnose fertility issues. My point is that those women you mention already know there is some kind of problem, and chart in order to help discover what it is. It’s perfectly possible to have a working knowledge of your body and be in charge of your health without daily observations and constant analysis. My issue is with those who make, for example, a mom with three littles feel guilty for not setting a 6AM alarm every morning to check her temperature, when she is perfectly healthy and neither postponing or trying to conceive. It is not ignorance or failing at knowing herself, but discernment of what is possible and necessary at her stage of life.

I know of women who have detected cancer from their charts, cancer that would not have been detected otherwise. There are many things you can learn from a chart.

You do not have to temp to do NFP. I use Creighton and it is effective. It is not a burden and I have 3 kids.

MC,
It can just be the benefit of observing & understanding what’s normal for you so that if a change does occur, you’ll be able to detect it.
As Ann said, it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Self knowledge is a good thing.

MC,
Many well thought-out and balanced comments.  Including an effort to explain NFP from a “hermeneutic of continuity” with traditional Catholic teaching.  Thank you.

MC:

With regard to the biological processes, responsible parenthood means an awareness of, and respect for, their proper functions. In the procreative faculty the human mind discerns biological laws that apply to the human person.
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With regard to man’s innate drives and emotions, responsible parenthood means that man’s reason and will must exert control over them.
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With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.
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Humanae Vitae 10
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“God the Creator invites the spouses not to be passive operators, but rather ‘cooperators or almost interpreters’ of His plan. The spouses are to exercise the virtue of prudence in a considered assessment of the well-being of the whole family. Reason and will are not to be abandoned in favor of a passive submission to physiological processes. Husband and wife are called to stewardship of all their gifts, especially fertility, which concerns the birth of a new human person made in the image of God and destined to union with Him for all eternity.”
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Pope John Paul II
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Two Popes writing about awareness of biology, stewardship, prudence, self-control, reason and will, and prayerful discernment as being part of spouses call to responsible parenthood

waywardson, did I disagree with any of that? Where in any of those quotes is observing some form of abstinent periods and restricting the number of your children listed as a necessary part of generous and responsible parenthood for every couple, or even for the majority of couples?

MC: If couples discern that responsible parenthood calls them not to have additional children, that’s what couples need to do.
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Pope Paul VI wanted couples to have a reliable way of doing this without resorting to complete abstinence and called for “men of science” to find one. HV 24.
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Kathleen and Ann make valid points about charting. We use Billings. Temping is not necessary and it’s even easier than Creighton, yet still highly effective.

“Could it be that even the wider culture is ready to hear about natural methods of child spacing?”
I doubt it.  It’s too much “work”.  It requires “restraint” on the part to two parties.  It requires intelligence.
“it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life.”
How irrational.  How contrary to human nature.  Even so, what gives you the right to try to impose your irrational values on other people?  Would you really try to pass laws against contraception?  How irrational.

Oddly enough, I’ve found some support for NFP in the paleo/primal/caveman diet community.  My husband and I have been using NFP for 2 years and have been eating paleo for about 4 months.  (Actually, Jennifer’s post about the Perfect Health Diet finally got me to start researching this weird diet I kept hearing about.)  The whole concept is to eat and live more like our ancestors did, and they certainly weren’t dumping fake hormones into their bodies back in the day.  It also aims to alleviate some modern day disorders and conditions that are on the rise, like heart disease, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, hormonal issues, and infertility.  While the big names in the paleo world are careful to steer clear of moral discussions I find they consistently agree that hormonal birth control comes with risks and probably isn’t the best thing for your body.  I think more people in general are starting to question why the health of so many is declining in a day and age where there is a pill to fix everything.

“hormonal birth control comes with risks”
Well, pregnancy comes with a lot of risks.
“I think more people in general are starting to question why the health of so many is declining in a day and age where there is a pill to fix everything.”
As usual, “common sense” is simply wrong.  On the other hand, so many are obese.  They have no “will power”.  How could they possibly be expected to use NFP?

My husband and I give a Basic Information Session to Engaged couples in NFP as it is required by our diocese before couples can get married. I appreciate many of the comments especially those about selling the method when you have 5 kids because that would be us! We try to approach our presentation from several aspects knowing that couples are coming from all different places. We talk about the medical aspect, the positive option that NFP is compared to artificial BC, the church’s teaching on human sexuality from the theology of the body to Humanae Vitae to scripture and the catechism. But we also do talk about the sacrifice and the finding intimacy in other ways. We talk about responsible parenthood and that not all couples are called to have 5 kids like us, some will be called to have more, and in fact some may not be called to have any and won’t. We talk about infertility and God’s call to spiritual parenthood. And ultimately we remind them that ultimately that discerning their family size using NFP is between them and God. In the evaluations we receive, about 70% are on the fence if they will use a method of NFP, but that’s expected because for most this is the first time they are hearing this information. About 10-15% will sign up to take a full course and about 10-15 % will flat out say they will not ever use NFP. Most of the comments we receive are positive and of the nature that it was good information and they learned a lot. Honestly that’s good enough for us. We plant the seeds in charity and truth and the Holy Spirit does the rest.

“in fact some may not be called to have any and won’t.”
Or can’t.  And that is why the church is against IVF?  How stupid.
“And ultimately we remind them that ultimately that discerning their family size using NFP is between them and God.”
How stupid.  There is no “god” and that nonexistent “god” has nothing to do with it.  But there is an awful lot of “luck” in this world.
“it was good information and they learned a lot.”
And now they realize how difficult and risky it is to rely on NFP.  So that’s why 90% of Catholics don’t.
“the Holy Spirit does the rest.”
There is no such thing as a “holy spirit” of course.  Human reason really ought to be the thing that we should use to make choices.

“This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act.”
In other words, the church demands the right to control your life.  But 90% of Catholics ignore this demand and use proper contraception.

I have a few questions if someone could give some input:
1.  Are condoms against the teaching of the Church since it is just a barrier method and not chemical like oral contraceptives?
2.  When God said “be fruitful and multiply” why are we to believe he meant continue to multiply over and over again?  A Catholic family who has 9 children may have needed to have 17 to fulfill their duty to multiply.  I have 2 children ( i was fruitful and I multiplied)
  Perhaps we were supposed to multiply because the world was not inhabited yet as much as it is today. 
3.  Also, with regard to Onan and spilling his seed on the ground and God punished him for doing so….perhaps the idea at this time when Genesis was written, was that men only had a certain amount of seed to spread and that they were wasting their only chance to impregnate their wife.  Today we understand that there are millions of sperm that can fertilize an egg. 

My husband and I refrain from intercourse when I feel symptoms of ovulation.  I do not take my temperature and do not pay too close attention to my discharge.  And when we do have sex even when I am certain I am not ovulating we still use a condom just in case i am close to ovulation since a sperm can hang out for quite some time just waiting for my egg to drop.  Just looking for some thoughts on this.  Thanks for the insight.

Any form of contraception, including condoms, is contrary to Church teaching.  (Yes, hormonal contraceptives have the additional moral problem of being potentially abortifacient.)  When God said be fruitful and multiply, he did not specify a number, and neither does the Church.  It is between the couple and God to discern family size.

Claire - Thank you for your response.  To follow up with your answer regarding family size….Once the couple discerns with the help of the Holy Spirit that they should have 4 children how do they proceed?  Do they stop engaging in sexual intercourse?  If the purpose of intercourse is to have children then I have a hard time understanding then why God made it enjoyable.  Any thoughts on this?

I don’t think it’s a question of discerning once and for all that God wants a couple to have a certain number of children.  The discernment is an ongoing process.  The couple should be praying on an ongoing basis about whether to postpone a pregnancy, whether to try to achieve a pregnancy, or whether to just go about their business and see what happens.  If they have a just reason for postponing or avoiding, they can use NFP (working with the woman’s cycles to have intercourse during nonfertile times).  The purpose of intercourse is both unitive and procreative, and the fact that it’s enjoyable makes it more likely that a couple will be motivated to come together and therefore fulfill those two purposes.

Although late to this post…I think there are several factors which have made NFP a barrier to family use.
1. Lack of Education offered
2. Expense (Often $100 + or more to be trained)
3. Time involved in being trained…several session,...months of review with teacher.
4. Persons confidence in the method.
5. Person’s confidence in their understanding of the method.

That’s why we created MyFertilityMD App for iphone, and www.myfertilitycycle.com  
It’s Inexpensive, offers support, and trains the persons within minutes to record their biomarkers…and calculates the fertility for them.
Now for those who have the money, the time, and the capacity to learn NFP, Wonderful!  Then, MyFertilityMD, can be a convenient storage of your chart on your phone.