For years, Ann Koshute couldn’t bring herself to say the word “infertility.”

To her, it felt like, once spoken, it would seal her fate forever. 

Like many Catholic women, she had done everything “right” — marrying the love of her life and preparing her heart for a family — only to find herself standing in a desert she never expected to wander. 

Today, that desert has been transformed into a spring.

Springs in the Desert was founded by Koshute, alongside her friend Kimberly Henkel, in 2019; both women had been graduate students at the John Paul II Institute in Washington, D.C., but only met years later at a conference, quickly confiding in each other about their own issues with not being able to conceive.

“Little did we know — the seeds of this ministry were planted by the Holy Spirit at that table. It took several more years of conversation and supporting each other before the Spirit finally said, ‘It’s time for you to act!’ Only he could make a common bond of suffering into something fruitful,” Koshute recalled to the Register.

And that shared bond proved crucial for so many women and men carrying the cross of infertility, highlighting the dire need for community, especially for a topic often considered taboo. 

“There’s such a feeling of being alone, sadly even in the Church, where we can feel like we’re not living up to an ideal. Part of our mission is to change the infertility conversation so that it’s not something we feel shame about.”

On the contrary, Koshute strives to make sure couples know “that their marriages are bold witnesses to the good of marriage and signs of God’s love in the Church and the world.”

Having met her husband a little later in life, Koshute thought that, regarding children, “it might take a little longer, but it would definitely happen. After all, we felt that we were good Catholics doing everything right.”

But “infertility became for us a real school of surrender and a reminder that children are gifts, not something that we are owed. They speak beautifully of this at the JPII Institute, but it’s not so easy to practice in the midst of the deep pain and grief that infertility can cause,” she continued.

It was the practice and persistence of prayer in those dark long nights that led Koshute to realize the dreams of having children and building a family “are very good and worthy desires, but I married a person, the love of my life, not a set of criteria or expectations. And the big surprise, ultimately, is that God is fulfilling our desire to be life-giving in some really profound and wonderful ways.”

And for the countless couples struggling with having children, Koshute has a message for them:

God loves you, and he loves your marriage. Your holiness is not measured by the size of your family, and your capacity for fruitfulness is not exhausted by or limited to having children. Infertility is a circumstance, not your identity, not a punishment or some kind of proof that you’re not a faithful Catholic. And, finally, you and your spouse are still called to holiness in this season, and you can still give life through God’s grace, no matter what happens.

Pope John Paul II wrote extensively about the feminine genius, and Koshute has found such clarity from the saint. “By introducing the concept, the Pope invites every woman to see in herself the heart of a mother, whether through biology or adoption, or the many ways she is caring, nurturing, and particularly attentive to the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of others,” she said.

And spiritual motherhood “is not second place or a consolation prize, but intrinsic to every woman’s identity, and desperately needed to build a culture of life,” she emphasized.

Springs in the Desert believes that “all women are called to lean into their spiritual motherhood, and it is certainly a beautiful way that women on the path of infertility can embrace God’s call to be life-giving — even if not in the way they had imagined at first.”

Some women who face infertility may consider adoption, and Koshute’s community also offers Springs of Love, a great resource for families considering that beautiful vocation, offering a “clearer pathway for that discernment within the Catholic Church.”

Through “small-group formation, real stories and parish-based support, it equips couples to explore a call to foster or adopt and ensures that families are not walking that journey alone.”

And the success of the program is being felt, as parish-based chapters of Springs of Love are popping up across the country “where communities are beginning to surround foster and adoptive families with practical, relational and spiritual support.”

“At its heart,” Koshute told the Register, “this work is about helping the Church more fully live out her call to care for vulnerable children and families.”

Another aspect of growing a family may pertain to secondary infertility, experienced by those who might have one or more biological children but are struggling to conceive any more. Koshute says some couples “feel hesitant to seek support because they think they don’t have a right to grieve, or they may feel guilty being part of an infertility group and fear their sharing will be hurtful to any women who have never been pregnant or suffered a loss.”

But at Springs in the Desert, Koshute said, “there is no value in comparing crosses, and hearing different stories and experiences can open us up to greater empathy and generosity of heart. We also find that, though our stories are different, we have more in common and can learn from and encourage each other.”

Now, Springs in the Desert has partnered with Ascension to produce a new series for National Infertility Week with 15 episodes currently available.

“Our greatest hope for this series is that it will bring consolation to Catholics who are experiencing the heavy crosses of infertility and loss.”

The series, “Scripture and Saints for the Path of Infertility,” and the companion “Marian Novena for a Season of Infertility, Loss, and Grief,” were written and recorded by the expansive team of Springs in the Desert and its many contributors. Koshute hopes the partnership “will bring more awareness to the need for pastoral sensitivity around infertility and bring comfort and hope to those walking this often-lonely path.”

LEARN MORE

If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, please visit Springs in the Desert.