Q

There seems to be a lot of petty fighting at my job. A coworker whom I respect says that conflict in a dynamic and growing company is normal and I should just accept it. He says I should fight for what I want or I'll be left behind. Should I?

A

I was listening to some cassette tapes on leadership that Tim, a good friend of mine, sent me recently. (Hmmm, I'm now wondering. Is Tim questioning my leadership style?) The tapes are about leadership gaps and needs in the churches today and they highlight certain qualities of leaders that the churches need to move forward.

They are really excellent, but one thing about the tapes bothered me: the author's casual attitude toward conflict and sparring that “inevitably” results when leaders are leading. He was saying that, since you need different leadership styles to grow, and since different leadership styles tend to clash (e.g. a strategic leader with a people leader, etc.), then problems are inevitable and nothing to worry about.

While I agree that such problems are common at work, and in a certain sense as inevitable as sin, I am hesitant to agree that we should be casual about their occurrence. And I don't think we should be cavalier or endorsing of conflict that is in any way disrespectful or too assertive.

Why? Because charity for Christians is for us a commandment. We too easily invent a “romance of struggle” in which animosity, bickering or quarrelsomeness is somehow more genuine or authentic. But it's not true.

This kind of acrimony is false to who we are — you can tell, because it provides added stress, acrimony and confusion.

As Christians it would be odd, wouldn't it, to think that we can pick and choose when to be charitable and when to skip it?

As Christians we should prioritize unity and esprit d’ corps with our colleagues; we should commit to always treating people with respect and with dignity no matter how they treat us or how much we disagree with them.

But does that mean we have to be Mr. Niceguy and let people roll over us? No. We stand up for what is just and right — but we do it charitably. Great men lording their power over others is the old order. We are something new (Matthew 20:25-28).

Besides, the charitable way is usually the most effective also. In the short term it does seem like the bad guy sometime wins. But in the long haul isn't it often those organizations and programs that treat people fairly and are led by humility and in a spirit of service that have the most staying power?

It certainly is. But we'd be foolish to try to fulfill that ideal on our own. Christ is radically available to help us.

The one who loved the men who crucified him will certainly be able to handle your office bickerers.

Sit him down next to you at work.

Art Bennett is a licensed marriage, family and child therapist.