When it comes to managing money, I seem to be stuck in my ways. Even when I can see that I need to make changes in budgeting and spending, I end up falling into familiar patterns. Old habits really do die hard, don’t they?

The icebreaker I use when starting a new 7 Steps small-group study is to ask the group to share what their parents’ attitude toward money was, how they handled it and how they communicated about it. I also ask them to describe how their parents’ attitudes and habits have influenced their own perspectives on money.

Why do I start with this? Because it’s difficult to overestimate how much we have been affected by the example of our parents — sometimes for the better and sometimes not. Their influence colors our thoughts, feelings and behaviors in so many ways. It reflects in our attitudes toward working, spending, saving, giving, organizing and communicating.

I’ve written before about the need for unity between husband and wife, referring to Genesis 2:24, where God’s word tells us that “a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

My emphasis has been on the unitive aspect described in the second half of the verse. But notice that, before there can be unity, spouses need to “leave” their father and mother.

I often counsel couples where at least one of the spouses hasn’t “left” their father or mother in a mature and balanced way, and this failure sets the stage for potentially serious and long-term conflicts — including over the subject of money. While it’s important that we love our parents and show our appreciation for all they have done to raise and launch us, it’s just as important that a married couple establish a healthy independence from their parents.

I remember one situation where the wife’s father had been very successful, both in his career and as a husband and father. The daughter rightfully held her dad in high esteem. Unfortunately, she was always comparing her husband to her father. She had certain lifestyle expectations and, when those weren’t met, tension arose in the couple’s relationship.

While the husband certainly had a responsibility to provide in the best manner he could for his family, his wife was placing undue pressure on him to be more like her dad, especially in the financial realm. She hadn’t yet fully “left” the home of her upbringing.

It’s worth taking time to consider the impact your parents have had on you in terms of your money habits and attitudes. It’s also good to consider whether you have “left” your parents in the healthy sense of the word. By doing so, and with Christ at the center of your relationship, you’ll be able to honor and respect your parents — while at the same time establishing the new and independent relationship you are called to have with your spouse.

God love you!

Phil Lenahan is online at

VeritasFinancialMinistries.com.