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Time for A Pope Party

Thursday, September 01, 2011 9:58 PM Comments (9)

Let’s get this party started.

Archbishop Vincent Nichols, the head honcho in a poncho for the Church in England, has suggested that people throw a Pope party in celebration of the first anniversary of the Pope’s historic visit.

Yeah boy. Now, a Pope party can’t be any ordinary party. We need to spice it up. And guess what? I have some ideas.

First, we need to be ecumenical. So I suggest that we invite the heads of other “ecclesial communities” to the party to play musical chairs. One by one, the ecclesial communities go bye-bye until there is only one chair left. But they can’t sit there because the Pope is already in it!

Next, we need to invite the former Anglicans turned Catholic who are now part of the personal ordinariate established under Anglicanorum Coetibus. Trust me, these people are a hoot. When they get all liquored up and talk with their funny little accents, I just can’t stop laughing. It always reminds me of the movie Time Bandits for some reason. Great times for all. Besides, let’s face it, the priests in the Ordinariate could use a night out away from their wives.

I suggest that we don’t invite the fellas from the SSPX. I like ‘em and all, but they usually just suck the fun out of everything. They just stand in the corner with their backs to everyone and complain about my party playlist. Something about how my including Amy Grant proves the party is invalid or something. Besides, last time they drank all the orange soda. Too high maintenance. Summorum Partificum dudes!

We could invite some liberal nuns just to get credit for how open and inviting we are. Besides, they usually don’t show up. Something about yoga or reiki class. Bonus!

This party is gonna be awesome. You haven’t lived until you have seen the Archbishop of Canterbury play pin the tail on the apostate. He can never find it!! I mean he is not even close! Priceless. Plus I hear he does a mean Sean Connery impression.

Remember. Pray hard. Party harder.

Any suggestions to make this party perfect?

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About Pat Archbold

Pat Archbold
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Patrick Archbold is co-founder of Creative Minority Report, a Catholic website that puts a refreshing spin on the intersection of religion, culture, and politics. When not writing, Patrick is director of information technology at a large international logistics company. Patrick, his wife Terri, and their five children reside in Long Island, N.Y.