I always thought a Beretta (Biretta) referred to a small gun I own.

Ultreya is obviously the wife of Ultraman.

Alb, Stole and Chasuble….not: a new vegetable, a past-tense for a stealing, or a type of cheese (but they sure sound it, don’t they?)  Gotta love technical terms for priestly garb.
Also, great job on Ultreya and Titular Sees…still giggling.

Ultreya is also the encouraging word of Medieval pilgrims to each other on the Santiago deCompostella pilgrimage across Northern Spain.  It pretty much took the first half of the summer to get to Compostella and the second half to get home.

Don’t forget to add “ejaculation” (a brief, spontaneous prayer) to the list!

You totally left out “monstrance”!

I always thought anamnesis was that test they did on pregnant women and epiclesis was what they put in their IV’s while they were in labor.

Also, that Dulia is the lady that helps deliver the baby, and Hyperdulia is her boss.

I don’t understand Bob’s post @ 2:30 am jul 8.  Is it neccessary?

“Indulgence”.

Or even better, as Gahuber95 mentioned:

“Indulgenced Ejaculations”.

In Gregorian chant: “Episema”.

...not to mention “Virga” and “Bivirga”, “Torqulus”, “Porrectus”, “Scandicus”, “Pressus”, “Flexa”, “Flexus Resupinus”, “Quilisma”, “Climacus”, and finally “Liquescent”.

Under ciborium - isn’t it a misnomer to refer to the contents of a ciborium as ‘consecrated bread’?  After consecration, it’s the host no longer ‘bread’ at all, but the Body of Christ, right?  So to refer to contents of the ciborium as ‘bread’, even ‘consecrated bread’, would be incorrect.

Matt, given your comment on the Aspergillum, I assume you already know that there is a fungus called ‘Aspergillus fumigatus’ (‘the smoking aspergillum’), named after the actual Aspergillum. It gets its name from its shape (like the Aspergillum…durr!) and because it releases spores from the round head that look like smoke under the microscope.

Canon Law is the most exciting of all the Sacred Sciences. Please rethink “booooring”. :)

I thought aspergillum was something you took for a headache..

You mentioned aspergillium but neglected to mention what the container of holy water is called. No, it isn’t a bucket. It’s an aspersory.

A lady in my office wears a pair of Zucchetto shoes.

... and what about the “licentiate” that some priests have?  I guess they’ve got permission to do stuff the rest of us can’t.  And isn’t it true that someone who is “excommunicated” is not allowed to gossip in the “nave” or “narthex” anymore?

SOME I REMEMBER ARE NOT MENTIONED

1 DEXOLOGY = rESPONSE OF THE PEOPLE ACCLAIMING THE SOVERENIGHTY OF GOD

2 SURPLICE =A LOOSE FLOWING VESTMENT OF WHITE FABRIC WITHSLEAVES—INTERCHANGEABLE WITH ALB

3 PYX = A SMALL VESSEL TO CARRY EUCHARIST TO SICK PEOPLE

An Acolyte is a man who has been installed by the Bishop during the Rite of Acolyte. An Acolyte is preparing for Holy Orders as a Priest or Deacon.

The Dalmatic is the outer garment worn by Deacons at Mass and not just at solemn mass. It is similar to the chasuble in appearance but the Dalmatic has sleeves.

A liveliness is a type of academic degree (sort of between a Master’s and a Doctorate) it is not specifically Catholic at all.

Sorry, “liveliness” should have read “licentiate”

Back around 1960 the technical term that we altar boys used for aspergiliams was “holy water sprinklers.”

A New York paper reported “The bishop processed down the aisle with a gold reredos on his head, as seven burning acolytes hung from the ceiling.”

I always thought that Apologetics was an interesting use of the word, since of course, it doesn’t mean what it sounds like

pretty clever ... solid B grade ...

I, too, was waiting to see the term “ejaculation.”

Acolyte is more correctly a gender neutral way of saying “alter boy.”

“Alter boy”?  Would that be a female altar server?!

Fr. William E. Bauer:
There was a misspelling in your post:
“Alt” is Latin for “grow” (sometimes in the sense of grow higher), so “altEr” is “change,” while it’s “altAr” (short for “alt-ara,” high altar) that means altar.

And yes, when I was in Catholic school sister once said, “When you feel tempted by sins of the flesh, make a short ejaculation [a prayer].”

Canon Law might not be the most exciting thing but it is very important to the Church and probably one of the reasons the structure of our Church has stood the test of time.

Melody: Did “acolyte” change its meaning when it was demoted from “minor order” to “ministry”?

Indulgence: (not) eating something delicious and fattening.
Apologist: (not) someone who tells everyone how sorry he is.

I have a new one: “Arnobius of Sicca”. I don’t know why but just saying it makes me chuckle!

From the Eastern lung of the Catholic Church…how about hesychasm…prokeimenon…protohegumen…

Alter- “server” is the gender neutral politically correct way of saying Alterboy The men in our Church haven’t prayed enough for the “fortitude” needed to take Spiritual leadership in their families so the women have to.
Can we start a new word Steve how about “manuptitude”

What about “ejaculation?”  LOL.

how about “genuflect”
What the hey ????
It sounds like one is reflecting on something genuine in their lives….
In actuality, it is kneeling down on one knee before you enter the pew….
It seems optional now days !!!!!!  But when I was a Catholic kid, we HAD to do it…..I usually just bow now, because, I may never get up if I go down on one knee !!!!

Fr. William E. Bauer:

The term ‘acolyte’ is most certainly NOT “gender neutral.” Canon 230 §1 clearly limits institution to the ministry of acolyte to males. Women (and men who are not instituted as acolytes) can however supply some of the duties of acolytes when need warrants it and the proper ministers are not available (Can. 230 §2 & 3; cf. Acta Apostolicæ Sedis, vol. 86), hence alter “servers.”

Whoops, make that “altar ‘servers.’”

Ostensorium, see monstrance. <giggle>

@Dakota - “The term ‘acolyte’ is most certainly NOT “gender neutral.” Thank you for commenting that acolyte is not gender neutral!

Only men can become acolytes and as I indicated earlier, an acolyte is progressing towards Holy Orders. He serves at the altar at the discretion of clergy but unlike an altar server, he is permitted to purify the sacred vessels which also distinguishes him from any other lay person who serves at the altar.

This is not funny. It’s pathetic.

tunicle = change for a dime, or robes for the sub-deacon

Has education in the Faith sunk so low that 1) Catholics are not at all familiar with the terms of the faith, and 2)such abysmal ignorance is found amusing?  Have mercy on us all dear Lord.

Cincture: sometimes you’ll see an altar server walking funny because he has a loose cincture.  Sounds like part of the gastric tract.

And, of course, we can’t forget the GIRM.

Matt,
I think you should put M.Swaim on your payroll. He had a couple of great comments!

I remember the Latin Missals with English translations.  Two words that floored me were ‘beseech’ and (ugh!) ‘vouchsafe.’  I guess vouchsafe is where you store your vouches.

@Incredulous

“‘vouchsafe’ -I guess that where you store your vouches”...i remember thinking the same thing when i was a child. ha!

cappa magna—dental work for prelates

Thanks for the giggles and the education. Sometimes we forget the meaning of the little words. ;)

Ephesians 5:3-4 says that suggestive talk is out of place and shouldn’t even be mentioned. So some things mentioned here as well as in the comments are out of place! Let us have reverence!

Yeah, you guys.  There’s nothing funny about the word “ejaculation.”  So, do you hear?  Stop it!  Stop laughing at “ejaculation”!  I don’t want to see any more posts laughing about “ejaculation.”  It’s not funny.

What about “pew?” This sounds more like onomatopoeia for the discharge of a loaded gun than somewhere you should go in the church.

On second thought, you may be right, Anonymous.  Sorry about that manifestation of punchiness.  I’ll get a handle on that impulse control.

@ Jack Quirk
Oh come on.

Cheer up everyone! Or I will take the Aspergil from the Aspersory and cast Aspersions upon you. After which you will have no Credence and will be doomed to holding a Manuturge indefinitely. One could wax! To all I offer the Osculum Pacis! ( It not the “kiss of Peace” but the little board wit a crucifix attached to it that was offered at the Osculum Pacis during High Mass)

Why is this Catholic publication allowing all this irreverent stuff to be printed? So much sounds like things that haters of the Church would say to mock it.

anonymous,
The reason that “this Catholic puyblication” allows “irreverent stuff” like this to be printed is:
a.)  Because the editors have a sense of humor, and
b.)  Because they don’t want to give the impresion that Catholics are killjoys (which would drive people away from the Church).

@Joe Which post are you saying “Oh come one” too?

So I guess some of this is all about pleasing peers rather than pleasing God. I’m sure He doesn’t find many of these comments to be funny and I’m sure He hopes that everyone knows the meaning of the word confessional. By the way, there’s nothing wrong with decent humor but some of this is definitiely not and instead it’s disrespectful and suggestive.

@ Joe again—In the first post I was attempting humor, apparently with little success.  In the second post I was worried about having been rude to Anonymous.  Sorry to have diverted your attention.

Grandma,
Whatever made you think that God has no sense of humor?  God knows that giving people the idea that Catholics are all killjoy churchladies drives people away from the church.
G.K. Chesterton once wrote something to the effect that angels can fly because they (unlike devils) don’t take themselves seriously.

@ Don. God does have a sense of humor and it’s always nice to hear priests and lay people tell a good, decent joke. But making the suggestion that indulging in masturbation is funny is not decent humor. It’s true that God never meant for us to be serious sour pusses but He wants us to be joyful and lighthearted in a pure and decent way. Many leave the Church because they don’t like it’s unchanging stand on morals. Church is a hospital for sinners and welcomes all who should come for spiritual healing. I’ll say it again. Church is meant to be a warm, joyful place filled with lighthearted people that strive to live holy lives with God’s grace.

Grandma,
If, as you point out, the Church is a hospital for sinners, how are they supposed to come anywhere near her, if they can’t make jokes?  (The Church isn’t just an old age home for prissy old grandmas, you know.)

I guess you didn’t read my first sentence. Meanwhile I’ll shake the dust off my feet and move on. I’m praying for you though.

Before I shake the dust off my feet and move on I just thought of a joke I’d like to share. A non Catholic developed a bad stomach ache while in a church so they went to the confessional thinking it was a bathroom. When they walked in and saw a priest they said “Oh excuse, me. I thought this was a place where I could come to relieve myself.” Then the priest said. “You’ve come to the right place. What would you like to confess to relieve your soul?” The person was bewildered and answered “Well I recently ate a whole pizza covered with hot peppers, onions, and mushrooms.” The priest then asked “Is that all?” Then the person answered “Why, no. I also ate an entire carton of ice cream!”

Grrandma:
Oh, I get it—that’s your idea of a joke, isn’t it?

LOL Some part of me rejoices when prudes get offended. Maybe it’s because I know the same God created both angels and tapeworms for his greater glory. Or maybe it’s because you can tell a lot about a person’s spiritual state and level of moral maturity from what offends him.

I agree with you, Grandma.  The comment inferring masturbation is not at all humorous, but I’m sure the Lord in His mercy loves all of us.  Even ‘prissy old grandmas’ (God bless you!) But, as you well know in your wisdom, Jesus didn’t dance around the Truth when He said, “Be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect.”  Additonally, “Blessed are the pure at heart, for they shall see God.”  Humorous inferrences involving the common usage of ejaculation is not exactly pure of heart. I for one, will not be interested in tossed about conversational humor like that at the Heavenly Banquet Table of the Lord.  Thank God, for heaven.

Peace brothers and sisters… If anyone is offended please forgive the person, he does not know what he is doing. Guide him and please be understanding..This is an opportunity to wash the feet of one another as the Lord instructs.God bless us all.

Besides being humor-impaired, there seems to be an ignorance of basic human biology.  “Ejaculation” means the release of sperm, via the penis, and is what happens every single time a conception occurs between husband and wife.  This, for Catholics, is a good thing and not at all sinful.  It’s not a bad word. 

Why would you think that ejaculation only has something to do with masturbation (which, by the way, you brought up)?And why the shying away from speaking of completely natural, human biological terms?  This conversation is - and should be - had in every basic high school biology class.

@ Kitty Katz. It’s the word indulgence used with the word ejaculation that’s the problem because indulge primarily means to have unrestrained gratification with no regards as to whether it’s moral or healthy. God designed sex to be a beautiful, loving act for spouses only. However, God loves us all no matter what sins anyone has committed but He does hate sin and so must we as we help lead one another to God for His forgiveness and healing in order to have eternal happiness.

In rereading all the comments here I’m sorry if I misjudged the July 8 post of indulgenced (as in a church indulgence) ejaculations (as in short prayers). I’m so used to much of the younger generation always arguing that sexual morality is outdated that I got the feeling that this was meant to be a play on words implying the wrong thing especially since there seemed to be some snickering posted about it as if there was something funny about the sinful misuse of sex. So again, I’m sorry if I misjudged anyone. Meanwhile as I said before let us all work together to lead one another to God so we will have eternal happiness.

You can see the complete list of indulgenced ejaculations in the Raccolta itself at http://books.google.com/books?id=aJHKTdv3gncC

This brings my religion down the slippery slope to the gutter level of television. Even Catholics can’t express humor without bringing up sex. That is all we hear today. The American intellect has shrunk to the size of my hearing-aid battery. This isn’t humor, it’s ridicule.

Thanks, Joe. Again I apoligize if I misjudged anyone regarding their comments. As for the article it was harmlessly written to see the humor about how so many of us including myself don’t know the meaning of some of those 12 words that the author selected and how some of them sound like the name of a disease. Since it was written with humor in mind it seemed like some of people’s comments were taking it to an unacceptable level by suggesting that the improper and indecent interpretation of “Indulgenced Ejacualations” is something to be laughed about. Recently on Facebook’s Newsfeed there has been a lot of things posted by young Catholics that promoted this and other misuses of sex. Even some actual pornographic photos were posted which was a shock and I’m not talking about religious art like what Michaelangelo painted on the Sistene Chapel ceiling. I’m talking about actual pornography and I hope they were actually the result of a Facebook virus. Since so many of these unacceptable things have been posted lately it seemed like the trend was starting to show up subtly even here if the motive was for people to laugh about an interpretation which implied that this or any misuse of sex was humorous. As Christians we must speak out against it if we think it is happening. Hopefully that was not the motive but especially in today’s generation we need to be very careful how we come across because there are multitudes of people who argue against sexual morality.

I defy anyone to make any sense of “porrection of the instruments”. One deacon - he said he was, at least - flatly refused to believe the phrase was not a joke. It is in fact an English translation of “porrectio instrumentorum” - or, the “handing to” a newly ordained priest of the chalice and paten for offering Mass (This is from the pre-Conciliar rite of Ordination; so ignorance of the phrase is understandable).
  The phrase always makes me think of a bowl of porridge and the spoon needed for eating it.

You said…’‘Ciborium - Come on. That just sounds cool, like a race of Star Trek villains with giant heads and few morals. “The Ciborium have raised their shields, Captain. Fire!” But it’s actually a vessel used to hold the consecrated bread for the distribution of the Body of Christ during communion which is probably a lot more awesome than Star Trek villains.’‘

Not only is the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus (not consecrated bread), but it’s also WAY MORE awesome than Star Trek Villains (not probably a lot more).

Other than this this article was pretty entertaining. God bless!

Our pastor is forever coming out of the Sanctuary to shake everyones hand at the handshake of the peace.  Drives me crazy.  I’m always mumbling about priests not reading the GIRM.

When the H1N1 Flu thingy broke out, most of the older people at daily Mass refused to shake his hand. 

I had to laugh.  If the “GIRM” didn’t get him, the “GERMS” did.

“the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, an overeater and alcoholic, a friend of IRS agents and sinners!’” (Matthew 11:19

I agree with Birgit’s comment and I also want to mention that Matthew was right in his article about needing to “grow up” in reference to laughing about the words that sound like they could mean looking at a woman in a disrespectful way. People aren’t meant to be objects of imprudent curiosity and lust so for their own protection and consideration for those struggling with temptation they should dress modestly. Meanwhile it is not the human anatomy that is sinful. God created it and it is good and beautiful so God wants everyone to “grow up” and develop awe and reverence for human beings. Soft and hard core pornography treat people as objects of lust whereas nudity in religious art is meant to evoke reverence. It would be a good idea for everyone to read books about the Theology of the Body that was taught by Pope John Paul II in regards to God’s purpose for the human body, marriage, and celibacy. Meanwhile in another comment I mentioned that some porn and objectionable sayings appeared to be posted by Catholics and other Christians on Facebook. Though I never clicked on them the photos and words were shown on Newsfeed like the awful tabloids and magazines that we’re forced to notice on news stands. In stores we can look away as we must do on Facebook and thankfully we can click the remove button on Facebook to get rid of them. But it’s too bad the posts still show up from time to time. I advise everyone on Facebook not to click on headlines that sound like tabloid news because a nasty surprise might show up such as porn or a computer virus that reposts the objectionable stuff in your own name which would be terrible for everyone concerned! Some of the applications on Facebook have had viruses too and one person posted an apology for all the spam that was being posted in her name. Applications require some of people’s personal information which is risky and that’s why these things have happened. So everyone needs to be careful! Meanwhile there are a lot of excellent things on Facebook regarding the Catholic faith and God’s love so it’s unfortunate that these unacceptable things creep in. I know this is long but it’s something everyone ought to be aware of. God bless you all!

Ejaculations—that one definitely should have been there.
I am a convert, and when someone gave me a spiritual bouquet (a card with an offering of different prayers for my intentions), they put “ejaculations offered spontaneously throughout the day.” 
I think my coffee came out my nose…................

Yay Julia!!! in mentioning the Camino!!!!  It was the highlight of the comments section :)

How about when someone has a Docorate of Sacred Theology and list their name, followed by an “S.T.D”

As a teenager who was starting to learn about my faith, I was SHOCKED that someone would write that! I thought… that’s just awful (it didn’t help that the first time I saw it was after the name of someone giving a talk about purity).

I later learned what it truly meant and was SO relieved!

“Ejaculation” is a silly word no matter what the definition. I don’t really know what it sounds like, other than painful.
     
It’s a sad commentary on our culture when so many words automatically bring to mind sexual imagery when there’s no good reason they should (I won’t name them, but you know which ones I mean), but at least “ejaculation” has a sex-related meaning to start with. Maybe what’s even sadder is that our society has made sex something dirty and then said that it’s okay to be dirty, rather than treating sexuality as something beautiful.
   
Concupiscience is actually Spanish for “with cupiscience,” cupiscience being the tendency to act like Cupid. Like most figures from Greek/Roman mythology, Cupid wasn’t exactly an upstanding model of good Christian behavior. Ergo, concupiscence is the tendency of fallen human nature toward sin. LOGIC! ;)

One of my favourites is “solemnity”, which is what Catholics call a *serious* celebration.  Like, a seriously good celebration.

This post reminds me of the movie Keeping the Faith. When Fr. Brian shows Anne the rectory she says: “So this is a rectory. That sounds like a dirty word. Rectory!”

The word “embolism” wasn’t mentioned earlier, which is surprising:

litcom.net.au/liturgy_lines/displayarticle.php?llid=243

thefreedictionary.com/embolism

I enjoyed these :) I had also expected to see “monstrance” on there, heheh.

To be fair to Grandma and anyone taking issue here, “And yes, when I was in Catholic school sister once said, “When you feel tempted by sins of the flesh, make a short ejaculation [a prayer].”” is only a joke when you take it to imply a pun with masturbation, which could arguably be grounds for objecting to it as lewd or suggestive, since masturbation is sinful.

Also, the tone of some of the people objecting to Grandma’s objections comes off as pretty rude to me. It’s more convincing, in my opinion, to make logical observations rather than to automatically resort to sarcasm and even such comments as “prissy old grandmas” to try to make a point.

Don’t forget: GD it, sh_t, f_ck, etc. http://blog.shoppingcartcatholicagnostic.com/

I’m a convert to the faith and I didn’t speak Catholic when I began my journey.  I thought a “Magnificat” was a HUGE cat!!!

I expected to see Viaticum as one of the 12 words here.  “Be sure to take your Viaticum it will make you healthy and strong.”  Oh yeah, that’s just what it does.

Re: ciborium.  And don’t forget, Ray, that from the offertory procession up until the consecration, the contents of the ciborium would be “unconsecrated bread”.

What about “ostensorium”, “ombrellino” and “thurible”, three objects that an early 1960’s Catholic might have seen used during Forty Hours devotions.  Anyone else remember those?

Actuqally, the first time I ran across the word “viaticum” was in a letter by J.R.R.Tolkien, in which he mentioned that the elve’s bread, the “lembas,” was a symbol of the viaticum.

Talking about indecency…maybe Catholics should stop complaining about a few “vulgar” terms in an article and address sexual abuse and homosexuality in their clergy. Now THAT is a problem.

Regarding what MEG wrote on July 27 I agree that the issues of any type of sexual abuse need to be addressed which can be done with emails and letters. I recently sent an email to a church that planned on having a Mass to celebrate Gay Pride. I wrote that no one should be proud to live a sinful life and that a church is meant to be a hospital for sinners whom God loves and wants to heal. Meanwhile since there seems to be more and more acceptance of alternative sexual lifestyles that is the reason why any type of vulgar humor should not be tolerated. Chastity must begin in the heart. Since this article was written with humor in mind as to what some Catholic words sound like we should read what Monica wrote on July 17. She said that certain words only become a joke when they imply sinful behavior. So since jokes were being made about Catholic words some were harmless as they sounded like the name of a disease or something else. But to make a joke out of the words that sound like indulging in masturabation is not right for in the July 8th comment Ephesians 5:3-4 is mentioned which says that these kind of jokes are unacceptable. As I said before, chastity must begin in the heart so we must speak out against everything that goes against it.

Grandma,
Are you also one of those who critcize the late “vulgar” Pope John Paul II and his “theology of the body”?

Don, I guess you didn’t read my July 11th 11:27 AM comment about the importance of reading Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body which speaks about the sanctity of the body and God’s purpose for sex. That is not vulgar. Suggestive talk that jokes about sexual sin is what is vulgar. And also read again what I wrote in the comments just before your reply as I don’t think you understand what I meant yet. Meanwhile indulgenced ejaculations when it means indulgenced short prayers is a good thing but if people twist it to make a joke that it sounds like indulging in masturbation then it is not good. However ejaculation in marriage is a good thing when it is done with love and not lust and when no contraception is involved. The body and marital love are wonderful and nothing to be ashamed of. Churches should be promoting the Theology of the Body and have classes because this generation needs them desperately in order to develop reverence for people and God’s purpose for sex instead of having irreverence or contempt. Meanwhile as I said before, perhaps adding the words “indulgenced ejaculations” to the list of Catholic words in this article was not intended to suggest vulgar humor implying masturbation. But since the whole article was done in a manner to laugh at our misinterpretation of Catholic words it seemed like the addition of “indulgenced ejaculations” was also done in hopes people would laugh at the misinterpretation which sounded like indulging in masturbation. But as I said before perhaps that was not the intent. Meanwhile I hope you understand what I mean now because it is important that we all have respect for one another and God’s purpose for our lives.

Oh, come on “Grandma”: You think that joking about crapping all over a confessional is “clean” humor, but that joking about our fallen sexual nature is filthy?
And why is it that you get all hot and bothered about jokes about things like the double meaning of the word “ejaculation,” anyway?

Don,let me explain the joke. It never mentioned that the person had an accident in the confessional but only that they thought it was a restroom until they realized their mistake when they saw a priest in there. The joke was meant to be like this whole article which points out how many people don’t know the meaning of some Catholic words and many don’t know what the different things are in a church either. Many non Catholics wouldn’t know what a confessional was or a tabernacle, monstrance, or many other things. In the joke the priest simply asked if the person would like to make a confession. When the person admitted to eating a whole pizza the priest wondered if they had something more serious to confess other than overeating so he asked “Is that all?” Then the person admitted to eating a whole carton of ice cream. That is actually making a joke out of human weakness because most people have overeaten at one time or another but it’s not serious like committing a sexual sin or a sin of theft or hatred. Of course gluttony can become a serious sin when it becomes a way of life which not only threatens the life of the glutton but also breeds in them selfish greed and sloth which threaten the lives of others. Meanwhile, if you didn’t like the joke so be it but there was nothing immoral about it. Lastly, my comments to you surely aren’t out of hostility but only filled with hope that you will realize the important obligations of Christians to avoid suggestive talk and to give fraternal correction if it seems needed.

“Grandmas,”
You’re still joking about sacrilege in your “clean” joke, while you get all hot and bothered about jokes about the innocense of teaching sisters.

Don, it would be a sacrilege for anybody to purposely do anything to desecrate a church. This joke wasn’t about that. The person didn’t plan to desecrate anything in the church nor did they have an accident. In real life if anyone did have an accident anywhere in the church it would have been just that- an embarrassing, unplanned accident but not a sacrilege. I’m sorry you missed the point of the joke but it wasn’t about sacrilege. It was about people’s lack of knowledge as to what some Catholic words mean and also what some things are in a Catholic church. For anyone unfamiliar with what a confessional was they could innocently mistake it for a bathroom and then soon realize they were mistaken. Hopefully all Catholics know what a confessional is and more importantly hopefully they use it to relieve their souls by confessing their sins and receiving God’s grace and forgiveness.

And Brandam,
Sister didn’t realize the double meaning of what she said.  So why did you get all hot and bothered?

In response to Don the sister was innocent and didn’t say anything wrong. In the July 17 comment Monica agreed that for anyone to make a double meaning of what they heard the sister say is at fault if they think indulging in masturbation is funny. Ephesians 5:3-4 tells us that God is very much hot and bothered by suggestive talk that finds humor in sexual sins. He wants us to have pure thoughts at all times for only they will make us happy.

Again, Grandma:
Why is sacrilege funny if it’s unintentional but not a double entendre?
Just because you get all hot and bothered by a joke about making an double entendre, that doesn’t make a joke about crapping all over a confessional “clean.”

It’s too bad that Don either doesn’t read or understand everything I’ve written about the confessional joke and how no accident or sacrilege ever took place there.

And it’s too bad that Grandma has no sense of humor, only a thin skin.

It may seem thick headed of me to continue this debate but I remembered that yesterday’s alternative Gospel reading from Matthew 15:1-2, 10-14 fits very well. The Pharisees complained to Jesus that the apostles broke the tradition of the elders by not washing their hands before eating. Then Jesus told them that it’s not what goes into the mouth that defiles but what comes out of the mouth because they come from a defiled heart. He also said in verses 17-20 that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach and passes out into the latrine but the things that come out of the mouth such as unchastity and other sinful things are what defiles a person. Since this article was about making double meanings to words I agree with Monica that no one should jokingly twist what the sister innocently said which makes it sound like indulging in immoral behavior is funny. The same goes for anyone’s intent to twist “indulgenced ejaculations” into a joke about men indulging in self abuse. Meanwhile if double meanings spring to anyone’s mind whether or not someone else also thought of them it says a lot about the state of our heart whether we laugh about immoral things that come to our minds or whether we are offended by them.

Grandma:
...And the commentaqry in my Missal for those readings is “To someone with dirty windows the whole world looks dirty.”
And yet you think that it’s innocent to joke about committing sacrilege in a confessional…

Dirty windows can be caused by a number of things. Original sin is one because Adam and Eve felt shame and wore fig leaves after sinning because then they couldn’t look at each other without lust which seeks to use someone as a sex object instead of a person to love and cherish. It is lust that is shameful and dirty, not the human body and marital sex. Lust certainly dirties the windows but so do other things. In the past many children developed dirty windows because of being brought up with the heresy that the body is evil and that marital sex is a necessary evil for the continuation of the human race. Some children were even shamed during toilet training as if that was an evil function too. Other children and even older people develop dirty windows when they have been sexually abused which causes them to struggle with a negative attitude about the body and may even result in frigidity which is when a person wants to avoid marital relations because of fear and disgust brought on by being abused. In more recent history dirty windows are seen in the sexual revolution as multitudes think that it’s ok to lust and have sex outside of traditional marriage. In their blindness they call evil good and good evil as they try to lead many others astray. Let’s hope everyone will learn about the Theology of the Body and turn to Jesus who came to heal us and teach us the truth.

Along with what I wrote in yesterday’s comment let’s not forget that Satan and fallen nature can also dirty windows with unwanted suggestions and temptations. Some saints were plagued day and night with involuntary impure thoughts and mental images but by cooperating with God’s grace they grew in virtue. There were even some saints that were inspired by God to write beautiful, pure meditations about the Song of Songs found in scripture. The saints despised and rejected impure thoughts that came uninvited but they welcomed the pure thoughts from God about the Theology of the Body.

So, “Grandma,” is that your defense for your silliness: that Satan has clouded your mind?  Okay, I forgive you.  But speak to your spiritual advisor about that.

I think these words are great fun.
How about the meaning of the word “apostasy”.  It just doesn’t sound evil!

Grandma, thanks for the earlier mea culpa, although it sounds a little like you are backpedaling from it now.  I didn’t go all the way up that path of interpretation—though now that you mentioned it, it’s a little hard to un-see it.  There’s nothing wrong with natural functions but I did think it was a little funny because a sexual double-entendre is just especially unfortunate for a nun (things aren’t necessarily funny because they are sinful; they can be funny because of an surprising juxtaposition as well).  Somebody should kindly explain and ask them to use another word, but if we’re talking about grade-schoolers, nobody is likely to have the guts to say anything to a Sister.
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Matt’s doing us a favor.  Nobody was born knowing these words.  Neither are we laughing because we’re so ignorant, but laughing because we are learning.  When you’re trying to remember what something is, it’s helpful also to remember what it isn’t, and if you can do that in a humorous way it becomes more memorable.
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MEG: Thanks a lot!  Since I read these blogs often, I almost hadn’t thought about that in a whole twelve hours (and only eight or nine of those were spent sleeping).  I suppose us lay Catholics who don’t really have a lot of control over the proceedings anyway are expected to never spend a moment having any fun.  Fun is a distraction from serious issues which must occupy our minds every second of every hour or else we are failures!  Speaking of which, wasn’t that a sarcastic joke about Puritanism—that, incidentally, often gets lobbed our way?