Every now and then you read something that changes the way you see the world. For me, one such paradigm-shifting book was Hold on to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., and Gabor Mate, M.D. In this 2006 work, Neufeld and Mate discuss the concept of “peer orientation,” the phenomenon of children becoming more attached to their peers than they are to their families. The authors write:
As children grow, they have an increasing need to orient: to have a sense of who they are, of what is real, why things happen, what is good, what things mean. To fail to orient is to…be lost psychologically—a state our brains our programmed to do almost anything to avoid. [...]
What children fear more than anything, including physical harm, is getting lost. To them, being lost means losing contact with their compass point. Orienting voids, situations where we find nothing or no one to orient by, are absolutely intolerable to the human brain.
They go on to outline the various conditions in our culture have combined to leave children with a huge orienting void—a void that kids fill by orienting themselves to their peers. They summarize the situation by saying:
In adult-oriented cultures, where the guiding principles and values are those of the more mature generations, kids attach to each other without losing their bearings or rejecting the guidance of their parents. In our society that is no longer the case. Peer bonds have come to replace relationships with adults as children’s primary sources of orientation…Children have become the dominant influence on one another’s development.
I moved around quite a bit when I was growing up, and attended eight different schools all over the United States. Though I’d never heard the terminology at the time, some places were more family-oriented than others: People socialized across generations, with children, teens, adults and the elderly mixing together; sit-down family dinners were common; parents were interested in their kids’ lives, and took care to maintain open lines of communication in the family. These places had their own problems, of course, but it was nothing like what I saw in the areas where peer orientation had taken over the culture. When I read Neufeld and Mate’s description of the impact that peer orientation has on kids, it sent chills down my spine because it resonated so deeply with what I’d seen and experienced:
If many kids are damaged these days by the insensitivity of their peers it is not necessarily because children today are more cruel than in the past, but because peer orientation has made them more susceptible to one another’s taunts and emotional assaults. Our failure to keep our children attached to us and to the other adults responsible for them has not only taken away their shields but put a sword in the hands of their peers. [...]
No wonder, then, that “cool” is the governing ethic in peer culture, the ultimate virtue…It connotates an air of invulnerability. Where peer orientation is intense, there is no sign of vulnerability in the talk, in the walk, in the dress, or in the attitudes. [...]
Peer-oriented kids will do anything to avoid the human feelings of aloneness, suffering, and pain, and to escape feeling hurt, exposed, alarmed, insecure, inadequate, or self-conscious. The older and more peer-oriented the kids, the more drugs seem to be an inherent part of their lifestyle. Peer orientation creates an appetite for anything that would reduce vulnerability.
Sure enough, the schools where the kids were more connected to one another than to their families were the schools that had the worst problems with drugs, depression, bullying and suicide. Everywhere I lived, I saw the typical problems that seem to be just part of life for young people: the tendency to form cliques, children picking on one another, teen angst, etc. But there was an unmistakable darkness among my classmates in the places where kids’ inner compasses were oriented to their peers, and it was something entirely different than the normal ups and downs of childhood. (Interestingly, I’d always described the feel of those places as being like something out of Lord of the Flies—which, as it turns out, is the ultimate story of peer orientation.)
Understanding peer orientation has changed the way I parent; specifically, it’s made things a lot simpler. I believe that this phenomenon is behind many of the most serious problems our kids face today, and that doing our best to raise family-oriented kids can go a long way toward avoiding these issues. Whether it’s developing a strong faith life, avoiding drugs, achieving acadamically, or anything else we might want for our children, it’s all an uphill battle if they’re more closely connected to their peers than they are to us. Obviously there’s no parenting magic bullet that makes everything perfect and simple, but I think that if parents do nothing more than nurture a close attachment with their children, their other goals for their family will be much easier to realize.
For those of you who work with young people, what do you think? Have you seen this phenomenon in your community?
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Interesting article, Ms. Fulwiler. I also wonder as well what happens when those peer-oriented youngsters become peer-oriented parents. Perhaps this is why some people never grow out of cliques, bullying, and one-upmanship, even when they grow older.
Just checked that book out from the library yesterday!
And to think that atheists say that Christianity is concerned only with “other worldliness.”
....and we add to the list of problems caused by broken families. If one parent is absent and the other is stretched to breaking just supporting the family, do you think there is any time or energy for attachment?! If we could just end or even reduce that one scourge on humanity, so many other things would improve!
Yes, this “peer orientation” is absolutely a growing trend among the younger generations. I volunteer with our parish youth group and I am always observing language and behavior which displays peer orientation. It’s a subtle but vastly important difference between just common “wanting to fit in” behavior and “NEEDING to fit in” behavior. This shift from *wanting* to *needing* is the result of many cultural influences, with the deterioration of the family unit being at the top of that list. Kids are not stupid; they are highly observant. They see families all around them falling apart, and even if their own is still intact, they are absorbing a sense that families are not reliable so they need to rely on their friends instead. They’re victims of their society.
I think that as a young adult, I have seen this, and happening more slowly over time. I do not think, however, that this is the only reason for problems in the young part of our society. I think there are many other factors that play into how kids are raised and what external factors influenced them (school, sports, music & other activities).
Yes, I think about this all the time. I have a half-sister who just turned 13 in September. She is already so peer-oriented it scares me. She’s like a 22 year old.
She never stops texting her friends, is boy crazy, is out of the house almost all the time, constantly at concerts, sleepovers, parties. . . She’s failing 8th grade. She can’t do anything without having at least one girlfriend by her side.
I live in another country so there’s not much I can do. I’ve tried speaking to my father about it, and he understands what I’m saying but doesn’t want to put any effort into changing things (“that just how kids are” “she’s a good kid” etc).
Every time I read her facebook status I cringe. Her last one: “My boyfriend is so amazing!”
:(
Thanks so much for posting this. I’m very pleased to see this great book getting some attention. HOTYC is must reading for parents. The chapters on the “flatlining of culture” and “unteachable students” are especially good and explain so much.
Many parents see a choice between permissiveness and authoritarianism. One emphasizes the carrot and the other the stick. But there’s a third way: a healthy attachment that promotes love, trust, and respect among family members.
I also recommend “Becoming Attached” by Robert Karen.
Our modern schooling system encourages this peer-centeredness. Children ought to grow up surrounded by babies, the elderly, and working adults, but instead we ask them to spend all day every day with a group composed almost exclusively of their same-age peers. At precisely the age when they are learning how to interact with society, we require them to spend most of their time in a very artificial society, one that reinforces rather than focuses their young errors. Something along the lines of a sociable homeschooling or the old-fashioned one-room schoolhouse presents children with a far more natural society than the prevalent segregated classroom model.
I am now a stay-at-home dad, but in my former life I was first an elementary school teacher and later, after earning a Ph.D., gained experience working with college students. I have had in my life many opportunities to work with and observe young people at opposite ends of the educational spectrum and I do concur with Neufeld and Mate. Many other learned minds have examined this cultural phenomenon from a variety of different angles. Two notable examples are that of the late Neil Postman and his “The Disappearance of Childhood” and, for those who have daughters, Dr. Meg Meeker’s “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.” Postman examines the issue from a technological point of view, whereas Meeker explores more of the developmental/psycho-sexual side of things. While they are all very different works, stemming from a wide range of disciplines, these texts and many others are all addressing the same core problem, and that is the slow destruction of the American family and the disastrous effects it has had, not only on the health and well being of children, but of the quality of our democracy as those children become adults. Cheating and plagiarism are rampant, sexual mores have all but completely dissolved, and relativism is the order of the day. But there’s more…
A few years ago I started to notice the absence of what I’m going to call (for lack of a better term) a certain “spark” in the faces of my students. It was as if there was something missing. The students were intelligent enough, but socially and emotionally there was a void. I don’t know how else to describe it. As Gertrude Stein once said of Oakland California, “there’s no there, there.” I don’t mean disparage these young people, its just that the widespread family dynamics in America are so radically different from what used to be the case, that I never felt like I knew how to relate to the 18, 19, and 20-year olds. When I taught elementary, it was different, although I did notice a huge decline in attitude and intellectual curiosity that started in about the fifth grade.
Being a stay-at-home parent was the last thing I ever thought I would do, but the older my daughter gets the more my wife and I feel it was the right choice. When mom and dad “check out,” as it were, and abdicate their roles as parents to the school, or the TV, or the peer group, nothing good ever comes from it. And when children from such homes do grow up to be good people and accomplish great things, they do so in spite of their upbringing, not because of it. I do not much care for Dr. Laura (she’s too sensationalist and low-brow) but every now and then she says something pithy that rings true, like the title of one of her books aimed at parents with respect to children: “Don’t Have Them, If You’re Not Going To Raise Them.”
I work with a troop of Girl Scouts, aged 12 and 13, and I definitely notice this. I know that I oriented better with my peers through high school and college, and they “knew” me better than my family (thankfully, I ran with generally “okay” crowds…). Now that I’m an adult, though, I orient better with my family. I think growing up, there is a lot of pressure to build these bonds with friends vs. family.
Being in campus ministry for almost 10 years, I knew this long ago, without reading the book. But, the insights are excpetional and I will have to read it soon.
College is a unique time, when family is put to the side and peers are the center of almost every kid’s life. What I have noticed is that the kids that are close to their families and stay close to family are much healthier in college. The kids that come in with peer-orientation already, continue that in college and struggle more with identity and how they act.
The key here, as has already been pointed out, is to have a strong connection with your kids. Too often parents pull away from their kids during the pre-teen and teen years. But, this is when they need to know you love and support them even more, while still giving them the freedom and responsibility they need to learn and grow.
Family-oriented lifestyles and prudence in parenting can overcome these issues.
Where were the places with better “family values” Jennifer? Coastal California puts the same shiver down my spine.
This worries me even more because of research I’ve done into the reproductive health bill currently pending in Philippine congress. The bill would mandate comprehensive sexuality education for children starting at fifth grade through senior year of high school (6 years). But the people who are pushing for this bill aren’t even willing to wait for the law to change. Apparently they’ve been promoting peer-to-peer programs to educate the youth about their “reproductive rights”. These are already being implemented through non-government organizations. Guess who’s funding these? The UNFPA, Planned Parenthood, SIECUS and other anti-life organizations. And the results are already here. More and more Filipino youth are being converted to the contraceptive lifestyle. More and more of these youth are becoming tolerant of same sex marriage, divorce, abortion, etc. Heartbreaking to see in a country that’s supposed to be 80% Catholic and one of the most pro-life nations in the world, if not THE most pro-life nation today. I’m more thankful than ever for the freedom to homeschool my kids here in the US.
Absolutley I saw peer orientation in me and my friends growing up.Two unrelated thoughts: One: One of the wonderful things about Catholicism is that, if you enter into it deeply, God the Father, mother Maryan and all the angels and saints become your family and you become oriented towards and attached to them. Two: Many Hollywood movies is that they celebrate the negative peer orientations and disparage honest attachments to God, family, or country as repressive or worse, e.g., Donnie Brasco and Fast and Furious.
We live in a ‘peer oriented’ culture. It’s been that way for quite a while. Similarly, the word youth culture has been floating around since at least I was young. Every tv show geared toward youth without exception embodies this peer oriented culture, (Disney Channel, ABC Family, etc). It’s found in schools, in “youth groups” and in your neighborhood too. As a father of 7, with 3 who are now young adults, I have to say this is the toughest and most painful area with raising kids.
The peer orientation seems to be driven by the availability of social networking, specifically texting and facebook. Over the past few years, I’ve seen my children become much more “peer driven” which I attribute to the advancing technology. In the past we connected with our friends via telephone, one at a time. Now, my children stay connected to their 100+ facebook contact simultaneously. However, since those 100+ contacts are all good Catholic kids, so be it. My advice can’t be more strongly worded…Home School Your Kids! Join the local Catholic home schooling group and let the peer pressure begin. If you have large family, all the better. Attend daily mass and pray the rosary daily as a family. My children are still a work in progress but they are all good Catholic kids.
I have nine ranging in age from 8 to 19. We’ve home schooled for ten years and are in a home school group with approximately 400 kids. I’ve watched the children of my non home school friends grow up and the difference is usually dramatic and frightening. I’m a professional (MD) and practice one day per week with no regrets. When our teens get together it is not at all unusual for them to begin their event on their knees praying the rosary. Their idea of fun is praying at an abortion clinic or releasing a yellow balloon rosary over the city of Chicago. They are all well adjusted, friendly, and well educated. Most go on to attend good Catholic colleges. Several have gone into religious life. Raising children in our current culture in either private, Catholic or public schools is an uphill battle and will probably get worse.
I am not familiar with the book, but very familiar with the peer culture.
I witnessed it as a jr. And sr. High student in the 70’s. There was a clear demarcation
in values held by my friends who had no family life due to being single parented
or having overworked absentee parents. It became more evident as these
friends gained more freedoms such as a car and a drivers license. Usually followed by even
more evenings spent out and more value in peer relations than their own families.
Finally many fell into the traps of experimenting with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and sex.
I was often stunned to find my seemingly intelligent clean cut church going
friends find themselves on this path shortly after high school and some during high school.
I look forward to reading this book.
Brian, spot on. And as parents, we need to be oriented toward God the Father, Mother Mary and the Saints. Because the reality is that very, very often, adults in our culture are also peer-oriented. They gossip, they form cliques, and they bully, too. That there are Mommy Clubs that tend to do this should tell us something. So it isn’t just our kids who are peer-oriented, and that there’s a culture outside of our families that our kids will fall prey to if we don’t keep them close. I also wonder how much peer-oriented parents raise peer-oriented kids: not just pulling back at a certain age, but teaching their kids directly and indirectly that it’s more important to be “popular” and/or to “fit in.” Rosalind Wiseman has written about this quite aptly in Queen Bees and Wannabes and Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads. What she writes about is helping your child develop and authentic sense of self. And in the Catholic faith, we have the means to do so: we don’t know ourselves fully unless we learn to see ourselves the way God does. It’s not only a matter of starting early with our kids; we need to learn to live this ourselves. Going back to Brian’s earlier point, we ourselves are children of God. We believe in a higher authority that we not only want our kids to obey, but which we also obey. Else, so much of our lives becomes about our own egos and What Other People (our peers) Think.
Children align themselves with their peers because they can’t trust their parents. To solve the mystery look at the divorce rate. Parents who can’t keep promises that were made on the altar before God, can’t possibly keep their promises to their children, their employers, the church, anyone….Children are not empty but soulful loving creatures created in the image of God. Their souls long for love and when that love is not found in the family, God’s miniature church, their restless souls will seek love elsewhere. If they find love, trust, companionship, and a ‘safe’ place with their peers, who can blame them. Certainly God will not. Beware parents, for if anyone causes one of these little ones to sin (directly or indirectly) it would be better for him/her if a millstone were put around his/her neck and he/she be thrown into the sea. Baby boomers have been marked the selfish generation. They didn’t have enough children and the divorce rate for baby boomers and older couples has more than doubled over the past three decades, and it’s expected to increase while the overall divorce rate has remained steady since the 80’s. In Matt 16 Christ calls the generation an evil and unfaithful generation. If our children see us living in accord with God’s laws and honoring our promises they will naturally put their faith in us and forego their peers.
I love this quote of Mother Theresa, “Try to put in the hearts of your children a love for home. Make them long to be with their families. So much sin could be avoided if our people really loved their homes.”
This is an awesome, awesome post. Jennifer, you ask if I we have seen this phenomenon in our community. We are a homeschooling family and have done so in more than one state. This is not a problem that has escaped the homeschooling community, but somehow (it seems to me) has taken on a new form - “peer dependence is okay, IF its the right peers.” Quite honestly, it is a bit frightening to me. I, too, have noticed that it is different in different areas. Honestly, the more loosely organized the homeschool the association - the less of a problem it seems. More of a laid back support group that gets together from time to time. When I say frightening I mean, the Church in Her wisdom asks us each to be the primary educators for our children. While our catechism imparts the wisdom and guidance for doing so for our children but does not call one way “right” or “better”. When we call ourselves Catholic and redefine it at the same time, it is incredibly divisive and yet we are so blind to it.
S - I 100 percent concur with your post. One of the funniest things my mother-in-law ever said to me is that I should homeschool because (I’m paraphrasing) “everybody’s doing it.” Talk about peer orientation run amok!
This is a great article. I didn’t have a name for it, but I see peer orientation in my younger coworkers, 25 - 35 years old. I described as not growing out of the young teen years. They are clickish, gossipy,and act generally immature. I attributed it to not seeing hope in the adult generation. By our nation becoming post-Christian, our young people see only adults who have no hope for life beyond this one. Young people have have lost hope in the divorced, atheist, self-serving, adults in their lives, but it is the only example they have so they emulate it. They have not just turned to peers for stability, but to try comfort themselves they have become self gratifying sexually. This infection started years ago and each generation is becoming more lost. I was a fallen away Catholic during my children’s growing up and I see the damage that my sinful life has caused them. I pray daily for them. What I realize now is that the Catholic Church has the answers to parenting, living, loving, and being a good citizen. So follow the teachings of the Church and you will bring up God-loving, strong Catholic, stable children. God Bless you Jennifer!
I agree with Michael that our school system promotes peer-orientation. And it’s even worse for this generation: now in addition to spending 7-9 hours a day at school, they can spend oodles of time with their peers online. This is why bullying is so dangerous—like a virtual virus, it follows children from school into their homes, their bedrooms, wherever they log on.
Our family educated our children through homeschooling, public school, and cooperatives. Anyone out there wondering about homeschooling—try it! It is beautiful. And anyone homeschooling who plans on sending their kids to school once they begin high school—please think twice. Those high school years are marvelous. Don’t deprive your children and yourself of the mature attachment that can happen if you give it enough time as your teens become adults.
I see this already with my 7 year old. When he begins to look “up” to all the other kids in his class, or to older kids in the neighborhood, without thinking of me, I know it’s time to reign him in. Which I did, and now I get my hugs again, and respect. Moreover, because of this, and the fact that I have four kids altogether, I’m considering homeschooling seriously next fall. Even though they attend a wonderful Catholic school, they compare themselves to others constantly, and can’t seem to feel confident in who they are, at the stage they happen to be in. I resent that the teachers just don’t have the time for my kids, even though I understand that they have 25 or more kids in the class. The school is expensive, and is becoming too much for our budget, so I have to make a decision. My options are to: 1) get a full time job and give my kids even more stuff so that they can fit in with their peers and pay for all those activities and the school (but they never see me) or 2) homeschool them, make THEM my fulltime job and to give them a close family life.
This article has given even more credence to my decision to homeschool. Thanks Jennifer!
I just finished this book a couple of weeks ago - I highly recommend it.
The most striking part was an example Neufeld gave of a (second grade?) teacher who had successfully formed attachments with her students. One day, a student who was slightly mentally handicapped returned from the restroom, proudly announcing that he had been able to go by himself; however, the child did not realize his pants and underpants were still down. The other students immediately looked to their teacher for a reaction. When she smiled and commended the child for his accomplishment, the other students followed her example. Not one student ridiculed the child with his pants down.
I volunteer a couple of hours a week at a childcare center (preschool age kids, mostly), and the wisdom I gained from this book has revolutionized my approach to the children. The days I make an effort to greet and “connect” with the kids, they are much more responsive to my instructions and seem much more peaceful and happy.
peers
This is one of the purposes of government schooling. Make parents, family values and traditions irrelevant, group dynamics are used to mold minds using peer pressure. Bullying is part of it. You will see plenty of classes and lessons teaching kids who never bully to not bully…and then they ride home on a school bus with a big bully who the school will do nothing about…because he has an IEP. The origins of government schooling is animal training, operant conditioning ala BF skinner. Bells, whistles, fragmentation of knowledge, all designed to “teach” that nothing is so important that it can’t be interrupted in 50 minutes. Approval and acceptance by the clique is everything to kids who are stuck in these kidjails all day long. I used to argue this with my sister whose reply was that her kids were in a “good” school district. She told me about a month ago that I was right. A teacher friend has told her that in the next few years the plan is to stop teaching history in the govschools…not that they do much now anyway.
We have 4 kids. I’d like to have more, but we can’t. At first, this saddened me greatly - until I started becoming a “surrogate” mom to the kids in our neighborhood who have empty houses. Everywhere you turn, there are kids longing for family who have no siblings and single mothers out working, or both parents who are working. I think if all of us 30-something-on-ups would ask God each day to work through us and help us make a difference, He will put children in your lives who need adult wisdom and guidance and love. We can work to promote chastity and argue against fornication and divorce, but there are still kids out there who need you NOW! Spend your lives for others now. Save your “retirement” years for heaven!
I completely agree with this article and that peer acceptance has become a need. Look at your own kids for example. Or if you don’t have any, remember what you were like at their age. In the teen years, they are realizing that they are not children anymore and the primary focus is to resolve this “problem”. Because their world views based on experience are still limited, these acceptance issues are monumental in their lives and can even become the entire orientation of their focus. I have a bachelors in Psychology which I am very thankful for. I am by no means an expert. However, what my experience and the observance of others’ experiences has taught me is that the family is the foundational block for most if not all aspects of society. In order to feel a sense of belonging to the family, I believe that children/teens need to know that they are an intrinsic part of the family. This can be accomplished via chores or jobs that the kids know the family depends on them to accomplish. If the family is dependent on all members, parents as well as the children, then it is able to function as a team effort and not the tyrannical requisitions of the parents inflicted on unwilling children. Children need to feel like they belong. They have a need to be needed. There are countless factors which affect the influence of peers and families on kids, however I strongly fervently believe that in order for them to know that they belong to the family, the family must depend on them as a crucial member. When kids see that they are not crucial, they find their sense of worth and belonging in the opinions of their peers.
Michael Baruzzini hit the nail on the head.
And it begins when children as young as six weeks of age have to spend their days in daycare facilities—how can they bond with anyone, much less their families?
My son, 13, just attended an overnight confirmation
Retreat. I homeschool my kids and don’t see the point
In the kids staying overnight. But, I decided to let him stay.
When, I got there, the adult Familes in Christ Jesus host
explained that it was a Youth led retreat, because the kids
Listen to other kids, but they don’t listen to adults. He said these
were good kids leading good kids. It made me cringe. I have a very
bad relationship with the DRE at our church and just want my kids to
be able to receive the sacrament of confirmation without jumping through
to many hoops. My son had a good time. The kids did seem nice. I don’t know
how much he learned about the sacrament. It didn’t seem like he learned much.
I wish it could have been led by young seminarians, brothers or sisters.
I am very disturbed by this trend.
Thank you for your insightful commentary. I work with young people regularly and believe that this phenomenon (‘peer-orientation’) is real, but it is not new as you (and perhaps the authors) suggest.
As a youth, I was one of those young people who did ‘anything to avoid the human feelings of aloneness, suffering, and pain, and to escape feeling hurt, exposed, alarmed, insecure, inadequate, or self-conscious’. I was a very, very bright lad who also grew up with a disability and was constantly teased because of my physical disability and because I earned good marks. I discovered that I was accepted by the buggers by becoming one of them. I tried marijuana and other recreational drugs in sixth forum and became friends with the very lads who bullied me. Sadly, I also bullied others with disabilities simply to be accepted. It is not a nice memory.
In university, I continued to use drug and alcohol to be accepted and eventually went to a NHS clinic for substance abuse which saved my life.
I also found religious faith and a new bunch of lads to hang with that were clean, sober and living fulfilling lives seeking personal holiness in submission to God based on 12-Step principles.
This saved my life and probably my soul as life moved in another direction: university studies in theology, seminary after college, ordination and eventually a secular degree in family therapy.
‘Peer orientation’ has always been prevalent in our societies. It always will be. Youth (and adults) with low self-esteem and who do not feel loved or supported in their home life are more vulnerable to the influences of what we adults would consider ‘hooligans’ who provide a sense of community, ‘fun’ in rebellion and an escape from what might be an internally unhappy existence.
‘Peer orientation’ can, however, be a positive influence as my own discussion of an unhappy time in my life shows.
Organised religion provides a stabilising influence. Those youth who voluntarily practise religious faith with family support and are involved in youth activities with peers who accept and have ‘fun’ are less likely to be swayed by other youth seeking mischief.
Pastor Alan
London SE7 7DF
Wow, what an immensity of knowledge! Most of my kids are grown, still 2 remain. We haven’t taken a family vacation for as long as I can remember. Not that the above discussion is about vacations, but it causes one to see what happened; FAMILY TIME. Well, it was work, work, work! It divided and prevented forming closer ties with our kids. Most of what we worked for are not that important. We are re-priortizing. A big vacation will happen and the kids will receive that “down-time” to be family…not that this will perform miracles, but they will make good memories, hopefully. I grew up in that peer oriented environment: my dad was always climbing to the top, forever climbing….he never received the jackpot, and ended up taking his life: looking back and seeing it was all a waste. My parents marriage suffered, as did the kids. History has a funny way of repeating itself if one is not on the watch. I have to say, this culture makes us live for our egos. None of it will go with us in the end. God bless all of your above input. Very challenging and thought provoking. Just a thought: send the above article to your local school principals…most haven’t a clue.
I agree, this is the best parenting book out there in my opinion!
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