What do you think of the “activities level” of so many families today — running endlessly from activity to game to event?

Your question has been sitting on my desk for months, awaiting an answer. I finally got to it while sitting in the car picking up my son from ball practice early because my daughter’s skating lessons were canceled.

Just kidding. I actually wrote most of it during my youngest son’s soccer game rain delay.

No doubt, families have become more hyper-active in the last few decades. The phenomenon is succinctly captured in those Christmas newsletters sent to family and friends at year’s end. I suspect such updates are needed because folks see so little of one another due to mutual busy-ness.

“Our daughter, Mackenzie — now 11 — just finished her 12th consecutive year of ballet, gymnastics, competitive power lifting and ancient Semitic language scholarship. After her 2008 Olympic tryouts, she’s seeking a junior ambassadorship to NATO. And little Marshall celebrated his sixth birthday last week with surprise visits from the president, the pope and, we think, the ghost of Elvis. I’m trying to stay busy with …”

The activities trend is an example of pursuing the good at the cost of the best. Certainly sports, music, clubs and interests all provide positives for kids and can help build character.

And a few children are truly gifted or deeply passionate about some pursuit. The trap for most of us lies in learning the balance between flurry and family, between pace and peace. Little League ball for 6-year-olds can be fun, but not when it requires two games a week with practices on all off days.

One mother told me that, upon realizing she had over a couple of years been pulled onto an even faster treadmill, she said to her two adolescent sons: “During your bath tonight, decide which two activities you wish to keep. The rest will be discontinued.” It was her way of regaining some control over the scattering of her family. A few weeks later, the boys were no worse for lack of wear. And they were more settled.

Families need open time, lots of it. For it is in the open time that good times spontaneously happen. A giggling conversation. A drive out for ice cream. A cutthroat game of “Go Fish.” Negotiable time is the stuff of closeness.

How do you know you’re pursuing the good but losing some of the best? Ask a few questions.

Do you have a nagging sense that your time is being gobbled up, either in the schedule of events or their juggling? Trust your instincts on this one. Cut back.

Do you seldom eat together as a family, as someone always has someplace else to be?

Do your kids complain routinely about being bored? It’s an irony that the more we strive to fill each minute, the more easily we become bored.

When was the last time you went more than two days without a scheduled activity?

Can you and your spouse regularly attend the kids’ events together, or is each of you often at a different event with a different kid?

By the way, I was just kidding about writing this column while sitting in the car. I wrote it at home, at my desk, while my wife was sitting in the car at soccer practice …

Dr. Ray Guarendi — father of 10, psychologist, author — is busy but interruptible at DrRay.com.