I agree.  Thankfully, we attend a parish that is very open and welcome to young/big or growing families. 

Not only should people look around at Mass, but they should do what many parishioners have done for me and my family, come and say Hi, tell them you’re glad they are there.  Our priest regularly approaches my family and tells us how happy he is that we’ve brought the children to Mass.  And parishioners follow suit in this endeavor.

Thank you for writing this.

This is a joke…. right??? We don’t go to church to be “affirmed and comforted” and we shouldn’t be teaching our children that. To minimize the Mass in this way is terribly sad. As Roman Catholics we go to Church because the bread and wine become the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, and we believe he is truly present there. We worship the our God there. You get this right?

“It’s the kind of experience that makes them think perhaps they should try that other church down the street that their friends go to.” This has got to be a joke… right?

Amen! You are absolutely right about the need to make young families feel more welcome. We attend Mass at the Cathedral parish in our city, and there is no cry room, so a noisy child means going outside or standing in the vestibule in the back. Recently our youngest (4yo) was being, well, four years old, talking a bit more than necessary, despite our attempts to keep her quiet. Just before the consecration, the rotund, unsmiling older woman wearing black (including on her head) sitting in front of us turned around and rudely told our daughter that it was time to be quiet. If my husband and I were not such faithful Catholics, we could have easily decided, “That’s the last time we go to Mass there or anywhere else!” Fortunately, after Mass ended, the woman who was sitting behind us tapped my arm and said, “Your daughter was not bothering us at all. That woman probably never had children!”

Matthew, your comments reflect our experiences as parents of four children. The responsibility of parenthood brought us back to the practice of the Catholic faith, but Mass was tough sometimes. The good news is that children do learn what is expected of them, and then learn why they are there: to show our gratitude as a family to the good God who has blessed our lives. Fortunately, our priests and parishioners were very supportive, giving us smiles, words of encouragement and welcome. Now that our children are grown, I make a point of doing the same to young families with noisy, squirming youngsters. The little ones are baptized Christians too, they BELONG at Mass.

1) We have to make going to Mass easier for young families in every way that we can.

What does that mean?  Since when do we make things “easy” in every way that we can? When did this start? Of course we welcome one and all no matter what age, but let’s not get ridiculous about this. It’s hard work raising children. It just is. But you do the hard things and you make the sacrifices and you just do it.

The part about the kids is great.  I know it’s worse than that w/ our 4 sometimes!  Even harder w/ the traditional Mass.. 

I find that most people are welcoming to the children because they are “grandmas” who are attending Mass alone and enjoy the kids.  Of course this just reaffirms what you said about the demographics (though this is not the case in the TLM).  I found that “children’s liturgy” or daycare is the solution most churches are pushing.  I just don’t see the benefit of putting them in things like that because they need to learn how to behave at Mass.

I think the author is on the right course and it’s not about changing anything about Mass or taking anything away from it, but rather making sure that our attitudes and actions match our words.  If we want people to embrace large families and we want those families to regularly attend Mass than we need to make sure that we’re welcoming of that.

It can be simple things like other commentators have mentioned, like approaching a young family before or after and telling them that their effort are appreciated or allowing a young mother to bring her baby to meetings or other church activities without it be a nuisance.  It’s letting the young couple with two or three young children have the aisle seats in the back.  It’s not passing over the family with the little one behind you who’s been hard to control during the Peace.  It’s helping retrieve a toy, shoe or pacifier for the couple in front of you.  It’s not glaring at the mother who’s trying to quietly exit because the baby just woke up ravenous or the at the father who’s preschool has to go “right now”.

It’s not, necessarily, about making things “easy” - parenting is not easy by a long shot - but I’m sure most of us can do more to be welcoming and encouraging.  I wonder how many more young families would be more comfortable in raising a large family when surrounded by a fully supportive parish.

And, personally, I do attend Mass to be affirmed and comforted as a result of our worship.  It might not be the most important part of the ritual of Communion, but as Christians - affirmation, comfort, help and love are all things that we are called to do.  We’re called to walk our talk.

Pete, I think your criticism about making things “easy” possibly go beyond the scope of what Matthew is addressing.  Providing some crayons and paper and spreading the word that kids are welcome is not exactly a slippery slope to toddler-inspired liturgical dance followed by a fall into the abyss of moral decay.

I think the author is on the right course and it’s not about changing anything about Mass or taking anything away from it, but rather making sure that our attitudes and actions match our words.  If we want people to embrace large families and we want those families to regularly attend Mass than we need to make sure that we’re welcoming of that.  It can be simple things like other commentators have mentioned, like approaching a young family before or after and telling them that their effort are appreciated or allowing a young mother to bring her baby to meetings or other church activities without it be a nuisance.  It’s letting the young couple with two or three young children have the aisle seats in the back.  It’s not passing over the family with the little one behind you who’s been hard to control during the Peace.  It’s helping retrieve a toy, shoe or pacifier for the couple in front of you.  It’s not glaring at the mother who’s trying to quietly exit because the baby just woke up ravenous or the at the father who’s preschool has to go “right now”.  It’s not, necessarily, about making things “easy” - parenting is not easy by a long shot - but I’m sure most of us can do more to be welcoming and encouraging.  I wonder how many more young families would be more comfortable in raising a large family when surrounded by a fully supportive parish.  And, personally, I do attend Mass to be affirmed and comforted as a result of our worship.  It might not be the most important part of the ritual of Communion, but as Christians - affirmation, comfort, help and love are all things that we are called to do.  We’re called to walk our talk.

Before Spanish Masses at our parish, we have to endure the following nonsense at the opening announcements: Favor de controlar a sus hijos y evitanos llamerless la atencion. Siempre esta disponible el salon infantil.

Which translates:

Please control your children so that we don’t have to bring attention to you. The cry room is always available.

A more mean-spirited beginning could not possibly be imagined.

Pete, making things “easy” for young families could be as simple as not giving them dirty looks when their kids make a noise.

Chris, that is awful and sad.

Easy solution.

Use the cry room. It is a glass room on the side chapel of a church. I grew up in a very large family and crying kids has never been a problem.

ONLY here in America do people like yourself make it a big deal. It’s not a big deal. I understand that pious parishioners get upset, but this is just a reality that everyone has to deal with.

If you dont have a cry room, then step out during Holy Mass. Easy.

We have a 3, 6, & 8 year old & have just gotten brave enough in the last year or so to transition from the “crying room” to the main church. It helps to have a big bag filled with religious kids books & coloring books (& even snacks) we got the MagnifiKids weekly mass booklets that helps my older girl follow along. I have heard from friends that sitting in the very front row helps the kids to pay much better attention! I try to ignore the crabby looks….the majority are supportive at our church it seems. A little bribery helps for good behavior…“If your naughty at mass, then no donut after mass!”

I agree with the bribery part ^^ My grandmother used to bribe us with sweets after Holy Mass. I remember my sister and I kept tugging at her Mantilla veil but we never really cried during Mass. It is so dissapointing to read this kind of article. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill, really.

I think this is the kind of church Mr. Warner is referring to when he says that Catholic parents might tempted to try the church down the block where their friends go.

http://www.farhills.org/events

I call this kind of church a “full service church.” It takes a lot of resources. Previously Catholic families choosing such a community results from the increasing belief that salvation can be found in many different belief systems besides Catholicism. I think that’s the crux of the problem.

If we are going to be a pro-life Church, we need to be affirming to all members present.  That doesn’t mean we need to join hands and sing kumbayah. That means that when my husband and I enter the pew with our two little ones, a smile is better than giving us the death stare or sighing as you scoot down.  Keep bringing your children to Mass, young families!  Model the expected behavior, follow through with discipline (even if it’s humiliating!), and thank yourself later for being a firm, loving parent.  A good friend and mother of four gave me some excellent advice that any young parent needs to hear. Here’s the link to my blog post on the same topic if you’re interested:  http://hallelujahismysong.blogspot.com/2012/01/taking-good-advice.html

When I was a kid in the 1960’s our parish church had a “crying room”  It had a big picture window so people could watch the mass and a loudspeaker so they could hear what was going on.

I kind of wonder now if people thought they were being banished or something.

I do recall that our priest in those days was a bit of a grump.

FWIW, we always sat with our kids in the front row where they could see what was going on and pay attention.  That always worked for us as opposed to the “back row strategy” of sitting in the back where your kids will not bother anybody.

I am in the military so we move around a lot and have seen a wide variety of parishes and attitudes over the last 15 years.  The priest for the chapel on base where we live now is awesome.  He routinely interrupts the mass to tell the anxious parent trying to quiet their noisy child to ‘let them go, let them yell, its fine’ and then he goes on with the Mass.  Even better is when they try to hustle the child out and he tells them to sit back down and stay please.  I’m happy to be here in this parish for a couple years.

And the elephant in the room is….

Priests had sex with 10,000+ children in the US alone, and priests and bishops hid them.  I hate to be the only honest one, but that’s the reason young families don’t go to church.

I remember when my three were little and yes it’s a challenge to bring young children to mass but in the end, it’s worth it. I agree with Mr. Warner,why not give a little guidance at the beginning of mass and a welcoming smile to young families with crying babies? By doing so everyone knows the expectation.
Perhaps having a “section” for young families so that they feel less anxious around those who, for that 1 hour, maybe experiencing the same challenge. We were often surrounded by other young families at mass which was really nice and less stressful because at some point most of us were gently bouncing a noisey bundle in our arms.

Mr. Floury, just for the record, evil can be found in families, schools, summer camps, daycare centers parks and playgrounds all the more reason to pray and be involved as a parent.

Parents of young children, your babies and babblers have as much right to be at Mass as anyone else! Their “noise” is much more beautiful than a lot of the music we are subjected to. In a college town twenty-some years ago, we had an Irish pastor who had an announcement made before Mass like the Spanish one Chris mentions above. He wanted parents to control their children, but he could not control his own liturgical abuse and heresy. But I think that era is over.

Doug, when you say “I hate to be the only honest one”, and then follow up with a blatant bigoted lie, you look very dishonest.

The Parish closest to us has a glass “cry room” in the back of the church where you can listen through a speaker.  We sat in there for 5 minutes one time but it felt like we weren’t even in church.  Anyone who uses such rooms probably has a very unpleasant experience, which only drives them away from attending in the future.

I know that when I was younger I did not like attending church alone.  After I moved out of my house it was more difficult to attend and sit alone than it was when someone from my family was also attending.  I think this adds to the problem as teenagers surround themselves with people who are of other faith backgrounds or live secular/pagan lives.

Our parish has seen young families leaving not only the mass but our Catholic community.  They are more welcomed and feel more at “home” at the church down the street where there is a “rock concert - cotton candy” atmosphere.  We can’t help our young families understand the beauty and gifts of our mass/Eucharist if they are not sitting next to us. I always have a pocket full of prayer cards & plastic rosaries that I give to our beautiful little Catholics at the end of mass thanking them for “celebrating with me and tell them how happy Jesus is that you visited Him today at mass”.  I am met with sighs of relief from most parents and believe me they do feel welcomed.  My heart sings when I see them back week after week.

Our parish has seen young families leaving not only the mass but our Catholic community.  They are more welcomed and feel more at home at the church down the street where there is a “rock concert - cotton candy” atmosphere.  We can’t help our young families understand the beauty and gifts of our mass/Eucharist if they are not sitting next to us. I always have a pocket full of prayer cards & plastic rosaries that I give to our beautiful little Catholics at the end of mass thanking them for “celebrating with me and tell them how happy Jesus is that you visited Him today at mass”.  I am met with sighs of relief from most parents and believe me they do feel welcomed.  My heart sings when I see them back week after week.

What are you people doing writing comments here, you should be at Mass with your kids, with other peoples kids, enduring, respectfully and tolerant. (I am aware of the irony don’t fry me.)

Thank you for this. I am so grateful that my parish has two cry rooms (though it can be a real zoo in there), a nursery, and a tv in the narthex so that if you’re standing out there you can still hear and see everything.

Unfortunately, not everyone has that. My poor, devout sister in law attends a church that does not have a cry room. The narthex (which is basically just a tiny hallway) is closed off by heavy wooden doors, so if she has to step out there she can’t see or hear anything. She often has to take her 18 month old to Mass by herself, as her husband is working two jobs to support the family. She’s gotten nasty looks and stares, even had people get up and move - right as soon as she arrives and sits in the pew! People don’t even give her child a chance to act out, they react negatively just to his very presence. She’s due with her second in a couple of months, and I can’t imagine how much more stressful it’s about to get for her.

Thankfully my sister in law is grounded in her faith and won’t be checking out the local protestant churches even if they would be far more welcoming to her and her son. However, those that pretend this is not a problem are doing a serious disservice to those Catholics who may be on more shaky ground at the moment. Those people are just as deserving of our kindness and charity. They aren’t perfect, they may not even be very “good Catholics” at the moment - we should be HELPING them on the path to holiness, not throwing every possible obstacle into their path. I’m not talking about letting children run wild up and down the aisles. Some simple understanding and a few smiles would probably go far.

Also, I believe this has been mentioned, but considering how much emphasis the Church puts on openness to life and all that may entail for any given couple, it really is only logical that as a community we should be welcoming to the fruits of that openness to life. As I said, thankfully I attend a wonderful parish that absolutely is. However, not everyone does, and it IS a problem and it DOES need to be talked about.

On one hand, Pete is right.  The Mass is not about us, it’s about the Eucharist.  No matter what you may be feeling the Eucharist is what it is.  Which is why we go.  However, it is natural to feel uncomfortable when your child(ren) are being loud during Mass.  Are we imagining the dirty looks we’re getting when the kid(s) are crying/talking/whatever?  Probably to an extent.  So how can we make young families feel like they aren’t ruining Mass for everyone else (which is really the issue IMHO)?  Talk to them, compliment the kid(s) when they behave well, sympathize when they don’t, be aware of your facial expressions - looks of sympathy are easy to mistake for looks of scorn when your 2 yo is randomly talking during the Eucharistic prayer, and tell them how glad you are that the kid(s) are there.

First off, Doug, it figures someone will bring that into the conversation.

Our parish is in a military community.  My husband is active duty Army.  When the deployments started, our priest told the moms who were not “single moms” that it’s okay if the kid makes noise.  He understood that it was a huge accomplishment just to get there that day.  He got it.  The children are welcome at our parish.  It makes things so much easier knowing that he feels that way.

Doug Florey, I have to agree with you but only for those parents who are luke-warm about their Catholic faith & are looking for an excuse to leave the Church.

Most people don’t join a Parish for Mass.  Mass is one item on the menu.  Unfortunately, too many parishes have little to offer other than a school and Mass. 
What is missing are social and community activities to build bonds between families and people.  Centuries ago the Church occupied the center of social life within a community.  The sole thrust of Matthew’s article was that Mass = Church and vice versa.  This narrow view of what Church is or rather should be is the REASON people, young and old no longer participate in the Catholic Church.

Pete is right that it is hard raising children but you do it and make the sacrifices.  For us with our 5 children, we found that 7:30am mass sitting in the front row to be the best strategy, and we’ve done it for years. They have always been too tired to act up and seeing what is going on helps them to stay focused on the mass.  Now that most of them are teenagers, I still see this.  We are still at 7:30 mass in the front.

The comments here are ridiculous. What part of Jesus saying let the children come to me is so hard to understand? Us crazy, loud families? We are the future (and present) of the Church. Instead of being cranky, annoyed, and dismissive, offer your “pains” up to Christ and move on about your day. I work very hard to teach my kids how to behave properly during Mass. They aren’t going to learn this overnight. As with most worthwhile endevors, it takes awhile and can be loud and ugly at times. Rather than bemoan the spectacle, be happy that these young families love our Lord enough to put themselves on display eveyr Sunday.

Love thy neighbor.

This is a no brainer…Do the split shifts.  Bring the kids when they are older 5 or so.  They can understand more, see it as special to be with Mom or Dad - and the ones at home can be taught that when they are able to behave, they can go to.  I have 4 children and 4 grandchildren and come from a family of 5 children.  Children do not disturb me at Mass - but my own did when they cried…Is this really that hard?  My Mom (91) never spoke about this.
The Mass is the source and summit of all it is to be a Catholic.

Please don’t belittle the necessity of feeling welcome in a parish.  If you think someone should just “get over” feeling welcome and focus on the sacrament and never feel tempted to look elsewhere for acceptance, you’re missing the entire point of the Christian religion and the Catholic faith.  Matthew knows good and well what Mass is about.  But this is about what being Christ-like is about.  If you have all the outward devotion to the Sacrament in the world, but don’t reach out to others, it’s like you’re not reaching out to Christ—no matter how fervently you kneel.  If you’re giving horrible looks to parents with crying babies, then the Sacrament of the Altar, as judged by your fruits, in my opinion, is profiting you nothing.

I moved and am just settling into a new parish.  I see as I leave that they do have a ‘crying room’, something I really had not seen.  My old parish had a corner at the entrance but since there was only a 3/4 wall between it and the nave, it was of little value.  For the past month, a notice in the bulletin says, ‘Calling all grandmas and grandpas’, the congregaton is asking for the ‘nursery’ to be reinstated.

Haveing been in Protestant churches for 26 years, the nursery is a good solution for children of preschool age.  We used to have one for infants and another for 2-3 year olds.  It takes volunteers, but with so many choices of Masses, teens and grandparents make wonderful caretakers. 

Once the children get to be nursery school age, they should be brought to Mass.  That is where the mainline churches make their mistake.  They have a little childrens’ service and send the kids off to Sunday School rarely having them ‘upstairs’.  One of my favorite ministers lamented during his Sunday service that so many protestant churchs had a culture of children are to be seen for a little while, heard for one song and then banished.  He put some of the blame for his own children not practicing their faith as adults on this method of annoyance avoidance.  I believe he was correct.

Although she went off the deep end after a miraculous conversion, Ann Rice wrote something in her conversion story that still brings tears to my eyes and brought joy to the eyes of the associate pastor at the Congregational church I attended with my husband.  It is a line we can all plagerize because it is true and beautiful.  Perhaps if we spoke to our children this way, many of us would not have wandered off and will not wander off so blithely.  It even goes a long way to making up for never hearing a homily on the Real Presence.

Apparently, Ms. Rice, her sister and mother went to daily Mass.  Every morning their mother would wake them and say:

‘HURRY, HE’S WAITING FOR YOU ON THE ALTAR!’  Hurry, He is waiting for YOU…I sobbed when I read the line; even as I remember it hear I tear up.  If only my mother had said that to me.

Intuitively, I knew it which is why I asked to be driven to Mass though my parents did not.  What I didn’t know was how to express it, and after years of hearing the Church de-edified for one reason or another, the negative overcame the positive…for 35 years.

The other thing is, the dirty looks must stop.  I see so many of them.  There are times I get annoyed, particularly when the child is older, 6 and up and mom and dad don’t do anything.  But I try never to show my annoyance.  And when a baby cries or a little one runs I turn and smile at the parents.  At my old parish, one of the Msgrs. would stop his homily and laugh when a child yelled out, sometimes in shear joy at his/her own voice and he would make a joke to put the parents at ease.  If it was a boy, he would say, “that one wants to be a priest!”

I am horrified by stories of dirty looks, priests who berate families for being late or not being able to corral a child.  Sure they go elsewhere…there are real facilities for thos people and many of the churches ahve the undercroft Sunday school while worship goes on upstairs.  Even those who don’t have nurseries which I think are the best solution.

We just had a renovation in our Church and while they added seats to the sanctuary, they actually made the cry room *smaller*. If all the families went in there. I guess the folk on the outside would be happy, but adults and children would be piled up on top of each other like logs, and there still wouldn’t be enough room. There’s room for 1500 in the sanctuary and perhaps 30 or so in the cry room. Families with small children just don’t seem to be as high a priority at our parish as they should.

Oh yes, and just to make the mean-spirit clear, the full announcement is: “Recuerden que estamos en un lugar sagrado. Favor de controlar a sus hijos y evitanos llamerles la atencion. Siempre esta disponible el salon infantil.”

Which is: “Remember that we are in a sacred place. Please control your children so that we don’t have to bring attention to you. The cry room is always available.”

As if the sacred were one thing and children another.

I think Mark (comment above) has the right idea.  No matter the true intention and meaning of the Mass we are called to “walk our talk”.  And it’s not about making parenting or bring children to Mass “easier”, there’s nothing easy about parenting.  But we can be welcoming.  We CAN change our attitudes about young children.  Instead of focusing on the distraction that a crying baby can be as his mother or father takes him from the room, we CAN focus on what a blessing that child AND that cry is - it means a child has been conceived and born; it means that this moment that child is health and can communicate it’s hunger or exhaustion - There are hundreds of children in NICU’s and PICU’s across the country whose parents would love to hear cry and thrash around like a normal child.  Being welcoming as a parish is not about making things easier or degrading the sanctity of the Mass, it’s about living a Christian life.  So we should all be striving to live the way God wants us to and we can do that by thanking the young parents with young children for coming, by letting them take the aisle seats, by picking up toys, shoes or pacifiers without glaring.  If we’re going to pro-claim our pro-life virtues we need to welcome those lives even if they’re cranky, squirming or crying because the most important part is that they’re here.

It sounds like Mr. Warner has been spending most of his time at N.O. masses. No disrespect to a valid mass, but the crowd represented there doesn’t tell the whole story. Want to know where the young adults are? Visit a traditional or Latin mass parish. It will be an eye-opening experience. I’ve been to several in different cities. The average age skews decades younger than N.O. parishes, where it’s rare to see anyone under 30. Our parish has many young families with infants. This is the homeschooled crowd who still has passion for the faith, probably never left the church and went to conservative Catholic universities. Our parish may be a remnant, but we’re strong, faithful and ready to martyr ourselves for the Lord. We don’t need psychosocial counseling in order to attend mass, and we don’t find it inordinately stressful. We just go to mass on Sunday, and confession too. That’s all.

Some of the comments here are exactly why people leave Catholic church and other churches. If church is ONLY for the well behaved, it will become quite empty, except for the hypocrites! 

What about parents/ families of children with a disability?  Are they shunned? 

Serious question.

Parents are experts at ignoring their children’s squawking.  They can block out the commotion and participate very devoutly.  What causes parents’ angst during Holy Mass when their children make a noise, is the fear of offending the Priest or other parishioners.  Can’t the Priest and parishioners learn to concentrate on the Mass in the midst of less than perfect circumstances?
I tried the cry room.  I didn’t feel as if I were at Mass.  It felt more like watching on TV and listening on the radio.  Banished is another good word.  I like to see young families up front.  I like children’s Mass books for those who are old enough to follow.  I think cheerios are fine!  Let the little ones color.  If one squawks at a very sacred moment, what a wonderful opportunity to practice the virtues that saints are made of.

Coming in as a convert whose children are older (and used to attend services in the Episcopal/Anglican service because they didn’t like children’s church), I am saddened by those who are harsh in their reaction to this very important post. But then again, I’m frequently saddened by the lack of charity in the Church, but I’m in and I’m not leaving. I’m glad that I learned so much as a protestant about life as a Christian that I’m not deterred when I see and hear and experience things that I know have absolutely nothing to do with God nor the reason that I came into the Church in the first place.
Thank you, Matthew, for recognizing and caring.

I attend a Cathedral, with no cry room, with marble floors and walls and no padding on the seats. In short, it’s an auditorium in there (under the patronage of St. Cecilia, of course). Everyone can hear every sound, and I had two kids under 2 years old when I converted, so going to Mass was terrifying. I got a few dirty looks (People who I learned later were mentally disabled), but I got a TON of positive comments from other parishioners, young and old. I was told to hang in there, we love having children, nobody notices their wiggles and noises as much as the parents, and that all of them remember when their kids did exactly the same thing. Mass is not just for adults and God understands the nature of children. Don’t let that discourage you from doing what’s right and don’t let the temptation of the cry room (or especially daycare) do you in. Kids should be there, kids of every temperament, and they should every single sunday because before long they’ll start observing what everyone else (and mom and dad) are doing and start to do it little by little. My noisy, sometimes obnoxious 2 and 4 year old recently started genuflecting, and participating here and there at Mass. It’s a joy to see them finally start to get it just by observing what is right around them. We started traditions like lighting candles together and going to the Christ the King statue to pray together after communion, then to the water fountain and then to our seats. They look forward to that, and other things like the procession of the big beautiful cross and candles and taking money up to the basket for the children’s offering. In between these things they wiggle, but it gets better. I promise it will get better, and you ALL will be better for persevering. Remember, trial by fire. Your kids will learn so much from your patience.

Look, I have no problem with an occasional squawk, a squeak, or a coo from a baby or todler during Mass. That’s what babies and toddlers do. Even a brief cry is fine. But when there is a full-on, full-blown, FULL-VOLUME screeching, shreiking, wailing, or caterwauling that goes on . . . and on . . . and on for 30 seconds, 45 seconds, a minute, a minute-and-a-half, in other words, when baby is pitching a fit that could scare a bull out of a corral, then that edges over from a slight disturbance to a DISRUPTION to everyone else around that baby. And, yes, a considerate parent will at that point pick the little one up and take him or her out into the vestibule or cry room or auditorium and comfort him or her until the baby is composed again. And then return to Mass.

Again, not for just a squeak. Not for just a peep or two. But for the full-on 60 decibel full-fury fit, the only civilized thing to do is to take baby into another part of the building, calm baby, and then return.

And to parents who refuse to do so, I can only wonder, why is it so impossible to have a modicum of consideration for those around you?

This topic comes up fairly often on Faith and Family magazine website and there are often great comments from more experienced moms on how to help other families with unruly children.    Some of the over the top disruption in Mass is due to a lack of discipline at home.  Some of it is just normal kid behavior and is to be expected.  And many parents could do more to prepare their children to behave better at Mass.  Many churches could do more to welcome families.  Ours has a nursery for children up to age 3.  Then there is is religious education for the 3 and 4 year olds, only it is 3 times a month so that the children will at least get used to attending Mass on a monthly basis.  All volunteer run.  Our churches could do a lot more to help young families outside of the Mass experience.  We have nothing in our church that is specific to young families and many of them are “outside” the social church circle until the children get old enough to go to the parish school.  I have 5 children and the oldest is 10, and yes, I do find myself trying to get to the “quiet” Mass when I can (5:00 on Saturday night).  I would also be happy to help some young family out if there was a vehicle for that in our parish.    I guess we are only limited by our own lack of charity.

Actually, I reserve my crusty looks for the septuagenarians and octogenarians who insist on visiting using their “outside voices”, while in the pews, before and after Mass, while others around them are obviously tying to have quiet prayer time. But the real kicker is when members of this same age group visit with each other WHILE IN LINE FOR COMMUNION!!! My Grandmother would be appalled, and so am I.

First, before the changes of VAtican II, my parents took me and my 9 siblings to mass.  We learned how to behave because that is what was expected of us.
Skipping mass because I couldn’t control my children would have been an egregious parenting error. What kind of example would that have been?!?!
In the 1980’s, I took my six children to mass from infancy on.  We sat in the front pew, on the side aisle. They could see the priest that way.
I DID NOT FEED THEM OR BRING TOYS. The baby got a bottle as needed.
I did have a variety of children’s prayer books or books about Jesus, Mary and other saints. 
They each had a rosary. 
I almost always had at least one child in my arms. 
I did not allow them to talk.  We whispered quietly in each other’s ears when absolutely necessary.  I did take them out to the vestibule if it got too difficult.
I do the same with my grandchildren right now.
My children and grandchildren are better behaved in church than our pastor and many adults.

I have four children.  As soon as I recovered from the c-sections, we were back at Mass, in the middle of everything. My husband and I worked it out so that if one of the children was getting loud, one of us simply walked to the back of the church and calmed the antsy one.  It didn’t take too long to settle them down, especially when they understood that church was a place to listen and not talk - it was the priest’s turn to talk then!  So my children have attended Mass since they were a week or two old, and are involved in parish life by singing in the youth choir and serving Mass.  I, like Therese, was raised by a church-going family and now I hope my teenagers will continue to be fully involved Catholics once they go to college and beyond.  Now here’s the confession:  I left the church after college and wandered around a bit.  I had returned to attending Mass before my husband (a Presbyterian) and I married but I did ask him if he wanted the wedding to be in a university interfaith chapel instead of my family’s parish.  He didn’t see any reason to do that, so we married in the church where I was raised.  I’m very fortunate to have a husband who supports practicing the faith.

The mass will be attractive when our good priests start delivering homolies that are current and real. When was the last time you heard a homily on the subject of contraception in detail. The social justice commentary is just not meaningful.

As a former young parent, here is my advice to young parents.  First, your kids sound louder to you than they do to the rest of us, so don’t worry so much.  Unless they’re shrieking or throwing a fit, you’re probably OK staying in the pews.  Second, if your kids are baptized, they are part of the Body of Christ and need to be in the Mass.  They can’t learn to behave in the Mass if they’re not in the Mass.  Third, I agree with the front row/aisle seat theory.  The better they can see, the better they can focus and learn to participate.  And for those who complain about it, I’ve seen how marginalized and unwelcome these young parents feel when people complain about children making noise during Mass, so knock it off.  They’ve got as much of a right and need to be in the Mass as you do.  Again, how can kids learn to behave in the Mass if they’re not in the Mass?  Finally, you can probably guess that I disagree with the use of nurseries, cry rooms, or going to separate Masses in order to keep the young kids away.  “Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

I sat behind a wonderful 4-year-old boy at Mass this morning.  He has been coming to Mass with his Dad since he was a baby.  He knows how to behave.  Once in a while I’ve seen this Dad take the little guy out for a few moments, but mostly the child sits and reads his Bible stories book or plays quietly with a toy car or sits in Dad’s lap.

That’s the Catholic Church.  Children growing up right in front of Jesus, not shuttled off to a nursery.

We all need to remember to smile at parents and children and encourage them.  Make an effort to show them you appreciate their hard work at raising the people who will run your world when you are old :).

Our church is FULL of young families, and it is wonderful. The parents can go to the cry room, which to me is a bad move; no way they learn to be quiet in there. Or they can go to the vestibule, that has a speaker, calm the kids down and come back.  The latter seems the best way, as the kids LEARN to be quiet.

We love little kids at Mass, and their little noises, to me, enhance the beauty and Majesty… they are the future of our Church. <3

Secularism is invading our families! I suggest we get rid of our televisions, computers, radios, colleges, and anything that would suggest that there is any other reality besides what we believe. Education is the enemy. Any one who questions their priest or church authority should be excommunicated so they won’t contaminate others with reason.

Since Catholics are getting involved in healthcare, lets get lobotomies back for anyone who thinks outside the box!

For Laura:

Um, Catholics invented the University and free schools for the poor (“education is the enemy”) and the hospital (“since Catholics are getting involved in health care”).  Catholic social service agencies serve millions of Americans - they are the largest social service agency in many states. Education, indeed…  perhaps a reading of history and some attention to how the needs of the poor are met is in order?

For Judy: “We love little kids at Mass, and their little noises, to me, enhance the beauty and Majesty… they are the future of our Church. <3”  Nicely said!
For Laura:  Please tell me that was sarcasm.  Then please tell what point you intended, because I didn’t get it at all.  Otherwise, it sounds like you’re just trolling.

We’ve actually avoided the cry spaces in the churches we’ve attend. Our current parish, the cry room (the small adoration/small Mass chapel) have the padded pews so it is actually more elderly people than families. Or, the cry room is full of out of control kids—something we don’t want our kids to pick up as okay.

We attended the parish we were married in for awhile with our first daughter. We were having some trouble getting through Mass with her and took the advice to sit in the front row. She was getting a bit loud, so I took her into the cry room. She got louder and I couldn’t calm her down. It was the homily, so I was trying to get to the preparation of the gifts, so I could go to the front row, get our jackets (note for future reference—never leave a pew without their jackets) and go outside completely.

Before that could happen, a man came in, yelled at me for my daughter crying and told me I was “ruining Mass for everyone else”. I asked him to please go get our jackets, that I was already embarrassed enough and wanted to get her out too. He threw his jacket at me.

We tried going to the parish for the next couple of months, but the anxiety before Mass and anytime she squeaked was unbearable. We left and never came back.

For us, we’re strong enough to our faith to seek out another parish and make a new home.

We don’t need parishes to make it *easy* per se, just easier. Just a little, small affirmation. Just a little. When the girls are a bit difficult one Sunday, I’m always worried about how the folks in the pew behind us are taking it. Are they upset that they’re being a distraction? Are they thinking I need to get my kids in check? Those Sundays, when those same people tell me that the girls are beautiful during the sign of peace is enough to actually bring me peace.

Lastly, I disagree with always doing split-shifts (sometimes sure). My oldest is 2 and a half. She sings the alleluia, she tries to say the Our Father with us. Going up with dad while I take communion is a highlight of her week. She has started going to her younger sister, putting her hand on her sister’s head and saying “Amen!”. We have a little “Mass kit” for her—crayons & Catholic coloring pages—for the homily, but she’s participating now.

I agree: we should not belittle the need to feel welcome in a parish.  It is enough that we have a generation of bishops who have abandoned the notion of parish as community in favor of “I am Liege Lord of my Diocese, and I will close whatever parishes I want.”  The Christian community should be just that: a community that is welcoming.

Children are brought up differently these days. They are made to believe that they are the centre of the universe. Every hidden fantasy the parents have of a happy childhood has to materialise for their children. No wonder the kids cannot focus. This subjectivism has crept into catholic upbringing as well. As it seems so “child-centred” it seems to be good. The opposite is the case. Right or wrong are no longer orientation points but rather feeling good or bad. This is how our kids grow up. If it feels good it is good. If it feels bad ,or heaven forbid, even boring, it is bad.

Thank you for this post!  We are a young family with kids ranging in age from 5 to 4 months.  We firmly believe that we attend Mass AS A FAMILY because it is good and right to do so.  As my DH has stated, “We want our kids to act like they’ve been here before.”  Meaning: how do you teach them how to behave if they don’t go to Mass?  All our kids start coming to Mass from the day they’re out of the hospital.
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The “cry room” is a difficult one: our parish is a very old Cathedral - they didn’t have “cry rooms” back then.  And simply “going outside” is not an option when one lives in an area with harsh winters (you can’t stand out there when it’s -20!).
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Snacks? We figured out that giving our kids snacks and drinks in the car on the way to church would stave off their need for such during Mass.  By the time they’re school-aged, it’s no longer necessary.
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My opinion: people who are annoyed, bothered, or otherwise irritated at the prospect of young children at Mass should try looking at it as an opportunity for practicing true Christian Charity (love) rather than sneering at the young families who are present.  And while the desire to participate in the “source and summit” of our faith should motivate us to attend Mass, nobody wants to stay where they aren’t welcome.  My goodness, it’s not that complicated: just be kind to those around you!

My parish has lots of young, traditional families. One Mass each Sunday is called the children’s Mass, with music and homily geared to young children (although it is made clear that children are welcome at all Masses). I attend the Latin Mass (Novus Ordo), and it is striking how many young families attend. Most of the kids are very well behaved, and the few that are not (the younger ones) are usually in the back pews so that their parents can exit with them if necessary. As an aside, I am the oldest of five children, and it never would have occurred to any of us kids to misbehave at Mass!

Every parish is different. My experience with littles when I was a new mom than it is now. Everyone’s situation is different and here is no right answer. The only wrong answer I heard was by the person who stated that priest molesting youngsters is why they don’t attend. Ridiculous, and most catholics understand that outside liberal media, we know that most priests don’t abuse, so that non answer isn’t even valid. i heard a catholic theologian talking last week regarding the family. She believe, and I concur, that taking care of the family would negate the need for every other ministry in the church…social concerns, pro-life, education. I agree with her…wouldn’t it be great if, when the whole world isn’t smiling at us, if we knew that we could go to church. Smile lovingly at the old people talking to loudly to children, who were expected to make too much noise…and potlucks were organized by people for families down on their luck. We need to fight about how we behave in mass then the Catholic Church really doesn’t stand for anything anymore.

I agree w/ all those who are happy to see and be among the children. I thank God my parents took me to Mass when I was growing up, and that was before “cry rooms.” I’ve come to love the rustle noises and praise Jesus for the little ones.

Chris, I think you have the sanctuary (where the artar is) confused w/ the nave (where the pews are). And Alexis, the Novus Ordo is literally the “New Mass” {Ordinary Form); and, the (Traditional) Latin Mass is “Extraordinary Form.”

I think young families are terrific and should be welcomed at all churches. I think that when babies or toddlers engage in a prolonged meltdown at 120 decibels of volume, and the parents sit there and subject the entire congregation to noise level that could strip the paper off the walls, that they are abusing that welcome. Pick caterwauling baby up, exit the sanctuary, soothe baby until he or she calms down, return to pew.

Really. Is that so hard?

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It strikes me that this post by Matthew was “how do we welcome at mass families who are returning to the Faith”  but so many comments are 1. “let’s not coddle”, 2. “This is how WE did it and we never had issues” or 3. “Parents should (fill in the blank)”.

No. The question is: what can we do to welcome these families back with open arms like the father of the prodigal son, feasting and rejoicing? For that is what our Father does when a wayward son returns, and so we ought to be Christ’s hands and feet in the world expressing that love.

I agree with posters who said that an encouraging word can go a long way. My husband and I have two small children and mass is challenging at times. The encouraging comments of fellow parishioners telling us how happy they are that we are there and how good for our tiny children it is to bring them whether they understand it now or not has meant the world to me. I think we should all be doing our best to welcome families. When you see someone have a rough time with them, encourage them! Commiserate! Remind them of how important and wonderful it is for them to be there, whether they feel like it at that moment or not! Let’s build one another up as the body of Christ.

Thank you Matthew for this good reminder. My heart aches for all the people my age who have missed out on the faith for the past 10 years and are trying to awkwardly make their way back. It’s not easy, and Protestant churches can be much more welcoming at time.

Many years ago after a hiatus away from the Church, my husband and I decided that we wanted to take our young family to Mass.  It was a new church to us, so we weren’t familiar with their protocol.  My little two year old daughter asked aloud, “Is Jesus here now?”  Immediately the presiding priest shot us a look and an usher promptly came over to our pew, and non-verbally motioned to us to leave.  “Excuse me?” I asked, not understanding (or incredulous of) the gesture, to which he replied, “Take the baby out”.  I was embarassed, hurt and angry and called the priest on Monday.  He told me that children do not belong at the Liturgy to which I reminded him that Jesus welcomed little children at His feet.  He told me that I had the wrong message!  I told him that I would be contacting his bishop and he arrogantly replied, “You go right ahead and do that!”

We looked for a new church and were welcomed, kids and all by parishoners and priest alike.  The priest said that children are always welcome here and that their sounds praise God!  This church was a good triple the distance of the other, but worth the drive.  My kids did not act out and our feeling of welcome put us at ease.  There was no crying room.

Crying, fidgety kids are present where I now attend, but they are just being kids. I love sharing this sacred space with God’s sweetest creation!  Shake their hands at the sign of peace!  At one Mass, I was standing next to a little girl whose mother placed the child’s hand in mine for the Lord’s Prayer.  As we held hands and prayed, her little face beamed up at me, her brilliant eyes shining.  This filled me with joy in the midst of a bout of grief I was experiencing, as my own daughter passed to Heaven 17 months ago. 

God is good, folks. All we have to do is look around and it isn’t hard to see Him in the “least” of us.

I love the fact that our priest will occasionally mention that kids (especially special needs kids) are welcome in our parish.  When our son has his bad days, there’s no judgement from him or the rest of the congregation.  Though it’s a farther drive to get to church, we absolutely love it and feel so welcomed here!  Thank God for the good priests!

Actually, my parish has taken a practical lesson that some Evangelical churches use.  Youngsters below a certain age are dismissed after the opening of the Mass and a parish team conducts training and teaching on the Sunday gospel and readings.  They all return following the homily in time for the Offertory>Consecration>Eucharist.

The holy Catholic Church is a pro-life Church…....‘nuff said!

@ Jeanne Lupien. Your experience was so bizarre I don’t think Charles Dickens could have invented it. Pregnant moms, babies, and little children at Mass give me joy because they are the future of the Church and because they are a great big YES to life!

My second grade teacher at Sacred Heart School, in Warner Robins GA.(in 1956-7, Mrs. Wyronowitz) taught us well. One thing she emphasized was to always bow your head at the name of Jesus.  If children, even little ones, are taught to listen for that holy name and bow their heads, it gives them something they CAN accomplish and be reinforced for doing better and better!  They should always be given the chance to see what’s going on at Mass, especially during the Eucharist, and be told to watch for Jesus, and strike their breast during the ringing of the bells, and to hold their hands together or cross their arms as they walk up to be blessed at Communion. As they became a bit older my children would learn to follow along in the Missal and learn to read or look for a few words and even read music, a little bit. I would also show them the beautiful gift of light and special colored light streaming through the stained glass windows, shining on the crucifix. All these things would help hold their attention and teach them why we were there. They felt important to be included in something so vital to me. Now older children in our church can help replace the hymnals and missals in their racks properly after Mass and return the liturgy sheets to the vestibule.  A possible tangible reward for doing these thing well?  Lighting a prayer candle! Seek out and get to know other families with children of the same age so they can run outside a bit after Mass while the grownups chat with the priest or each other. I also take extra prayer cards to Mass to give away to children I see being helpful to their younger siblings, always complimenting them for doing so well. I love to see the babies, now that mine are grown and my grandchildren live a distance away. I always try to imagine Jesus as a baby or young child, at the age of those children near me in church. They are all such a precious gift, and they grow so very quickly.

We raised 3 children going to Catholic Mass. Did the kids fuss and cry and do all manner of noisy things? Yes! Did we encounter grumpy people who didn’t “affirm” us? Of course! But we just kept on keeping on, sometimes sweating through Mass, walking in and out with children of various ages, sitting through boring homilies, sometimes bad music. This is life! Don’t expect Church to be all warm and fuzzy all the time. Don’t expect to be “affirmed” wherever you go. This is the big lie that causes people to “shop” around for a warm comfy Church experience. What can the Church give to me, what can the Church provide for me.

Church is full of complainers, whiners, happy people, grumpy people, in other words….sinners. But best of all and most important you find the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ and THAT’S why we go to Mass.

Found it! This column reminded me of something I had recently read in my daily devotional.  This was written by Father Bede Jarrett who died in 1934. He was a Dominican priest from England.

“yet it is not wise to come to the Catholic Church becasue you need comfort. It is never wise to join any cause or any ideal for what one can make out of it or get out of it. We should come in for what we can give. I think that the best thing of all is your devotion to our Lord. It is to give ourselves to him that we must come.”

With this in mind, see how skewed our thinking has become? How much we see things from the perspective of “what’s in it for me?”

Thank you for this! My wife and I alternate masses with our 2 oldest boys so the other parent can stay home with our 18 month old. Our Protestant friends love to invite us to their churches touting their great children’s programs. We don’t go but wish we could make that same invitation.

I tend to think mass is more difficult (at least in most parishes) for people who actually recognize the value of what is going on there. For those who actually believe in the real presence and the sacrifice of the mass there are all sorts of obstacles.
People who have conversations in the church while others are trying to pray before mass and prepare themselves for the event in which they are about to assist.
There are ten or fifteen extraordinary hander outers of communion prepared to hand out communion to 60 or so parishioners.
Even after the new translation, which we are told to follow, for some reason the gloria doesn’t follow the actual translation when sung. I never knew that “Glory to God in the Highest” was supposed to be repeated like a refrain several times over.
There are the people who refuse to acknowledge that we are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father and no priests ever talk about it.
There are much more annoying things at mass than children, generally it’s the 40 to 60 year old crowd.

Some of us actually recognize we are about to enter into a sacred event that transcends time and space. With all of the outside pressures on us as Catholics, we expect to be able to get support at least from within the Church.

As far as these issues, I’ve never seen the problem with annoying kids at extraordinary form masses. Perhaps it’s because there is more reverence and it isn’t like a circus like a lot of novus ordo masses. Nothing is wrong with the novus ordo, just the people who refuse to celebrate it properly. Nothing is wrong with kids messing up at mass; there is plenty wrong with parents who don’t teach their kids that they are about to see God. You have to create a sense of awe in children about what they are part of. Of course, if the environment is not conducive to that then the kids won’t believe it anyway. Catholics need to start conducting Gap analyses on their parishes.

It seems that some of the people commenting are missing the point. Of course parents need to instill proper behavior in their children. As a young mother, of course either my husband or I remove our fit throwing child to the narthex. Of course! The issue Mr. Warner is addressing is not what parents can do to make their children behave better. Those of you who have been through parenthood know that, chances are, if we’re at mass, we’re trying to make sure our children develop into well-behaved human beings. The issue is that, at many parishes, my own Cathedral parish included, the council, or priest, or clique in charge of how things are always done, actively discourages parents from bringing young children to mass. We recently had an article in our parish quarterly that basically said “Kids do not belong at mass.” What rubbish! And in an age where children are unwelcome everywhere! Many young families who don’t know their faith (and it’s frequently not their fault) start going back to church because of the children. They aren’t firmly grounded in Church teaching-it would go a long way in evangelizing if those without young children would actively welcome them. It’s not the 50s anymore. Having children is discouraged in society. Once we do start having children, offer parochial support and basic Christian kindness. We don’t like when our kids disturb others. We try to get them to behave. The dirty looks drive those who are unsure of their faith away. Parishes could go a long way not just in providing the “cure-all” of the cry room (or parent ghetto), but in fostering a truly welcoming atmosphere. I’m talking about a smile. A kind look. A prayer for young families in the general intentions. We don’t want clown masses, or felt banners-we just want to feel that the Church, the last bastion of staunch pro-life sanity, is a place where the results of being pro-life (children) aren’t seen as a handicap to your mass experience.

I’m with Pete and Graham… you have got to be kidding right?
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I think this is mostly in the minds of the parents… because you’re right next to your kids you hear everything and you feel it’s magnified throughout the church.  Trust me, it’s a bigger deal in your pew than it is anywhere else in church.
It’s like kids on an airplane… as long you appear to be making an effort to control your child, most people will sympathize and overlook it. If you are ignoring a rowdy child, of course you’re going to get some glares.

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I’ve been a lector for several years, and while delivering the reading I’ve never once had my concentration broken by a child or a baby.  A cell phone, yes.  But never a child, now that I think about it.  That leads me to believe that it doesn’t distract most priests either.  One of our priests even pointed out the joy of a squealing baby during his homily.
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At our 7:00pm Ash Wednesday Mass, a woman with three kids was nearby and the kids were very giggly and squealing…  now, we can’t help but turn around, to determine the source, but that doesn’t mean we’re judging. I did judge a little when it appeared to me the youngest child was old enough to behave better (4 or 5 years old) and there was no excuse for the older two.  But then I reasoned that 7:00pm to 8:00pm was probably a typical time for little boys to be punchy , close to bedtime… and Ash Wednesday Mass was out of their routine.
Or, maybe the kids were cousins and not siblings, and the reunion was just too exciting!
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But babies and toddlers…. please…. they are a delight.  And we don’t have to be grandmas to delight in them thankyouverymuch! (in fact, I find the granny-aged folks in my parish are the most unforgiving.)
I don’t have kids, but I love to see them in church.
Bring some books… no crayons, no toy cars please… they shouldn’t be learning to play in church… they should be learning to sit still and concentrate.  The only way they are going to learn to behave in church is by starting at a young age.  If you bring them when they’re five and expect them to sit still, you’re going to be greatly disappointed and embarrassed. and you will get glares because other parishioners expect more from a child who can read!
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I was a child in the 70s… our church didn’t have a cry room. Parents expected their kids to behave, and THEY DID.  If it’s really a problem, I could get my mom to teach you the icy glare that turns children to stone.  Not enough parents seem to know that trick these days.

and also, (if my first comment shows up)  I make a point of telling parents how good their kids are in church.
(i do the same on airplanes - IF they were good)
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sometimes parents in front of me with small kids, seem to be stressed out by the very small things their kids do, which aren’t bad behavior at all.  That especially, is when I point out to the parents how well-behaved their kids were during Mass.  It’s usually received with an expression of shock. Then I reply, “Well, they were kids - but they were GOOD!”
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as an aside, I worked at a portrait studio for a few years (read plenty) ... and there I learned that many parents are much more critical of their children than they need to be.  Except of course, the ones who SHOULD be appalled by their kid’s behavior but are so clueless that they aren’t!!!

Cardinal Ratzinger said the church would grow smaller but more faithful.

In this day and age - most parents/kids are stretched with so many sports/music/organizations and getting to church really isn’t a priority especially when Sunday is just another day for activities to attend.
So to say that we are losing young families because we are not welcoming and not helpful is not the reality. And what does it mean to be “welcoming?”

It is great to have families return to the church and embrace their faith - but they are not there to be entertained. We have left the 80’s & 90’s behind. Feel good homilies are a thing of the past.They are there just like everyone else - to praise & thank God and to receive the graces received through the sacraments. They will require catechesis and some of that will have to be from there own initiative if there is not a program in their closest parish. Our priests for 2000 years were not ordained to entertain. They were ordained to save souls.

The churches I know of (in Ontario) do not have “crying rooms.”
We had our children sit in the front row from day 1.
We have many friends with large families who swear by the notion that the closer you are to the front the more controlled the children are.
Discipling your children from the onset can make the difference when attending mass on weekday and weekend masses.

I remember those days ! ! ! I have 9 children and it was a challenge, BUT WORTH IT 100%, that’s the time when discipline and commitment is VERY important.
We very seldom would go to the crying room, as it’s not the place to teach the kids to be quiet and “behave”. I wanted to teach them that Mass was a very special moment with Jesus and we had to help each other to behave the best we could. I would also reward them according to their behavior, with something they wanted to do afterwards. (going to the park or something like that ).
Did we get the looks of some people ? ? ? ? Of course, but . . . . . that’s life, if any of the kids were restless, we would take them out for a while and teach them that others wanted to “visit with Jesus” too.

I am a father of 6. We have toddlers still, and I can relate to those parents mortified when their children have a fit, etc. In church. I agree with the statement that we are there for the eucharist(John 6:53-58), not for affirmation or a feel-good, however I would be appalled if told to leave. It’s always a judgment call on when to take the little one(s) out but usually its when the child is competing with the choir or during the liturgy of the eucharist.  Our parish doesn’t offer overt affirmations, nor does it make us feel like an annoyance…we are just part of the body of Christmas in all its diversity.  We teach our kids about the meaning of mass, expect them to be reverent, but some days you just need to resort to cheerios or some crayons.  If the Mass goes on, and we make it through, we have done our job.
Kudos to all parents of families young and old..it ain’t easy but we aren’t there to be entertained are we:“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

So much for autocorrect..that should be body of Christ not body of Christmas !!!  :)

The Catholic Church will always have a disadvantage over Protestant churches that have nurseries and well-developed children’s ministries. Catholic mass is inherently different that Protestant worship, even the mass-lite of the Episcopal church.

It’s like the old Flannery O’Connor joke about mass being so dull and boring that nobody would be there if there wasn’t something special going on. (And this was pre-Vatican II, for you TLM fans.) If parents don’t believe that there is something special going on, then they will head to the first Protestant megachurch with a good childrens’ ministry. Likewise, parishioners must also remember that children are the body of Christ and belong at mass.

This is the real reason why conservative parishes tend to have an advantage over liberal ones. This is not to say conservative=good, liberal=bad: I have been to cold, legalistic conservative parishes and warm, welcoming liberal ones. But conservative parishes are more likely to believe that something special is going on, while liberal parishes are trying to compete with the Protestants, and are losing.

For those who suggest cry rooms—many of the newer churches (and older ones) do not HAVE cry rooms. We attend a church that has no cry room. There is a very large area outside the nave with the baptismal font( the flowing fountain kind) and if you want to take your child outside you get to herd them away from climbing into that.  There is a nursery, but I am never comfortable with letting virtual strangers watch my kids during Mass. 

If you go to a very old church, there is no cry room, or if there is, it’s a tiny space carved out of something else.  Even the cry rooms that have room, and are spacious, are filled with kids being noisy so it’s just teaching your kids that being noisy in church is okay.

Our solution (we have four kids, aged from 8 months to 11 years old) has been to split shift.  If we have a baby, one parent takes the baby to Mass whenever the baby gets up. It’s easier to corral one baby without the other kids around.  Then the older kids go with another parent at a different Mass. Our tactic has always been to explain, from a very young age, that we need to govern our voices and our bodies in Mass so that we do not disturb anybody else’s prayer. It’s not that God minds us talking or giggling, I tell them, it’s for others’ benefit.

Welcome to heaven at mass

Wow!  Lots of comments…....I am one of eleven children.  We grew up in an old parish church which did not have a crying room.  We learned from the beginning to behave.  There was no option! You just did it.  We have five children, and I thank God they behave, but we taught them to participate throughout the Mass.  We taught them that Jesus is in the Eucharist; we taught them to watch the priest as he consecrates the host into the body of Christ and the wine into the blood of Christ.  They became interested and knew something was going on, maybe, they didn’t understand completely what, but something was going on.  Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while, they will misbehave, and the children have learned that there are consequences to behaving bad at Mass.  Mass has always been a non-negotiable, in bad behavior.  I pray for the young couples, but most are a reflection of the catechesis in their homes.

This happened to me 30 years ago. I was in church and my daughter (who was teething at the time) started crying and nothing I did seemed to settle her even though I brought her oral gel with me. I was getting disgusted looks from some older woman in front of me and I decided to leave. I then felt a firm hand on my shoulder and turned to see an older gentlemen with a kind smile who said, “Please don’t leave. The sound of children in church is like music to God’s ears.” It was so comforting to hear this and was the first time I truely felt welcomed in my church. I thanked him and as soon as I calmed down so did my daughter. I never thought of leaving church again.
My daughter was going through the same thing with my grandaughter and I was able to tell her the same thing this wonderful man said to me as she was getting ready to leave, she ended up staying too. Please let parents know that this is normal everyone goes through it and that we are all there for the love of Jesus not to please others.

Amen!!! I only have two young kids right now and going to Mass is so awkward. My husband and I are faithful, and will keep going, but it’s highly unpleasant. I hate admitting that, but it’s lost the joy I had before kids. We’ve finally found a system, sitting at the front of the cry room and ignoring all the dirty looks (yes, from the people with no kids sitting in the CRY room). Still, though, other than a mandatory nursery during Mass times, I can’t think of what to do about it. The Mass is the Mass. As long as we have fish fries, flowers to Moms on Mother’s Day, CCE and first-communion prep, not to mention Baptisms, and all the other family-building that goes on in the life of the Church, I know I belong.

Jesus loved children, meals, and healing.  That is what he was all about.  Jesus had some very harsh words about those who would deny access to a child.  Our parish is a sea of gray hair because in the past they denied access of children to God.  Being holy and pious, and building a large fancy church building to impress God was more important than ministering to the children and young adults.  So it seems to be a case of you reap what you sow.  The Silent Exodus at a 4:1 rate shall continue until the Church decides that children are important.  It is not about rules, rubrics, and rituals, but about building relationship between the people of God and especially through our children.  The earth is no longer flat and the center of the universe, and our children and young adults are now thinking people.  The old rule of pay, pray, and obey will no longer suffice, and moving the deck chairs around on the Titanic by changing the words of the mass will not help.

While the joy of families with toddlers at Mass is wonderful event, parents also need to be respectful and considerate of those around them in the pews with children who are disruptive and undisciplined.  While most parents do the right thing and exit the door with child in tow, some parents simply don’t care their fellow parishioners, the readings and homilies are all interrupted.  Adding to the problem are parents who bring toys, games and all manner of finger food into the pew as well.  These parents quickly exit after Mass and never bother to clean up the Cherrios, Crackers, spilled Apple Juice and Dorritos left on the floor and in the pew for those arriving for the next Mass.

IF your child is having a fit… take them out to calm down.
If they’re just making noise… they’re praising God!
.
Again, an icy glare and redirection with a scripture storybook were all it ever took for me to behave.  And I don’t think I was an angelic child.
.
sometimes I think parents are indulging their kids, thinking it’s going to help settle them - when in reality, it just confirms that they get attention for acting up.  Read Dr. John Rosemond for tips on how to raise kids like our parents did (and I say that referring to kids raised in the 50s, 60s and 70s…. the 80s and 90s were a horrible time for raising kids. )

Personally, I’m all for cry rooms - let the pious parishioners use them so they won’t be bothered by children who are NOT sinning. Grown ups being rude, mean, condescending and downright appalling in their behaviors shoudl think about wether or not they are reflecting Christ to young families.

Jesus said: let the children come to me.
Except extreme rare cases, parents should take all their kids inside the church: they will be blessed by the Divine Mercy rays that come from the Eucharist, as Saint Faustina explained.
With the exception of babies, eating in Church (not only Mass) is a lack of respect for holy places. Eating is not even allowed at the mountain of the apparition of Our Lady in Salta Argentina. Messages approved by the bishop:
http://www.inmaculadamadre-salta.org/es/3Mensajes/Leer/Mensajes1990-97-ingles.htm

It’s the lady who loudly answers her cell phone when everyone has just received Holy Communion and are in the moment of silence, that is really hard to take.  Then there is the Dad who is talking loudly to his kids as if this is the only time he gets to spend with them!  And, the lady discussing the latest episode of “Weeds” with her friend during Mass.  Many of the children attending Mass, especially those who have a good example to follow, (which, I must say is the case with most parents at my church) are more respectful and in awe of the Mass, than some adults.  Priests are either over the top righteous about this situation, or completely ignore it.  I have yet to see anyone be able to handle it.  I have to think that blatant cell phone users and such may have something else going on such as mental illness, dimentia, etc.  So, in these cases, we have to try and suspend our judgement; overlook and for the others, set a good example ourselves and leave the rest to God. 
If we are catechists, we can address the issues of appropriate behavior at Mass.

@F. Nazar:  “Let the little children come unto me” sounds nice, but it does not apply if the little children paying no attention and are annoying parishioners who trying to focus on the Mass.  Sorry, but you have a responsibility as a parent to teach manners to your children.  Yours is a total misunderstanding of the gospel.  Parents need to exercise good judgment by preparing children before coming into church how to behave.  Perhaps these parents themselves also fail because they, too, do not have a proper mindset of worship.  You do not have a *right* to ruin the Mass setting for everyone else.  Carting kids off to church is not just another place to go like “Toys-R-Us” or Chucky Chesse Pizza.
If your child is disruptive, out of respect for others, please take him/her outside to calm them down and then you can come back in.

Gee Lector, maybe you’re the lector who took it upon herself to admonish my 3yo during weekday Mass because he moved from one side of the pew to the other to get a better view of the Station he was reflecting on. Maybe if she’d been immersed in proclaiming the word as my son was in the suffering of Christ, she wouldn’t have noticed my child. However, if children are ruining Heaven on Earth for you, there isn’t a lot I can say.

@Barefoot Mommy:  I am only asking that people exercise prudent judgment.  Most parents can usually know if a child is starting to bother people around them.  On the other hand, weekday Mass is typically far less populated and the pews and space available is much more conducive to what you describe.  Personally, I do not admonish other people’s children nor the parents.  It’s only common manners, however, that parents realize when something should be done.  Some parents (that’s “some”—not yourself) often seem oblivous to such matters and simply allow their children freedom to reign without discipline.

Huh ?

From my perspective, almost everything in the Catholic Church centers around “young families.”  Most of my volunteer time as an “old maid” Catholic is taken with them—i.e. pro-life and First Communion catechesis.

Like you said, even young singles leave the Church because there really IS nothing for them.  At least the young families have found something apparently to draw them back.  Inadvertantly you have pointed out that singles have even greater needs from the Church that are not being met.

@Guest:  Right you are.  My parish council and the deanery took a survey and found young singles (20’s) even into early 30’s were going to other churches since parishes and the diocese only foucused on young marrieds with kids.  I interviewed a few young singles.  One young woman told me our parish had nothing to connect her and that “Mass” alone was not enough.  She needed fellowship with peers and activities as part of her church “family.”  Sadly, our Pastor didn’t feel he wanted to change the parish focus to include singles or even provide events in the hall where Catholic singles could connect like potlucks, DJ dances, etc.  A few of us thought “Where does the Pastor (and Bishop) think these Catholic families come from?”  If you are a senior and widowed (or widower) the only parish offering anything for them is almost 20 miles away.  No wonder the church is losing people.  The clergy doesn’t understand that people need more activities from their parish besides saying the Rosary, Divine Mercies or Marian Devotions.

I understand that kids are going to fuss from time to time.  But really—the full-on meltdown, crying, screaming, carrying on for over a minute or two?  Sorry, that is NOT okay and parents who do not recognize that it’s disturbing and disruptive to the rest of us fall under the category of “entitled”, IMHO.  The world does not revolve around you and your children.  There are other people in the congregation.  I distinctly remember my mother mandating that I behave in church, sit up on the pew (not on the kneeler and using the pew as a desk!), and not talk.  And the one time I do recall misbehaving, she hauled me out of the pew and past everyone in the church and took me to the lower chapel.  I was mortified and never misbehaved like that again.

Instead of dumb-down Children Masses, I think we need a special Mass for people who, apparently, know how to raise kids better than I do. There they can enjoy full knowledge that the lower folks are subjected to the horrific sounds of children elsewhere.

I was taught to behave in church.  My parents had seven children.  In the South a lot of kids are still being raised right.  Maybe we need better parents.

It’s too bad so many are taking offense to the suggestion that it is possible to train children to behave properly in church.  In all honesty, haven’t we all heard this same discussion regarding the behavior of children in restaurants?
Most people are quite tolerant of normal kid difficulties in being quiet for any length of time.  It’s the lack of responsible parental response that elicits negative feedback from nearby adults.

I firmly believe this type of welcoming can only occur on a personal level. Priests and active parishioners should thank young families after mass for coming.  In terms of mass protocol during outbursts, there’s usually not a nice way to tell parents to keep their children under control. Maybe have a bulletin section with family tips and each week list a suggestion that might help, ie:  Help your children be excited about Sunday mass by allowing them to have a special pre-mass snack that is eaten only on Sundays.

And why is this a surprise? When the Church became modern and joined the secular world by having teen-mass with its rock music the die was cast. They came to mass only for the music. Many still refer to it as Catholic Woodstock. A youth minister told me that if they did not have the loud rock music the teens would fall asleep in a regular mass. So sfter confirmation the teens consider that they have graduated and need not attend mass anymore. Then they marry (or live together) and have children which they call a family. Their agenda has no place for Mass and they claim they are too busy after all Sunday is a great time to sleep in. OH! by the way did I mention the fact that their parents did very little to help them be good Catholics? The parents attend Mass once a year because the Church law says that is all you need to do. So not attending Mass of your own free will is no longer a mortal sin. In fact it is no sin at all…

At one time we had a priest who, upon hearing a fussy baby or child, would stop the mass and stare at the adults until the child was removed.  I didn’t find another church but I did find another parish that embraces our young families.  If my children are not welcome then I am not welcome.  We now take our grandchild to mass whenever we can.  We sit in the front row so that he can see better what is happening and if he becomes distracting we divert his attention.  Sometimes the ‘sacrifice’ of the mass are the sacrifices we make to raise our children in the faith.  We are family.  All of our children need to feel welcome until they are able to understand just what it means to be family and fully Catholic.  Parents deserve and need our support.

Don’t the gospels have a story about jesus rebuking his disciples because they try to stop a child from coming to him? Right or wrong, this is how many families with young children feel. Man those old folks can stare! I was always sweating going to church because we have 4 girls and our first boy on the way, and our parish doesn’t have many ‘big’ families. Then our awesome priest, FR. Tom Kuykendall, gave a sermon regarding the gay marriage initiative in Washington state. He gave a good sermon and explained how many people were telling him that the big families in our church, ones who may be struggling financially, might not know what they are doing by having so many kids. And it seems he was speaking directly to us, in the way that sermons sometimes can. He then said ” when I hear a child scream, or a baby cry in mass, I have hope. We should all rejoice at that sound because that is the future of our church.” AMEN to that!

@JPM:  Most people understand kids become restless in confined settings.  Only rude adults will make you feel uncomfortable at Mass due to a restless child.  I think what may probably upset people is when they see parents making no attempt to calm or discipline the child.  They are most likely more upset with the parent (rather than the child).  The passagae of “Let the little children come unto me” is a poor application since it does not fit the topic.  I would hope we can all agree that exercising good parental judgment means we should know when a point has been crossed whereby excess restlessness, crying, screaming and the like should be taken outside the door to calm the child.  I believe that is the only point being made.  On the other hand, a few parents are of the opinion they have a right of entitlement and are inconsiderate of others around them.  These people simply are self-centered and are likely to have disciplinary problems with their children in the future.  As for people telling your priest that big families are not good and you don’t know what you are doing, you can tell them the Bible says children (that’s all children) are a blessing of the Lord.  You can tell these people to take a flying leap and mind their own business.

@Lector: Thank you for your comments. I guess I was always under the assumption that the Jewish culture didn’t really place a great emphasis on the presence of children in the temple. I thought they had the attitude of ‘this is grown folks business’ regarding children in the temple. So when a child comes to him and his own disciples try to shoo him away he rebukes them. Is this not what the point of this article is, although stated in different words?
I agree with people getting frustrated with parents not disciplining unruly children. For this reason, given the nature of children, we choose to sit in the back pews. We do this because it is less distracting to people when the are being inattentive, and it is less distracting when we need to remove them for a short time due to loud racket. My older children ask to sit in front. And I tell them that when the are able to not distract others, and more importantly pay attention throughout the Mass, we will. I always believed that I need to teach my children discipline during mass, and be patient with them when teaching it. But the fact is that the people I speak of expect no movement, or noise from any child.

@JPM:  “But the fact is that the people I speak of expect no movement, or noise from any child.”  Very funny.  I know those people, JPM.  Some may have come from my parish to yours.  LOL.  They can just cool their jets.  Such people need to find a cave, a monastery or some retreat center to attend Mass.  Maybe your parish can start selling luxury box seats for those who don’t like kids.  No doubt these are same people who get their nose out of joint for not being recognized for bringing the umbrellas that go into the ice tea drinks at the last church social.

@JJ:

I guess you agree with Santorum that higher education is snobbish? Would you throw up at JFK’s speech on the separation of church and state?

My husband and I went to Mass separately for years while our four children were very young, only taking those old enough to understand and behave.  Mass was a time of rest and reflection for both of us and we could concentrate on the Mass.  The parents who believe that they must go as a family often spend an inordinate amount of their time placating, distracting or removing their young children, as I have observed over the years.  How much are they really getting out of Mass and/or the sermon?  It’s not as if they don’t have the whole weekend together except for separate Masses.

I have noticed that the largest families do have the best behaved children at Mass—so they must discipline their children well and have taught them the importance of Mass prior to attending together.

Margaret- I understand wanting to go separately and have that time of peace and reflection, however my husband and I think it is important for our small children to go. They are receiving grace and being inculcated in the Catholic faith even if they don’t understand it yet. They are learning to behave. We go to mass for more that a message…we go for Jesus Christ in the Eucharist and my children benefit from seeing that.

My husband and I read the readings prior to mass so that we have more focused time to reflect on the gospel. We also read the written reflection in the Magnificat publication so that we spend time focusing on the gospel’s message when we know the priest’s homily may not get our full attention.  Even if it isn’t easy at times, I believe in making mass a family affair and encourage all couples with small children to do so!

Dennis, you wrote:
“And Alexis, the Novus Ordo is literally the “New Mass” {Ordinary Form); and, the (Traditional) Latin Mass is “Extraordinary Form.”

At our parish, we have each Sunday a Solemn High Novus Ordo (Ordinary Form, not Tridentine) Mass with the Mass parts in Latin. It is similar to the Mass you would see from the Vatican.

It’s beautiful to see how many different ethnic groups attend regularly, and it warms my heart to see the many families with lots of young children—these kids will grow up with the Mass in Latin, and I have no doubt our parish will reap many vocations from these families.

I am 26, my wife is 22, and we have been blessed with a new baby girl this passed December. We go to Mass every day and assent to every doctrine of the Catholic Church. As reverts, we both can honestly say that we have never experienced more joy!  Praise the Lord!

As a father of a young family I definitely agree with you! Loved the article.

You might want to attend Mass in the Extraordinary form and take a look at the size of young families there.  In these communities there is no crisis coming.  These families are the future of the Church, the fountain of religious vocations, and a strong foundation of faith.

Extraordinary Form Mass communities are full of young families. They have children coming out of their ears. At those communities Mass is everything, the Faith is everything. At that Mass it is clear that what is going on is the most important thing in the world. And they are taught clearly that it is the unbloody re-presentation of the the bloody sacrifice of Calvary. I think that there is a causal link between the clarity of teaching, the reverence of the old Mass and the large number of young families.

Also, I imagine the use of contraception and NFP are having a big impact on the number of children to 2 or 3.

Pete who wrote “This is a joke…. right???” (Posted by Pete on Saturday, Feb 25, 2012 11:28 PM (EST)), “This is a joke…. right???” 

Pete, would you please put your tone down two octaves?  Your saying there is sounding very arrangant like I-am-right-and-everybody-is-wrong, and that is exactly what driving people away from going to church.  Your saying is analogy to saying like: Q) What is most important to human being?  A) Freedom.  What? This is a joke… right???.  Air, air is most important to human being.  Without air how a person lives the next second!!!!???  This has got to be a joke… right?

I don’t know if you would take the analogy there as equal to how you ask Matthew Warner wrote of his article.  What your saying about mass is right is true is absolute, nobody gives a doubt, AND AS WELL, is a preassumed axiom from a catholic, any catholic’s point of view.  The article Matthew Warner wrote here is saying something beyond what a catholic can do in a mass beyond that to make young families feel welcome to the mass.  If people like you keep on questioning articles with religiou tone like how you did, then, VERY article should begin with the apostle creed, doctor of the church’s teachings etc etc, otherwise, how would readers know what is the undertone what not said in the article is contrary to the church teaching?  Calculus couses taught in college don’t start with alegbra, there is a reason to it.

Second thing we could do is, learning being humble.  The Lord didn’t say anything in a tone like “this is a joke…. right???” “This has got to be a joke… right?”  Thumbing one’s finger to another’s nose is the chief reason driving people away, no matter how right you are.

Some followup thoughts to this post in my latest post here: What you should be thinking when you hear noisy kids at Mass

Thanks for all of your thoughts and encouragement to young families, folks!

I am really surprised at the comments on this article, I didn’t expect so much rudeness and ‘well you should control your kids/do what I did’ type stuff. To me, Mass is a community prayer. Not just you, at home, in silence. Distractions will happen, it’s life. How about instead of judging the parents you take it as an opportunity to grow in love and understanding? I was never bothered by noisy children (I grew up in a big family) and I think it’s great that parents make the effort to take their kids to Mass. Now that I have a two year old and a one year old, both high energy boys, I understand this effort in a whole new way. We try our absolute best, talk to the two year old about behaving in Mass, bring a few quiet things, but it’s just not easy for an energetic toddler to sit and be quiet for an hour, sometimes longer. It’s hard, some days it’s extremely hard and our parish does not have a cry room. They have a very small entry way with all kinds of things the kids can’t be touching. We are pretty quick to take them out if they get loud, but often it’s a lose-lose. I actually had one usher ask us to leave - I was at Mass by myself with both kids - because my toddler asked for his water in a too loud whisper. I was very upset and if I wasn’t already firm in my faith, that would have been it for me. I really think the attitudes on this subject could use some work, especially at parishes where there is no cry room. Thanks for writing this article, suddenly I don’t feel so alone!

Wow Elizabeth, that’s appalling! My sis and I had a similiar experience when we wanted to introduce the dc to Latin Mass. The priest was awesome, and the younger kids esp. were awed by the chants, the language, the vestments, etc. However, the ushers could be less than kind. Non-separating infants were not welcome :-( The sign that stated that a nursery was available, changed to “We strongly encourage families to take advantage of the nursery” the 3rd (and last) week we went.  Hang in there though. My children are now 8, 10, 12, 15 and 17. The older two recently spent some time at my mother’s and while they were there took it upon themselves to attend daily Mass just because my mom has an awesome young priest who gives meaty homilies! My oldest niece is married and expecting her 2nd babe - she is on an NFP mission, speaking out about the Church’s teachings to all her friends and aquaintances! The time with littles is hectic and crazy, but so short. By the time my last two were babies, I already has so much help from the older kids. At that time we also lived in a parish that had an older church, without even a vestibule - so it was either the nave, or outside. The priest was a sweetie, though, and so intent on being in Heaven on earth that he honestly wasn’t ever bothered by the children.

If you have a small child who makes a sudden noise at mass, your neighbors are going to turn and look.  Don’t be quick to take that as a “dirty look” and flatter yourself for being a white martyr.  You’re not one.

If you have an unconsolable crying or colicky child, consider that the the pews probably aren’t the place where your child will find comfort at that moment.  After all, your efforts (and our prayers to God) to help quiet the child have been unanswered so far.  Try a backup plan.  Also be aware that the crying and wailing of an infant or small child is extremely disturbing to adults.  God designed adults that way.

Finally, to all the parents who bring their young ones to mass well-rested, already fed, and pottied and before entering the church reminded them of the importance of being quiet and respectful in the Lord’s house (as much as a child can be, anyway) I give my warmest thanks.  I see the effort you’re making and I appreciate it even when the results are imperfect.  Even way imperfect.

While I agree that young families should be welcomed and that children will be children, what’s wrong with teaching children that “it’s time to be quiet now”?  I had four children and I know the challenges, but if they can behave at preschool and kindergarten, they can learn how to act at Mass.

One odd thing I see at Mass is mothers who stare straight ahead as if they do not know their own child while the father struggles, juggles, and finally leaves with the baby.  When did babies become the sole responsibility of the dads?

I agree with the last two commenter.  Children live up to the standards we set for them.  Sadly standards of etiquette are very low these days.  I have four young children and they try really hardto live up to the higher standards of behavior we set for them.  They’re not perfect but they’re learning.  My best advice is feed and potty before mass and absolutely no food or toys, even quiet ones, in church.  Children will survive without cheerios, a sippy or a lovey for an hour.  Now nursing or bottles are different for obvious reasons the baby needs it.

Welcome to heaven in the mass.

Shalom

@Pete who wrote:  “As Roman Catholics we go to Church because the bread and wine become the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, and we believe he is truly present there. We worship the our God there. You get this right?
“It’s the kind of experience that makes them think perhaps they should try that other church down the street that their friends go to.” This has got to be a joke… right?

Pete, missing in your statement is “to also hear the gospel preached.”  Too often the homily is just something priests hurry through and spend little time preparing for.  Poor and lazy homilies are now standard in many Catholic churches.  The idea that many priests have adopted this attitude is little wonder why Catholics are going to Mass but then attend the “church down the street” **with Bible in hand** to actually hear the gospel preached with biblical and purposeful application to daily life.  You would be shocked to learn the number of Catholics doing this.

Good post…I certainly agree. I attend a parish that is very pro-life, with a fair number of young families. Children are often spoken of from the pulpit as a blessing…but actual children at Mass cause the priests a good bit of consternation. For one priest, even a little cooing and talking can cause a problem. I am all for the celibate priesthood, but this is one very practical difficulty that arises: the priest often has little or no experience with children, and often very little patience.

How on earth did this so-called Catholic Newspaper publish articles from people like Matthew Warner?????? What he needs to do is to study his catholicism!!!!!

Love your article!!!
So true, because my church is at the brink of losing me.  I have 2 highly active, boys and they have a hard time staying quiet and sitting for a long peroid of time, especially if bored. And let’s face it, mass is a BIG BORE to a 3 and 7 year old.
Would it be so difficult to have a children’s mass that is more geared torward getting the children interested. Someone needs to speak to them now so you don’t loss them too.
I was forced to go to mass as a child with my mother every Sunday as a kid and I was bored to tears and I hated it. I do consider myself a Catholic and I pray but I really don’t want to repeat history and dag my kids to church just to say we went. I just wish the Catholic Church, or at least my church, would make a kids mass that is inviting for families with young children where we can feel welcome and everyone would get involved, listen, and truly be interested.  A place where we would want to go every week and look forward too.
You’re right, they are losing us. I’m not alone with my feelings. I know many people that feel this way in my parish. How can I tell my seven year old son, to pay attention to the mass , when I dont because I’m to concerned watching my children and making sure they’re acting appropriately while mass is going on. He is making his communion in May and I’m pretty sure I will not be sending him back to his weekly religious instruction (CCD) anymore either.  I’m done.
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE ARTICLE

SO TRUE
from a member of St Catherine’s church in Franklin square, NY

I also agree with this author.  I have two young children and I love taking them to church every Sunday.  The problem is that we feel very unwelcome.  It still shocks me how many parishioners are so cold and unsympathetic.  Let me tell you trying to quiet a toddler is hard enough without an audience of people glaring at you.  What ends up happening is my husband has to stand with our daughter the whole mass in the hall.  We can’t enjoy mass together as a family at all and my husband misses the whole sermon.  We now drive an hour away to a church that has a baby room where we can all sit together and enjoy the service.  The feeling in the baby room is laid back and friendly.  I am confused why every church does not have a baby room.  I know every community has babies.  I guarantee more young families would attend if they felt there was a place for them.  I also disagree with the person who thinks most young families want to go to a rock concert and eat cotton candy at church.  I would like to know how many young catholic families they know personally.  I found it rather insulting and hurtful.  I’m not real sure where that judgement is coming from, but I can see that person being one of the parishioner’s that glares at babies crying in church.  Remember, what would Jesus do????

Give me a break. All you hard line Catholics who think tough worship is the way for young families are wrong. The church is losing these young families everyday. Our family is one. Even when we would bring our three young boys to mass and try and teach them to respect and understand the Eucharist, it was practically useless for us because we were so exhausted. Trying to tell them be quiet and don’t hit your brother gets old fast.

We attend a new church now where the kids attend a kids service and we get something for adults. I don’t always like this as I am for intergenetional worship. Once a month we all celebrate together.

All I know is until the Catholic Church reaches out to young families and accommodates, they are leaving by the thousands!!