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12 Common Catholic Problems

04/11/2014 Comments (39)

Your priest absolutely knows its you in confession because you're the only one there who has four kids who confess right before you.

Your active participation is questionable at Mass because you're watching your son, the altar boy, to make sure he doesn't mess up. It's like attempting to will a bowling ball to turn the right way.

Someone sneezed during Mass should I say "God bless you" or just stay quiet? If you say "God Bless you" at mass, isn't that redundant? Should you just save it for the sign of peace, but then again do you really wanna shake that guy's hand?

Oh no. I just responded by saying "And also with you" and now everyone around me thinks I haven't been to Mass in two years!

Kneeling down and praying for help because your foot is stuck in the kneeler behind you.

Uh-oh. I've let the two kids who should never be allowed to sit together sit right next to each other in the pew. They're being ok now but should I start moving them around or just hope they're good? Anyone familiar with the science of parenting knows that when some objects get too close together, the objects reach critical mass. Kaboom.

Uh-oh. There's a second collection and I don't have money or a check. Stare straight ahead. Alternatively you can do the fake money drop, but I am pretty sure that is a sin.

You're sneaking out the side door after Mass because your kids' game went into triple overtime and you're all still wearing shorts and sneakers at Mass.

That moment when you realize you don't know what to call the visiting bishop when you're walking out of Mass to greet him.

You just heard someone say that the Immaculate Conception is about Jesus being conceived! Should I correct them?

You hold a very common yet strange Catholic belief that everyone around you should refrain from eating chocolate in front of you just because you gave up chocolate for Lent. You think that is what the communion of saints means right? Speaking of this, my wife is drinking a soda right in front of me and she knows I gave it up for Lent. #unfeelingwoman #groundsforannulment

The moment during Lent when you realize suffering in silence is harder than just sacrificing.

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About Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold
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Matt Archbold graduated from Saint Joseph's University in 1995. He is a former journalist who left the newspaper business to raise his five children. He writes for the Creative Minority Report.