What the heck kind of parishes do you go to if you’re finding things like (4), (5), (8), (9), or (10)?  Going to a parish with liturgical abuse is being a cooperator in that abuse.

this is real cute…hehe
thank you

Mine happened at a church in S. Cal, during the Easter Vigil mass, as my sister-in-law was being received into the Church.  After communion, the priest thanked everyone.  When it came time to thank his altar servers, he noted that one of them was a senior at Cal Tech.  “See how smart our servers are” the priest said, “maybe one day we can get him to put a bomb under the White House.”  Yep, he said it.

number 8 is very serious.

Yeah, #8 is probably the worst.

Wow, Number 8 takes the cake, hands down.  I hope someone reported that to the local Bishop.

My uncle, to my nephew at the invitation for kids to come to the front for children’s Liturgy of the Word: “Don’t do it!  It’s a trick!”

Here’s mine:  We were decorating the church for Christmas one evening and the priest, wearing street clothes, was gabbing with a group of us and starts singing “You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth” by Meat Loaf.  Some of us join in!

A boy inadvertently passes audible gas while praying on the kneeler next to his father before Mass.  The father leans over to ask, “Do you know what happens to someone who farts in Church?  The intimidated son says “No”.  With a perfect deadpan delivery, the dad replies, “He sits in his own pew.”

I could picture one of our ushers making a “Catholic” comment. As it is,he is always trying to talk with my baby and me when I have to take the little chatterbox out to the vestabule…it drives me nuts. I smile, then either close my eyes and hug the baby close, or sing even more loudly : )

We need etiquette

We had a priest sing Le Miserables during the homily.  He had a poster from the play and everything.

This is also the priest who lets us pick our own penances during Confession after picking our “favorite Person of the Trinity”.

I went to a funneral for a friend of the family out in chicago. The parish or church is named for St Etna. I have never heard of saint Etna so I asked who she was. Appearently she isn’t. The benefactor of the church wanted the church named after his wife. She isn’t a saint but her name is etna. After the parish went a head and named the church st etna they searched in vain for a st etna but never found one. they think it is pretty funny. After the sunday mass we were talking with the priest and my dad asked about St Etna and what she was patron of. the priest told the story I just told you and so everyone started to speculate about what her patronage might be. I profered, perhaps she is the patron saint of ambiguity. they thought that was funny too. I didn’t really think it was funny, but appropriate.

Maybe the priest that said #8 should receive a copy of Scott Hahn’s book"The Lamb’s Supper”.some are funny and some are sad…esp#9&11;. Sorry about your daughters First Communion!!! you will laugh in years to come..

Matt Swaim, you kill me. The dismissal of the kids really annoys me and I am totally using that line next week. :-)

Michael, I think the Chicago parish you are referring to is St. Ita’s.  Ita is an Irish saint.

@Lynn - I was at that Mass!  I could NOT believe it.  Every time I have to go to Confession with him, because Fr. McPhillips is out, I cringe.  Small world!

I think I have you beat, Matt:
1) New pastor in a parish announces that the Church needs to look in other directions than celibate men for the priesthood.  Center-Left (by the grace of God and a persistent previous pastor) DRE’s draw dropped further than mine.

2) Opening words of the homily from a visiting priest on Christ the King: “I don’t know why we have this feast”.

3) Another homily: ~“Through His ministry Jesus learned that He didn’t just come for the Jews”.

(and yes, I confronted the first and third).

@Dina Barron,
nope. I really do mean St Ednas.
2525 N. Arlington Hgts. Rd.
Arlington Heights, IL 60004

Priest during homily (Mk 7:24-30) “Here, Jesus realized that He was supposed to teach to the gentiles as well as the Jews.” 

He was visiting, so I didn’t get the chance to talk with him about it.

Turns out there is a St. Edna after all, but she’s more commonly referred to as St. Modwenna.  Not that she’s commonly referred to at all: http://saints.sqpn.com/sainte84.htm

This is awesome! I think No. 5 is my favorite—I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with liturgical dancers. On the one hand, I can’t look away. On the other hand, my greatest fear is to find myself being a liturgical dancer.

St Etna is probably St Eithne, an Irish saint from the 5th century.  Eithne can be spelled in a variety of ways, including Etna, and is a common girl’s name in Ireland. See: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05369b.htm

It is clear that what is lacking as I read these comments is the ‘holiness’ in our priests and respect in our churches -as Jesus himself is present.

What has been written is right in step with the watered down, almost heretical comments by some priests…
Some months ago Pope Benedict made the statement that evil is in the Church…— I believe we all need to wake up and understand that many who wear the collar, live from the money of the parishioners, have a home, a car and a pension ‘are not real priests’..—- they are not faithful to The Magisterium..—therefore in my book ‘they’ve gone’/
I think the only way forward for faithful Catholics is to find real priests… and go to that Mass. even if it is a distance away..and the other thing is I believe these priests should be confronted by the catholic laity—and their Bishops informed.
Unfortunately we must face the fact that some do not believe in their priesthood—and it has become a job.. I would suggest these men do us a favor, and leave or convert.

How about a pastor who runs the crucifixion scene from the ‘70’s film (with Ernest Borgnine as the centurion) instead of the Passion on Good Friday? I left.

#7 You said no?

I’ve had the displeasure of attending several masses at a local church at which the pastor 1)denies that the Eucharist is the “actual” Body and Blood of Christ (“It’s not that we really believe it’s His Body and BLood”) and 2)invites anyone and everyone to Communion.  (“If you love Jesus you are welcome.”)  He uses his own personal Bible at Mass.  The list goes on and on. Writing to the Bishop about it?  You’re kidding, right?

Befor the opening prayer at a Mass we attended, the priest asked us all to kneel and “go to our happy place”. We think this was an attempt at getting us to practice meditative prayer, but throughout the five minute meditation, he kept droning on and on. My husband nearly cried out, “Would you please shut up! I’m trying to find my happy place! “

Well…I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, some are funny, some are sad. I do believe that there is a lack of respect both inside and outside of the church. We need to address that, I went ot a church one time who had a program called RIC (Respect in Church), before Mass someone talked about that very thing.  They did that every Sunday.  I think that is a good tool to promote more respect.
On the other hand I have lots of hope because our church will survive regardless of what is happening.  I trust God will protect us. I believe in His promises.

When I was young and single, my then boyfriend, non-Catholic, joined us for a Mass that included the Knights of Columbus in full regalia, including swords.  He asked, “What are they here for.”  I said, “A little later we will have a human sacrifice of all of the non-Catholicism in attendance.”  He behaved very well for the rest of the Mass.

Before the last election, one of the two parish priests informed the congregation that they were to “vote for peace and justice.”  The other priest said “vote for life.” It was clear they weren’t talking about the same thing. They didn’t get along well.

@M SWAIM,

I am glad to see there is a st. edna. even if she is little know. i still think it is a bit off to name the church after the benefactors wife and then try to find a saint with the same name. lucky they can get out of that one.

I should also mention when I visited a parish in a diocese which will not be named on Holy Family Sunday.  In an attempt to promote the spirit of family, the deacon’s wife gave the homily.  I’ve never been pinched by my wife so hard at Mass.

When I was in college 6 yrs ago- there was some kind of night of reflection that included confession—well instead of actual confession people wrote down their sins and put them in a metal bowl in the front by the priest and the priest burned the papers and gave absolution!!! I was furious. This was only the tip of the iceberg for this parish, and their so called Newman club was a joke- maybe they have their act together by now.

I love these commentaries that focus on all that’s bad about our church. We need more anger and less happiness. Thank you for posting.

Hey, Paul, what should we do?  For 50 years, people haven’t gotten angry and the abuses pile up.  When asked what would Jesus do, don’t forget that a valid option is to start turning over tables and get out a whip.

Not in church - but close. My son’s Catholic high school was preparing for a weekend ski trip. A parent asked if there was any plan to take the kids to mass on Sunday. The teacher responded, “we can just light a bunch of candles outside on Saturday evening and do some readings from the bible. Would that be okay?”

The worst thing I have ever seen at Mass was a priest who denied the existence of purgatory.

Mr. Archbold, some of your article is quite uncharitable.  In #2, was your daughter nervous or sick?  So many parishes spend more time on the processions and how to stand and how to fold hands - all important, but compared to the other part of the training, given too much time in some parishes.

#4 brought politics into the church - why?  All of our previous presidents had similar difficulties with congress spending too much effort to work against the president instead of working for the country.

#5 makes me wonder about your attitude towards Jesuits and whether it’s a greater dislike than toward dance.  Liturgical dance is permitted in the US and many other countries.  But why were they dancing after Communion?

#7 makes me question your attitude toward singing in church.  Your daughter’s remark should have been corrected (did you?) and singing one’s prayers should never be discouraged.  Keep discouraging her and she’ll likely not sing in church either.

The correct answer to #9 is “we don’t have cable.”

#10 just highlights that at so many churches we arrive as strangers and pray as strangers and leave as strangers.  What a way to worship God.

From our regular priest during one of his regular homilies: “If we were all here having a parish dinner and Jesus walked in through that door he would say to us “No no.. Don’t get up on my account, keep doing what you’re doing.”

Most of these things,  and the comments afterwards, make me very sad.  I long for the day when the church will once again be as it is meant to be, and not some silly this or that ... well, to much to say. Thank you, dear Lord, for setting many people’s hearts on fire, so that we will be the people of God we are meant to be, and follow the Church as we should, both while at the Church, with reverence and awe (and quiet), and when we live, being faithful apostles, in thought, word and deed.  Amen

Number 3 is hilarious! Some of these are a little bit scary though!

just making sure that everyone reading this is aware that liturgical dance equals liturgical abuse…. its not allowed. REPORT IT TO YOUR BISHOP.

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=5631&highlight=liturgical+dance

Try the diocese of Albany New York: We have a priestly celebrant who insists on telling jokes during his homilies…at funerals. We have a congressional representative, who actively supports public funding for abortion,up on the altar at Christmas Mass offering the Blood of Christ to those receiving communion. We have a bishop whose “call” to diocese priests is that they can not refuse communion to this fellow. I asked another priest what the Pope’s position on this is, the priest told me he didn’t care what the Pope’s position was. This particular priest holds himself in very high regard. at least in the Albany diocese, receiving Holy Orders and/or a bishop’s mitre is clearly no warrant against an arrogant disresrect for the Eucharist,the Vicar of Christ, the priestly vocation or the laity. Table turning, indeed.

Report it to the bishop! Report it to the bishop! Like a bunch of children. “Authority has simply been abused too long in the Catholic Church and for many people it just becomes utterly stupid and intolerable to have to put up with the kind of jackassing around that is posed in God’s name. It is an insult to God Himself and in the end it can only discredit all idea of authority and obedience. There comes a point where they simply forfeit the right to be listened to” (Hidden Ground of Love, Thomas Merton).

It’s scary to think how many people could be led astray by a misinformed priest.

In response to Mr.Reed. The Vatican, Cardinal Arinze has said liturgical dance is forbidden in the Roman(west),I believe he even mentioned the U.S.and Europe specifically in his interview on EWTN.He heads the CDF at the Vatican.Liturgical dance is not part of the rubrics of the Mass. It never has been.I do see Protestant churches do it.My wife used to be Protestant. It’s just outright embarrassing to watch. That’s what you have to do fill in the space where you used to have the Liturgy of the Eucharist. Have you read St.Justin Martyr’s description of the Mass in his Apology letter written in approx.200 a.d.,No liturgical dancing. I see unfaithful Catholics trying to change the Mass to a Protestant service.Oh,by the way I do believe there are documents from either the NCCB or the Vatican not allowing the dance.

Regarding #7: St. Augustine is credited as saying, “to sing is to pray twice.” So what’s so crazy about what your daughter said?

A visiting Jesuit priest first apologized for the damage other Jesuits may have done, then spent his homily talking about how we need to be like John the Baptist and make the world a better place so that Jesus could come back. arrrrgh…

Kolodziej:

I’m not sure what’s so bad about that one? It might set some bad eschatology-related expectations, but I guess it does seem, broadly, true or getting there. After all, are we not to preach the Gospel to all four corners of the earth, and is this not one of the conditions of Christ’s return?

Daniel, I watched his interview on YouTube and didn’t hear the word “forbidden”.  Let me say that I’m not a huge fan of liturgical dance and have rarely seen it done what I (not a dancer) would consider well.  Like any other facet of the Mass, it should be done with care and be well presented by people with the necessary skills.  If people are using it just to fill space, then I’d agree it’s not appropriate.  But I’d question whether it’s implicitly forbidden.  However, in my small parish in NW Ohio, we have people from Central America, Africa, Europe, and Asia.  Do we ignore their cultural Catholic experience or do we attempt to make them feel welcome?

A homily that starts…“Life is kinda like that squirrel…”  True story.

What irks me to no end is the idea that we have to be entertained! The priests/deacons in our parish have to walk around and down the aisles making jokes like they’re on a comedy tour. Most whip through the consecration with no real respect. As a member of the Respect Life Ministry we have been asking for years for them to occasionally include something on abortion and moral issues in their homilies. A couple have mentioned abortion, but of course it HAS to be included with the “Seamless garment” laundry list and that whole cover for liberals. The music has to be entertaining too, not uplifting and beautiful. The whole center for attending mass has shifted from Jesus to feeling good and being entertained.

As an usher I can’t imagine saying # 9…...but I’m sure there are ushers who would since we never hear anything about contraception from our priests or Bishop!

RE #10—Um, are you sure you weren’t in a Protestant church? (sarcasm) UGH. I agree with the very 1st comment by Ryan Ellis: Do what ever you have to to stay away from these abuses.  Many “Ordinary” form / Novus Ordo parishes in the US have basically become more or less fully Protestantized in their practices (if not in their “official” theology), and the proof is the absolute irreverence and disrespect for the Eucharist that is rampant. Shame on all the priests who encourage or don’t stand up to this! “With great power [Holy Orders!] comes great responsibility.”

Paul B seems to quote Thomas Merton as an ecclesial authority.  Thomas Merton wrote lots of books, but, at least towards the end of his life, seems to have been very much adrift from his Christian moorings (had love affair, etc). I say this not to pass judgement on Merton’s soul (God knows the depths of MY perniciousness) but to point out the fallibility of one that another is holding up as a permission-giver to show disrespect toward bishops and other authorities in the Church.

i am not sure what all this liturgical dance is. I have never seen it. I think if “father” cutie, the one from the other blog) ever finds out about it he might put up a few dancer poles in his church. maybe the congregation can stuff their offerings in whatever pieces of clothing the dancers may still be wearing. all in the name of being more open and inclusive of coarse.

Rick, I understand we want to help them feel comfortable when they come here. I get it. At my parish we have at least 20 languages spoken. We even have a priest that does a Mass for people from Burma.They have no dance by the way. We have someone who just moved here from Japan. They do not genuflect,they normally bow as is the custom in Japan. Getting on one’s knees is foreign to them.My parish has not changed the rubrics for this wonderful family.In Africa they are allowed a skip type of sway when they do their procession(in some parishes,not all), also not dance. You ask shall we ignore their cultural experience.No not at all.We have so many Masses said in different languages.I’ve been to many.I don’t see any real difference.They should understand we have a culture here too.  Europeans have the same Mass we do with little difference, Central America has the same Mass brought to them by the Europeans.My sister-in-law who is from Ecuador.No differences really.Asia has same basic rubrics except for the genuflecting.The beauty of the Mass is its said the same in the Roman Rite almost everywhere.Liturgical dance is an abuse,period. It is forbidden or I’ll use, not allowed, to help you. It has never been in the Mass. Call Fr.Mitch Pacwa on Catholic Answers. He always says he paints within the lines in reference to the Mass. Do what the Magisterium says, period.He says liturgical dance is Forbodden in German.Hand holding is discouraged too,God forbid.My basic point is do what the Church says,not what you think is o.k.That breeds chaos.For example,The Episcopal Church,who by the way has Liurgical dance.God Bless,take care

I see absolutely no benefit in printing negative comments or statements made by parents, kids, priests, etc. about their Catholic faith and practices.  It serves only to undermine the good work done by the RCIA, Catechists, dedicated Priests and Deacons and a host of others who are called to evangelize.

At my old parish, we had a similar experience to jk’s (11:04, Jan 27) sin-burning bowl. Parishioners were told to choose just one sin and mentally place it into their cupped hands. Then they were to come up the aisle and carefully tip their cupped hands toward a large bowl of holy water, pretending to “pour” out the sin. It was so pathetically sad watching long lines of dear innocent gullible fellow parishioners standing in lines like schoolchildren with their hands carefully cupped in front of them. As for “tell the bishop,” well, not in my diocese.  To paraphrase the late Anne Roche Muggeridge who wrote the prophetic Desolate City, as well as The Gates of Hell: Tell the bishop. Tell the bishop?! Oh hell, the bishop knows and does nothing about it.

What amazes me is that people think that there were never liturgical abuses before Vatican II. I wasn’t born yet, but I have studied a little bit of Church history. The point is, the Church is not a group of perfect people, it is a hospital for sinners.

Mr. Lower:

There are at least 3 things wrong with what said priest said:

1. Last I checked, we are to be like Christ, not John the Baptist, the man who said “He must increase; I must decrease”.

2. Christ comes back whenever He wants, whether we have made the world “ready” or not.

3. For the priest, “ready” meant doing good works, not really preaching the Gospel of repentance and forgiveness.

@Jeanne G.,
It’s not that there weren’t pre-Vatican 2 liturgical abuses. But the abuses are so prevalent know, and they are a huge problem that need to be rooted out of the Church. Before Vatican 2, abuses were much more benign.

As I read the comments I’m reminded how many Catholics have no sense of humor!  This article cracked me up!

Where we used to live we had a retired priest from another diocese that was sent to live near us.  So he celebrated Mass with us from time to time.  In two successive years we heard him homilize on the loaves and fishes, saying, “Some people think that Jesus actually just convinced the people to share what they had.”  We had long since learned that when he said “some people think”, it meant “I think.”

After the second time we went to complain to our pastor, and guess what?  He agreed with him.  The pastor soon retired for the second time, and turned up down the road, married to one of our parishioners, and was a pastor at a Congregational church.

I know its frustrating - but we MUST PRAY FOR OUR PRIESTS! They are in danger because they do God’s work and are under constant spiritual attack for this. Let us “correct one another in the spirit of gentleness - taking care that we do not fall into temptation ourselves in doing this.” Yes, we must face these abuses and address them passionately - but we MUST DO THIS IN PRAYER! PRAYER IS OUR MAIN WEAPON AGAINST THE EVILS OF THE DAY! Faithful and obedient priests come out of a culture of faithful and obedient laity. The old generation is dying out. As laity we must be priestly people and build a culture of piety and faithfulness to the magisterium. The new priests are coming. They’re in there 20s and 30s and have only recently been ordained. Many of them are children still but will grow to be strong and pious priests and religious. Have hope! PRAY! Lets don’t teach our children (future priests and religious) to complain and undermine authority like a bunch of fishwives (I’m guilty of this myself, I know its tough!). That’s how things got messed up to begin with. We must show our absolute reverence for God the Father by obeying our superiors from our hearts, even if they are wrong, and praying for them, because in obeying them, we really do reverence to Christ. We are His sheep. We hear His voice. We must be better sheep, and better shepherds will spring up from among us. That’s why this is called ‘the age of the laity.’ This is what we are being called to do, we have to raise the bar ourselves. We laypeople are now being called to become more faithful, wise and holy than we have ever been in history. The church is getting stronger - WE have to pick up the slack! God can use this difficulty to build up the faith of His Church like never before. Lets rejoice in this cross! Offer it up! PRAY!

Dear Mike, You said it brother,nuff said. Pray,Pray,Pray and when you get tired pray anyway. We have 4 awesome priests at our parish and 24/7 Eucharistic Adoration. We have 2 young men in seminary now. Prayer works everytime. Live well,Die Holy…St.Robert Bellarmine

In regards to abuses at Mass.  A learned and holy priest once told us to go to a parish church where the true word of God was preached and put our envelopes from our parish in the collection basket.  He said they would be forwarded to our home parish and that the Pastor would get the message that people were offended by his attitude and if enough of the parishioners did this he would change.  His fellow priests would know what was happening too.

@Posted by reyes jones rodriguez

I’m in the RCIA program at my local parish as a canadate and didn’t find any of the humorus quotes in the original article offensive or undermining the work done by the “RCIA, Catechists, dedicated Priests and Deacons and a host of others who are called to evangelize.” If anything it serves to remind people that there are good and bad in everything and to always be on guard. Priest, Deacons, Catechist, teachers etc are ALL fallable humans.

As to liturgical dance, I think some clarification is worthwhile.

If we are talking about during the mass, liturgical dance has a legitimate place, but that legitimate place is *very* narrow.  It is only appropriate in cultures that have a tradition of dance as communication.  So, the dance needs to mean something, the community needs to understand what it means because they “speak” that language of dance, and what the dance says must be appropriate for mass. 

The only Western example I can think of is perhaps hula.  The movements have meanings that people understand.  However, I think that you might find it somewhat more difficult for hula to meet the standard that it must say something that is appropriate for mass.

The modern ballet/interpretive dance manifestation that usually appears in Western Catholicism as liturgical dance is absolutely forbidden and an abuse.  No matter how delicately or beautifully done, it is an abuse.  If you want to have a prayer service outside of mass with this kind of liturgical dance, that’s fine.  But it is a liturgical abuse in the mass.

Thanks for the laughs. Many of the comments were funnier. So many people think so highly of themselves and their belief in the “right” way to do Mass.
1) Please learn your religious history - the Mass is NOT practiced the same way it was 100 or 1000 years ago. It is not some ritualized spell cast to summon God’s blessing.
2) Unless I missed something, humans are flawed. Spend a little more time forgiving your neighbor and spend a little less time wrapped in your own self righteousness.
3) Love your neighbor, it is God’s job to judge them.

My penance was “getting a facial”....only in LA!

One time when our pastor was on vacation we had a visiting priest who seemed all wrapped up in his own personal chalice.  He told us that it was a gift from his family and included his mother’s wedding ring melted down in the gold.  He received it at his ordination.  Well, besides being quite enthralled with his chalice, he went on to say that maybe some day we could have a chalice made at the ordination of our son or DAUGHTER!  When our pastor got back several parishioners told him of this incident and being a solid “Catholic” priest he told the other that he was way off base and was never to imply women as priests again.  Sadly our good pastor has retired due to health and age.  Presently our parish is priestless, but I shudder at what me might end up with.

At my confirmation my best friend was sitting next to my mother half way across the Church.  Our eighty year old priest was walking down the aisle sprinkling the congregation with Holy Water for Easter vigil and she made a face when he neared her row, so he gave that row a particularly strong sprinkling of water.  She looked at my mom and said in a fairly loud whisper, “Did you see that?  He just hit on me!”

Years ago when our children were quite young we attended a solemn high Mass on All Saints Day.  There were several priests concelebrating Mass and were dressed in their full vestments.  My twin boys were whispering to each other and all of a sudden one of them shouts out “trick or treat”.
At first I couldn’t figure out why they said that until I realized that they had never seen priests in full vestments.  I can laugh about it now, but at the time I’m sure I turned all shades of red.

Some time in 2008, my wife and I went for a weekly prayer meeting as usual. After the Rosary,it was fund raising time. The master of ceremony said, “Someone has put his $20 in the plate, can we have Mr. and Mrs. Carrington kiss each other?” That was the last time I joined them in their meetings.

1. Priest at this year’s Midnight Mass: If I could be anyone or anything in the Christmas story, I’d be the straw!” he then spent 40 minutes extoling the virtues of good clean straw.
2. At same mass: woman pats her beau’s rear in time to the snazzy musicwhile the twomen in front of my children snuggled closely and played with each others chained goth gear.

I thought about reposting to FB, but I’m afraid anyone who reads it might be scandalized and think this goes on in ALL Catholic Churches.
Lord, have mercy on us.

Thank you LisaB. You have saved our church from embarrassment! (Yes, I’m being ironic)

My parish priest insists on using the word ‘grasshoppers’ rather than follow the gospel reading which reads John the Baptist ate ‘locusts’ and honey. I begged him one time to just read the Gospel as it is but he insisted his parishioners won’t understand ‘locusts’ since English is not their native tongue. It irritates me every time.

Years ago, I remember a funny incident during Holy Week ceremonies. The lector was reading one of the lessons and mispronounced one of the words. The phrase was “flaming braziers”, but he said “flaming brazierres”. I remember my mom having to leave church, it was so funny to her.

I listen to EWTN every day, and happen to catch a good bit of Fr. Corapi. I mentioned this to my priest, and he interrupted me and said, “You mean father CR-APPY?!?”

I now daily ask Mary to take him to her Son… that’s about all we can do, isn’t it?

One year at Easter the priest (a very good priest but slightly lacking in social skills) starts the homily with the joke about the lady who saves the Easter bunny, just killed by a car, by spraying it with a can of Hair Spray. “Restores life to dead hair, ensures permanent wave.” When the congregation didn’t laugh much he went on to explain, for two or three minutes about the how hair and hare are synonyms.

From behindthename.com: “EITHNE
Gender: Feminine
Usage: Irish, Scottish
Pronounced: ETH-na, ET-na, EN-ya, EN-a [key]
Means “kernel” in Gaelic. This was the name of a 5th-century Irish saint, sister of Saint Fidelma and follower of Saint Patrick.”

Turn to _The Book of Saints_, by the Benedicting Monks of Ramsgate (1947 ed.), for Sts. Ethenia and Fidelma, daughters of King Laoghaire, d. 433, feast on Jan 11. 

Nice if you looked anything up first, Michael.  Just spread attacks against the church without any common sense!

My parish church is named St. Helena, not for the then cardinal’s late mother Helena, but for her patron saint, to whom she had a lifelong devotion.  This is a very common and graceful practice.

I went to an all male Catholic HS. Best line ever was when one of the older Brothers who taught there said to a student being obnoxious in Mass: “Shutup! This is Ash Wednesday, not Ass Wednesday!”

There IS an “Edna” in the Bible - in the Book of Tobit - don’t know if she’s a “saint” - but here you go -  7:1 And when they arrived at Ecbatane, they came to the house of Raguel, and Sarah met them. And after they had greeted one another, she brought them into the house. 7:2 Then Raguel said to Edna his wife, “How much this young man is like Tobit my kinsman!” 7:3 And Raguel asked them, “Where do you come from, brethren?” They said to him, “We are of the sons of Naphtali, who are captives in Nineveh.” 7:4 Then he said to them, “Do you know Tobit our kinsman?” And they said, “We know him.” Then he said, “Is he in good health?” 7:5 And they said, “He is both alive and in good health.” And Tobias said, “He is my father.” 7:6 Then Raguel leaped up and kissed him and wept. 7:7 And he blessed him and said to him, “You are the son of an honest and good man.”

Also - there is a Saint Modwenna Also known as Edna
Memorial 5 July - Profile - princess who renounced her wealth and position to become a nun. Renowned for her sanctity and miracles.
Born - 9th century Irish - Canonized - Pre-Congregation

They must not have looked very hard… took me 10 minutes on SPQN.com

Walking to our car after mass with 5 of my 8 children I hear the older grandmother parked next to us say to her granddaughter, ” Five kids, ugh!”.  I was too shocked to say anything before she jumped in her car and left.  However, I made it a point to try to sit near her for the next few Sundays when I had all of my children with me.

Back in the ‘70’s we had young, assistant Priest who insisted that soon the Church would have women priests, married priests, accept and sanctify homosexual relationships, ad naseum. Every Sunday he would come out with something crazy in his homily and every Sunday one elderly woman would call him on it being able to quote Pope, Early Father, Scripture, and Documents, Chapter and verse. (She had photographic memory) One day he said to her, “If you are so unhappy here why don’t you go elsewhere?” She responds, “Father, I am one of the original parishoners of this parish, I helped build it. I’m not going anywhere. When YOU are long gone I will still be here.” He left the parish and the priesthood and married. She was buried in HER Church at the age of 98. Deo Gratias

Craziest thing I’ve ever heard at mass:  The priest, at the end of his homily, said, “We don’t really know what truth is.”  The only thing I can say is that this was daily mass, so everyone knew better (hopefully).
@ Jk, if the Parish/Newman center was at WVU, it is much better now. We have a priest from Nigeria now (a little liberal though) and a Benedictine as our pastor, much, much better than what we had before.

As we got seated in our pew (Dad, Mom and our 8 children) a little boy behind us stated loudly: “Look Mom, a real family!”

Yesterday at Mass I observed how the priest sets the tone at Mass.  For the past 14 years our priest has insisted on silence in the church and everyone respected this.  Now he has retired and the priest who celebrated Mass is way too liberal.  He continued to ad lib with silly comments throughout the Mass.  At the end of Mass almost everyone was loudly thanking him for being there.  A complete reversal from the past.

I have been to Mass at this particular priest’s parish and he allows the ushers to greet with a handshake and nonsense chit chat as you leave the pew to receive Communion.  And, of course everyone applauds the choir at the end of Mass, too, as if the music was for their entertainment.

Oh for the good old days!

@Raphael E.

I HAVE learned my history.  The Mass of 1962 was essentially the same since the Council of Trent in 1537.  The Mass that was then promoted as “The Mass of All Time” was essentially the same as the Mass codified in the 7th Century by Pope Gregory the Great.  The only differences were minor, organic differences, such as additions and minor alterations to the Liturgical Calendar and small additions and subtractions to help reinforce the Faith.  In his book The Stripping of the Altars, Eamon Duffy shows pictures of the Holy Sacrifice from the 12th-15th Centuries.  It is remarkable how similar those pictures are to the pictures of the same parts of Holy Mass taken prior to the Council.

In addition, Mass has the added side-effect of instructing and reinforcing the Faith.  For this reason, the Church has always been very careful in prescribing actions and words.  Certain actions and words can have detrimental effects on the faith of the faithful.  Hence the phrase: “Say the Black, Do the Red.”

To those harping on the whole St. Etna parish in Chicago: the parishioners themselves admitted who it was they named the parish after.  Scorn cannot be heaped on he who lets it be known.  In addition, prior to the 12th Century (or thereabouts) different countries developed their own lists of Saints. The Irish, then, had a large list of Saints that were honored in Eire, but nowhere else.  If you read some of the hagiography of the 6th and 7th Centuries, the hagiographers name many “Saints” that aren’t necessarily recognized by the Universal Church.  In fact, in the East, Constantine the Great is known as St. Constantine for his death-bed conversion and his aide to the Church.

Yvonne’s and Susan L.‘s posts…LOL!

Some of these posts are funny and some are scary to hear happening in the Church, but it’s good to be able to share with others our concerns. It’s a good reminder to pray.

11 more reasons why I attend an SSPX Chapel

One of the craziest things I ever heard in church here in northern CA was a Filipino priest whose homilies were like standup comedy routines. He told an off color story during one homily that had the Filipino sisters roaring with laughter, and then he proceeded to speak a little bit about the Gospel in a more serious vein. I am not picking on Filipinos, the 2nd generation American Portuguese/French pastor broke the rules by allowing a Vietnamese seminarian to preach, and the pastor smiled broadly when the seminarian said that God can be found as well in a barroom as in church.  Of course, there was the time in the late 70s that feminist Gloria Steinem said the “homily” at St. Joan of Arc Church in Minneapolis.  And the time at a Franciscan retreat house that the Franciscan sisters in sweatshirts and jeans danced the bread and wine up to the altar at the Offertory. The priest stood up an acted out the Gospel Mt. 19:10, in which Christ said that divorce is not allowed, and he followed that by saying that Jesus was not against divorce. I asked him how he could say that, and he said that a theologian had written it. And the time that at a youth Mass the liturgist put a 5 ft high Snoopy stuffed toy in the presider’s chair behind the altar, I’m sure making it clear to the kids that comic characters and the Faith are equally fictional.

there’s so much words and actions going around where the church and he bible are concerned, that we forget what Jesus said and did for us. let us stop to analyze and interpret everything to suit us and do what we should do: follow the good Lord’s way, and this includes me as well.and yes, ido believe God is a bar room; should there be a ” conversion of spirit”, which force would the person choose but the Lord? we know for a fact that the devil is all over therefore, so is the Lord ifwe are ready to accept HIM. REMEMBER THE COMMANDMENTS, it really is that easy. have a great day!

@Roman Sobtka: God is everywhere, you are right. But we are present at the sacrifice of Calvary during the Mass, and you can’t do that in a bar room.  Christ is present Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity in the Eucharist.  The pastor I mentioned was following the theologians who dismiss the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist.  And he was teaching his protégé the same heresy. Your approach of “analyze and interpret everything to suit us” is the path to multiple interpretations, only one of which can be right. I was a “Bible-belieiving” Protestant for a while, but it was obvious that individuals are not able to discern on their own what the Bible means because they contradict each other all over the place. The Bible was canonized by the Church after a long time when the Bible simply did not exist and the “deposit of faith” handed down from the Apostles was the only sure guide to the Christian life. The Church also relies on Sacred Tradition as well as Sacred Scripture to teach the true interpretation of what the Bible means. Jesus went beyond the Ten Commandments. He said we needed to remember Him with eating His Body and drinking His Blood, and when some were revolted, He didn’t say, “Come back, it is only a symbol.” Because it’s not a symbol. It’s really Him, and you aren’t going to eat His Flesh and Drink His Blood in a bar room.

@Maria Dalgarno:  “I think the only way forward for faithful Catholics is to find real priests… and go to that Mass. even if it is a distance away..”

I drive 20 mins. every weekend to a blessed reverent and holy Mass, away from the clown Masses.  We have to support them with attendance and financially as much as possible.  The others, we have to pray for and offer up our communions for their conversions.

I have really enjoyed these sad/happy events others have seen and endured in their parishes.  Sometimes you think you are the only one cringing in the pew.  I finally had to walk out when I heard for the umteeth time that Jesus didn’t really multiply the loaves and fishes, the people just took out the food they had under their cloaks! Also, Mosas led the people out of Egypt during low tide!! I said the miracle must have been the whole Egyptian army drowning in 2 inches of water! The same priest made fun of me when I quoted Mother Angelica, and pretty much ignored me from then on.  I changed parishes, and was very happy, but had to move, and am facing much the same “stuff” again. I pray everyday for Mary’s Shepherds, our priests.  God bless each and every one of them.

I believe the intent of the message was humurous/sarcastic . . . maybe?  Some of you really need to get a life!

Hey Marti when it comes to the salvation of souls, your comments of “getting a life” do not apply

The teacher was probably thinking of St.Augustine’s remark: “He who sings, prays twice”. I think it is lovely to encourage children to sing their prayers. When you think about the popular music they can all sing by heart! I would rather they were singing prayers, hymns and religious songs. JMO

Here is something funny that a friend’s son said to him, but I need to tell it before the church part comes in. My friend’s son needed a new pair of cowboy boots since his had gotten a few holes.  My friend and his son went all over town looking for the right pair and finally found them.  On Sunday the little boy wore his brand new boots to show off to Jesus.  The moment of the Consecration arrived and the boy whispered to his Dad,
“Dad, that is Jesus and the Cross right?”
my friend replied “Yes Joseph.”
“Dad, are his eyes closed?”
“Yes they are because Jesus died so that he could redeem us.”
“But Dad if his eyes are closed, how is he going to see my new cowboy boots?”

This made me realize that as a mother of 10 i have views that are shaped by my experiences and can never be understood by those who have no children or are in some way different than I or belong to a different culture. The body of Christ has many cells and we are all invited to be part of it even those who are very different than we are. I really got a good laugh out of these comments listed here. Thank you.

@Michael Shelby Edwards: TY for your charitable thoughts and suggestion. Yes, pray for our priests, that they may guide us rightly on our walk with Jesus.
Generally, I appreciate the anecdotes shared in the original piece, and others included as comments. I can relate to many, and am thankful that others I have not experienced. I have one of my own to share, too. The family lore is that when I was still pre-school/toddler age, I was becoming aware of who Jesus is. One Sunday, as the usher came down the aisle to take the collection I asked my mother, referring to the usher, “Mom, is that Jesus?” She was mortified.

I was traveling this weekend and attended Mass at another parish.  The church is the most beautiful I have ever seen in person.  I expected a traditional Mass. Boy, was I wrong.  The priest starts the Mass by asking a woman who gave a large donation to the school to come to the front and thanked her and had everyone applaud.  A little bit after he starts the Mass, some kids and 2 adults go up to the front, then the all walk down the aisle while everyone sings “Jesus love the Little Children” and everyone raises their hands like a Nazi salue.  I started to but quickly put my hand down.  I felt so weird.  Then during the Psalm reading, a man and his daughter go to the front and sing.  Right after the priest announced that this man is a member of the Lutheran Church and his wife and daughter are members of this parish and everyone applauds again. During the homily the priest gaves examples of stories.  He more or less says that the resurrection in the Bible is about rising above sin.  He doesn’t say that it is not about actually rising from the dead but it’s almost implied.  During the Eucharistic prayer, when the reading is “ever virgen Mary” he just says “with Mary and Joseph”.  (He wasn’t looking at the book so maybe that was a mistake but with everything else, it made me wonder.) Before the blessing, the priest then asks us “how our progress so far” and everyone clapped.  I just felt like I had attended a partial Protestant service. Only good thing was there were no “clowns”.  This parish is located in a tourist trap town in Texas so maybe the priest feels he has to appease the liberal crowd that attend from Austin, Tx.  I just know that I will never complain about my parish even if the homilies are a bit watered down.  It’s very traditional compared to this one and others I read about it.

“@ Jk, if the Parish/Newman center was at WVU, it is much better now.”
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Martin.  Bleep!!!  I can’t believe it.
It crossed my mind when I read that post, but then I thought, nahhh…
Not that I have anything against them, never really ventured downtown.