Q: In the confessional I told my priest that I had had a bad few weeks with my children — that I was really tired of dealing with them at times, yelling too much, not being as patient as I could be, and so on. I was really surprised when he told me that I had “done my duty” by being open to life to that point (I have six kids) and that it would be okay to “get on the pill” to avoid having any more children. Was he right to say what he said? I was really upset by the whole situation.

A: No, he was not right in what he said and it’s horrible that he would say such a thing. It is a sign of the extent to which the culture has influenced those in the Church rather than those in the Church influencing the culture. The Church teaches that “every action which ... proposes ... whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible is intrinsically evil.” (CCC 2370; Humanae Vitae 14).

In other words, the very nature of contraception is evil. Contraception is intrinsically evil and having a certain number of children does not change its use from evil to good. The end does not justify the means. Now, the Church does not require that a couple have as many children as they can possibly have, but there is a right way and a wrong way to space births. The wrong way, the evil way, is to use contraception. The right way, the way provided by God Himself, is natural birth regulation, also known as natural family planning or NFP.

The Church teaches that it is okay to use NFP when there are “serious motives to space out births, which derive from the physical or psychological conditions of husband and wife, or from external conditions,” (Humanae Vitae 16). The Catechism says the following in this regard: “For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness...” (CCC 2368). And, from Vatican II, “When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts...” (Gaudium et spes 51,3).

To discern their motives for wanting to space out births, the couple obviously needs to pray together and to closely examine their consciences, and they may wish to discuss it with their priest as well — although obviously not with a priest who believes contraception is okay. Never, however, should the means of spacing births involve artificial contraception. To knowingly and willfully use contraception when one knows that the Church teaches against it, generally constitutes grave matter and may very well put someone in a state of mortal sin and could endanger their eternal salvation. For a priest to tell someone that it is okay to “get on the pill” because she already has enough children is morally irresponsible and could very well constitute a mortal sin for that priest which could also endanger his eternal salvation.

Which is why we need to continually keep our priests in prayer so that they may be bold in preaching and teaching the truth, the whole truth, that Jesus Christ has given to us through the Church that He founded on the Rock of Peter, and that they not be influenced by the culture of death in which we currently live and of which contraception is an integral part.

God’s love is a pro-creative love. He creates because He loves. Love between husband and wife should mirror God’s love. It should be a pro-creative love. When someone uses contraception, their love becomes a selfish, anti-creative love and it no longer mirrors God’s love.