I was recently part of a small group setting in which a young priest shared a fascinating story. He'd been talking about the role of the celibate life in the Church, and he made a passing comment about an old friend whom he'd known some years back. This friend was a Protestant, and had once felt a strong call to live a life of celibacy. This friend had felt so strongly driven by this desire that he had approached his pastor about it. The pastor admitted that he, too, had felt a call to the celibate life when he was younger, but counseled the young man to try to move past it. The pastor explained that he had suppressed those feelings and pursued the married life, and he encouraged the young man to do the same.
Until that moment, I don't think it had ever occurred to me that there are people out there who are drawn to the celibate life but have no clear avenues for pursuing it. I mean, it makes sense now that I think about it: God has expressed his full plan for the human life through the structure of his Church, and that structure involves people who live lives of celibacy. So, presumably, there are plenty of people out there in the world who are meant for this path, but don't pursue it because they don't know it's an option. Granted, there is nothing to stop a Protestant man or woman from making a private commitment to embrace the unmarried life, but it would be an extremely difficult calling to live out without the support of a community of other folks who have been called to this same vocation.
The more I think about it, the more saddened I am to think of what our culture lost when schismatic branches of Christianity did away with the option of consecrated religious life. In the eyes of the world, these kinds of vocations are a negative aspect of the Church. According to the common wisdom, celibate priests and consecrated religious make huge, unnecessary sacrifices. But what we rarely consider is the fact that some people are indeed meant for this kind of vocation; maybe it's not most people, but, like that priest's Protestant friend who had that deep yearning, there are plenty of folks out there who have a special call to remain chaste and unmarried their entire lives.
Like all the big heresies, the rejection of celibate vocations sounds like it should be true. It certainly fits right in with the conventional wisdom to say that nobody should have to live without the sexual aspect of his human nature in order to live a full life. But, like all heresies, it's based on man's ideas, not God's. And the sad fact is that when there is no longer the option of the consecrated religious life, many people miss out on being able to fulfill their heart's deepest longings.
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Nice ... But it seems to me that “When You Want Not to Be Celibate, but Can’t” is much bigger problem :-((
Great article. A thought I’ve never really considered. God was leading that Protestant man towards something….if only he’d had the correct spiritual counselor for that particular need.
The only person I can think of that is doing this openly and publicly is Michael Voris of RealCatholicTV. Like him or hate him, he has very publicly stated that he has consecrated himself to the celibate life through Mary and that is his calling. It allows him to do what he feels is his small part in God’s work though his internet site and shows as well as the ability to travel all over the world.
It is certainly not something you hear people do everyday, but Jennifer, you are right. One would assume that not everyone is called to be a father or mother, wife or husband, and the life of the priesthood or consecrated religious might not be the right alternative. Many certainly are called to the life of a celibate man or woman but society seems to find that nearly abusive rather than even simply strange. All those called to celibacy would benefit from our prayers today, I’m sure.
I agree with Magnificat!! I want very much not to be celibate and find my husband already!! Camille, pray for me too!!
That said, jennifer, this was a very thought provoking article and I agree with you. Certainly don’t mean to diminish your message by joking about my personal plight! (but, you know… since the register doesn’t have a singles writer, we have to contribute when we can!)
I think many of us have a kind of stunted outlook on what celibacy actually means. I am by no means an expert in the area, but after reading the talk Peter Kreeft gave, called “Is There Sex in Heaven ?”, my former views were sort of thrown for a loop. Between that and Bernini’s rendition of St. Teresa of Avila, and even JP2’s enlightened teachings on pure human love imaging the Holy Trinity, I’m inspired to think that celibacy is less a pure well that is “capped off”, and more like a fire that is redirected (thus, calling for a profound fecundity!). I’m curious to know what others think of the Kreeft article, as it might step on a few toes.
Interesting post. But I think the headline is misleading. I thought it was going to be about someone claiming it was impossible to be celibate, to which I would say, no it’s not, it’s a matter of will, and anyone who is not married is called to celibacy! But anyway…
If one wants to live a celibate life, one can. Even a Protestant. Not too long ago I heard Mary Welchel, a protestant (Christian Working Woman broadcasts) talk about how she fell in love with Jesus and decided not to get married…can’t remember if she had ever been married before. And there are other protestant women who quietly do this I think…
It is sad that most protestant denominations don’t recognize this option as real and valid, and some teach that it is contrary to God’s plan. But that’s not Scriptural! Jesus Himself said that some make themselves eunuchs (so to speak!) for the sake of the kingdom of God, and that those who can accept it, should!
When one is called to celibacy for love of Christ, it is a joy!
Hello,
It is important to recognize that the celibate life is open (in a general sense) to everyone:
For there are eunuchs, who were born so from their mother’s womb: and there are eunuchs, who were made so by men: and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven. He that can take, let him take it.
Certainly, there are obstacles for some people, but the celibate life is not an option for those “called”. This way of looking at the religious vocation makes it seem as though Christ’s invitation to us to follow Him more closely through the 3 Evangelical counsels is only for a select few who’ve experienced mystical communions.
The invitation to celibacy is there for all of us to consider, whether we have a personal feeling of attraction to it or not.
Amen:) I another great reason to give vocation talks:)
I once babysat for a young married Catholic convert who (at the time) was 32, married 6 years. Before meeting her husband (who had also been Protestant and converted), she was a devout Protestant and was about ready to commit herself to celibacy because she had become convicted that “only Christ completes me.” Shortly thereafter, she met Mark, and found in him the same zeal and also a hunger to get to the roots of the faith and authenticity in doctrine. He too, I believe, had been contemplating celibacy. (His reading of the early Church Fathers is what brought them to Catholicism together.) I don’t remember exactly how she reconciled her earlier conviction with the subsequent marriage, but I’m guessing it was along the lines of finding Christ’s call in her husband - or at least sharing the Christian journey with him. What did stick with me was my amazement - as a cradle Catholic and college student deepening my own awareness of “vocation” - at the depth of her conviction, desire to be solely Christ’s, and willingness to put it into action in her life, despite the total lack of infrastructure in the Protestant Christian world to do so.
I think marriage and celibacy reveal so much about God and our relationship to Him - we learned this continually in my grad studies in theology - virginity as belonging solely to Christ, unity and distinction, immanence and transcendence - it makes sense that these longings and questions would surface in the hearts of sincere believers everywhere.
Amazing to revisit TOB and its rich vision for marriage and celibacy as complementary Christian vocations that mutually reveal the human person’s nature and destiny.
Not long ago I read a plea from an ordained and experienced Protestant minister who had never married (and did not intend to and who is not gay) and was looking for a job. He complained of churches who interviewed him and liked his experience and skills, but did not hire him because he didn’t have a wife to partner with him in his ministry. In other words, they were trying to hire two people for the price of one. As great as the need is, even in Protestant parishes, for ordained ministers, it was amazing to me that any parish would not hire this fellow just because he had no wife, but I believe it.
WOW! Finally someone has received the insight that the early Church Fathers and our One Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church has proclaimed for some two-thousand years.
Ave Maria!
The Servants of the Word are, “An ecumenical, international Christian brotherhood of men living single for the Lord.” http://servantsoftheword.org/
I have a friend with a large family who wishes every day of her life that she had entered religious life. I believe that if she is ever free to do so, she will.
If one is Catholic and a virgin, they may become a consecrated virgin without entering a religious order or becoming a priest.
I have met several people since I have entered the Church who intend to remain celibate. There is an incredible freedom in deciding that Jesus Christ is the one you wish to give yoursef to and it is true, once you decide to do that, you can look on everyone else as just human beings rather than a possible partner or date or whatever. Love can be given to everyone.
Chastity is never a problem when Jesus is the one you are in love with.
I applaud the will power of those who remain celibate by their own choosing. As they say, to each their own. However, I am troubled by the forced celibacy of Catholic priests. It’s a well known fact there is a shortage of priests. A good part of this problem may stem from the fact priests are not allowed to marry and have a family. I am sure this celibacy requirement turns away a lot of good men who would otherwise be willing to enter into the vocation. When it comes right down to it, given the choice, I will take the married priest over having an empty church with NO priest at all.
Michael, I am troubled by your characterization of the priesthood as being subject to “forced celibacy.” That isn’t true, and you know it isn’t. No one is forced into the priesthood, or into celibacy.
In responding to comment made about shortage of priest. Smething to think about… a married priest would follow the teaching of the church on contraception and be open to life. Are the parishioners willing to pay the living expensese of a married priest with a wife and say 8 kids? It is possible that he could have a large family. Priest are also callto move around alot and to relocate. This could cause stress of the wife and children. I life of celibacy allows priest to be more accessible to minister at all hours of the night and to go wherever they are needed.
The issue with shortage of priest is due to families not encourageing and talking about the religious life as a vocation. In my parents generation and the generatiosn before them, priesthood and sisterhood were vocations talked about. With high divorce rate and even protestant ministers get divorced then we add another challenge to the situation. We are seeing an increase in vocations as we have JPII to thank for that as well as Pope Benedict. More and more young people are opening themselves up to the religious life. It may not be happening as fast as we like but God’s time is not the same as our time. I have faith that in raising a generation of children who live and understand the Catholic faith and listening to the will of God will lead more to the enter the religious life. We need to continue to pray for vocations.
Lifelong celibacy certainly has a Biblical basis. Not sure why Protestants don’t embrace that. Anyone know of any Protestant monasteries?
1 Cor 7:8
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
I think the whole issue of celibacy both in and out of the priesthood is warped by the church’s stand on mandatory celibacy for priests. In trying to rationalize their position on celibacy for priests they want to escalate The value of celibacy. I heard a bishop extoll it because Christ was celibate. Of course he was celibate. Should he have been maried? That would have blown up the whole mariology theology.
Jennifer: my compliments for explaining this so well. I have many times had the same thoughts but would not so easily express them so well. Thank you for your wise comments full of living faith.
Many people ‘feel’ the ‘call’ to celibacy for a variety of reasons. In my professional experience, this ‘call’ and these ‘feelings’ can be the fleeting experiences of idealistic youth, the results of being used sexually and not wanting to reexperience it, fleeing the committments of marriage and the fear of trusting others in our culture of divorce and promiscuity, and sometimes, the result of thinking that to be ‘the best’ Catholic, they have to pursue this ‘higher’ vocation. This is NOT always the case but more often than not. In today’s age, especially among converts, we must think critically of anyone having passing thougths and saying this is what they should be doing. Celibacy is a serious committment not to be taken lightly or lightly recommended. It can only be succesful when undertaken by a mature individual with full freedom. This is a long process for most people in the 21st century.
This is sort of a non issue. If you want to be celibate, you can. No one forces you to marry in this society, nor to have sex. You just choose it. It’s called being single and celibate.
It is crazy for someone to live the state of chastity that his life demands, but everything else is worse.—and that everything else is worse is evidence that the claims of the Catholic Church are true.
As a priest for almost 25 years who has been faithful to all his vows, may I say that the scandal for me is the a Christian cleric no matter from whatever denomination would deny that God might call one to a celibate life. St. Paul makes it expressly clear that each should live in accordance with the manner in which they are called by God do so. Angels weep when clergy claiming to represent Christ lead people away from the gifts God may be calling them to accept. I wouldn’t trade my celibacy for anything. It has been a pure gift for more than a quarter of a century of joyous ministry as a Catholic priest. I am certain that it will continue to be so for the rest of my time on this mortal coil. It is not trial if one is authentically graced with the gift to successfully and joyously live life.
Fr. Tim Moyle
www.frtimmoyle.blogspot.com
I would happily pay for a priest with a family and 8 kids. Celibacy can be a beautiful thing, but so is marriage. It is silly to require it for ‘prudential’ reasons when our theology states what a beauty marriage is! Of course, there are challenges for married pastors of any kind but it’s true, there’s a whole depth and breadth of experience that comes from living with another human being in marriage!!!
In the Irresistible Revolution, Shane Claiborne talks about his feeling of being called to celibacy after an encounter with musician Rich Mullins, who likewise felt called to celibacy. This might not sound incredible, if it were not for the fact that both men are evangelical christians. (I heard that Rich Mullins was seriously looking into entering the church before his passing, but anyways)
Just as you say Jennifer, I believe that there are a lot of people who have the calling but do not know it is an option, or are so estranged from the the root of their faith tradition that they cannot locate it. Insofar as many people think they have to be dedicated to a career or whatever.
There is still something fleeting about it, if the chaste celibate commitment is not in some way Christocentric. In some way, Shane Claiborne even alludes to this, in becoming a love of Christ, while drawing inspiration from several Catholic saints and mystics.
As someone in the process of formation, A lot of people can get this really mixed up that someone is foregoing marriage for a “higher” purpose. It is essentially everything for one person, Christ, and in Christ, for everyone. It is a very personal thing, not an abstract thing.
As a Catholic Seminarian, I’m constantly seeking to better understand the value of celibacy. There is no doubt in my mind that chaste celibacy adds a certain power to one’s spiritual life and ministry. It allows the person to pour his or her entire heart and soul into a life of intimacy with God and service to others. But as I’ve heard in my conversations with other seminarians, and experienced myself, the celibate commitment is no bed of roses. One normally experiences great internal turmoil and sorrow, especially when confronted with a society in which everyone seems free to pursue romantic relationships.
Is the suffering that celibates endure simply the cross of salvation that Jesus calls them to carry? I tend to think that the answer is ‘yes’. So do I think that celibacy is important to priesthood? Absolutely. Is it essential? I can speak with the mind of the Church in answering ‘no’, it’s not. Maybe one day Mother Church, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, will allow priest the option of marrying.
Even though some Catholic rites allow married men to become clergy, celibacy or at least continence (being married but not engaging in marital relations) has always been of high importance since apostolic times. And even when married clergy is allowed (such as in the Eastern rites), once ordained, a married priest cannot remarry if his wife dies. And bishops must be celibate.
I think celibacy is a beautiful gift (even though, as Nathan said, it is not easy), and as a seminarian, I hope it remains the norm for priests.
And as for priest shortage…. Stop whining, and stop contracepting. If there arent baby boys there will not be priests! As for Protestant people who feel called to celibacy, I wonder what keeps them out of the Catholic church, especially if they are inspired by consecrated people. I would love to speak to one!
according to Fr Abbot Nicholas (google Holy Resurrection Monastery) marriage or celibacy should be discerned first- then the other possible vocations.
Yes, for the Eastern rites that are permitted to retain their traditions, the priesthood is a possibility for married men- the priesthood for celibate men should be monastic in nature (and perhaps even in a monastery)
Even in the Roman-rite where celibacy is the norm for priests, it should not be ‘I want to be a priest’ first and then ‘I can handle celibacy.’ Celibacy should be a gift to self just as marriage is.
Someone who is not married might be called to celibacy, or not. Many single celibate people are that way, not because of a calling, but because they have been unable to find a mate for whatever reason. God calls most people to marriage, but some of them won’t marry even though called since free will can thwart God’s plans. I am never-married but feel I do have a calling to marriage. Even so, my chances are slim. The chaste life I live is lonely and unfulfilling. I am chaste because I love God, but my celibacy/chastity does nothing to enhance my spirituality. In fact, it actually hurts it. Singleness is my cross, not my calling.
Celibacy is a charism, a gift of the Holy Spirit and He gives it freely. In other words, not everyone who receives the gift is in a convent or monastery. Many of us are asked to remain in the world. Although that is challenging, it is absolutely fulfilling and joy-filled to say “YES” to celibacy/virginity and live it out generously. I thank God everyday for giving me this gift.
\\However, I am troubled by the forced celibacy of Catholic priests.\\
This is only in the Latin Church.
Eastern Catholic men may be ordained to the diaconate and priesthood after they are married, just like their Orthodox counterparts.
I personally know several married Eastern Catholic priests (my own pastor among them) and a married Latin priest in this city.
Anonymous, we can also say this—“there’s a whole depth and breadth of experience that comes from living with another human being in marriage!!!”—about celibacy. There is a whole depth and breadth of experience that comes from living a celibate life to which one is called by God, wherein one is then freed to love other people, and wherein one is completely free to follow God’s call in serving others. Marriage is good, but so is celibacy, for the reason that celibacy points more immediately to the God who is true Love. I am married, and very happily. But I do love our priests and religious, and support their vocations to the celibate life: I really do wish that so many people would stop seeing married love or romantic relationships as the only real ways to love deeply and profoundly. I value celibacy for the reason that makes it more explicitly clear to you to acknowledge that that Love is in fact there, whether you are married or not: you are celibate unless called to marriage, and if you are married, and your spouse should die, then you are in the celibate state once more, unless God gifts you with another spouse. This Love—as in God is Love—which is not exclusively about spending the rest of your life with one person, is the kind that is there for you (and for us all) when we have nothing. Perhaps especially. And the more readily we understand this, and the more willing we are to do so, the better. Certainly for me, seeing things that way more readily allowed me to see my husband as a gift from God to be cherished, as opposed to seeing marriage as something that I was “expected to do,” or which, upon having entering into it, made me “all grown up now—at last!” Sorry, but I find those kinds of prevalent assumptions about love and marriage disturbing and highly irritating. Also, finally embracing Humanae Vitae after many years of cohabitation, and developing more of an active prayer life helped me to realize that while celibacy is not easy, if called to that state, God will give you all the graces that you need to live that life. Those of us discerning Holy Matrimony are told during Pre-Cana that “God gives you all the grace you need for your married life.” Why would it be any less for those called to a life of celibacy? In both marriage and the celibate life, one is called to complete self-gift to other people, which does take a lot of grace, which takes constant and persistent prayer. It’s not easy in the priesthood or religious life, and it’s not easy in marriage, either.
It is also important to understand that celibacy is calling. If God calls us to a life of celibacy/virginity He will surely give the grace to live it out, since He himself will satisfy all your deepest longing and desires. Celibacy/virginity and marriage, as explained to us by a very wise priest, are TWO sides of the same coin. In both states we are called to a love that is faithful, fruitful, forever and complete. It is just that the love is expressed in different ways. TOB 101!!!
This helps me: as I understand it neither Jesus nor the Virgin Mary suffered from temptations of the flesh. So, when I suffer from a temptation of the flesh, one thing I can say is, “Oh right, I am not Jesus.” We don’t need to commit sins to make it clear to ourselves that we are neither Jesus nor the Virgin Mary. Anyway, that is one way I try to make enduring a temptation of the flesh into a positive: it makes it clear to me that I am not Jesus with out the annoyance/let down of sin. Does that help?
I was misled by the title of the article too. Is this about making a public statement that you want to be celibate and everybody acts like you have a problem that needs to be fixed? Is it about wanting to be celibate but being tempted by couples who insist that marriage is better?
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We live in a world where sex sells everything and not wanting to have sex is almost considered a disease. There is a website for people who just don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone:
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www.asexuality.org/home/
@ JGB—- “I am never-married but feel I do have a calling to marriage. Even so, my chances are slim. The chaste life I live is lonely and unfulfilling. I am chaste because I love God, but my celibacy/chastity does nothing to enhance my spirituality. In fact, it actually hurts it. Singleness is my cross, not my calling.”
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you just wrote was is on my heart.
Just want you to know you are not alone. you aren’t the only one.
Its SO difficult. I know God didn’t give me a sex drive like this to just have me languish like this. It would be so much easier to just live like the world… and sleep with whoever I find attractive! But I’m quite sure God expects better of me.
Again, I hope my reward is in heaven because it sure ain’t here on earth!
Re: consecrated religious, the priesthood, and vocations to “the unmarried life”
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Properly understood, consecrated religious and priests are not “unmarried.”
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Properly understood, marriage being the primordial sacrament and our being made in the image of the Triune God, a communion of persons, everyone is called to a “married life.” No one, none, are called to a life of solitude, there is no vocation to the “single life”—“it is not good that man should be alone.” Rather, there is a spousal meaning revealed in the human body, such that everyone is called to a spousal union, a communion of persons that is fruitful in the fullness of love.
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In this world, such a “marriage” typically involves the union of a man and woman. But some (priests, religious) involve that type of spousal union which is the only kind of “marriage” that will exist in heaven—the spousal union of the person with God, a loving communion of persons in one being.
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If you are a single person who is neither a priest nor religious, and the prospects for worldly human marriage do not look good, still there is the possibility for you to enter into a fruitful spousal relationship, it is still possible for you to “marry.” And that spouse is your Lord.
There are several people in our parish who have chosen lives of celibacy as their personal calling and way of serving the church. They did not feel called to marriage or religious life, but had a strong desire to serve the church in the world and to be available for the needs of the church. For the same reason that a pastor with a family would always be torn between competing obligations, these persons felt that celibacy would enable them to be available to serve the church in the world without having to weigh family obligations. They teach, serve on church committees, perform various lay ministries, help out at church functions. This would never be my choice; I am married, but if I were not, my next choice would be cloistered religious. But for some people this is a true calling. I admire and appreciate them because much of what they do benefits those of us who do have families. As others mentioned, there is also the more formal path of consecrated virgin (in the world).
I think the comments by “Anonymous” on Monday, Apr 16, 2012 2:28 PM are very wise.
I also think that approaching discernment simply from the angle of what I’m going to be or do - married, or priest or religious or single, non-vowed - though popular, may be misguided. I like the suggestion that one begin from the perspective of the Theology of the Body and understand who one is in THAT light first. And then from there, one can move more deeply into a consideration of a vocation in the more popular, formal sense.
Discernment is about understanding God’s big picture, who we are -generally and individually - first and foremost, before it is about what someone is going to ‘do’ or ‘be’.
It seems that the vocation of everyone who is a Numerary of Opus Dei has been overlooked in this entire conversation!!!
Interesting and disappointing.
Just to be clear to the many people who want to ‘encourage’ chaste single adults to consider religious life or consecrated virginity…. PLEASE REALIZE that it’s not really an option when you know you are called to married life!!!
We are chaste not because we are called to chastity… but because we know that it would not please God for us to give in to every good-looking, charming guy that takes us on a few dates! And because we would like to save as much of our sexuality as possible for our future husbands. Yes, I’m planning for my future husband even as I’m approaching my 42nd birthday.
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The primary obstacle for most of us to find spouses is the lack of holy, faithful men in the Catholic Church. We need your help to retrieve these men from secular society… from the culture of contraception and easy sex… and bring them back to Mother Church. Please…. whenever you encounter a man who claims to be a “recovered Catholic” do your level best to bring him back to the church!!!! Get outside your comfort zone and talk about faith with people outside of your precious family… so that we can all have precious families.
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Seriously, think about this. The single people around you are actively supporting your marriage. When we attended your wedding, we took seriously our part of the Mass that proclaims “Let no man put assunder.” When you got married, I, as your friend, also committed to watch for anything that might harm your marriage. If I see you getting too close to a co-worker or an old friend… I’m going to step up and remind you of the danger you’re bringing to your marriage. Think about that…. now think about what you’re doing to support the single people around you. Anything? Come on. Help us out. We’d do it for you.
Just some clarifications that are helpful to this discussion:
Chastity is the life all are called to, it is the proper use of our sexuality in light of God’s intentionality.
Sacred Orders, as a sacrament, concretely signs Christ the High Priest and spouse of the Church. Celibacy is not something that is arbitrarily imposed upon the sacrament from the outside but has an inherent connection to the nature of the sacrament and the witnissing to the universal love of Christ for his church.
Historically, bishops (those having the fullnees of the sacrament) were presumed to be celibate or practice marital continence (whether they always did is another story). The lower levels of the sacrament were are permmitted marriage before ordination but it is a lesser configuration to Christ the High Priest.
Interestingly, the Church has recognized the ability to go from particular love (marriage to a single spouse) to universal love (celibacy for the sake of the kingdom) but not the reverse i.e. once ordained the Church does not allow marriage.
The fact of the matter is that celibacy isn’t causing the priest shortage. Plenty of Protestant denominations are experiencing the same shorting of religious vocation: the real problem may just be that our Advanced Techno Culture of Me-Me-Me makes it very difficult for anyone who hears a serious call to ANY kind of long-term commitment, including celibacy.
Everyone wants to keep his options perpetually open and changeable, although this means that important things are set aside.
I LIKE the celibacy option. It is a kind of cleanliness in a world full of dirt. This is why is was so radical to the ancient Romans!
Such an interesting discussion. My son is a seminarian and loves the freedom he is experiencing from leaving the dating world and all the complications therein. I imagine it may be an ongoing process for him. As a married woman, I have to say that out of all my friends, I am the only one truly happily married and these are good, faithful women I am speaking of. Our culture paints a fantasy of marriage, it is frankly very, very painful for lots of people. Maybe your acquaintances are not confiding in you, but trust me, there are lots of lonely married people out there. If you think it is hard being single, imagine having to share everything (including your body) with someone who has trampled your emotions for years. Do not envy the married, you would be surprised how many would love to be single and celibate.
There are also married Latin clergy: deacons. The apostles (most) were married. And all here should read 1 Tim 3. The same St. Paul which lauded foregoing marriage (simply because he thought the 2nd coming was near) also said that for one to be properly qualified to be a bishop and deacon one should be able to run their OWN household before endeavoring to run the household of God! Hmmmm…. Basically 1000 years of a celibate Latin priesthood has “brainwashed” everybody into thinking “that’s the way it is” or the “best way” or the “only way”. Celibacy should be an optional discipline as it was when Christ walked the earth. The pool for clergy would grow exponentially as well as the quality of those serving. For all the benefits claimed by having celibate clergy, one could list many, many problems and limitations caused by a “celibate only” Latin priesthood. Anyone who works within the Church is keenly aware of these problems and not blinded by the standard exhortations. Indeed some embrace, live and enrich the Church with a celibate vocation, but most do not.
In an earlier comment, I said that Jesus and the Virgin Mary didn’t suffer from temptations of the flesh. That is my best understanding. I just wanted to say that I could be wrong about that. I don’t know if the Church has a clear teaching on that. I accept whatever the Church teaches about that.
Sometimes when we want to make a point, we quickly grab a scripture passage and in a fascile reading make it fit our point.
Paul’s preference and encouragement for a celibate life cannot be reduced to a false expectation of the immanent parousia. He speaks specifically to the benefits of a life totally devoted to God as compared to a life devoted to a particular human being and suggests that the former is greater. The Church has consistently held marrigae to be good and celibacy for the sake of the kingdom to be objectively better (implying that subjectively dependent upon how individuals actually lived out their vocation). Unfortunately, in our falleness we always slide into the idea that if one way is good the other must be bad.
As for ITim3, despite how it is always translated, it does not actually say “married” it says both for episkopoi, diaconoi, and widows enrolled to the church that they be “one woman man” or in the case of widows a “one man woman.” THe strange phraseology speaks to the character of the person that the Chruch was looking for, a person that would give themselves with an undivided heart. If one reads this in the historical context of the early Church and its practices then there seems to be a strong connection between the character of faithfulnees for service and the practice of marital continence.
@ Colleen,
“Do not envy the married, you would be surprised how many would love to be single and celibate”
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Point taken. But please don’t envy the single. We don’t have near as much free time as you think!
Also, it’s very hard to take such statements seriously because when someone gets divorced… loudly decrying the injustice and agony of marriage.. they’re married again within two years… with very little consideration of fixing the personal issues that got them divorced. So forgive me if I don’t believe you.
God made us to go on this earth two by two.
Better yet… try being single for 40 years and then get back to me about which is better.
and remember that you’ll get no support from the church in your single life. At best you’ll have a priest tell you that they understand because they’re single too. Nope, sorry buddy… you knew what you were signing up for! It’s not like you got called to priesthood and had to wait 40 years for it!
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.(umm, can you tell we singles are frustrated by the lack of support from the church?)
Renae, I can really hear your pain. I also hear the the pain of my married sisters in Christ, I will not presume to judge whose pain is deeper or why. I hope all find peace and healing in Christ. Please don’t be angry at the priests whom fail to respond as you would like. I am watching my son and his friends start the journey toward priesthood, they are just people like you and me. I don’t know if any young man starting out knows what they are getting into fully in the priesthood. For some, celibacy will be freeing, for others it will be a cross, they just won’t be able to confide that to their flock for obvious reasons. The same goes for all of their other struggles. Hang in there, Renae.
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RichardC, I think you’re right to admit some flexibility to that assertion. It depends on your understanding of “suffer from.” As far as I can tell Christ most certainly was tempted, being fully human as well as fully divine. There would be no point in testing him for 40 days in the desert otherwise (if fasting for over a month was a piece of cake, there would be little point to doing it, either).
re: Jesus and the Virgin Mary and temptations of the flesh
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It depends upon what you mean by “temptations of the flesh” and what you mean by “temptations.”
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If by “temptations,” you mean a desire to do a morally wrong act? Then, no, they did not. (And they certainly did not give into a desire to do a wrongful act.) If you mean simply a desire in general? Sure. There is no reason believe that Mary was beyond thinking to herself, “I’d really like another glass of wine, but it’s getting late and we should go.”
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In the case of Jesus, we have the very big example of Him being tempted in the Garden, of at least considering not wanting to go through with the Passion, but putting the matter into the will of God instead.
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So, yes, they were tempted in a general sense, and even tempted in physical matters, but not tempted to do wrong, to commit sin.
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As for “temptations of the flesh,” do you mean this in a general sense, or do you mean sexual temptations? Did Mary or Jesus (or Joseph) ever experience sexual desire? Is that the real question?
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Well, Jesus was (is) completely man, and Mary completely woman. As man and woman, they are sexual beings. But, again, we can safely say that they never had any wrongful sexual desire, any lustful thoughts, any sinful concupiscence.
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But that raises the question of whether all sexual desire is wrongful and sinful? Clearly not, because sex and sexual desire were made by God. It is only when it is contrary to the truth, when it is contrary to the purposes for which God created sex and sexual desire, that it is wrong. And what is that purpose, what is that setting for which God created these? Marriage and family.
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We can safely say that Jesus, Mary, and Joseph were completely virtuous and chaste (“Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.” CCC 2337). Moreover, they were (and are) in a state of grace. Thus, they possessed self-control of their passions, rather than their passions controlling them. As such, they were in control of whatever sexual desires and thoughts might naturally arise. And, since Jesus was not married (in the worldly, human sense) and Mary was (and is) in her very being, virgin (having made a gift of the entirety of her self to God, including her sexuality)(Jesus was virgin in this sense too), there would be little reason for them to have any thoughts or wants or desire for sexual acts.
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With grace, it is possible to be like them in that regard. With grace, it is possible to be a guy in the modern age and not think about sex every 10 minutes. That does not mean that temptations are not out there, it means that you have control, you are the master—you are chaste in body and mind and spirt.
I wish to share a true experience. I had a Christian Pastor friend who is no more.He once said that his son was very serious and had been admitted to the State General hospital for treatment. Two weeks later he met me in a miserable mental state,tears pouring down when he spoke. The son’s condition was so serious the family had no sleep nor proper food and the Pastor had to ask for two weeks leave from his active ministry in the church. He shared that he cannot eat or sleep PRAY and felt confused. I as a catholic had few consoling words and promised to pray for his son & the family.
Then he shared something incredible “How BLESSED are your Catholic Priests. They can serve the flock of the LORD without any hindrance but we married pastors are torn between the Family and the LORD’S work neglecting HIS FLOCK. I envy your Priests”.
The pasture on the other side is always green, let’s look back how,why & when id we go wrong in choosing our vocation.
He frequented our business place
It seems you’re confusing celibate (which is only for religious like priests and nuns) and chastity (the rest of us).
It is only because of life’s circumstances that I am chaste, which is probably a good thing.
In the protestant church I grew up in, we certainly talked about ‘being called to a single life’ like it was a real thing. But I can’t imagine any of the churches in that denomination hiring a pastor who was called to be celibate. I think it would be suspected that there was something wrong with him.
The best explanation of celibacy (not entering the vocation/sacrament of marriage)I ever heard is from the late Father Thomas Dubay. He explaned is that celibacy is a gift from God to give spiritual fruit to the church. Unfortunately, in our over-sexed culture with pornography, cohabitation, fornication, sodomy, and all the other sexual sins out there, so many people misinterpret the word celibacy as something that is (horror of horrors) bad because we can’t be free to be sexually active. WRONG! We need to get our hearts and minds around the real meaning and purpose of human sexuality. Let’s get our hearts and minds PURE to value our own dignity and the dignity of others. Let’s get our hearts and minds around the purpose of our own lives, and why God has put us here on this planet, right now. Let’s get rid of the lies and garbage in our culture, media and advertising that tells us we’re not normal if we don’t engage in as much sexual activity as possible. Quite honestly, there is peace and joy to be found when living a celibate life (not in a committed sacramental marriage) because in not being sexually active, there is no fear of sexually transmitted disease, infidelity, jealousy, obsessiveness, possessiveness, being used as an object, fear of pregnancy, the list goes on and on. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. God can’t dwell in us if we pollute our hearts with impurity.
Pax.
Renae, I have empathy for you as a single person who feels called to the religious life. However, I would encourage you not to place the blame for feeling left out on your priest alone. If you feel a gap in your parish ministry, then I would encourage you to do something about it. There is an active parish ministry for “parishoners without partners” in my parish. Additionally, I felt a lack of support for mothers in my parish and so i startedthat ministry and it is now thriving. You can do something about it. It is not just your priest’s fault.
Sorry I meant to say a single person that feels called to MARRIED life.
I once considered it back when I was protestant, and after much digging on the internet was upset to realize there did not seem to be any protestant convents. I didn’t want to become Catholic at that time, but I thought surely protestants much have some sort of convent or convent equivalent, but I never found it if they did. It would not have been a good permanent lifestyle for me however…as at the time I was just looking to run away from the hassles of relationships. I’m very happy to be a mother now.
Jesus did mention those who were celibates “for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven”...I wonder if that was stricken out of the King James Bible? I think this is a good example of how many Catholic teachings and traditions that many claim are not in the Bible actually are (ex. Purgatory in 2Mac 12:45, 1Cor.3:11-15, Mt. 5:23-26), and the use of holy water (Ex. 29:4; Lev. 8:6, Ex. 30:18-19, Num. 5:17, Num. 8:7, 1 Kings 7:38-3) among others.
The crisis of the priesthood today is fishy in that the church had little trouble attracting celibate men to the priesthood for 1900-some years, and suddenly now it is having trouble? I think it’s more a reflection on an increasingly narcissistic and shallow modern culture.
On that note, however, I believe that many men simply can’t keep up being celibate or took a vow without proper contemplation, and they should have an option in which they must notify the church of their intention to segway with dignity to becoming a married deacon and seek full-time work to support their families otherwise. Perhaps this could be added to their priestly vow so as to prevent disgrace and scandal for everyone involved, and an acknowledgment that these men still wish to serve God in some ministerial capacity.
Anyone who is not married is called to be celibate, and chaste. That is a no-brainer. We turn our lives over to Jesus, whether we are single, or married. He is Number One in all cases. So I don’t understand the drama of the above article.
It’s not easy sometimes to be chaste. But to be sexually active with anyone else *without* being married, is called fornication; it grieves the Holy Spirit, when we have the Spirit in us. In the case of same-sex relationships - it’s equally bad, just under a different name.
Our bodies are Temples of the Holy Spirit, OR we are still in Adam, and fallen, in which case, we may not be able to discern right from wrong, because we are led by the Flesh and not by the Spirit.
If a child of God is not married, he/she has the gift of celibacy & the grace to live it out. Regarding mandated celibacy for the Latin rite, it’s a practice, not a carved in stone rule, such as NO ordination for women.
What a joy it is to find that life-long best friend that is your husband or wife, and who helps you to grow in your Faith, or even save you from yourself ( as in my case) , and how beautiful it is to share that mutual love in the ways marriage offers! That said, how wonderful it is by mutual agreement to set aside all things and thru celibacy, be able to devote your whole being to Him.This isnt either-or, its a complete body of Christ with wonderful Graces given for either choice. Just my opinion, i could be wrong :>)
St. Paul said in the latter days many will marry….
Then I go back to the ancient times from the monastics to the Jesuits and their foundational work in science, who supported the poor populations around them education, health, agriculture, the arts and medicine—incredible achievements by the celibates that today are completely covered up by the modern world and its self promotion of the flesh.
A Jesuit shared with me Orthodox associates who wished they were celibate because they live divided lives and cannot give totally to the Lord.
Kathleen,
With due respect, I’ve read your post a few times, and can’t help but conclude you equate marriage, a physical, emotional, and spiritual union of a man and a woman with something BAD.
Marriage is not just sex. Marriage is a way of becoming sanctified, as we have to “die to self” putting the other person ahead of ourselves. Marriage teaches otherwise selfish people how to be “other centered”.
St. Paul said a lot of things, Kathleen. The PART of the verse you quote is indeed something he said. But as is so common in our Roman Catholic Church, you took it out of context, using only PART of what he said to prove your point. And not many of us will ask any questions about it! I’m different. I ask questions.
If, as you claim, Othodox associates “wish” they were celibate, then all they need do is to speak with their spouses, and if they have no children at home, voila! They can be celibate. Right? Why the angst over that?
If they wish they were celibate, it shows they are NOT “other centered”.
Christ is to be at the FOREFRONT and CENTER of ALL our lives, and not just clergy.
Lastly, will you please answer me this:
1) Somewhere in the Bible it is written that in the end days, people will be FORBIDDEN to marry. Kathleen, who forbids marriage?
2) Why is it that St. Paul’s letters to Timothy and Titus are called the “Pastoral Letters”, and in each, Paul instructs his two young associates to ordain MARRIED men with believing children to church ministry? Why didn’t Paul specifically instruct Timothy and Titus to ordain only SINGLE men? I’d like to know why.
Celibacy is fine. Marriage is fine. Each have their proper place in our Church. But making marriage all about sex and the flesh (& bad) is as wrong as making celibacy all about the spirit (& a superior state). That’s not of God. It is a heresy that was denounced by the universal church, at its beginning. Read the New Testament letters (in context!)
First, I reinvite you to consider the 3 Evangelical Counsels, which are open to the faithful, but not required. The 3 counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience were most closely followed by Jesus Christ. Those faithful that would be most like Christ would follow the Evangelical counsels as closely and radically as possible.
Second, St. Paul clearly teaches that the celibate life is superior to the married life:
“It is a good thing for a man not to touch a woman.” (1 Cor 7:1)
“Indeed, I wish that everyone were like I am”.(1 Cor 7:7) (meaning celibate)
“I should like you to be free from anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord; how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world; how he may please his wife, and he is divided.(1 Cor 7:32).
“Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife. If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.” (1 Cor 7:28-ff.)
Let us turn to the Council of Trent, which was a dogmatic council:
“If anyone saith that the marriage state is to be preferred before the state of virginity, let him be anathema.” [...] “writing to the Corinthians, [Paul] says: I would that all men were even as myself; that is, that all embrace the virtue of continence…A life of continence is to be desired by all.” (Canon X on the Sacrament of Matrimony)
This is pretty clear.
In the following quote, from Sacra Virginitas, Pope Pius XII, firmly reinforces this long held view of the Church:
“32. This doctrine of the excellence of virginity and of celibacy and of their superiority over the married state was, as We have already said, revealed by our Divine Redeemer and by the Apostle of the Gentiles; so too, it was solemnly defined as a dogma of divine faith by the holy council of Trent,[57] and explained in the same way by all the holy Fathers and Doctors of the Church.”
A more recent example can be found in the Vita Consecrata of JPII:
32….“As a way of showing forth the Church’s holiness, it is to be recognized that the consecrated life, which mirrors Christ’s own way of life, has an objective superiority. Precisely for this reason, it is an especially rich manifestation of Gospel values and a more complete expression of the Church’s purpose, which is the sanctification of humanity. The consecrated life proclaims and in a certain way anticipates the future age, when the fullness of the Kingdom of heaven, already present in its first fruits and in mystery,will be achieved, and when the children of the resurrection will take neither wife nor husband, but will be like the angels of God (cf. Mt 22:30).The Church has always taught the pre-eminence of perfect chastity for the sake of the Kingdom,and rightly considers it the “door” of the whole consecrated life.She also shows great esteem for the vocation to marriage, which makes spouses “witnesses to and cooperators in the fruitfulness of Holy Mother Church, who signify and share in the love with which Christ has loved his Bride and because of which he delivered himself up on her behalf”.
This is from the Catechism of the Catholic Church (p 916):
“The state of the consecrated life is thus one way of experiencing a more intimate consecration, rooted in Baptism and dedicated totally to God. In the consecrated life, Christ’s faithful, moved by the Holy Spirit, propose to follow Christ more nearly, to give themselves to God who is loved above all and, pursuing the perfection of charity in the service of the Kingdom, to signify and proclaim in the Church the glory of the world to come.”
Yes, marriage is held with “great esteem”, but the religious life is “objectively” higher because it more clearly follows the life of Christ.
Chris, were you trying to answer the questions I posed to Kathleen? If so, nothing in your posts addresses what I broached. I appreciate your trying, but there are no direct responses to what I ask.
Secondly, you wrote, “Let us turn to the Council of Trent, which was a dogmatic council:
“If anyone saith that the marriage state is to be preferred before the state of virginity, let him be anathema.”
So if everyone in the entire world were virgin, would that not DISOBEY God’s teaching to procreate the world? It is considered a blessing from God to have many children, and we can only have children, when we are married.
If we take the Council of Trent at face value, would not God, Himself, be anathema from the Roman Catholic Church, for placing such high value on marriage and procreating?
No, Jackie, I wasn’t addressing your questions specifically, but rather the people posting and reading here in general; however, I did respond in part to a couple of your comments.
The difference between marriage is not good vs. bad but rather good vs. better.
By the way, you’ve made reference to a command of God given to Noah in Genesis. The world in Noah’s time (post-deluge) is a slightly different context than our world today. Clearly, children are a blessing from God. With that said, the constant teaching of the church is that the Religious State (though obviously not necessarily any particular people in the Religious State) is objectively higher than the married state. There is no argument about this. St. Paul teaches it. Trent teaches it. I also posted comments from Pius XII and JPII. And the list of saints that support this view is endless. Also, no God would not consider Himself anathema…that doesn’t even follow from what I posted. The Religious State is open to everyone as an invitation; however, the Church acknowledges that there are some legitimate obstacles and weaknesses that will keep particular people from pursuing that narrow path.
In Pace Christi…
@Chris who wrote: “Yes, marriage is held with “great esteem”, but the religious life is “objectively” higher because it more clearly follows the life of Christ. Chris, “objectively higher?” That’s really more your opinion rather than fact. Marriage was not in the mission of the incarnate Jesus. He did not come to marry and procreate, but to die. Your opinion is because you have been trained to believe this is true. The great majority of Christian ministers seem to perform their tasks of minstry, pastoralship, marriage and family just fine. The difference which enables them to do so point to structural and operational contrasts in how church is effectively administered. Responsibilites are shared by Pastors serving in various functions each according to their calling, experience or expertise. Catholic Pastors rarely delegate offical authorization and must preside at Parish Council meetings, the Finance Council, Parish School Board, visiting the sick in hospitals, marriage prep, youth groups, Business Management, funerals,—the list is endless including being at the beckon call of the diocesan office. Who has time to even prepare a 7 minute homily for Sunday? So, no. I reject your idea that a Catholic priest (by virtue of celebacy) is somehow more devoted to Christ than is a Christian Pastor. You are generalizing by the external, where Christ looks at the man’s heart to see his devotion. It’s not what (or how much) you do. Moreover, it’s who you are.
Chris, thanks for responding. I know God would not consider *Himself* anathema from the Roman Catholic Church, under Trent. But would the Roman Catholic Church consider God to be anathema from Trent? Those are two totally different statements.
I ask, because to be married, and to procreate, is all over the Bible. It’s not just to Noah that this instruction was given. And the very first thing God called “not good” in Genesis was for man to be alone (from a woman). So under Trent, God is anathema, the way I see it.
Regarding St. Paul, and his mention of the single state versus the married state in speaking with peers of his day, did he not specify that it was his OWN opinion, separating it from his other writings/teachings, that he clearly said it orginated with God? Another BIG difference.
Lastly:
1) Who “forbids” marriage?
2) Why doesn’t Paul specify that men in the ministry are to be SINGLE? Why does Paul suggest only “married” men with believing children, to be overseers (bishops/priests) and deacons?
There were indeed single men to choose from: St. John the Baptist was not known to have been married. St. John the apostle was a young man, and not known to have been married.
So why did Jesus choose married men, with families as His apostles - men that have qualifications like those mentioned by St. Paul in his letters to Timothy and Titus?
I don’t understand that. Will it be possible for you to explain, Chris? In advance, thank you.
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