Are you tired of reading passages from the Bible or the Catholic Catechism that shock you? Don’t you think that sometimes the Word of God can seem a little…outdated? Aren’t you weary of being offended by certain things Jesus said?

Well don’t let your religion challenge you anymore, now there’s 1900-FixUrBible -a new service you can do right from home that tailors your Bible to your needs.

Yes it’s the Bible but more importantly it’s YOUR bible.

1900-FixUrBible has operators standing by to ask you certain questions about what offends you in your Bible and based on your preferences your Bible can be tailor made to suit your needs by removing certain quotations that don’t fit in with 21st century life. Your Bible can also bold your favorite quotes like “Judge Not lest ye’ be judged” because sometimes we don’t want to be challenged by our faith, we just need reaffirmation.

Whether it’s making your Old Testament smite free or having the names of all the Pharisees changed to the leaders of the political party you like least 1900-FixUrBible can do it. We also can work miracles with the Catholic Catechism by simply removing anything which refers to

A) sexual ethics
B) Abortion
C) The authority of the bishops

Operators are standing by. If you call now you get the Ed Begley Bible chapter free where the burning bush is replaced by one of those new flourescent bulbs.

Remember, just because you’re following Jesus doesn’t mean you can’t blaze your own trail sometimes. Call 1900-FixUrBible for YOUR Bible today.

Legal disclaimer: 1-900-FixUrBible provides no guarantee that you will go to heaven and may even be hazardous to your eternal soul.