Kids Who Stay Catholic

All of us know good Catholic families in which one or more of the children have rejected the faith. It's not a new problem. Recall Jesus' parable of the prodigal son: A father who is loyal to God sees one of his two sons leave home to live a profligate life. How to hand on the faith to your children in such a way that it sticks for a lifetime? Here are some practical suggestions.

Let your children practice the faith in a context of freedom. The Christian life is fundamentally an act of love, like the response of a woman to the man who courts her. Therefore, of its nature, it has to be free, and it has no value unless it is free. As much as possible invite your children rather than command them, and leave decisions up to them, trusting that God will help them act on their good impulses.

Let your default response be Yes rather than No. Many Christian parents seem afraid of the world and of their children's natures; they will not give permission for something their child wants to do unless they have complete certainty that nothing about it can go wrong. On account of the Incarnation, Christianity fundamentally affirms all genuine human goods and honest human endeavors. Parents who are quick to say No can give the opposite impression, that their religion is one that restricts and rejects.

Teach with a light hand. The best way for parents to impart the faith is by their own example and by setting the culture of the household. If these two things are in place, relatively little explicit teaching will be necessary. Husband and wife set the culture of the household mainly by how they treat each other and by the character of their conversation, which should display charity and be directed to edifying topics. The family dinner is of crucial importance: As much as possible, at dinnertime the father should lead the family in discussions that look at current events in light of Christian principles. It is easy to do this in a natural and enjoyable way. Kids want this kind of perspective from their parents.

Make it easy for children to develop friendships with children from Catholic families. Friendship is God's natural way for Christianity to spread and to be strengthened. Therefore, it is vitally important that your children develop friendships with friends who will help them practice the faith.

Make family life pleasant. Children will love what they find attractive, but no one can like something unpleasant. Parents can do as many good things for their children as the greatest of saints—yet, if they lose their temper frequently or quarrel, they spoil the inherent attractiveness of the Christian life.

Remain youthful. Pope John Paul II attracts millions of young people to World Youth Day precisely because, even though he is physically infirm, his soul is youthful. What is it to have a youthful soul? Maintaining that, in Christ, we remain optimistic and idealistic, while rejecting that hardening of the soul that typically comes with older age—pessimism, gloominess, losing a spirit of adventure, becoming unwilling to attempt new things.

In closing, let's not forget that, as St. Augustine said, our children belong first to God, and they are merely lent to us. Let us trust, then, that God will assist us, through graces that he gives in the sacraments and because husband and wife are that “two or three gathered together” through which Christ becomes present in the household.

Michael Pakaluk is a visiting scholar and Catherine R. Pakaluk is a Ph.D. candidate in economics at Harvard University. They reside in Cambridge, Mass., with five of their children.