Family Financial Disputes

Q I have two brothers who won’t talk to each other because of a financial dispute that goes back two years. The disagreement relates to land they purchased together. Now things have changed for one of the brothers and he wants his money back. What recommendations do you have for helping them reconcile their differences?

A Unfortunately, money often plays a role in family disagreements, and the consequences over a lifetime can be tragic. It appears your brothers entered into this arrangement without much planning or written understanding. While contracts won’t eliminate all misunderstandings, they can greatly reduce the possibility of one occurring.

To reach a resolution that respects the dignity of all parties, your brothers will need to deal with both the spiritual and temporal issues that lie at the root of the disagreement. While the facts as presented aren’t adequate to offer a specific solution, I encourage you and your brothers to consider the following general points:

From a spiritual standpoint, disagreements such as this often result in fanning the flames of many vices, including envy, greed, selfishness and, most important, pride. Pride leads us to exaggerate the faults of others while minimizing our own (Matthew 7:3-5). Unless put in check quickly, positions harden, making it even more difficult to reach a resolution. Ultimately, your brothers will need to overcome pride through the gift of humility, which will allow them to work toward being reconciled. I pray that God provides the grace to your brothers so they can see that the value of their relationship is greater than the financial matters in question.

Forgiveness will be another key to your brothers’ reconciliation. There are so many verses regarding forgiveness in Scripture that are applicable, yet your brothers would do well to read Matthew 5:22-23: “But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

A great first step toward forgiveness is to make a good confession, which I encourage both of your brothers to do. One hopes the graces received in this sacrament will guide them to seeing the facts of the situation through a “different" lens, one that emphasizes the virtue of charity.

While I have spent a great portion of this answer on the spiritual issues, that is because they are the root of the problem. In order to deal with the specific temporal issues involved, it may be wise to involve a third-party mediator. Such a person can be agreed to by both of your brothers — and their decision will be objective. Otherwise, you may find that family members are forced into taking sides, resulting in even greater division.

Phil Lenahan is director of finance for Catholic Answers in El Cajon, California.

Reach Family Matters at [email protected]