Satanist Fights for Abortion — and Loses Badly

She claims to be oppressed by an ultrasound and a pamphlet.

How much do satanists hate babies, huh? A woman who is a member of the Satanic Temple in Missouri sued all the way to the state Supreme Court for the right to abort her child without the burden of having to wait three days and reading a pamphlet. (Is Satan anti-reading?) Actually, she didn't even have to read the tiny pamphlet, she literally just had to be handed the pamphlet but instead filed a lawsuit. I'm pretty sure there was probably some reading associated with filing a lawsuit but I didn't read the briefs. (I'm waiting for the graphic novel.)

The woman, known as Mary Doe, argued to the court that the pamphlet (which, once again, she didn't have to read) had scientific statements like, "life begins at conception" and that was somehow the state imposing the Christian religion on her. It's actually just scientific fact but I understand that science you don’t like = religion.

She also was upset because she was offered a free ultrasound. Me? I thought a Satanist in evil standing would enjoy a free memento of her first child sacrifice, but I guess there's no telling with illiterate anti-science Satanists nowadays.

I’m a little worried about the future of the Satanic Temple though. I mean, how is the Satanic Temple supposed to thrive in the future if all the Satanists keep sacrificing their children? It's sorta' self-defeating. Those collection baskets in the shape of skulls won't fill themselves, you know. But I guess as long as people keep sending their kids to ivy league colleges, there will be no shortage of Satanists.

Anyway, the Missouri Supreme Court ruled that the Satanist being handed a pamphlet and waiting three days before ending a life did not oppress her and her beliefs as a member of the Satanic Temple. You know, I don't really get all these Satanists saying they're oppressed all the time. I mean, you're worshiping Satan AND you're being oppressed? Look, if you're a Christian, self sacrifice is just part of the deal but isn't part of a pact with Satan that you get to rule over the rabble? What good is Satan if he's not offering worldly power? I mean, what exactly is Satan bringing to the table here?

Of course, when satanists say they're being oppressed they have a very precise definition. Oppression = A random encounter with a Christian + claims of victimhood - logic. All this while the great majority of Christian legislators have transformed into gelatinous spineless globs who can hardly muster the strength to raise their arms in surrender. These people claiming to be oppressed by evil powerful Christians is beginning to look like a sequel to Weekend at Bernie’s where they drag a lifeless corpse around only to accuse the corpse of all sorts of evil crimes.

Let's be honest, the other side is winning by so much that the only enemies they can find left are Christian bakers. People literally travel for miles in order to be refused a cake by a Christian baker so they can claim oppression and sue into bankruptcy. But somehow they're still the oppressed. But maybe, just maybe, some young Satanist will take a look at an ultrasound and understand that human life is a miracle and should do all they can to protect it, even if it means reading a pamphlet.