Crystalina Evert is the author of Women Made New! Reflections on Adversity, Transformation, and Healing.

Over the years, I often found myself giving into fear, worry and defeat in different stages of life and allowing myself to be overwhelmed by circumstances.

For example, before my conversion, I was consumed with a sinful lifestyle, thinking I could never change. Or years later, married, pregnant with our fourth child, knee-deep in laundry, feeling inadequate. Every season of life has always brought new challenges, struggles and insecurities. I tried to handle everything by telling myself “I’ve got this” or “I don’t need help,” but I epically failed.

I was leaning on my pride, self-reliance and ego, and I didn’t want to trust God. I tried to maintain control. That mindset kept me from facing the hard truths Jesus wanted to show me and how much healing I needed. We think we can go through life stuffing our baggage, ignoring past wounds and overlooking our weaknesses, but we can’t do that without consequences. Everything I tried to do without God, I failed and ended up hurting myself or someone I loved. I look back now and see how I allowed those past hurts to have control, and it kept me from going deeper in my relationship with God and others.

It took a hard conscious effort to surrender and obey God’s will. We all hear those small, still whispers in our hearts and conscience, but it's not easy to take action. I started listening and doing what I knew needed to be done. That changed everything and transformed how I approached everyday life.

Several years later, with our eight children here and three in heaven, I look back at those struggles and thank God. We forget how we have grown, what we overcame, and the battles that ended in victory. When we trust Jesus, we begin to practice powerful virtues: humility and obedience. These words are often viewed negatively and equated with submission. But in reality, it is the key that unlocks a vault of limitless graces. 

No matter what struggles you have, God is teaching you something. Each step along the way prepares you to take his hand and walk with him, trusting he will lead you. It may not be where you want to go but where you need to go to become stronger.

If you’re unsure how to begin the process of healing, here are the four pillars that supported my restoration process: 

1. Find a great counselor and be transparent about everything you’ve experienced.
2. Find a good priest for Confession and spiritual direction — a priest to whom you can be accountable. 
3. Spend time in Eucharistic adoration, especially after your counseling sessions, taking time to process through prayer and journaling what you learned. This has transformed me as a woman. St. John Paul II said, “In that little Host is the solution to all the problems of the world.”
4. Remove toxic people from your life and replace them with those who will surround you with love and support. 

I found that by doing these four things consistently, I made more progress in a short period than I had in years of attempting all sorts of other solutions. 

You have God’s light and gifts and powerful love to offer. 

Jesus challenges us women of God, young or old, not to be of the world. He tells us in John 15:19:

If you were of the world, the world would love its own: but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

If Jesus himself tells us we are not of this world, why do we try to solve our problems with a worldly mindset, leaving Jesus out of our life decisions as if he doesn’t care about them? We end up settling for scraps the world gives us. As a result, we are frustrated, disappointed and always left in a state of longing. But Jesus wants to give us so much more — more than we can ever imagine! 

Mother Angelica said, “Everything starts with one person. ... I don’t care if you’re 5 or 105; from all eternity, God chose you to be where you are at this time in history to change the world.” 

What you do now on earth matters and holds heavenly weight. Of course, you have been given the gift of free will in making choices. God the Father will never force himself on you. But every decision you make will have an eternal effect on the state of your soul. Your Yes is everything! Your obedience is vital, and God will give you the grace and courage to face your fears and get through whatever he is asking of you. 

Some women choose to live their lives in complete denial. Others avoid and deflect the truth and are driven by their fears. You and I are going to be different. We were created “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14). We are strong, capable and worthy of the mission God is calling us to. Therefore, we need not remain complacent and adopt the falsehood that “this is all there is.” 

I am an abuse survivor, a woman from a broken family who was almost crushed by the weight of a sinful lifestyle, but the Eternal Father proved his faithfulness to me. He is a God of second chances; I am living proof of that. Look at how he has used me to do his work! Jesus will use you, too, but you must listen to him and be ready for a spiritual battle against the enemies of your soul. 

Have you had enough of being consumed by the trappings of the world? Are you willing to detach from your old ways and take on the new? What virtues would you like to trade for the vices you struggle with? Do you believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that you were created for much more? Do you believe God can transform your life and make you whole again? 

My invitation to you now is this: Face it! Own it! Heal it! Make the decision to abandon yourself to God’s will. Trust him! He will give you what you need to take the next step. Remember, it’s never too late to start over. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’ve been or what you’ve done. All that matters now is where you go from here.

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