At first, I couldn't figure it out. But now it is all clear to me. And I must say, the Pope and the Vatican are much, much cleverer than I ever gave them credit for.
You can't have missed it. The media was all over it. The mean ol' boys club at the Vatican was at it again, picking on a poor defenseless nun, again.
Sister Margaret Farley wrote a book way back in 2006. The Vatican, desperate for some female oppression, condemned her book. This was so unfair. I mean, all she did was try to pass off as Catholic the notion that masturbation is just peachy.
Why just this weekend at the Catholic Theological Society of America (CTSA) convention, Sr. Farley was greeted with a standing ovation. (Note to self, don't shake anyone's hand if you ever get invited to a CTSA event. Just pretend you have a cold.)
But if that weren't bad enough, I had to endure Sally Quinn at the WaPo defending Sr. Farley's overwhelming logic in defense of masturbation, too.
Is the human body not to be admired? Why shouldn’t our own bodies give us pleasure? The contorted thinking of these celibate men is causing the church to lose followers, including many women.
If only nun-turbation was allowed, the pews would be packed. I mean, I couldn't have come up with a better defense even if I were the third alternate on the Junior High debate team. There is just no arguing your way out of that. So after seven, or maybe eight, yeah I think it was eight fits of barfing, Sally said something that turned on the lightbulb.
Of course nobody had ever heard of the book when it came out but trust the Vatican to send the book on a “Fifty Shades of Grey” trajectory and land the book onto the bestseller list. Six years after it was published, they issued a statement condemning it.
So why would the Vatican give this attention to this book nobody ever heard of? Why would the Vatican create a firestorm in which nuns endorsing masturbation got all kinds of media attention?
And then it hit me!
Now if you were in the Vatican and you wanted to reduce the number of masturbators in the world, what would you do? How about creating a firestorm in which icky nuns talk openly and endorse masturbation? Have Sally Quinn write about the glories of masturbation?
After reading all this coverage, masturbation and vomiting uncontrollably will be forever linked in their minds. It is like "A Clockwork Orange," but for masturbators. Nobody who reads it will ever, EVER, masturbate again!! Genius!
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BRILLIANT
That is funny. But it’s funny because it’s true. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense.
But what was really weird was that Sr. advocates masturbation among married couples…because a woman is really going to be happy to discover that her husband would rather have sex with himself than her…and vice-a-versa.
And sorry, but nowadays when people think of masturbation, what comes to mind immediately is - porn.
stop passing the buck
Masturbation is the theme of this post, Archbold’s first since 2012’s “How The West Was Done”. While the term “nun-turbation” is clumsily coined, the underlying theme of this article by the courageous columnist clearly breaks new ground. Not, perhaps, destined to become a classic but still recommended, if only for long-time fans. B+
What is amazing is the fact that the Vatican condemned this book a few years ago and hardly an eye-brow was lifted at that time. This fabricated ‘nun’ was at a meeting last week, along with that retired homosexual “bishop”, of whose name I won’t mention as this is a Catholic site, along with a few other Catholic bashers, and I just bet that they were promoting nothing but the truth. Prayers are needed here as GOD WILL NOT BE MOCKED. +JMJ+
I operated homes for boys back in the early 90’s. One so-called consultant wanted us to give pornography to sex offenders and give them time during the day to go to their rooms to ‘relieve’ themselves. They believed this would get them out of the offenders mind-set. This was due
to a pamphlet sent out by the Ministry of Health in Thunder Bay. I guess the nuns bought into the same thing. It’s horrid. My company refused, causing all sorts of recriminations. But God rewarded us as He allowed us to open another home.
Note to self: Never read Patrick’s articles while sipping a diet coke.
I just got out of the hospital and sure needed a good laugh—-Thanks Patrick!
Posted by victor on Monday, Jun 11, 2012 6:42 AM (EST):“Masturbation is the theme of this post, Archbold’s first since 2012’s “How The West Was Done”. While the term “nun-turbation” is clumsily coined, the underlying theme of this article by the courageous columnist clearly breaks new ground. Not, perhaps, destined to become a classic but still recommended, if only for long-time fans. B+” Victor, Masturbation or Onanism has been condemned by God Himself, for centuries, as Onan was struck dead, on the spot. Am I inferring that masturbarion will get you killed? Yes. Every minute you use mastubating or abusing yourself is a dead end.
Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/pat-archbold/the-secret-vatican-strategy-to-end#ixzz1xWBPNbgB
Posted by Paul Giroux on Monday, Jun 11, 2012 7:36 AM (EST):I operated homes for boys back in the early 90’s. One so-called consultant wanted us to give pornography to sex offenders and give them time during the day to go to their rooms to ‘relieve’ themselves. They believed this would get them out of the offenders mind-set. This was due
to a pamphlet sent out by the Ministry of Health in Thunder Bay. I guess the nuns bought into the same thing. It’s horrid. My company refused, causing all sorts of recriminations. But God rewarded us as He allowed us to open another home.
Paul: This is the therapy given to sex-offenders at Avenel, the sex offender prison at Rahway State Prison. One released sex-offender, Jesse Timmedequas was relocated into a nice neighborhood to make him normal. Timmendequas raped and strangled to death seven year old Megan Kanka. Megan’s family sued for $130,000,000. Our tax dollars at work. Now, If they legalize raping little children by the North American Man Boy Love Association, taxpayers will not be able to sue. It is time to take our America back.
Too chicken to post my comment, I see. How cowardly of you.
Whether intended as humour or not, the actual book is about every possible violation of every sexual deviation condemned in the Bible and Natural Law. Focusing on masturbation is akin to the liberal media damning the US bishops for “depriving” “oppressed” Catholic women of birth control, when the actual topic is every person with integrity’s right not to have what she believes is immoral laws she is forced to obey in violation of the First Amendment and the Natural Law. BTW; the Catholic Catechism is very pastoral in its treatment of masturbation for different persons, ages and conditions.
God is perfectly clear on the sins of concupiscence. Strange word in these times, I know for it is NOT taught to youth in parochial schools beginning in kindergarten. Youth are taught they have a right to choose their own sexual gratifications. www.motherswatch.net It’s outrageous! “Sexual liberation is political control” by E. Michael Woods. Farley is a planted, purposed disgraceful woman. Then of course she resides in the church that ‘subsists in’ and is not the Catholic Church. Slowly the intentions to destroy Catholicism seem to appear successful. God is not to be overcome with these enemies. Sadly, there will be many casualties of souls because of the disgraceful things bishops are mandating youth to be taught in their schools producing the likes of this so-called nun. All society is at risk with these kinds of disordered thinking. See “Desire to Destroy” another book by Atila Sinke Guimaraes. How merciful Our God is to put up with these many shenanigans. How much longer will Our Blessed Mother hold back His hand from intense destruction we deserve.mere
Why blame the bishops- again- for how this nun turned out? Do you blame them for the fact that Catholics, murder, steal and commit adultery AND have weird ideas about morality and abortion. SATAN has been defeated, but he is having a field day with help from most of the media, all forms of it and the agenda of the new atheists-secular humanists. Especially when the Church’s teachings on Life- from womb to tomb are sentimentally and falsely being touted by many who dropped out of the Catholic Church, and some who still claim to belong in the Church, and the mainline Christian denominations and Jews who flatly deny their own Bible’s teachings. Blaming the bishops is a stupid tactic and ultimate cop-out. Each of us nailed Jesus on the Cross and many still do it.
LoneThinker - You claim “Blaming the bishops is a stupid tactic and ultimate cop-out”. Have you read Donna Steichen’s book, “Ungodly Rage” written in the 80s? These kinds of nuns have been raging against Catholicism for a long time and NOW something is to be done to rein them in!! I will post a site you can view of their outrageous performances as women, never mind the fact they call themselves nuns. Sensible women do not act as they have and do. Furthermore, these ‘bishops’ have mandated sexualized catechetics in their schools – sex in classrooms has been condemned by Pontiffs. Call me what you want and if you can prove me wrong.
I appreciate your response. 1. It takes a while to de-volute from Christian to atheist-secular-humanist, so one would have to track what happened where and how in the decades since the process began, then blame who deserves blame. Many people are blind to what might happen. I was very interested in the extreme interpretation of Church-State in my early days in the USA, and was so aware that Baptists were so adamant, and pounced like mad dogs when Catholics asked for school bus privileges, but had no trouble doing a service for graduation! I told them that eventually there would be a total ban on any expression of religion allowed in public schools. 2. I was also exposed to “the former second-grade teachers”- my irreverent title- who got a summer school degree and went on to take out their anger at the Church, clergy and began having their own “Masses.” 3. popes cannot condemn healthy sexual education programmes in Catholic schools and parishes. Any of us can condemn a totally atheist-secular humanist treatment of the topic, devoid of moral context, what I called the “banana on the condom” school of sex “education” to the chagrin of some/most/all ? of my College students!
LoneThinker, Popes not only have the Authority but the grave responsibility to protect all Christians in the world. Strange you state they cannot condemn it and you do not support your statements. Popes have in several way and times condemned what is to put before the eyes of youth in classrooms. Here is one teaching correction that should be written in the skies, or at least in the column:
In his encyclical on <Christian Education of Youth,> Pope Pius
XI speaks of sex instruction in private but not in classrooms. He
stated:
...if, all things considered, some private Instruction is found
necessary and opportune, from those who hold from God the commission
to teach and have the grace of state, every precaution must be taken.
Such precautions are well known in traditional Christian
education…. Hence it is of the highest importance that a good
father, while discussing with his son a matter so delicate, should be
well on his guard not to descend into details…..”
Pius XI condemns coeducation as a method of teaching children ...
www.traditioninaction.org/religious/n004rpCoeducation.htm
Pope Pius XI. False also and harmful to Christian education is the so-called method of “coeducation.” This too is ... Formation of Children and Youth burbtn.gif ...
Pat Archbold, presenter or this column, does not have the good Catholic sense to at least end his presentation with corrections by Holy Mother the Church in regards to this tender subject. Common sense tells us that to begin such a discussion one would desire to assist the readers to become better Catholics. Not so here!
Joe
What the blazes are you talking about?
Did you not realize that I was making a joke?
For the salvation of souls, Catholics should read what the Popes have written to warn us against the heresy of all heresies “modernism”.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/089555643X/novordwat-20
I need conversion for myself and so to others.
LoneThinker, you said, “BTW; the Catholic Catechism is very pastoral in its treatment of masturbation for different persons, ages and conditions.”
“Patoral” in its treatment!!. God has settled the issue and Holy Mother Church promulgates correct teaching in this matter. If the Farleys and Quinns accepted that mortal sin on one’s soul will cause eternal damnation they would sing a different tune, but obviously they’ve lost Holy Fear of losing their salvation.
See the New Baltimore Catechism, No. 3, page 149 for reference to correct Catholic formation in regards to this discussion.
joe; Your arrogance and insensitivity are what drive good people away from your zealotry. I said pastoral because it is pastoral. read the actual text and see where it makes allowance for subjective guilt and distinguishes different categories. Scalpels do better for delicate operations that sledge hammers.
joe; The first quote cited caution, not condemning sex education. He wrote before kids could see and experience everything on TV, games and internet as well as other places. Condemning co-education in 2012 is not the practical way to educate, whether State or religious schools. Culture is not always a sure guide to our real teaching. Men’s swimming outfits in the 1930’s and women’s shirts in 2012 are examples.
Lone Thinker, when a Pontiff speaks on matters of Faith and Morals, he is not to be corrected or contradicted. Truth a Pontiff promulgates, is current and to be followed in subsequent generations. Truth spoken by the Teacher of teachers, Doctor of doctors, Theologian of theologians, the Vicar of Christ is protected by the Holy Spirit. What you are stating is that God can err and smart people need to make a different adaption. I caution you on the seriousness of your posture. It’s a matter of Eternal Salvation or eternal damnation.
joe; Your arrogance, inability to think and reflect have saddened me. JESUS is Lord over our words or HE is not the loving Lord of our hearts.
Lone Thinker, Christ left a personal representative on earth. He promised never to leave or abandon us. St. Peter was the first Vicar of Christ and down through the years. Holy Mother the Church has been given the Total Deposit of Faith to safeguard and to go baptize all nations. He who hears His Apostles hears Christ. He who reject these Apostles rejects Christ.
If your position is that each person is their own pope, then you might have pulled pages out of Sacred Scriptures, and /or are stating that Christ did not keep His promise.
joe; You are out of your depth. Grab a lifebelt and swim ashore. You totally missed the point of what I said. May the Holy Spirit guide you, anyone else please help Joe.
Sirach 24
Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
31 They that explain me (clearly-my addition) shall have life everlasting.
I’m not a devotee of the Aesopian language, but I’m working on deciphering it
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