I am Charlie Brown's incomprehensible teacher. I don't know how it happened but it did. I think it happens to all parents. No matter what parents think they're saying, I've discovered that it's not what children are hearing.
So after years of intense studies at places like Chuck E. Cheese and playgrounds I've discovered that there are certain things that parents say that children just clearly hear differently. (Mind you, I don't say all of these but I've heard them at least a thousand times.) So I offer to you my What Parents Say / What Kids Hear Dictionary:
"Clean your room" = Go upstairs and sit on your bed and complain about your parents for half an hour even if you're in the room alone.
"Do your homework" = Stare at your page, sigh every few seconds, and ask for snacks every second minute.
"You've got to get in the bath, we've got to brush your teeth, and we've got to get ready because we're really really late" = Play time!
"Share" = Gimme!
"Your bed time is 8:30" = What is the bed time of everyone of your friends in your grade? And start with the ones who are allowed to stay up all night.
"Be nice" = Be mean...just more quietly.
"Turn off the tv" = Turn up the volume so you don't have to hear me.
"I'm going to leave without you" = I'm going to stand by the door until kingdom come while you gather toys in your arms to take in the car.
"Get dressed" = Walk around aimlessly for ten minutes staring off as if you expect the clothes God to rain a wardrobe down on you.
"I don't know if we can do that. We'll see." = I don't know but if you ask me a hundred more times that might just improve your chances.
"Maybe" = Yes.
"Say your prayers" = Say your prayers at lightning speed to make so that only God can understand it.
"Say you're sorry!" = Say sorry but say it like you're giving you're giving your name, rank, and serial number to violent interrogators.
"Look both ways before you cross the street" = Dart out like deer after any stray ball.
"Stop crying" = Cry more.
"Mom's on her way home" = We have to clean up.
"Dad's on his way home" = Dad's gonna' turn off Phineas and Ferb and watch stupid Fox News.
"I'll get the neosporin" = I'm going to torture you for your own good. Muhuhahaha!
"I'll get the ice and a band aid" = Everything's going to be alright.
"I love you" = Everything is alright.
This is far from a comprehensive list and I'd love to have any additions that I've overlooked.
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“Chew with your mouth closed!” = Show me how those potatoes, beans and chicken look all mashed up inside your mouth.
“Get out of bed - now!!” = sleep in another 15 minutes
“Be nice” = Be mean…just more quietly.”
Truer words were never spoken.
“One day you’ll thank me for this.” = I’m not willing to explain this to you now, and you wouldn’t listen if I did, but for now go grumble to your friends about what a tyrant I am.
Zip, zero, nada, nothing - I’ve got a chance.
Because I said so = go ask your mother.
“You look nice in that outfit”- My clothes are uncool.
This is a healthy meal = This is the most disgusting thing ever concocted.
Eat your dinner= I am clearly trying to poison you and yes, I have put something inedible on your plate.
I have nothing witty today, but the loss of facial tone and color and the instant stutter is priceless when the boxes from Seton (homeschool material) arrive in August. Usually when the UPS man drops off a package, the kids run outside and get them all excited except that once a year he drops off the Seton boxes and they are left outside and the kids are scattered to the four winds…til September
Matt, You should write another column that translates PC terms into the Truth. For example: Blended family = Broken families
Posted by LMK on Thursday, Aug 9, 2012 9:57 AM (EST):Matt, You should write another column that translates PC terms into the Truth. For example: Blended family = Broken families”
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Not in the case of widows/widowers.It happens.
I’m going to count to three . . . One . . .
I have two whole seconds to continue misbehaving!
NOPE! YOU WERE WRONG ON MAYBE! Maybe = No
Duh!
As for this one:
“Mom’s on her way home” = We have to clean up.
Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/matthew-archbold/what-parents-say-what-kids-hear/#ixzz23wkPOVOA
so ture….
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