I’m used to being the only Dad wherever I go in a sea of Moms. A few days ago I was at my daughter’s basketball game. I sat with my other four children in the bleachers cheering my daughter near a few other Moms. I was near them but not with them. There’s a difference. After all these years I’m still seen as kind of separate from the Moms. And make no mistake I’m OK with that. I don’t chit or chat easily and when asked to do both together, it usually ends badly. After some years of study I’m accepting of the fact that Moms and Dads are just different.
I’m still unable to understand the ability women have of spelunking so quickly into the depths of each other’s lives so quickly, telling each other things I wouldn’t speak of if I was alone in a room. But that’s what they do. I keep score of the game, which is pretty easy considering half the kids couldn’t reach the rim with the ball so the score was in a manageable single digits. I didn’t have to carry the one or nothing.
Some of these girls are so nice that one girl actually handed the rebound to an opposing player because she really seemed to want it. But effort? These girls had effort. Running up and down the court like gazelles which is easier when you forget to dribble. But then something happened that stopped the game dead. A little girl heaved the ball up and it didn’t just miss the rim and the backboard. It missed the court. The ball rolled and rolled away from the pack of girls who chased it until…it rolled into the boy’s bathroom. And they stopped. An impasse. They all simply stared at each other dumbfounded. What to do? Here was a situation there’d been no practice for. No playbook. The girls looked at their Mom coaches and the women in the bleachers who simply stared back. The ball might as well have rolled off the end of the Earth.
This was a job for a man. I stood up. Not too proudly. I took my son by the hand and we walked across the court like heroes off to face the monster. We went to the edge of the doorway and I dispatched my son in. This was a gift I could bestow upon him. I could allow him to be the conquering hero and I would stand proudly by his side as his father.
He ran into the boy’s room. And emerged holding it up like a trophy. The Moms cheered him and my son bowed. He actually bowed. And then the women went back to talking about doctor’s diagnoses, intimate heartbreaks, and uncertain futures. I bought my kids hot dogs and cheered when one girl’s shot nearly hit the backboard.
As this story is an example of, there are things that only Dads can do.
I think boys need someone to teach them that getting hit ain’t the worst thing in the world but an unwillingness to ever get hit might be.
Someone has to teach sons how to go to the bathroom. There are things Moms just don’t know about. Tricks. How to course correct. There’s a lot more to it than you think.
Someone needs to explain to a son why the number 714 means something. And explain why Barry Bonds doesn’t.
And then there’s teaching sons boys to treat girls. A Mom can tell a son how they want to be treated but watching a Dad treat a Mom every single day, day in and day out, with respect and love is still the best way.
And let’s face it, little girls learn how they should be treated by the way their father treats them. That’s a heavy load when you think about it. And I often do. Girls aren’t so desperate to run away to the first person who tells them they love them when there’s a man who’s told them he loves them every day of their lives and has proved it every single one of them.
As you might have heard, teenage girls get all sorts of moody. They want hugs one second and storm up the stairs the next but Dads must stay the same. And I don’t care what you say, I think they want a Dad that makes them come down the stairs and walk up them again THIS TIME WITHOUT STOMPING. I think that kind of thing tells them that you love them whether they’re hugging or stomping.
And there doesn’t seem to be a much better moment in a little girl’s week than hearing from her Dad on Sunday morning that she looks pretty. Not cute. Pretty. There’s a difference. And they know it.
A family needs a threat. You don’t even have to make good on it all that often. Most times the threat is all you need.
And then there’s the bugs. Someone’s got to kill the bugs. Let me be clear, I’m not talking about the little flitty ones. I’m talking about the ones that look big enough to ride the big roller coaster at the church fair. I’m talking about the ones that could shave but don’t because they think it makes ‘em look tough. The ones that look like they might just try to squish you before you squish them. Yeah those. I’m not saying Moms can’t squish them but I think Moms sure like knowing they don’t have to.
I believe children want to be lifted up and tossed around a little bit. A lot some days. They want to be held above their Dad’s head or dangled from an ankle. Don’t know why. They just do. Sometimes they want to be tickled until they beg for mercy and then they want you to do it again when they catch their breath. I’ve found that homes where giggling and squealing are predominant are happy ones. I’m not a scientist but that just feels right.
I think kids feel love, comfort and sympathy with Moms. They feel safe next to their Dads. There’s just something about leaning on someone that you couldn’t move if you had a running start and all day to try that makes you feel safe.
I think it’s important for little girls to know that their Dad said, “I do” and he actually did.
And then there’s praying. There’s just something about kids seeing the strongest thing they know on this Earth go to his knees that tells them just about everything they need to know.
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Beautiful.BEAUTIFUL.
Congratulations on not just being a Father, but being a Dad! Your children will be amazing if they follow your lead.
Awesome, and amazing witness. Thanks for this.
I loved this…so true.
Just beautiful!
Perfectly described!
I loved this.
I completely agree. I have such a man for a father and I have such a man for a husband…because of that, my married daughter has such a father and husband, and my married daughter-in-law has such a husband. (She has such a man for a father too but we didn’t do that part.) :)
This is beautiful.
and describes my dad… who sadly left us to join his awesome Creator this past summer.
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Since his death, I realize why I’m still single…. there are no men like my father.
<<And there doesn’t seem to be a much better moment in a little girl’s week than hearing from her Dad on Sunday morning that she looks pretty. Not cute. Pretty. There’s a difference. And they know it.>>
Not a Sunday goes by that my daughter doesn’t dress for Mass and ask her daddy if she looks pretty. And he makes an appropriate fuss about her beauty. Warms my heart every time.
Awesome as usual!
That was lovely. My girls and most especially my son miss their dad terribly but he will return from Afghanistan soon (less than two weeks!). His absence and the reaction of each of the children has driven home how important Dad is in their lives. Your children are very lucky.
That was so beautiful!! God Bless you for your witness!!
Wow. PERFECT! So true. So well said.
I am bookmarking this one for Father’s Day. Beautiful.
A family needs a threat. You don’t even have to make good on it all that often. Most times the threat is all you need.
As Machiavelli said, “It is better to be feared than loved.” My boys do not have learned that they have to the count of 5 to course correct or the consequences will be dire.
Perfect.
And bats. We need them for bats in the house.
Great story! Really funny, too. Liked this part -
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“The girls looked at their Mom coaches and the women in the bleachers who simply stared back. The ball might as well have rolled off the end of the Earth.
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This was a job for a man. I stood up. Not too proudly.”
And this is precisely why we need male and not “female” dads…there’s simply no substitute
When you got to the part about praying, I immediately flashed to all those times at Saturday night mass, seeing my late father praying. I type this as I wipe away tears. Thank you for reminding me of such a special memory of my father. If I can be half as good a father as he was, my sons will be ok.
I laughed when you talked about teaching sons how to use the bathroom. I worked in a low-income school teaching first graders and more than one time I had to cajole one of the male teachers into giving a few boys a lesson in how to use the bathroom. I also want to point out that the reverse is true: boys also learn how they should be treated by women, and girls learn how they should treat men, in a loving and respectful home.
Great post! My dad was a stay-at-home dad for years, and I’m so glad he was. He would completely understand being surrounded by moms at all sorts of events. Praise God for strong dads!
Aren’t there any child protection protocols in place at your school, Karyn?
I can still remember clearly times my dad saw me coming down the stairs dressed for Mass and whistled and said (in a very NYC voice)“Who is that BEAUTIFUL GIRL?” You look so nice! Is that my daughter? Wow!”
That meant the world to me. That’s a good dad job.
very well said….nice to read your article…your kids are blessed with a great dad!
It’s nice to know that some girls dress still nicely and appropriately for Mass!
Beautiful! Thank you so much for this lovely essay!
Wow…this was well written by a dad who obviously cares deeply for his roll as a parent to his son and daughter…and values his relationship with his wife ...and Jesus Christ…thanks for renewing God’s plan in print !
I am a single dad of four kids and I know exactly what you mean and totally agree with you. People ask me every day how I do it alone and all I can say is they’re my kids what else is there to do but be their dad. I love every minute of it.
Except for the part about praying this is a pretty good article. Clear, honest, and to the point. I’m dismayed that there were so few males involved in the basketball group though. That’s a pretty strong statement in itself.
Yes, it is a funny and heartwarming story but midst all the appreciation expressed by commenters may I just point out that you don’t need a dad at Macy’s changerooms(bathrooms too?)as there you can decide for yourself whether you’re male or female or somewhere in-between and if you, the customer, challenge such an outlandish policy, well, you can’t lose your job but you might be kicked out the store or now, under NDAA, arrested as a terrorist. This is not a joke. The tyranny we’re living under is becoming more and more overt but few speak out against it. Was it Burke who said “all that is required for evil to prevail is for good men(and women)to do nothing.”
Almost made me cry, because I didn’t exactly have this as a child and didn’t marry a man who knew much about it either. I hope my son has somehow learned at least what not to do. My husband does try, but having had no frame of reference, it’s very hard for him.
Your words are so true, but my father wasnt Dad, I wanted a Dad who took interest. I just dont think he knew how.
Well done. Sometimes, I have to remind my husband to hug his teens, “because if you don’t hold her, she’ll find some man who will.”
Thank you. For reminding me what my daughters and I have in my husband. Sometimes in the rush of life it’s so easy to forget. I’m going to go hug my husband and tell God how thankful I am for this wonderful man who is the father to our children.god bless you sir!
Thanks for this article, right on the mark. As the father of a 13-month old daughter, I look forward to being this for my daughter.
And lol about the bugs, very true!
It would have been funny if your ballpark had unisex bathrooms.
Great article. I recently asked my non-Christian husband to start leading grace at the dinner table because I thought the children (especially my son) needed to see their father pray. Thankfully, he’s been doing it! Three days in, my son asked if he could lead the prayer (he normally won’t join in at all). Dads are so important.
As I wipe the tears from my eyes I nod yes, yes, yes to all you said. You men are invaluable in your role as ever present security-givers, providers, complimenters of your girls, models for your boys, bug smashers, threat bearers, and respecter of your wives… and so much more.
I’m like josh in that I’m doing this job alone now too. My husband and my children’s father gave up on us - some challenging moments of life mixed with some huge temptaions. We suddendly were an obstacle holding him back and oh how we miss our former hero.
Good husbands and fathers are great heroes!
Magnificent! What a blessing that your children have a father like you. Many don’t have a good male role model, for a variety of reasons, and everyone benefits from seeing a man who loves the Lord, respects and loves his wife, and adores his children.
I agree! Hurray for Dads that “dad”.
I think the child really wants to play with his Dad, and for the Mom, she is needed in a different way, like preparing food for him.
God Bless You. When we are embraced by our good Lord, beautiful things happen. This applies to both men & women. In the end, love tells you to make your children happy, to be there for them, to protect them, to guide them. True Love is the base of everything.
As I read this beautiful explanation and thought it said it all…. I realized that one of the strongest things I’ve seen on this earth is male bonding…. There are some men - Dads - Grandpas, that need an example to…. A women can not tell a man what he is missing. Or that some of the problems could be avoided with more of his role. Not all Daddies had a good role model and we can only do the best we can one day at a time…. But a Father like yourself could change a lot of that!!! So RaRa! You go Daddy! and please remember the ones that don’t know how!
Treasures in Heaven! And Blessings for little and big girls here on earth!
THANK YOU!
My 28 year old daughter just sent me this. That act and the thoughts expressed in the article, well, it doesn’t get any better than that.
On the day when a couple comes before God and says their vows to each other they cannot see all that the future will through at them. the hardships, the dissapointments, the trials.
But for the sake of the precious children who become their children, for the only Family these children have they owe it to these precious souls to do everything on earth to love each other.
“For girls, No matter what age they NEED to see their Father love their mother “. SO well said:
I think it’s important for little girls to know that their Dad said, “I do” and he actually did.
it is a choice, a decision to love.. not an emotional feeling that comes and goes and once its gone the spouse is abandoned.
My 17 year old daughter says it so well-
she has trust issues. she cannot trust.
why?
her father while thinking himself to be a wonderful caring Father, has also unfortunately chosen to abandon his role as husband, as provider, as spiritual leader for his home and children.
while he is out seeking the single life, his daughters lack the role model of what a husband, a Father is.
they lack the security of the most important man in their life honoring his promises.
Thank God they have good example in both their Grandparents.
Yet- I fear this pain will last a lifetime.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph help our men of today to be real men, and not abandon the call to be a Godly Father and husband.
Way to go Matt that was a very moving witness, and you are a credit to DADS everywhere. We should all aspire to follow your example.
Great article. I shared in with my husband and it was a reminder about how blessed I am to have found a man who is a great Dad as well. Dads have a very important job, let’s not forget it!
Great commentary on being a real DAD! Love your commitment to their mom and being at the game! Blessings to you!
I’m chief bug-killer and child-tosser in our household, mostly because my hubby is afraid of wasps and stinging bugs, and I’m not afraid of breaking the baby. I think it is important to remember that there are different ways to be a loving, caring father. The important thing is to remember that being a father is a series of actions, not just one action way back at the beginning!
SO SO very good…
speaking truth and making me laugh out loud at the computer…
Thanks for that today!
Thank you for the excellent article. I wish all boys and men would read these types of articles and understand the importance men play in their childrens and spouses lives.
I knew God was bigger than anything else in the world when I saw my dad go down on his knees in front of Him. Thank you Dad for that gift!
And thank you Matthew for this beautiful reflection.
I absolutely enjoyed reading this article. It made me laugh and teary eyed at the same time. I am truly blessed beyond measure to have a husband who does this every day. My gratitude to you and ALL the wonderful Dads out there. <3
I could read this every single day - thank you so much. Watch out bro - you’re pulling heart strings like some mom in the stands.
I stand with you on all of the points you made. Thumbs up. Dads and Moms need to be different, equal in dignity, but different in functions. Without these differences, then one is not needed. These difference makes us complete. Very touching article. I’m a single dad. My wife passed away from cancer. I have a 10 yr-old son. I am teaching him many of the things you’ve said above.
Awesome insight. The world would be a better place if we just still had real Dads!
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