A Chunk of Paganized Christianity...

...just fell in my inbox:

HERCOLUBUS, THE PLANET WHOSE ORBIT GETS CLOSER TO EARTH

There are some matters about heavenly mechanics, which are unknown to present science. One of them is that related to Hercolubus’ approach to Earth, a planet whose name comes from ancient knowledge. The fact of its approach to our solar system is not only a near fact that everybody will be able to see, but it will also result in big upheavals all over the world.

It comes to pass that in the to-and-fro of life, everything returns to its beginning or to its end. It already happened that Hercolubus, in its previous approach, put a stop to the Atlantis’ civilization. These facts, well known by personages who, in the course of history enjoyed Awaken Conscience, were properly narrated through all the ‘world-wide floods’ coming from different religions and cultures.

A lot of writers have talked about such cosmic phenomenon throughout the ages. One of them, V.M. Rabolu, was one of those people who enjoys the Faculties of Awaken Conscience, which let him investigate about this heavenly body’s approach. We have picked out the next paragraphs from his book, entitled ‘Hercolubus or Red Planet’:

Mmkay.  A whole planet is unknown to present science, but known to the guy emailing me.  “The fact of its approach to our solar system is ... a near fact”.  What, I wonder, is a “near fact”?  Then we learn that “it comes to pass” that “everything returns to its beginning or to its end.  I can at least see the statement “everything returns to its beginning” as a coherent (and wrong) proposition. To be sure, some things return to their beginning, such as salmon, boomerangs, and repetitive Justin Bieber songs.  But lots of things don’t return to their beginning at all, such as Voyager spacecraft or newborn babies.  But the statement is at least faintly coherent.

However what are we to make of those last four words?  How does anything return to its end?  I submit the author simply got carried away with his own pseudo-biblical prophetic diction and lo, it came to pass that he wrote nonsensical rubbish because it sounded cool.

From there it is a short hop, of course, to naked assertions about Atlantis which are well known to ungrammatical but enlightened people who enjoy Awaken Consciousness.  These are “properly narrated” through sundry flood myths, though we are left to puzzle over which flood story, precisely, is the proper narration since, say, the Enuma Elish of Sumeria attributes the flood to noisy human neighbors downstairs keeping the deities awake with their racket, while the flood story of Israel attributes the flood to human sin.  Five’ll get you ten that the flood myths of other cultures have other reasons for their floods while strangely, nobody mentions Hercolubus as the culprit. No doubt this is due to lack of Awaken Consciousness.

Which reminds me, the email goes on to tell us that if you are one of the poor sods who lacks Awaken Consciousness, somebody named V.M. Rabolu is (according to the completely reliable anonymous person whose spam landed in my inbox) “one of those people who enjoys the Faculties of Awaken Conscience, which let him investigate about this heavenly body’s approach.”  Only a fool would doubt credentials like that.  So we read on and receive the warning of the prophet V. M. Rabolu:

‘When Hercolubus gets closer to Earth, when it sets a par with the Sun, lethal epidemics will begin to spread all over our planet. Doctors and official science will not know what kind of illnesses they are or how to cure them. They will be helpless before such epidemics. Because of the overwhelming hunger and the unbearable heat, life in our planet will begin to disappear and then Humanity shall have to eat their fellow beings’ cadavers.

The moment of tragedy, of darkness, will come: tremors, earthquakes and tidal waves. Human beings will become mentally unbalanced because they will not be able to eat or sleep. In the face of danger, the totally insane masses will throw themselves over the precipice.

What I affirm in this book is a very short-term prophecy, because I have evidence about the end of the planet. I know it. I am not attempting to fright, but to forewarn, because I feel sorrow for this poor Humanity. Since these events are coming soon, there is no time to waste in illusory things.’

Jeepers.  Hercolobus is big enough it will “set a par with the sun”.  You’d think that a sun-sized planet on an imminent doomsday collision course with earth would have been noticeable before now.  You’d also think that, given there are 7 other planets in the solar system (8 if you defiantly refuse to accept Pluto’s cruel demotion back to planetoid) somebody before now would have noticed that planets, not bacteria, viruses and other disease agents cause lethal epidemics.  I do like the whole “Walking Dead” post-apocalyptic vibe with the nods to global warming *and* cadaver-eating, but V.M. fails to really connect the dots science-wise as to how an invisible sun-sized planet is going to pull all this off in the near future without ever having been noticed by anybody but Atlanteans, flood myth writers who never mention Hercolubus, and nameless people with Awaken Consciousness.  I’m also curious about how the darkness will be pulled off (an eclipse, I presume) and which precipice exactly will be used for the Great Human Lemming Fun Run.  In the interest of civic pride, I would like to volunteer the idea of airlifting all seven billion members of Earth’s population to the Grand Coulee in eastern Washington.  When the darkness, tremors and tidal waves start, everybody will be safely inland and protected from the Pacific by two (count ‘em TWO) mountain ranges (the Olympics and the Cascades), plus they will have miles and miles and miles of sheer precipices dropping hundreds of feet from the top of the coulee to the Columbia River Valley below.  It will be, if I say so myself, perfect for all your post-apocalyptic needs whether you are into totally insane mass precipice leaping, or leisurely cadaver eating (followed by some excellent Columbia River Valley wines) afterwards with family and friends.

Of course, this spectacle of planetary disaster is a sure thing.  Why?  Well because V.M. has evidence.  His evidence?  He “knows it”.  How can you doubt that kind of proof, particularly when he is not writing to frighten you?  No.  He is writing to save you—with a book you can have for a low, low price, as my emailer concludes:

V.M. Rabolu teaches in his book the practices to eliminate our Ego or psychological defects and how to astral unfold as the only practical way of escaping from the forthcoming cataclysm. He finishes saying:

‘Dear reader, I am speaking very clearly so that you understand the necessity to seriously launch yourself to do the inner work, because whoever is working will be taken from the danger. This is not to be theorized or argued. Rather, the formulas that I am giving in this book are teachings you must experiment yourself, so you can go and get the Wisdom. There is nothing left to appeal to.’

It’s unclear as to how eliminating my ego (which is, admittedly, sun-sized) or dealing with my psychological defects will prevent an invisible sun-sized planet from its doomsday collision with earth.  It’s even less clear what it means to “astral unfold”, nor how doing so is the “only practical way” to escape the coming cataclysm.  I should have thought that, perhaps, using earth’s nuclear arsenal to deflect the course of Hercolubus while it is still far enough away to be utterly invisible would be a more practical way to escape the coming cataclysm.  But then, I haven’t purchased the book and don’t have Awaken Consciousness.

At any rate, V.M. doesn’t seem too interested in the whole give and take of laborious discussion of his assertions.  Instead he rather abruptly shuts down matters of evidence, reason, or questioning with “This is not to be theorized or argued.” and “There is nothing left to appeal to.”  In short, shut up and buy the book before you die horribly in madness and a gruesome apocalyptic nightmare.  But he means that in the nicest way possible.

Fr. Robert Barron comments on stuff like this floating around in pop culture: