I’m having a baby next week! This will be our fifth child (our oldest is six) and our fourth girl in a row. I’ll be taking a few weeks off from writing here, though you can count on some gratuitous baby pictures over at my personal blog. What will I do with my extra time when I’m not writing for the Register? Glad you asked.
10. Have a t-shirt made that says YES, THEY’RE ALL MINE. While I’m at it, I’ll print up handy business-card-sized answers to frequently asked questions, so that I can make it through the grocery store without having to stop to tell each person whether we’re done having kids, if we wanted this many kids, and if we know how that happens. (Hopefully Simcha will give me permission to borrow from her recent post.)
9. Find an affordable infant carrier that won’t contribute to heat stroke. I was all excited to try out a Moby Wrap since so many moms talk about it like it’s specifically mentioned in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, but then someone pointed out the obvious fact that it involves wrapping yourself up in a whole bunch of layers of fabric. Given that our current weather forecast is like if that movie Groundhog Day were set in the middle of the Sahara, it looks like it’s back to the drawing board.
8. Take advantage of the hospital’s free wi-fi to troll blogs. I’ll be stuck in the hospital for a few days because of a medical condition that makes my doctors retire to their faining couches every time I tell them I’m pregnant, but the plus side is that I’ll be on an internet network that can’t be traced back to me. If there are a bunch of comments over at Creative Minority Report that happen to link to posts that I’ve written, and if OSV’s Daily Take blog is repeatedly harassed by “NCR BLOGGERS RULE!!!” comments from Anon77, I know nothing about it.
7. Post baby pictures on Zero Population Growth message boards. While I’ve got my camera, free time, and the hospital’s IP address, I’ll dress the new baby up in the frilliest little pink dress I can find—maybe adding one of those hats with bunny ears if I’m feeling ruthless—and post a bunch of pictures on ZPG forums, defying people to tell me that the world would be a better place without this kind of cuteness.
6. Lecture baby about the fact that sleep deprivation is a form of torture denounced by the Geneva Convention. If she’s not sleeping through the night in a couple weeks, patiently explain to her that she is in violation of international law.
5. Try not to think about the fact that we’ll have four teenage girls in the house at once. The other day I did the math that in a few years I’ll have girls ages 17, 16, 14 and 12. Start praying for me now.
4. Eye the kitchen sink, resist the temptation to baptize the baby myself. Unless I get good at forging birth certificates or bribe someone to let us skip the class and paperwork requirements, this baby won’t be baptized through traditional channels any time soon. I’ll be resisting the urge to play that one bathtime game, well known to Catholics who have grandchildren by lapsed Catholic children, that involves a big cup of water and the phrase “... in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.”
3. Gaze at the piles of laundry without feeling guilty. There are always piles of unfolded laundry around here that I look at and don’t do anything about; the difference is that now I can look at them, not do anything about them, and not feel guilty about it.
2. Have a drink. I know, I know, alcohol in breastmilk and all that. I’ll be sure to order a baby breathalyzer, and won’t let her operate heavy machinery if she’s drunk. But after a grueling third trimester, shots in the stomach every day, insufferable Texas heat, and all the other fun that goes with your fifth pregnancy in seven years, a stiff gin and tonic is in my immediate future.
1. Enjoy my new baby!
See you in July!
Comments
Post a Comment
We’ll miss you! Best of luck. We’ll be praying for you.
God bless you, Jen!
blog during the delivery! congratulations.
Good luck! And check out a linen ring sling for babywearing- it’s really nice and cool for summer. Bit of a learning curve (lots of youtube videos exist), but well worth it. My 13 month old still loves it!
First: Hooray! Praying for you and the baby. Second: this—-> http://www.cafepress.com/evilgeniusstore/1225539
Have a terrific babymoon!
#10 is my favorite. Within two weeks I’ll be having my fourth boy, and our oldest is six (you have me beat by one - but it’s not a race is it?). I can totally relate to #10. And since mine are all boys, I’m thinking about another T-shirt that says “Yes - one more and I WILL have a basketball team!”
Praise the Lord! I will be thinking of you and praying for a safe delivery. Kiss that sweet baby! I will lecture her on sleep deprivation if you’re too tired.
#6: Comic GOLD.
Jen, congratulations. I love the list. I especially relate to number 10 as we too are expecting #5 in December. My husband and I love this phrase that we stole from a Disney show, “four is for quitters!!!” Enjoy your new baby!
Congratulations, and best wishes for an uneventful delivery! With 11 kids I have had 4 teenagers at once and will again, but mine aren’t all girls. my girls are spread out having been born in ‘78, ‘88, ‘90, ‘98, and ‘03. and the boys were born in ‘81,‘83, 85’, ‘93, 95, and 2000. When I want to really give people a shock I mention that I gave birth to children in 4 different decades and 2 different centuries. LOL!
Prayers coming from here - you will survive your daughters’ teen years but I will forewarn you (having been through it, going through it w/ a few more daughters) - the younger ones learn from the older ones and as such begin the heavy sighs, the rolled eyes and the ‘whatevers’ much earlier than their older sisters did.
But, on the upside they also learned that wearing floral cotton summer skirts (just above the knee, not to the ankle) is way better than shorty shorts, being a book nerd is acceptable and as their oldest is one of the coolest religious they know - they too will survive my parenting!
Prayers for a healthy recovery for you and a healthy baby for all - looking forward to the pictures!
Congratulations! Very exciting, and I love your comments which never fail to make me chuckle. We’ve got just six; four girls and two boys with 3of them now teens in the house. Never a dull moment, but an ABSOLUTE blast! On a side note, a girlfriend once lamented over the comments always being made about her family. So her husband surprised her by having a t-shirt made. For the past 9 years, it’s still one of my favorites. The front says:
Before you even ask…
Yes, they are all my children.
It’s up to God to decide if we are “finished” yet.
No, this is not some kind of daycare.
Yes, I am Catholic.
Yes, we do know where they come from.
The back says:
This is what God thinks of our children…
“Children are a reward from Him… Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” - Psalms 127:3-5
“Let the little children come to me… for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” - Luke 18:16
Congrats! So excited for you.
My son and I love our Maya wrap. A bit more on the pricey side ($70), but it works for newborns all the way up to toddlers.
Very little alcohol goes through breastmilk. You would have to get completely plastered for baby to get more than a drop or two, so cross that one off your guilt list!
#6 is my favorite!
I am curious. Does your parish require you take a baptism prep class for each child? That seems strange to me. At our parish it has always been standard practice that once the parents have gone through the prep class once, they don’t need to repeat it for the rest of their children.
Congrats on your 5th! I’m from a family of 5 children and couldn’t imagine life without any of them.
Dude, don’t wait 6 months to have your kid baptized. Can’t your priest do it after a daily mass or something. That seems like a serious neglect of his duties if he thinks parish paperwork is more important than baptizing babies… and to make you take a class again is just ridiculous. How many kids do you have already?
If your own priest isn’t willing, call around. It shouldn’t take more than 1 or 2 calls to find someone willing to baptize your kid within a few weeks. After all, you’ll have all the time in the world at the hospital to make phone calls or browse blogs. :-)
My favorite baby carrier was the ‘cheap’ version of the Bjorn (I borrowed a Bjorn, but the baby didn’t like it- she liked the cheap one that is next to the Bjorn at babies r us)—- and a sling is best when the baby is good at breastfeeding, so you can walk around feeding the baby.
I am also a ‘drinker’ after the baby is born- not a drop during pregnancy, but I think a drink every third or forth day is perfect for a bit of relaxation.
I was also a 2 shot a day (for 8 months) pregnant woman with the last 2 babies- my big girls called the bruises on my belly the “rainbow of hurting” ;)
Congratulations!!!
I once saw a shirt on the father of triplets that said “Yes they are all mine, and I’m glad thier not yours as well.” I think I might have to get that if we ever have another one.
This was fantastic! Enjoy your new baby!
Try the Wrapsody Breeze! You can get them from a Catholic momma who runs Paxbaby.com. You can also try a peanut shell or a ring sling.
Love your card idea. I’m going to try that ;) I’ll be in the same boat in 10 years with 4 girl teens. I’m scared, but I’ve started preparing now. Phew!
Enjoy your hospital stay and that sweet baby!
Re #5, you’re thinking about this all wrong! That is HOW many daughters who can help babysit? You’ll be able to go grocery shopping alone again!!
I highly recommend Boba as a carrier—not sure how it’ll work with little-littles, but it’s been a dream to use, even from the moment it arrived on our doorstep. Before that, I just used a Balboa Baby ring sling. Being able to nurse in a carrier is one priority, but the highest priority has been back/hip safety.
Jen,
Best of luck with your new baby! You might look for a baby carrier/sling made of a fabric called Solarveil. It’s reputedly super light and breathable. I don’t have one myself, but I know a couple of mothers who have ring slings made of Solarveil and love them. Apparently, you can even take a shower with the baby in it!
Oh, prayers coming your way from a mama due with her fourth a week from today! I like my Maya Pouch, it has thinner fabric and just one (well, two, it’s folded) layers of fabric. I don’t know if they make the Pouch anymore, but the Maya slings seem to be lighter. When my first was born I tried the really dumbly-named “Over the Shoulder Baby Holder” and that darn thing was HOT. I lived in Northern Indiana, and even in May that thing made me and the baby sweat. So far no problems with the Maya Pouch, though I do tend to have winter babies, so there’s that.
Please do enjoy a stiff gin and tonic. I find its place in your top ten lineup entirely appropriate.
Prayers forthcoming for the big day!
When I had my 5th a girl friend bought me a t-shirt that said “Birth control is for wimps” It always gets a laugh . . . .blessings to you!
try the Baby K’tan Breeze carrier. it’s like a moby in how you wear it, but has so much less material and you don’t have to wrap it. the breeze one is also half mesh, so it’s lighter. no heat stroke!
Congrats!!! I LOVE #7… awesome.
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS! GOD BLESS YOU JEN AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY. YOU MAKE ME SMILE EVERY WEEK! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
I just read the book, Teen Proofing by John Rosemond and highly recommend it (and all his books).
Love your post! Congratulations on your blessings! Wish I were blessed enough in earlier years to know what Graces are given through each child! There might have been more than my 3! Wish I had 10! :)
Try the double ringed cotton/linen sling, love it for infants! When bigger try the Ergo baby (organic) sling-great until they are 3!
Best wishes!
My wife of 28 years and I have 10 children, one in Heaven, a premiee who passed on after two days,nine still with us, including the little Saint’s twin. There are three girls and seven boys. When we get asked about if we are done, I do not give a yes or no. I tell them how we got the twins [#8 & 9]. In the summer of 2001, our fifth son asked Jesus for a baby sister after nighlty prayer. I told #5 sone that Mom and Dad were trying for a sister last year when # 6 brother was born and how the only daughter [at that time] was in the delivery room. Still, we were open to children. The next night #5 son asked for twin sisters. I said if our Lord sent them, he had diaper duty! Next thing you know, the twins were on the way, complications arose, I asked for the intercession of Fr. Solanus Casey. The twins were born early, both under 2 lbs. Good Samaritan Hospital, Cincinnati, offered “Healing Touch” a version of Reiki, which we refused.
The first twin was baptised and passed into Heaven after two days. Her twin was baptised with water from Lourdes and has a complete recovery. No problems with her health! So I tell people when God wants to send us children, we do not say no. The last son was born five years later, perfectly healthy, due to the intercession of Padre Pio, but that is another story with another miracle, if people have time to hear that one!
Post a Comment
By submitting this form, you give The National Catholic Register permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.