The other day I was chatting with someone who works at our church, and she mentioned that couples who get married there are well versed in the fullness of the Church’s wisdom on marriage and human sexuality. Engaged couples are required to take a full Natural Family Planning course (not just an intro class), and they also must take a class on the Theology of the Body, so that they can understand why the Church teaches what it does. Though I’m not naive enough to think that every single couple who goes through the system is going to immediately throw out their birth control pills, the quality of the marriage preparation process undoubtedly leads a lot of them to at least remain open to the Church’s teaching in this area. Though some may initially grumble about the extensiveness of the process, I’ve heard that many couples end up being extremely grateful that they were given such thorough practical and theoretical information to get their marriages off to the right start.
After thinking about this for a moment, I had a delayed reaction. I asked: “Wait, how do you get all these couples to agree to do this?” Given the current cultural climate regarding marriage, I was surprised that more couples didn’t decide to get married in a different parish, perhaps that of their parents or their future spouse, so that they could skip the lengthy list of requirements.
She said that the marriage preparation staff hears that question all the time. “I’d love to do something like that for our parish,” a lot of people who work in marriage programs at other churches say, “but I don’t think any couples would agree to it.”
So how is it that our church manages to get so many couples to take the time to learn about God’s plan for marriage and human sexuality? She said that there are probably a lot of factors at play, but the main one is this: The building is really beautiful.
People don’t want to get married anywhere else if their other options have less beauty. With the vaulted ceiling painted with stars, the grand dome over the altar, and the breathtaking replica of Raphael’s Disputation of the Sacrament behind statues of the four Gospel writers, our sanctuary is something to behold. Whether or not they can articulate exactly what it is, couples are drawn to something they experience when they walk through the doors of our church building. Of course there’s the Blessed Sacrament, the most powerful Presence of all, that any other Catholic church also has. But the splendor of the physical structure brings in something else as well, something that churches with more plain architecture do not have.
I once visited Mt. Angel Abbey in Oregon, and after noticing how gorgeous their surroundings are, I found this note on their website:
Beauty is one of the attributes of God, along with truth and goodness. For this reason monks are naturally attracted to it, and through the centuries have preserved it in their monasteries.
To experience beauty is to experience God. It’s why the monasteries and cathedrals of Western civilization have always been so marvelous, why places like the Sistine Chapel lure people of all different faith backgrounds to behold them. It makes sense, then, that a church filled with beauty would inspire people to sacrifice the time and energy to learn about what God has taught us through his Church. It’s simply one attribute of God—beauty—drawing people to another of his attributes: truth.
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Interesting - I never would’ve guessed that! Perhaps that will be more incentive to return to a more traditional form of architecture for our churches…
Oh this is so true! My husband and I were married at one of those horrible 1960’s style churches that look like a cross between “The Brady Bunch” house and a conference hall. We were married there because it is was important that we marry in our home parish with our parish community present, but wow, did it ever take something out of the experience! I literally had to keep telling myself, “The beauty is in the sacrament…...the beauty is in the sacrament…...”
Why is it that when we live at a time of unbelievable technology and ability we demand to make our churches so ugly, yet the great gothic cathedrals were built by hand without electricity? It says something about us, I think.
I agree with this a thousand times over. I feel children also deserve a beautiful worship space. How cool is it, when your child inevitably gets bored with the mass, it would be awesome if he had some very beautiful and pious art that attracts his gaze. I myself remember a gorgeous mural of Saint Sebastian at a church we occasionally visited. It made me interested in him and find out more about him. How great is that?
Churches are beautiful—a lot of money was put into them. But museums of science and art are also beautiful, and are more attractive to me than portraits of saints with their head on a platter or a divine person being tortured on a crucifix. Van Gogh painted beautiful starry nights and landscapes, for example.
While I do like the Mary of Guadalupe and other such images, I’d rather be in a museum than a church anytime.
Over the years I’ve been to some beautiful churches and cathedrals here and in Europe and attended Mass. For me, it’s hard not to say, “Lord, it is good to be here!”
Very good blog post! Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, just remember He always does.
So true. More parishes could learn from this…. people want a beautiful venue for their wedding. They’d just as well study for it as pay for it!
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I hear from my Cafeteria Catholic friends all the time, trying to find a church for their wedding and they’re frustrated when the priest says, “We’re not a venue, we’re a community of believers.”
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Not to mention the ones who come to whine that the priest expects them not to live together or be ‘intimate’ for a few months before the wedding. When I indicate that it makes sense to me, they say… “Would you expect to live apart for 6 months if YOU were getting married?!” To which I reply, “I wouldn’t have been living with him in the first place, so no it wouldn’t bother me.” Funny, the one time I actually gave this response… she didn’t hear it as self-righteous… instead she turned to her friend and said, “Yeah, TRS wouldn’t live with a man she wasn’t married to anyway. That’s true.”
i guess it’s one way that I declare my faith - I walk the walk I talk about.
Great insight. I’m one of those people you mentioned who would like to see similar preparation for marriage in our parish. We have almost no required instruction, just a three-hour talk we have to sit through. Do you have info on how to get something like that started? I’d like to present it to my pastor. Thanks again for the insight.
This has been my experience. When I got engaged, I knew I wanted to marry in my church because of it’s beauty. Then we found out all the rules… No photography except in the loft, no flash, no dad walking the daughter in, no wedding march… The list goes on. People suggested I go elsewhere but I am so in love with our cathedral. 10 months into the engagement and much more educated, I am actually so thankful that my church has so many rules in place. They are for very good reasons that have brought my fiance and I closer to God.
We conferred the Sacrament of Matrimony on one another at The Immaculata on the campus of the University of San Diego, CA. My husband was studying for his Master’s degree there, at the time. Though the parish is on school grounds it is separate in respect to student use. There is a $1,000 fee for weddings. $500 “donation” and $500 for their parish wedding coordinator. Julie is fantastic! The parish has a full outline on what is acceptable in a Catholic wedding and not. Esp, being in San Diego and how beautiful the church is. We were told couples have asked for, and been denied, sand ceremonies, dogs in the wedding party, etc, etc… Although I do not agree with having a certain donation requirement, as it is a donation, I do understand the other $500. Still, there are deserving couples who are faithful Catholics and cannot afford even that. The parish assumes people are going to spend thousands of dollars on their wedding so another thousand isn’t much to ask. We had to go through all sorts of hoops to get them to give us a break on the cost. It was a very beautiful and spiritually uplifting wedding. We even had the May Crowning (a first in for weddings in their church), as we were married in May. Most of our guests were not Catholic. Many were Muslim or Buddhist. This was the first time for many to truly experience the Catholic Church. Our guests still talk about how wonderful our wedding was. Such a blessing!
Having recently had the experience of joining facebook page on the West Side of Chicago. I had the pleasure of seeing many of the old Churches that we grew up with. They engendered piety simply by being inside of them. Their soaring heights and beautiful decoration inside and out were a sure indication that special things happened here. Would we have more people getting married in church? I don’t know. Would we have more people doing reconciliation if we had confessionals. I think the indications are there. It is so hard to get our very young and those who grew up before Vatican II to get as excited about worship in what looks like a bare room. Changing hymns every week, seldom repeating them, and making them hard to sing is another issue. People gain comfort in continuity.
Just another thing we can thank Vatican2 for. entries to the seminaries down drastically. guitars drums pianos playing music for mass,communion in the hand,liturgical dance masses,all the commotion at the sign of peace,the priest facing the people instead of God,and no not churches but soulless lifeless meeting halls. what a fitting place for the King of Kings. Pope St. PiusX warned against all this modernism in the church.Pope LeoXIII after finishing mass one morning saw a vision of satan above the tabernacle boasting and saying “Within a hundred years i will destroy your church”. this was in the 1880’S. what a coincidence vaticanII was less than a 100yrs later. this was when Pope Leo composed the St.Michael prayer, that used to be said after every low mass,but the modernist minded clergy did away with. oh by the way this post is only in response to the title of the article.God bless you all
Well said, I am so glad we have a beautiful church, our whole family is better because of it!
Aye, aye! May a renaissance of great church architecture come sooner.
For an overview of some of the theology behind good church architecture, check out architectural expert Dr. Denis McNamara at the Supper of the Lamb Conference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEqRlE8m3DI
Isn’t the thorough marriage preparation instituted by the Diocese? My wife and I went through it recently and attended classes at our Diocesan offices. We also did NFP through an out of state organization. Jennifer is right though, it was certainly helpful and anyone planning on getting married should go through it.
I know for a fact {being a parishioner of this same parish!} that people are drawn to it, not just because of its beauty, but for its staunch adherence to the Truth of the Faith. And people may initially grumble at the laundry list of what’s required, but it’s hard to remain hardheaded when you see not just the beauty of the church building itself, but the beauty of the Faith that our priests and deacons exude when they preach. We are *truly* blessed with not only a beautiful building, but a church that does not waiver to societal pressures. People are drawn to the truth. We aren’t the largest church in the diocese {6000K+ families, 20K+ parishioners} for no good reason. People want Truth. People want to know Christ.
I *LOVE* our parish! I’m proud to serve on our Pastoral Council. :)
It would be interesting to see how many couples really took all the teaching to heart and had a change of heart. Or did they really just do it to get married in a pretty church?
I remember that Phil Donahue and his first wife said that they left the Catholic church because they objected to all the money that was spent on their suburban parish, which could have been spent on the poor.
Then years later (while he was married to Marlo Thomas) he complained that he couldn’t get into a yacht club that he wanted to join.
Beautiful churches provide beauty to people who would be turned away at a yacht club or country club.
Don, well said. To say nothing of people who can’t regularly afford trips to the museum, either. I love museums, too, but I also can’t forget that most major museums, unless they are completely dedicated to modern art, have a religious art section, wherein what is depicted makes far more sense within the context of the Church. In my case, my museum going—wherein my mother and I became closer as I explained the religious art in detail—worked hand in hand with wanting to explore the faith in more depth. That began with more heart-to-heart talks with my mom in a way that I’d never done before, and the biggest turning point came with Pre-Cana.
I would love to know which parish Jennifer is talking about in the post. I am working on developing something along the lines for marriage for our parish. I would love to contact that parish.
A friend of mine who was raised Catholic but now goes to a Methodist Church was recently able to come inside our Catholic Church. She was in awe at the beauty of the worship space and made the comment to me…“This is what I miss…Our worship area is so plain”. Pray for her that the beauty of parish building will tug at her heart and bring her back home to the Catholic faith!
Catholic churches around the world are some of the churches featured on my blog that honors “The House of God”. Each Sunday it features a different church with photos, a brief history and description of the architecture. Join me at http://www.churchesonsundays.blogspot.com It is my witness, my worship.
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