I recently had the pleasure of getting to know Lori Mazzurana, the marketing consultant for the John Paul II Life Center here in Austin. As part of a conversation discussing the many benefits of NaPro Technology for treating infertility, Lori mentioned that she was interested in this technology because she got married when she was over 40 and hoped to have a family. I had a great discussion with her about her experience being single longer than she'd hoped to be, as well as the benefits of marrying later in life. When my single friends caught wind of this they wanted to hear all of her insights, so I suggested that we do an interview for me to post (one of the many dangers of starting up a conversation with a blogger). Our correspondence is below:
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1. Tell us a bit about your life before you were married. What did you do? Did you always know you were called to the married life?
I was a marketing and advertising professional within the U.S. Hispanic market and tourism fields, the later one which involved quite a bit of traveling. In my 20s I overvalued having a career and probably missed out on potential relationships. I always felt called to be married and having children, having grown up in a Catholic family with four other siblings and being around many other large Catholic families.
2. How did you and your husband meet?
Paul and I met through the Catholic church. I was hosting a share group at my home and some mutual friends of ours encouraged Paul, an introverted guy, who was attending another Catholic church, to join our group. I was thirty six and he was thirty one years old. We were friends for years before I realized that Paul was a "prince" -- a devoted, upright and strong faith-filled man and our relationship was becoming more than friends. It also took many years for me to whittle down the "list of requirements for a husband" to realize that Paul was the one. God was pruning me.
3. What was your experience as a single woman in your 30s?
In my thirties, I had reevaluated the importance of my career and God brought me to a Catholic church in Austin, Texas with a very vibrant and faith-seeking young adult group. Of course, I was looking for a husband like all the other single women in the group. It was a wholesome environment where I made long-life friends, but finding the right one within the church group was not happening. During all my thirties I prayed constantly for a husband, and dated a guy who was not a Christian believer for a couple of years. We had to end that relationship because my heart so deeply wanted a faith partner in life.
4. You mentioned that you benefited from NaPro technology when you were trying to have children. Tell us about that.
Paul and I started doing NFP as soon as we got married in 2000; I had just turned forty-one. I had warned him before we got married that I may not be able to conceive children and that we needed to start trying right away since my biological clock was ticking. We went to many OB/GYNs who offered to start me on fertility drugs and treatments, but dismissed seeing my NFP chart. We finally found a wonderful OB/GYN who practiced NaPro Technology. We had one early miscarriage and between him and our NFP counselor, they determined that I needed extra progesterone to help with the implantation of the embryo. This was what helped our pregnancies along and we now have two beautiful boys that are ages 10 and 8.
5. What are some of the benefits to getting married later in life?
The benefits to getting married later in life are numerous. The first one is realizing that my vocation as a wife involves doing everything I can to help Paul get to Heaven which may not be in sync with the priorities of the world. Secondly, is being more mature to know what relationships are important to cultivate as friends for ourselves, the family and children; and which relationships to stay away from. Thirdly, having more wisdom and conviction to raise children with orthodox Catholic beliefs in this world of relativism.
6. What would you say to women in their 30s, 40s, and beyond who feel called to the married life but who haven't met their spouse yet?
Persevere in steadfast prayer. And open yourself to where God may be calling you to changing your requirements in a mate. Some of these requirements were based on worldly values, for example having a husband who was taller than myself and who enjoyed an active social life. I had to let go of some of these and as our marriage has progressed I have seen how fleeting these worldly requirements were in the first place.
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A big thanks to Lori for taking the time to chat with me! You can follow the great work that she and everyone else are doing at the John Paul II Life Center by visiting their website here.
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Thanks for this interview. I was almost 35 when I got married, so I love to hear from people in similar situations.
There are so many of us over 40 who are STILL WAITING.
Where is that Singles Column the NC Register says it is starting?
Thanks for the tip on marriage over 40. Now can I have my 20s back, please? The near-total lack of marriage prospects for faithful practicing single Catholics in their prime marriageable years is a positive scandal for the Church.
I know this will put me in a miniscule minority here but I really would be very sad and worried if any of my kids gets married before they’re in their late 20’s at least. My observation is that people married right out of college go through very tough times. Some of them stay together but a lot of them don’t and all that marital strife is not good for their children. http://www.divorcestatistics.org/
Hate to inject a dark note here, but the reality of marrying later in life is that the chances of being widowed sooner are greater.It’s no reason to give up hope & to not marry, but going into the 40’s, 50’s,& older, there are greater chances of heart disease, cancer,etc.
I’ve seen this at close hand.Just something to keep in mind.
There’s good reason to marry when you’re younger.It’s not just our reproductive clocks that are ticking away.
There’s nothing wrong with having a long list of what you want in a potential husband, as long as you’re willing to stick with your necessities: From my own list - He has to have integrity, be honest, gallant, moral, courteous, attentive, respectful, well mannered, gentlemanly, and thoughtful. He can not be abusive in any way.
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And compromise on the things that are “would-likes”: From my own list - He must not owe money to the state or IRS, no overdue student loans, all bills must be paid to current. He must not have anything more than a parking ticket on his record.
@Kathleen- There are no guarantees in this life. How many young married people think they have forever when tragedy strikes? Sickness and death are part of life and everyone will deal with them at some point. Why should anyone give up on love and sharing a life together because it might be a short period of time. A life well lived and a love fully shared have an eternity that can not be destroyed by death and sickness. With your logic should children who won’t live long be born?
Maggie,
I agree, I’m just pointing out the practical reality of marrying later in life.
There are no guarrantees for those who marry earlier, just better odds.
thank you for this post, especially for bringing in the Vitae clinic in Austin! I have even started encouraging my non Catholic friends with fertility struggles to seek out a creighton doctor since they have such promising results and are so much less invasive
Thank you for this article.
Just thank you - just for acknowledging that we exist and can have hope.
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and to Kathleen, I’d gladly take knowing someone loves me and wants to love me like Christ… even if it’s just for a year or two, than to continue this lonely life alone. (no matter how many friends I make, and care for - I’m alone a majority of the time.
Plus, if I were widowed there’s a greater chance of remarrying. I see it all the time… if you were married once you get married time after time.
If you’re single you’re just stuck.
What a beautiful love story! Thanks for sharing, Lori.
Renae,
I agree with your first point. I’m not sure what the statistics are on the second. Maybe so.
I was married at age 33. I did not enjoy single life. It was painful on many levels. All the advice and directives I read we’re never satisfying to me. I never found an answer to make single life bearable.
Had I not found my husband, I would have taken this as a sign to eventually join a religious community.
I simply was unsuited to living as a single person.
Anne, I understand that.
It sounds like it was harder for you than it has been for me… and it’s been really hard for me. I’m glad you found your life’s teammate.
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I’m okay living alone… but I’m sure tired of it. (I’ve got 10 years on you - single-wise!) Just so tired of it. Just so weary and worn over the whole coming home to an empty house and making every gosh darn decision myself. I’m so over… ME! I need someone else to take care of.
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Please pray that someone shows up soon. I really don’t see the point otherwise.
Great article! Very interesting perspective- my mom married later in life and this gave me some insight into what she was goin of through
@eileen- a lot of people get divorced when they’re married later in life, too. The problem is not marrying early in life (which used to be the norm back when divorce rates were MUCH lower), but how we raise our children to view marriage. Is it a sacrament and a life long commitment, even when things get tough? Or is it something that can be put aside when things don’t go as planned. Yes, marital strife is tough on kids, but that’s regardless of the parents’ age. I think you go trough tough times at every age, whenever you get married- suffering cannot be avoided. Again, it’s all about your attitude toward life and marriage and faith in the Lord- those are things you learn from your parents and are gifts from God.
I’m always happy to read articles like this, because there is always hope for everyone, no matter what they are struggling with. It also reminds me to keep putting this intention high on my list of prayers. I’m always happy to bug God for my single sisters! If I wasn’t married,I’d probably make the lousiest nun in the world, but who knows, maybe I’d LOVE IT! The thought of an empty apartment is daunting. Here in our town, they just converted a beautiful Jesuit retreat property into a residence for single women. That really made me happy that they’re advocating for women this way.
@Renae your spirited quest for your significant other always makes me smile. Wherever he is, whoever hi is… I’m twirling my spiritual lasso over my head! ;) Let’s get him!
Thanks Anna Lisa! It is about time we formed a search party!
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another aside to Kathleen… regarding stats on remarriage… just watch for all the reflections on 9/11 we’ll be seeing today… how many of those widows are married again? (I don’t know the numbers, but lots) They get two husbands in one lifetime, and I don’t get one. I dunno, maybe they need someone more than I do, and if that’s so, I certainly don’t begrudge them.
Renae ,
I’m not sure if it’s widowhood itself which makes remarriage more likely, or if it’s the qualities present in the individual in the first place that makes a marriage possible, whether it’s once or multiple times.
But you may be on to something. I think friends & family can also support re-marriage for a widow more than they might for one who’s divorced(this would pertain especially to Catholics),even more so if there are young children affected.
Renae, it is only right that widows get married again since they usually have kids to take care of. Being a single mom is hard and kids need a father as well as a mother. Although it was tough being single until I was in my thirties, it would be much tougher if my husband were to die now, with two boys for me to take care. So please don’t begrudge them remarrying.
@Kathleen your comment implies that those of us in our 30s and 40s are CHOOSING to be single…I personally know that God has directed my life in this direction…I have been praying and begging for 10+ years to meet the right man and it hasn’t happened. In the meantime I work to strengthen my faith and my relationship with God to ensure that I hold myself to the same standards as I will hold my future husband. I would rather fall in love and lose someone then to never meet them at all…for many of us this longer singlehood is a cross not always a choice…and ultimately is due to the fact that we want who God wants for us, not just to be married…
@Renae - ” I’m so over… ME! I need someone else to take care of.” Amen sister, I’ll be praying for you!
jw,
I’m not sure exactly what you mean.
But I hope you find what you are seeking
What a great perspective Lori has! Another reminder that God works on His own timetable and that everyone’s journey is different.
May be the only male posting here, but also in my 40’s and never married. Agree that it can hurt at times.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, Tod. I pray that you will find someone special soon.
No matter what age you get married. That time has been chosen by God as your the best time to find your best spouse for lifelong. So, never be afraid to get married later, cause everyone has right to get their Beautiful Life through Happy Marriage with beloved one. Never been confused about your age. Go and find your best spouse…
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