This past weekend, we celebrated my oldest child’s seventh birthday. For me, it was also a celebration of my exit from the “tunnel of parenthood,” that crazy phase of life when all your children are little.
I’ve had five children over these past seven years, so there were times when the tunnel was pretty dark (and loud). As a lazy introverted only child, battling morning sickness and exhaustion while having three kids in diapers ranks as one of the more difficult things I’ve ever done. Add in a medical condition that makes pregnancy dangerous for me and means that I have to give myself shots every day while I’m pregnant, and you can understand why there were more than a few moments that I thought, I CAN’T DO THIS!
During this time, my obstetrician offered about a zillion times to do a tubal ligation. Looking back, it frightens me to think that I might have considered it if I hadn’t been Catholic. I think the temptation peaked around the time my third child was a few months old: I was exhausted and overwhelmed, and felt certain—I mean, 100 percent positive—that I could not possibly handle one more thing, let alone another child. Of course, there would be nothing wrong from a Catholic perspective of using Natural Family Planning to hold off on having more kids; I even knew plenty of people who had effectively used NFP to get exactly the amount of space between children that they felt they needed. But we’re bad at NFP. So when my doctor held out an “easy” solution that would “free” me from morning sickness and shots and labor and sleepless nights and everything else that comes with the childbearing years…well, let’s just say that I could see how a person might want to sign up for that.
A few months later, when I found out that baby number four was on the way, I was stressed: I was convinced that this baby would push us past our limits, our family would suffer, I would lose my mind, the fabric of the universe would come apart at the seams, and it would get worse from there. After all, it had gotten steadily harder with the past three babies; a fourth child would obviously only add to the difficulty.
But that’s not what happened.
While it was challenging, some things were a little easier. My oldest child was almost five, which meant that he could finally begin to do things on his own, and could even help me in small ways. I was more confident in my parenting abilities, so I didn’t stress about every little thing the way I used to. The older kids didn’t have any trouble adjusting to having a new baby in the house. I still had three in diapers, but our lifestyle was completely set up for having young children, so even that had gotten a bit easier. To continue the analogy from earlier, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
Now that baby number five is here, that trend has only continued. Yes, there are new challenges. But my oldest two children are now seven and five, and have a small list of daily chores that make a huge difference in terms of my workload. They can get themselves dressed, get their own snacks, and take direction well—and their four-year-old sister is close behind them. Now that they’re out of the toddler phase, they play together nicely for long periods of time, and the only adjustment issues we’ve faced with the new baby are arguments over who gets to hold her next. A couple of years ago I felt like we were simply surviving; now, it finally feels like we’re thriving. I would never have predicted that I would say this after having a fifth kid, but: It is so much easier than it used to be!
The misconception that parenting only gets harder as you have more children is especially dangerous these days, when permanent surgical sterilization is so easy to come by. Looking back, it’s troubling that my doctor was so encouraging of the option of tubal ligation during my first few years of motherhood. Obviously, I don’t think that sterilization is a good option at any time, but it seems especially tragic when women are encouraged to permanently end their fertility when they’re still knee-deep in diapers. Because they may find, as I have, that things change once your oldest child is older than six, and that a whole new life awaits once you’ve passed through the tunnel of parenthood.
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I agree. Though, I once had a midwife in the practice who, while I was pregnant with # 4, asked me all the time if I wanted an IUD. Here I was, uterus full of baby and fluid, and she wanted me to think about putting something else in there after I had emptied it? NO THANKS.
Finally I told the practice that I would no longer see that midwife because she was disrespectful to my religious convictions. You can only stand repeating yourself so many times!
I’m glad you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it sounds like you have a wonderful family. But please consider that parenthood does not get easier after the first six years when one has a special needs child, and in fact in some ways it gets much more difficult.
Heh, the “image” I had to enter was “faith26.”
I hate to be a voice of doom (and all families are different!), but beware of that light at the end of the tunnel! My oldest three are 15, 12, and 11 and they have become so difficult. Every day brings new crises, new forms of drama, new heartaches. I believe my husband and I have been decent parents, yet many times I just shake my head in bewilderment at what they’ve become, wondering where we went wrong. I know God has a plan for each of them and for our family, we just need to keep doing our best, keep our eyes on Him, and that perfect plan will unfold before us, whether we have the wisdom to understand or not. Could we all stop right now and say a prayer for families?
Great story, thanks. We have 5, and - yep, #3, when the kids first outnumber the parents, was a big deal. Before then, if there was a hard day, the spouse who came home could grab a kid and give the other spouse a break. #3 messes that dynamic up - takes some adjustment. But #4 and #5 were not really any more work - we were in the groove by then, and the older kids really want to be good and helpful if you give them a chance.
It gets better - our oldest just turned 20 (so we now have only 3 teenagers instead of 4!) and - it’s great. They are good people trying to find their way in life, it’s a joy to be their dad.
When we were engaged, I told my man, “I think five kids sounds good.” He had 14 siblings, I had 6. We were in our thirties when we married. old enough to know a little about life. Yeah, right.
After pregnancies from ‘H-E-double toothpick’ we got to three and called it. I thank God I had those difficult pregancies, because it slowed us down and made us ask what we could handle. Turns out, those three (two with special needs) are like having six. And it is more than enough for the two of us.
I only hope you never feel overwhelmed or out of control when those beautiful children get to be twelve, thirteen and up to eighteen. I have three teen boys. Those years between tweleve and eighteen are no picnic. During the first six years they knew us by name at the ER. Now I’m afraid the cops might get to know us by name during these years. My husband says that’s the way it is when you have boys.
I propose we have a celebration for parents. Kind of a survival party. We’d have one after the child’s first birthday. Another when the children can put on their own coats, open the door and get into the car and buckled by themselves. This might help give us confidence for the teen years. And then one big blow out when they launch.
Don’t get me wrong: I really love kids. I love teenagers and their adventures. But parenting is the hardest job in the world and it’s not for whimps. Enjoy the next few years, because it’s only going to get, well, busier.
I agree, Jen! I’ve just gotten there myself with six kids aged 8 to 6mos. My kids have ADHD, so once we started to address that, there’s the light! I’m out of the tunnel! Not one hundred percent, but for the most part. I’m looking forward to these years coming up and my mom has always encouraged me that, while teenagers are difficult they’re also a ton of fun.
Thanks for such an encouraging post, I’m glad you’re emerging from the tunnel, too!
Only God knows what you can and can’t handle…and if you trust in Him always, He will not ever give you anything you can’t handle. Children are the greatest blessing any one of us could ever receive…it is God’s way of telling us that the world should continue, that His love is infinite. God help those who are so dang selfish to think that they must get “fixed” so as to not get pregant again. If you really are serious about not wanting children, then simply abstain…or is it too much to believe that we are not just animals, unable to control our urges, hence the need to be “fixed?”. Its sad to me to see so many Catholics utilize birth control and other methods to prevent pregnancy, essentially telling God “I know better than you!”. Putting a barrier between husband, wife and God…and turning away from the marriage vows which ask each of us to always be open to life.
Jen, I agree so many folks fear that next child but as they reach a level of competency it does get easier. There’s a definite economy of scale when you have a large family, the opportunity costs of another child go down proportionately, with some exceptions, as children get older and their numbers increases. Certainly, there are new and different challenges with each one but competency in children goes a long way in running a household and forming their character. At least that’s how it’s gone with our 11.
I agree with Jennifer. We have five, ranging from almost 13 to just under two, with the youngest being special needs. With each pregnancy I start to worry about how I’m going to handle the extra load, but the older they get, the more helpful they can be. Yes, they are still slobs, and still need to be reminded to do something at least three times, but I think that is just a normal child. And as far as the youngest, special needs, child becoming harder to deal with, well yes, he will get bigger and continue to grow (God willing), so I’m sure my back will be going out at some point, but God gave him to us for a reason, just as He did with all our children. I am not naive enough to not realize that our challenges never go away, they just change. And all of them are a blessing, not a burden, at any age.
I was offered a tubal ligation while in the throes of labor, with my third child, a nine-pound baby girl. I was “stuck at 10” for more than an hour, and she was finally delivered with one arm reaching out. It was like dying, and they wouldn’t give me an epidural. I was only 27. The nerve of them to bring up sterilization! How unethical! I can’t tell you how many times I have felt such incredible gratitude for my Catholic faith. I would NEVER have had the five more that I had, if left with what the world dictates…My children are my treasures. I heartily endorse “ecological breastfeeding”. It spaces the births beautifully and is endorsed by the La Leche league, which has always been a strong, clear voice for the health benefits to mother and child, of “nursing on demand”.(Yes, this includes the night!) The natural fertility rates for indigenous women is much lower due to this. God’s original design works quite well. While there are notable exceptions—and God’s grace will always help us—I don’t think many of us could survive a baby every year or year-and-a-half.
Obviously, women who are offered means of contraception while in labor are not being treated in a Catholic Hospital or by a Catholic provider. Why is that?
Thanks for this!
I’ve gotta say I’ve been getting this same advice from lots of great women over the last little while, especially when I tell them I’m expecting my fourth baby while my oldest is 4!
I think perspective changes alot, although I find it common and sad that many first time parents can’t imagine having another when they’re in the first throes of newborn-babyness. Encouragement in that department seems harder and harder to come by.
My OB took the seconds between pushing contractions (child #2 took 2.5 contractions while pushing to nearly fly across the room) to ask me if I wanted any more. Of course, he was grinning when he said it, he was the only one in his old office who didn’t freak out when I told him we use NFP. I asked him why he was asking then and he said he liked to hear the responses. I swear, he and my husband have the same sense of humor.
Parenting is a HUGE challenge but never, ever forget that God has grace enough for even this. My heart goes out to those for whom the teen years have become a challenge but this is not always the case, either. With kids from 24-4, I actually miss (a great deal) the babies but oh, the conversations I’m having with the older ones (just watched Tim Drake’s recommended 180 video w/ the two oldest at home). Powerful!
Keep talking to them, keep loving them and keep praying - for all parents!
I am pregnant with our second and we recently had a miscarriage scare. I was able to get in for an ultrasound right away. However, since they were squeezing me into an already busy schedule, I had to sit in the waiting room for a while. Waiting rooms for women’s health care can push the most horrible propaganda. While waiting, I saw a giant poster depicting a smiling mom with a little girl hugging her with the message: “You know your family is complete. Why not take steps to ensure that it is?”
My thought process was: “What??? How inconsiderate can you possibly be? I’m here in this office because I’m worried that I might lose the child I’m carrying and you are advertising permanent birth control??”
Thankfully, everything was ok and we saw our baby’s heartbeat, even though he/she was only 5 weeks and 6 days - what a miracle!
It’s sad that we are so inundated with messages about birth control, as if pregnancy was some sort of disease. It seems like those messages are everywhere we turn.
@Ed: I wish we had the option for Catholic Hospitals or a Catholic provider, but unfortunately there are none in our area. You don’t want to go into labor when your OB is 2+ hours away!
I can completely agree here. My kids are spaced a bit further than yours, but our #5’s…were born a week apart. I have three in school this year (#3 just started Kindergarten) and honestly, it is easier having a baby in the house now than it was when I had #3 (back then I had a 4-, 2- year olds and newborn baby…I think I black out most of the first year of #3’s life).
I think it’s a travesty that so many women (and men) give their fertility an early dismissal. I encounter many people my age who have two children ages 12 and 14 or 15 and 18….and they are about to begin emptying the nest…and many of them wish they’d had (at least) one more child…
Ed- I was in a Catholic Healthcare West “Catholic” hospital and was offered a tubal ligation with my c-section (when my husband wasn’t in the room… of course…). It definitely does happen at “Catholic” hospitals.
And now that we’ve moved there is a Catholic doctor that’s supposed to be awesome, but I’ve heard that it’s really hard to get in because she’s so busy! I’m hopeful though!
“The only adjustment issues we’ve faced with the new baby are arguments over who gets to hold her next.” That is so sweet.
It is hopeful to say it gets easier and God does not give you more than you can handle. Just hang on and things will get better. For some they do and for some they do not. It is not always true but good for you Jenn. My own mom never recovered from having 4 kids in 5 years. She was not able to handle it well and it never got easier for her and it was very painful growing up in this situation. I don’t think it is wise to say have as many as you can it only gets easier and everything will be fine. Some couples do not make it through this level of stress and trial. I have seen some divorce even faithful Catholic couples. No it is not the children’s fault but human beings sometimes are given too much to carry and they break. Many factors can influence this such as a serious mental illness and a decision to keep having more kids on top of it. It does not always end well even with great faith.
On another note, if I tell a physician my beliefs and decision about family planning and he/she does not listen I do not go back to them. There is no reason why anyone should be asked more than once if they have made their beliefs known.
I completely agree! I am due with #4 soon and I already think it’s easier the more you have. Yes, it can be more difficult in certain aspects—I only have two hands and sometimes when they’re all screaming and yelling at the same time about who did what and who wants what it can seem a bit overwhelming. But, overall, it’s just easier when they are able to play and entertain each other. My oldest is five and is already so helpful. She can get the one year old out of the crib and bring her to me, she can do her routine and is teaching her little brother (three) to do it too. I think the hardest time I had mothering was when I had two ages two and newborn. When you are the only person your toddler has to play with for most of the day, it is just plain mentally and physically draining. When they start playing together it’s great. I also feel so much more relaxed now. I laugh at how anxious I was with my first, now I just can’t wait to get them out of my belly and into my arms to snuggle with.
Thanks for getting this great message out there. Too many people today are afraid of having a large family. I have always found that after two it gets easier. The older ones are capable of helping, and there’s always a buddy to play with. They form their own little community. Bringing them to Church from the time they’re in the womb nurtures a sense of faith and order. Teenage years can be tough for sure, but a wise person once told me: “Adam and Eve had the perfect parent”. Think about that one - it definitely helps! The grace of God makes things work (despite our human failings), and being a parent can definitely strengthen your faith and deepen your trust in God.
A note from the other side; I have two (grown) children. At age 25 I had my tubes tied. I was protestant, and had no idea that this might in any way be wrong. Within 5 years I was so sorry, but felt I couldn’t afford to try a reversal. Now, as a Catholic, I am grieved not only by the thought that I will never meet the other beautiful children that I might have had, but that I shook my fist in God’s face, when he probably had more wonderful gifts to give me. It is pure evidence of God’s grace and mercy that I even have the two children I so treasure, and six wonderful grandchildren. But privately, I will grieve what I gave away for the rest of my life. Ladies, fear not. You will not regret any of your precious children.
Dh, nine years ago after experiencing two very traumatic miscarriages in a row, my husband told me he didn’t want any more children. He had been brought up with very worldly values. My spiritual director told me something that I have pondered ever since: What is MOST important is spiritual fecundity. Can you imagine how many children JPII or Mother Teresa have? It once came very powerfully to me in prayer that my own conversion,despite being a cradle Catholic was due to the prayers and sacrifices of others! I can’t wait to meet those generous souls some day! Remember what Jesus said: “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” I thank God from the bottom of my heart, (and after a reversed vasectomy) that my husband’s faith deepened, and we went on to have more children, but even as I toil with a “full quiver”,I do so with a greater sobriety about souls, and hope with the grace of God, to be the “mother” of many more.
Anna,
I am writing a breastfeeding book from a Catholic perspective. There will be a chapter on ecological breastfeeding and also about the Catholic Nursing Mothers League, of which I help lead. I would also like to have a chapter with mothers’ stories about their Catholic faith, breastfeeding and ecological breastfeeding. Would you be interested in contributing? If so, you can email me at gina@catholicbreastfeeding.org
I wish I had had Catholic radio and the NCR when I was feeling overwhelmed after I had my 5th child at 42 ten years ago. As soon as my husband started working for a company that paid for vasectomy, he decided to have one and I let him do it (this was after two Catholic priests told him it was OK as long as we both agreed on it). While I have been to confession and I know I have been forgiven, I still regret this decision and have to live with the fact that we were not open to life. I feel like a hypocrite when I talk to our now teenagers about chastity. So thank you for this encouraging post to all the parents out there - please don’t ever consider permanent sterilization. It will damage your marriage and your soul. I wish I had remembered my primary role is to help get my spouse to heaven.
I converted in my mid 20s and looking back, I honestly cant remember if the RCIA leaders never mentioned birth control/sterilization or if I simply dismissed everything they said as soon as it was spoken…as it was in California, I think they never mentioned it. When I was contemplating a tubal ligation, I repeatedly contemplated “If this were important, they would mention it at Mass” (At that time, I had never ever once heard a homily on Birth Control/sterilization).
I was 36 and about 4 years post tubal ligation the first time I ever heard a faithful Catholic speak cogently on the topic. I went to the Priest for Confession but also said “I heard NOTHING from you guys on this, how was I supposed to have known?” (I was nice and honestly inquisitive, I wasnt blaming that Priest for my sin).
Those of us brought up on Protestant theology are taught that loving and decent parents assess their own capacity and are responsible to not take on more than they think they can handle. I encourage those of you who understand the teaching on this topic to never shy away from teaching others about it…you may reach someone you least expected.
I will add though…I was intrigued when I saw the title of the posting if she were going to say “Its not all good!” or “Its not all bad!”
I thought I must be the perfect Catholic mom…my oldest son was an honor student, chaste, prayed in front of abortion clinics on cold early mornings, respected girls and old people and got into a wonderful faithfully Catholic Univ where he lead teen retreats, worked and got good grades. He was 21 and headed towards graduation and a career in education.
I hope I wasnt too obnoxious about my maternal success because DEPRESSION hit him and it hit hard. Gone went his education, his temperament, his industry, his humor, his faith, his chastity, his capacity, his kindness, his common sense. HIs depression hit him as surely as a massive brain injury would have. He spent nearly 2 years on the sofa capable only of caring for his child (which THANK GOD he had the sense to have rather than abort) but disinclined to marry the child’s wonderful mother.
I have come to see that in my mothering, I can take credit neither for my childrens’ successes nor failures…they take what I give them and I have very little control over what happens, but when I hear younger moms tell me how their children are headed in the perfect direction for success as a result of dutiful parenting, I am now humbly aware of the limitations of my own effectiveness.
and I have realized that I will spend the rest of my earthly life on my knees in prayer for him and his siblings and their (eventual) families
I have found parenting to be a series of valleys and peaks. Now that I see the pattern, I try to not get too comfortable or proud at the peaks and not too depressed and hopeless in the valleys.
It’s nice and affirms hope, reading stories such as yours. I struggle with adding another child to our family, based on my very recent experience with post-partum depression. I didn’t experience it with my first and even though I was well aware of it from my work in the mental health field, I had no idea what it would feel like to go through it and how hard it would be on everyone in my family. It has definitely given us pause in considering future children, but I am hopeful for continued healing as we would really love to welcome another child.
I guess Catholic Hospitals are more concerned with government funding than with sticking by their principles. Government regulations require all hospitals to inform women of their choices in healthcare to be eligible. They don’t force women to choose either way, but they must be given the choice. You can prove yourself a devout Catholic by declaring that you don’t want such services, even as you are admitted into the hospital.
Does anyone want more children, but their spouse doesn’t? 3 months after our second child was born, my husband decided he didn’t want any more children. I’ve been struggling with his decision ever since and I’d really appreciate hearing from someone else about a good way to handle it. I keep offering my pain up to God, but I’m young and the pain of the situation keeps coming back to hit me again (every time my husband says we should get rid of baby items, etc).
Thanks for this, Jen! It’s very encouraging! I don’t know how you do it AND write!
Amen! I have nine and had the same kind of experience. Yes, it’s challenging, but at some point the family does evolve and becomes more self-sustaining. My oldest is a college freshman and my ~only~ daughter (so far!). She was a huge help to me while she was home. It caught me by surprise to feel so relieved after she left for school. I think it’s because now I know by experience that the parenting does finally culminate in success.
Happy parenting, Jennifer! <3
I never understand why the comboxes are filled with comments like “you must not have REALLY challenging children” or “just wait until they are teenagers” or “you don’t have a difficult spouse”.
Beautiful and uplifting post, Jen - thank you!!
@A Young Mom:
I guess you have the choice the church gives you—be fruitful and multiply, or obey your husband, who is head of your household as the Pope is the head of the church.
—
Is he pushing you to use contraceptives or not having sex with you any more? Or is he getting you to attend family planning clinics, e.g. that satanic organization called Planned Parenthood?
Dear A Young Mom,
Your husband may change his mind over time - maybe as your children get older and do not need the same sort of attention as babies and toddlers do. I understand how hurt you feel. A good way to pray to God about it (I think) is to pray for His will either way, to pray that God will give you a content heart in whatever situation. Maybe there is some reason that God wants you to have a smaller family. Or maybe He will send you a miracle baby - you never know.
I really think A Young Mom has a moral dilemma here. Catholics abhor artificial contraception and if her husband is really serious about not wanting more children, they both must abstain, or he may get a vasectomy.
Also, it may not be that babies and toddlers need so much attention is the reason for not wanting more children. Men have similar reasons for not wanting more children as do women—they can’t afford to support more, they want to fulfill other goals, the state of the economy and problems of health insurance in this country (if they live in the U.S.). He may feel he’s done his role in becoming a father.
In any case, it is a small comfort to pray for him to change his mind.
My husband and I embraced NFP (Sympto-Thermal Method) during marriage prep 4.5 years ago. I would tell him the info and he’d chart. At some point over the years, he got really busy with work and I just continued the charting myself. I have the chart up on the fridge, so he sees when I’m in Phase 2 (fertile) and we abstain. It’s not about contraceptives or money. His reasoning is that things are too chaotic with the children we have. He wants things to be calm, tidy and punctual…more in control. And I’m not saying it’s a breeze. I could even understand saying that we need to address certain things before having more children. My moral dilemma is: Are we being generous enough in giving life or too selfish in trying to eliminate all chaos from our lives.
Thank you, Gina, for your words. You’re right. I have prayed for God’s Will to be done, but I haven’t prayed for a content heart. I will start to do that! Would you pray for my family? Thanks!
Young Mom,
Nobody outside your marriage can judge your situation.
Gregory Popcak, a Catholic author who I highly recommend, says that when we want to space babies, we should ask ourselves,“What conditions need to be met in order for us to be ready to welcome more children into the family?” Make a bulleted list, pray and seek counsel on whether they are generous or selfish reasons. Once you determine which conditions are acceptable, work toward having the conditions met. For instance, my husband is a military reservist. We have nine kids and have been through two deployments. The most recent one was too much for me. I can’t do that again. He finishes his military commitment in less than two years. That’s a requirement for us, that he be done with the military before we have any more. I also have some health conditions that need to be resolved before we have any more pregnancies.
It’s good that you’re seeking discernment on this issue. God bless.
Well, if you are both in agreement about how to avoid pregnancy while you and your husband attend other matters, then why worry about “being generous enough to give life”? Your marriage is not meant just to make babies. You have the right and the responsibility to raise your children in the best of circumstances. It does no good to bite off more than you can chew at the expense of the rest of your family.
I was thinking you had an emotional yearning to have more children. Apparently you are not in that situation.
Children are young human beings. While there is no specific age cut-off to being considered a child, typically at some point in mid to late adolescence a child comes to be known as a young man or young woman. Many cultures and traditions do have rites of passage that occur at a defined age, after which the person is considered to have full adult status, but this is more symbolic than practical in today’s modern world.
Adoring parents will typically refer to their offspring as “their children” even when they are quite old, and perhaps have children of their own.
Grandchildren are one’s children’s children.
Under copyright law, a person’s “children” are that person’s immediate offspring, whether legitimate or not, and any children legally adopted by that person
Earlier this year, federal officials filed child pornography charges against Rev. Shawn Ratigan. A recent investigation by the diocese found that church officials knew about the inappropriate photos but did not report it as required by Missouri law.
Even after Ratigan was reassigned from St. Patrick Catholic Church to an Independence mission house, a federal indictment said that he tried to take pornographic photos of a 12-year-old girl.
Ratigan faces 13 federal counts including production, attempted production and possession of child porn. At least three civil lawsuits have also been filed against Ratigan.
I’m sure that this post and every comment to it has or will touch someone’s heart. God is good like that. : ) It took 14 years and 3 rounds of IVF to have my son. I had remarried (to a christian this time)and we were and still are raising two girls from his first marriage. Then 5 & 2 now 14 & 11. Our son is 3. We tried IVF once more. I loved being pregnant & wanted my son to have someone his age. Now we say God has a seance of humor because he gave us 3 more girls! We have 6 kids in all ages 14, 11, 3 1/2 and 19m/o triplets. There are days I feel like my head is just above water, like today, but I give God all the praise and glory because I know that He is the only reason I have them and make it from day to day. Oh ya I forgot to mention my husband is deployed. Reading this blog and comments helped me know that I’m not the only strung out mom and that someone else knows how I feel when I say that as crazy as my days and nights are I’d cry both tears of fear/sadness and joy if I got pregnant again. A part of me that loves being pregnant and a mom would love to have one more but the logical part says I’d be crazy! I’m glad God is in control!!!
The most important thing we can do is to unite ourselves to God’s Most Holy Will. Be it many children and all the many challenges that can bring or be it a ‘lack of’ children due to our own selfishness before we really converted our hearts. We had sadly left the Church before we even met, my hubby and me. Due to a short lived but very scary post partum psychosis (and a miscarriage) after the birth of my second child my husband ‘dutifully’ got a vasectomy. After my reversion many years later and after my husband heard a great conversion story of a man in a similar position my husband got a reversal! We were amazed at how our love making was truly love making and how God worked through us. Sadly, I never again became pregnant. We tried to adopt but for various reasons sadly it never happened. My husband confided recently he wished we’d had 10 children! It is such a deep void but I know God has forgiven us and now we can work in other ways as spiritual parents, etc to bring the Gospel to others!! I am very thankful for my two older teenage children and all the many, many blessings they bring. and one day we will meet our unborn child in Heaven.
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