In this short video from the Christian Broadcasting Network, we hear the moving life story of former lesbian Janet Boynes.
Boynes, a victim of a dysfunctional family life and sexual abuse as a child, thought she had found love and meaning in a lesbian lifestyle. Ultimately, though, her life left her wanting.
“Although she had had a conversion to Christianity, Boynes says her lesbian experience led her to reject her faith and to enter into the homosexual lifestyle, with all of its turbulence and pain. She moved from one relationship to the next, became a cocaine addict, and developed bulimia, she says.
‘My life was miserable. It was starting to go literally down the tubes,’ says Boynes. ‘But I was refusing to come back to God.’”
When she finally made a move to return to her Christina faith, Boynes did not know what to expect from the women she would meet there. Because she feared judgement and anger, she hesitated to share her sexuality with others at her church. But their Christ-like reaction to her confession and need surprised her:
“Everyone introduced themselves, and when they got to me, they asked me my name, and I said, my name is Janet.’ and I said, ‘I’m living a homosexual life. But if you help me, I will live my life for the Lord.’”
Boynes says she was shown compassion and understanding, and given support by the church’s members in her struggle to free herself from her addictive lifestyle. Eventually, a couple offered to take her into their home, where she lived for a year and received the love she had never experienced as a child. She abandoned lesbianism permanently, and recovered her heterosexual identity.
Janet now shares her story of conversion and recovery in an attempt to reach out to others who are suffering with that same kind of love and compassion.
I’m sure that advocates of homosexuality will sneer at Janet Boynes’ story and ministry. Why offer hope and healing, after all, to people who need nothing of the kind?
But Boynes knows better. Having come to her lesbianism as a reaction to the pain of abuse and dysfunction, she knows all too well that homosexuality itself is dysfunctional:
“I want everybody else that’s living the homosexual life who didn’t have a great mother or who didn’t have a great father to experience that God is a father to the fatherless or motherless,” says Boynes. “That what he’s done for me, he will do for them also.”
Eleven years later, Boynes runs a ministry that offers help to those seeking to escape from the homosexual lifestyle. She also recently testified before the Minnesota Senate’s Judiciary Committee against the creation of homosexual “marriage.”
Noting that she and one of her lesbian partners wanted to “marry” and adopt children, she told the committee: “I’m so thankful that we did not go through with the plan and perpetuate another dysfunctional family. Children need one mother, and one father.”
This story is a good reminder of the importance of responding with Christian charity to those in need. God bless Janet Boynes for using her own painful past as a means of bringing hope and healing to others.
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wow. thanks for sharing this story. what a testimony that so many need to hear.
I think its crucial that we accept those living this lifestyle, while leading them to Jesus Christ, and to the process of healing and conversion from this lifestyle. Not looking first at their sin, but at their dignity, and leading them to Jesus, who is the only one who can change mindsets, lifestyles, etc.
May each person struggling with their sexual identity encounter Jesus, who is the way, the truth, and the life - and find the incredible freedom of being unconditionally loved!
I’ve found that I can live my life as both a Christian and a lesbian quite nicely. God has blessed me profoundly. Boynes has believed the lie that you cannot be both gay and Christian, but there are plenty of us around who have reconciled our sexuality and spirituality and live blessed lives every day.
Boynes may have chosen to repress her sexuality, and I wish her the best, but not everyone needs to follow this path. God is blessing gay Christians daily!
“I’m sure that advocates of homosexuality will sneer at Janet Boynes’ story and ministry. Why offer hope and healing, after all, to people who need nothing of the kind?”
I agree that one can be homosexual and have a rich spiritual life. But one cannot be performing homosexual activities and remain in a state of grace. The catechism makes it clear that homosexual acts are disordered but a homosexual through the grace of God can have a beautifully rich spiritual life, living celibately empowered by the tremendous grace in the Eucharist and confessional
Here’s another story from England, about Jackie Clune who went from committed lesbian to a happily married mother of four.
Full Story:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1289652/How-I-went-committed-lesbian-happily-married-mother-four.html
Published 26 June 2010 at www.dailymail.co.uk
This post in no way vitiates Candace’s experience. I was moved by her sincerity. It, and the 2 articles, reveal the varieties of sexual experience in human lives.
@Candace, Did you listen to Boynes’s story? She did not “repress her sexuality” at all. It is quite clear from the story she shares that her “lesbianism” was a reaction to an abusive past and dysfunctional upbringing. Nothing natural or healthy about it.
Of course one can be both gay and Christian. But as Russ points out, the Catholic Church teaches that homosexual ACTS are disordered and those with same sex attractions are called to a life of celibacy. You can disagree with that teaching, but please don’t misrepresent it. No one here is telling the “lie” that you can’t be both gay and Christian.
Russ—When you say homosexual acts are disordered, just what do you mean? I am sincerely looking for a clear understanding of this term “disordered”.
Danielle—Most interesting response to Candace. You state what Russ said—that homosexual acts are disordered. Same question to you as to Russ—when you say homosexual acts are disordered, just what do you mean? I am sincerely looking for a clear understanding of this term “disordered”.
Egbert, The term “disordered” comes from the Catechism:
2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.” They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2357.htm
Danielle—Thank you for your response. But, I’m afraid, I’m still in the dark as #2357 does not offer any explanation of the term. Just what does the Catechism mean when it says “disordered”?
Egbert, the Catechism does clarify. Disordered means contrary to nature, a violation of divine and natural law. For more thorough explanations, written by more qualified people than I, try these links:
http://www.catholic.com/library/Homosexuality.asp
http://www.catholic.com/library/gay_marriage.asp
http://www.catholicculture.org/commentary/otc.cfm?id=633
http://couragerc.net/PIPElevenChurchTeachings.html
Danielle—Thank you for your clarifying note and the References. I shall be sure to read them very carefully. Thanks, again!
It has been my observation that lesbians are that way, not for biological reasons but through their circumstances.
It seems that in most cases, if researched into the background that in most (if not all) cases:
1) They’ve had a abnormal relationship within the family.
2) Either they were abused in some way by a male member/friend
3) There simply wasn’t a father-figure around
4) They have an overall negative impression of the male sex.
I’m not a lesbian, for the most part I prefer the company of another female approximately my age and ethnic-racial background. They are simply easier to talk to. And face it girl…men do NOT understand us…Adam didn’t understand Eve either.
That being said, I prefer the company of felines to either sex….sometimes.
@Candace: I pray you are not practicing homosexuality. That is a mortal sin and there is no way to reconcile such a practice with the one true God. God loves all his people and I do not doubt that he offers blessings to you. We are all sinners and he extends his hand to all of us. However, these blessings should never be taken as a sign that he approves of our sins, he does not. He died on the cross in a sinful world. Does that mean he was okay with it? No. God sent his only son because he disapproved of the state of the world. He died so that sins may be forgiven. He was reaching out to us just as he is reaching out to you now. In my opinion, the Lord is letting you know that like all his people, all sinners in their own right, he loves you and wants you to live fully in him. I pray your heart grows to love the Lord in such a way that you desire ALL that he asks. Not because he says so because you know in your heart that it is truely the only way to live. It’s not his way or the highway, his way is the only way and he does not compromise. However, he does give us this time on Earth to come to him fully in our hearts and be forgiven of all our sins and join him in eternal peace. If you are not practicing homosexuality then I hope someday the Father frees you of your desires and you pursue a life and relationship that is fully in accordance with his word. God Bless you and I shall pray for you.
You want to know what I love aboout the Catholic Church? That, despite the many sins of the many “leaders” within her, she is greater than the sum of her parts. There is health and healing here, for any and all who will.
@candace- http://www.mostholyfamilymonastery.com/does_God_create_homosexuals.php
Candace, and others: Please be advised that the site mentioned above by A.G. Aragon (Most Holy Family Monastery) is NOT a reliable Catholic site but a site operated by someone claiming to be a “traditional” Benedictine monk without having undergone proper formation. His claims are dubious. Some of his positions are correct, many aren’t, from the viewpoint of a traditional Catholic.
Look here and you’ll see that he condemns virtually all traditional Catholic orders and individuals as heretics:
http://www.mostholyfamilymonastery.com/Beware_mainpage.php
The helpful information includes:
“So, to summarize: Don’t ever attend the invalid New Mass, of course. Don’t attend any Society of St. Pius V chapel, because they impose upon the people their heretical belief that people can be saved without the Catholic Faith.”
“Don’t attend any Society of St. Pius X chapel if the priest believes that sedevacantists are heretics or has made an announcement stating that he doesn’t want sedevacantists or “Feeneyites” at the chapel. This will probably mean that most SSPX priests are off-limits, but there may be a few who aren’t notorious or imposing about their heresy. If so, you may be able to attend without supporting the chapel. Don’t attend any Indult Mass. Don’t attend the Mass of a Byzantine priest or independent priest who is notorious or imposing about his acceptance of the Vatican II religion. And never attend the Novus Ordo (the New Mass), of course.”
“If you find a priest who is validly ordained, who is not notorious or imposing about his heresy – for instance, a Byzantine priest or an independent “traditionalist” priest who believes that Benedict XVI is the Pope – then you could receive the sacraments from him (although you don’t have to) AS LONG AS YOU DON’T SUPPORT HIM FINANCIALLY IN ANY WAY. DON’T SUPPORT ANY PRIEST OR GROUP WHICH ACCEPTS BENEDICT XVI AS THE POPE OR WHICH BELIEVES IN BAPTISM OF DESIRE; otherwise you will be assisting in the propagation of heresy and funding heretics.”
As you can probably guess from that quote, Most Holy Family Monastery holds the sedevacantist position and many positions that are more controversial. That page says that if you accept everything on their site, you may call them and they will tell you where to go to Mass in your area.
I suspect that would be a waste of time since almost no priest meets their standards. It’s pretty brassy for one, maybe two, self-formed “monks” to judge the rest of the Catholic Church.
From the latest info on their site, it appears that the “monastery” may now be inhabited by only one “monk,” one of the two Dimond brothers (biological brothers) who formerly operated the “monastery,” which is allegedly located in a trailer. In the past, there has been a “nun” living there, too, perhaps a biological sister to the Dimond brothers. Now the site mentions only one Dimond brother, Michael. Is he living alone in the “monastery”? What happened to “Bro.“Peter Dimond?
The site states that the community was begun in the 1960s by a Benedictine monk, Bro. Joseph Natale, who is said to have received permission from the Archabbot of “St.Vincent’s benedictine Arch-abbey in Latrobe, PA.” to begin a new Benedictine community where only “the traditional Roman Rite Mass” would be said. The text on the site continues, “In 1994, the community was given a piece of land in rural New York. Bro. Joseph wrote and stated on many occasions that he would be moving the community to New York. But Bro. Joseph was not able to complete this desire, due to the fact that he died on November 11, 1995. After Bro. Joseph died, Bro. Michael Dimond, O.S.B. was elected superior of the community. Bro. Michael immediately went to work to fulfill Bro. Joseph’s wish to move the community to New York. In late 1997, Most Holy Family Monastery finally finished moving the community and its belongings to New York.”
So who is Bro. Michael Dimond? Does he really belong to the Benedictine Order, is he really entitled to use the initials O.S.B. after his name? Many Catholics, trads included, say that he’s not. Here is what the Most Holy Family Monastery website says:
“Bro. Michael Dimond O.S.B.”
“Raised in a family with no religion, Bro. Michael Dimond converted to Catholicism at the age of 15. Brother Michael Dimond entered Most Holy Family Monastery in 1992 at the age of 19, a short time after graduating from high school. Brother Michael Dimond’s father graduated from Princeton University in New Jersey and his mother graduated from Stanford University in California. Brother Michael Dimond was elected superior of Most Holy Family Monastery in late 1995. Bro. Dimond took his final vows before a validly ordained priest.”
It’s nice that his parents went to Princeton and Stanford but that says nothing about Michael Dimond’s education. All this paragraph tells us is that he converted to Catholicism at 15 and went to live at “Most Holy Family Monastery” in 1992 at 19, a short time after graduating from high school. He was a bit old for a recent h.s. graduate but he was incredibly young when “elected superior” of the “monastery” in 1995, being only 22.
One wonders who “elected” him. His brother Peter? Or did Bro. Joseph tell him he was “elected” to succeed him when he died?
The site tells us that “Bro.” Michael Dimond “took his final vows before a validly ordained priest.” It doesn’t tell us who that priest was, who gave him his earlier vows, or how he advanced so rapidly. Was Bro. Joseph Natale qualified to guide a young man who was a fairly recent convert to Catholicism through formation as a traditional Benedictine monk, and was he healthy enough to allow him to do so during the roughly three years that Michael Dimond apparently lived with him?
My quick search didn’t turn up a traditional Benedictine monastery for men that gave information on the process of becoming a monk but did give me a site with information on formation for the Benedictines of Mary, a traditional Benedictine order for women.
It takes four years plus several months (the length of postulancy varies) to become a fully professed traditional Benedictine sister, and should take at least that long to become a fully professed traditional Benedictine monk.
That is about what I have always understood formation for religious to take, though of course formation never really ends.
Michael Dimond somehow went from entering a “monastery” at 19 to being elected its superior at 22.
Sorry the formatting is not better for my comment above. I think it’s legible enough, don’t think I hit the enter key to force breaks but maybe I did. It’s definitely more than one paragraph but it’s a fairly complicated topic, difficult to edit down.
My mom is a teacher, and my father was a tradesman. We are quintessentially suburban, in Orange County, California. We’re even practicing Catholics—and we (mostly) vote Republican. I’m gay—with “normal” parents.
Being gay is a result of something bad happening in your life. Being gay is just like having freckles. It’s just who you are.
Why is that such a big deal?
Oops—being gay is **not** a result of something bad happening in your life. My point is: I’ve been blessed with a wonderful upbringing and family life.
Sure, some people exhibit homosexual behavior because of childhood and/or situational abuse (prison in the latter example). Some people are sexually dysfunctional heterosexuals because of abuse. Many homosexual people like me came from financially stable, nuclear, psychologically sound, and devout Christian households. Abuse is certainly a factor when evaluating sexual (dys)function. Abuse is not, however, a universal cause of sexual drive towards the same sex.
I staunchly believe that same-sex attracted persons have the right to wed. That decision should be respected by all both inside and outside Catholicism and Christianity. Still, the difficulties of such a relationship rise exponentially against the difficulties of a heterosexually-paired couple. People with same-sex attractions should honestly tell their prospective spouse (i.e. before the vows) that they have homosexual emotions and erotic fantasies. They should also inform their prospective spouse if they have had homosexual encounters or relationships in the past. A partner that desires a high level of sexual intimacy might not relate well with someone that has little or no sexual drive towards a person of the opposite sex. The homosexual partner has to honestly evaluate whether he or she can honestly balance marital affective and sexual unity. If not, marriage might not be a good idea for the homosexual partner.
It’s crucially important to remember that a person who is homosexual will never stop experiencing emotional and erotic attraction towards those of the same sex. There are homosexuals that have ceased homogenital activity or relationships. That does not mean that their orientation has changed. A homosexual person that suppresses their emotional/sexual impulses and hide them from their spouse runs the risk of seeking dysfunctional sexual outlets such as random encounters or one night stands. Again, if a homosexual person can’t balance the affective and sexual needs of a marriage, then they should not wed.
I am not a canonist, but this is my unvarnished opinion: any heterosexual spouse who was not informed of his or her spouse’s homosexuality before the wedding should receive an unconditional annulment. No unwitting person should live in a marital bond based on lies. I know that this is not the Church’s current position, but I wish it would be. The deceived spouse and children should have the unconditional ability to start a new life with a devoted and honest spouse.
@Jordan: The Father’s law is final. Homosexuality is a grievous sin. Due to it’s nature as being an act that separates us from God it can not include that which is from God i.e. true, deep and lasting love. If it did I don’t see why the Father would oppose it. I agree homosexuals can love each other, however, it is not the love that can only come from the Father. If we choose to live separate from him we can not experience the virtues that represent him. I also pity the fact that you think homosexuals can not stop experiencing such emotions when, in fact, EVERYTHING is possible through our Lord. The Roman Catholic church and the Father’s teachings are not just a philosophy for living that only some can experience. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. It’s not his way or the highway, HIS WAY IS THE ONLY WAY and all of us can experience it in it’s entirety. Through prayer, the sacraments and true belief in the Father anything can be overcome even unnatural desires that seem so natural. To throw in the towel and say, “I am who I am and that’s not going to change” is seriously undermining the power of Our Father. We all have our crosses to bear, we all sin BUT through our Lord Jesus Christ we can be freed from these bonds and live, not because he says so, but rather because we know in our heart with a true desire to do so. Further, the bible is clear and it is the word of God and the word of God does not change. If it did the bible would not be the book of life, ALL LIFE for all generations to follow. We are not to decide that his word is somehow outdated because we need to appease mankind. No servant is greater than his master! If they persecuted him, they will persecute us. Jesus brought the word of God to us and suffered greatly for it. We must do the same. Not literally on the cross but through rejection of a world fallen to darkness, for the darkness has nothing to do with the light! Finally, let us remember homosexuals are not a different type of being. We are all God’s children and we are all prone to sin. The type of sin we suffer with is different for us all. In other words, homosexuality is a sin that afflicts God’s children and does not make us a separate being unto ourself. God bless you for your genuine sentiment and love for your fellow human being, however, compromising or rationalizing only keeps the sinner in bondage. The goal should be to pray, educate, liberate and convert, truely and deeply in one’s heart so that they can be with the Father someday in heaven in all it’s glory.
I present this in the interests of furthering debate about the Gay / Lesbian discussion currently under way. It’s an excerpt from an article entitled “Ousted Evangelical Reflects On Faith, Future” which appeared today July 28, 2010 at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128776382&ps=cprs—
For 10 years, the Rev. Richard Cizik was the chief lobbyist for the National Association of Evangelicals, which represents roughly 30 million constituents across the United States.
But he was forced out of that position in December 2008, after remarks he made on Fresh Air about his support of gay civil unions, among other things.
On Wednesday, Cizik returned to Fresh Air to discuss how his life has changed since he left the association and why he started a new group called the Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good, which he hopes will be an alternative to Christian groups that focus on the culture wars.
Cizik says he has no regrets about what happened to him after appearing on the show.
“In so many ways, this has been good for me,” he tells Terry Gross, adding that his support of same-sex civil unions wasn’t the only reason he was asked to leave the NAE.
“It was a sum total of everything [I said on Fresh Air],” Cizik explains. “It was speaking out on behalf of creation care, climate change, a broader agenda — speaking out on a host of levels that just offended the old guard. Civil unions, well that was just one part of it.”
Cizik says that he still strongly believes that same-sex couples should be allowed to obtain civil unions.
“While I haven’t come to a conclusion on [gay marriage], I am convinced that you can’t deny rights to people based on their sexual orientation. It’s wrong,” he says. “It’s even wrong, I think, as Christians to take that position. Because we should support human rights for all people even when they don’t agree with us.”
What are we Catholics to make of this Evangelical take on the Gay / Lesbian issue? Are we out of step? Or, are they out of step? Or, are both out of step? Meaning, the Church as a whole, Catholic and Protestant and Evangelical, has no business regulating what goes on in peoples’ bedrooms?
Hi Brian Z.,
First off, let me make a disclaimer. I am homosexual but not wed in any sense. I am not a psychologist or a marital counselor. I am a person that has observed the effects of “mixed orientation marriage” within the context of devout and conservative/traditional Catholic communities. I only offer the advice I have learned through life experience.
As for sexual disposition: human sexuality is on a continuum. A small sliver of the population is bisexual. These people might profitably wed. But many homosexual men (in particular) that have “deep seated homosexual attractions” (Vatican’s description) will likely never experience enduring erotic attraction towards a woman. While Catholicism teaches that homosexual attraction is “intrinsically disordered”, it is agnostic on a “cure”. I am extremely skeptical that the majority of homosexual men will develop a significant erotic attraction to women. Perhaps prayer and sacrament will cure. I am agnostic on that point. Empirical evidence suggests that such cures are rare. Perhaps homosexual men that wish to wed should focus more on behavior modification than a complete reversal of erotic drive.
I am happy for this beautiful woman Boynes that took a bold step to return to her senses and to God. There is no dispute about what Lesbianism is. The summary of it is that it is not a normal condition. Our God is ever Good and waiting patiently for each of us to turn from evil. Even in our sinfulnes we are precious in his sight, ever ready to take us bak when we wander away. you are welcome back my dear sister. My prayers is that God in his mercy will continue to convert sinners to Himself. God bless the church.
I suggest you stop your homophobic rubbish and read the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC:2357-CCC2359)which states many homosexuals can not change.
The catechism (CCC:2357-2359) surely does not state that “homosexuals can not change.” Not only is that not true (and would bring into question the whole “all things possible in Christ” maxim) but I think it is (albeit unintentional) inventive reading of those points.
It calls the homosexual urge “deep seated” and “exclusive or predominant” for “some” but never calls it “unchangable” or “static.”
The catholic church has long held that our actions are within our control and also that love of God and neighbor while not always accompanied by good feelings, are often rewarded with feelings of affection and happiness. If more people were looking for love as action/choice instead of feelings, we would not have to deal with the false arguments of homosexuals “feeling” in love. Sinning alone or with another person is not an act of love, and so homosexual activity can not be an act of love.
@ Brian Z. I was very very impressed with your postings. Very very well spoken and thought out. I continue to pray for those I know who choose to be a homosexual. One can do all things through Jesus Christ. If it is true (as some say it is) that you are born that way, you need to stay celebate and not involve yourself in sin.
Thanks, Claudia, for the very thoughtful gesture of finger-pointing at gay and lesbians. The Christian charity is just oozing from you.
“You need to stay celebate [sic] and not involve yourself in sin.” We don’t believe that gay and lesbian lifestyles are sinful, honey. You need to get a hobby and quit being so concerned about other people’s lives.
By the way, you spelled “celibate” wrong.
God did not intend for us to be ‘gay’ as the world so readily believes. God loves us and made us to be sexually complatable with the opposite sex. When SSA occurs it is often due to sexual abuse, inabilitity or struggle to connect with same sex peers and parents as well as over connection with opposite sex parent and peers. I’ve been there, but change is possible. God will always love you no matter what, but I believe from what it says in the Bible that homosexuality is not his desire for us.
Every life-form has its own nature. The nature, so to speak, describes the conduct, habits, inclinations, tendencies and proclivities of that life, as it is expressed through the soul (psyche) of that life. The only way to change the nature of a life-form is to change the life itself. Because we actually receive the very life of the risen Christ upon salvation, via the Holy Spirit, every true believer now has two different lives inside of them, and therefore two different competing natures; the fallen life of the flesh, and the victorious life of the Spirit. The life that we’re born with pulls us downward, while the life of the Lord pulls us upward. The flesh pulls us toward the world, pride, and self-gratification. The Spirit draws us into righteousness, obedience, sanctification, spirit reality and life-worship before God. Hense,One cannot be a gay christian;it is an oxymoron.However,one can be a believer struggling to overcome this perversion.
God hates homosexuality. It is Clear in many places in the Bible including the New Testament. Christ even said it is between one man and one woman. If you think that you can be actively gay and that God accepts that then you are deceived.
Whether anyone believes in God or not, and whether anyone is a Christian or not,what is obvious is that nature does not treat homosexuality as equal to heterosexuality. If did treat same-sex attraction as equal to opposite sex attraction, at least 50 percent of people would be gay and 50 percent straight. What we see is that less than 3 perecent of people are gay, according statistics, althought they make a lot of noise.
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