I’m a grandmother. Many in my generation heard, upon misbehaving: “Wait ’til your father gets home!” Kids these days don’t hear this warning very often. Is this a good thing or a bad thing, in your opinion?

It depends. (Don’t shrink-type answers drive you crazy sometimes?) First, let’s look at why kids don’t hear this once-stock phrase all that much anymore.

The dad-at-work, mom-at-home family arrangement is no longer prototypical. Indeed, only about 25% or so of modern families fit this profile. Therefore, reality simply doesn’t permit as many kids to experience this venerable discipline warning. You’d think that, with dual-employed parents as the norm, a few frustrated fathers out there are threatening, “Wait ‘til your mother gets home.” Go figure.

Also, even some stay-at-home moms never utter, “Wait ‘til your father gets home.” That’s because, in many families, the authority is already home: Mom. More and more, I’m hearing mothers lament that they set the rules for kids, while Dad is “Mr. Nice Guy,” “Disney Dad” or “Mister Laid Back.” It’s tough to count on strong backup from Dad when Mom is the strong one.

Next, experts — I always get nervous using that word — have repeatedly stressed that moms need authority equal to dads. Consequently, it’s bad parenting practice to rely on an unseen, future enforcer to give Mom some “real” discipline strength. This puts Dad in an unfair position while lowering Mom’s status in kid eyes.

For the most part, I agree with this idea. A mother with personal authority benefits all members of the family. For herself, she gains respect and better cooperation, as her authority is “right now” and not “later on.” Little kids, particularly, act better facing immediate, rather than delayed, discipline.

To her kids, a strong mom gives predictability and security. They know she is willing to act now to keep the household running smoothly. It will not be turmoil for nine hours until the hammer comes down.

To her husband, she gives peace. He doesn’t warily walk in the door, anticipating a litany of kid trouble to deal with, along with a frazzled spouse. Mom may be weary from the day’s demands, but discipline edginess won’t be part of it.

Where, then, is the “depends” part of my original answer to your question? In good families, the separate authority of Mom and Dad is really one. Thus, if Harmony challenges Mom all day long, even though Mom dealt with her well, Dad may choose to deal with her when he arrives. His rationale? Harmony gave her mom grief, but she also gave his wife grief. Dad will augment Mom’s discipline to teach a stronger lesson.

When our children were younger, I learned to sense subtle clues that my wife had a rough day. For example, at times she would meet me halfway up the driveway, two children in each hand, mumbling in Suessian rhyme: “I do not want them in my hair; I do not want them here or there. You’d better take them, Ray I Am. For I am crazy, yes I am.”

From years of psychological training, I learned to recognize these early signs of overload. I also learned to add my fatherly authority to their mother’s. Yes, she disciplined them on difficult days and, sometimes, so did I. The children realized that their mother and I were together in this parenting journey. You rattle her, you rattle me.

Thus their mom seldom had to say, “Wait ‘til your father gets home.” They knew that, when I came home, if Mom was rhyming, they were in big trouble.

Dr. Ray Guarendi is a father of 10, a psychologist and an author.

He’s on the Internet at DrRay.com.