Family Matters

I don't know what to do with employees who are chronic complainers. I try to tell them the reasons for problems, steer them away from things that can't be solved and help them keep their criticisms constructive. But I'm feeling worn down by the negativity. What can I do?

In a business setting, there are generally two types of grumpy employees: those who complain to management and really want something done about the problem, and those who “vent” to fellow employees — or, worse, customers — and keep their specific concerns from management because they don't think talking will do any good.

The kind that take their beefs directly to managers can actually be your best friends, even if you're not on friendly terms with them. While some managers are on top of even the little things, most managers are not. Often there's good reason for that. Managers are often more intuitive, watching the big picture and the overall welfare of the business. Employees attend more closely to details and will notice that something is out of whack, inefficient or wasteful. And anyone who does that is doing you a favor because you can't fix glitches you don't know about. They are delivering opportunities to make things better. You ought to thank them.

But your ego probably will feel like doing anything but. Why? Vanity says the “complainer” makes you look bad. Pride says he or she can't possibly understand things as well as you do. Sensuality — manifested here as slothfulness — will worry about the extra work an attentive response will entail. In short, you'll be at high risk for acting defensively. And a defensive response from you will just drive the complaint underground, where it can fester and become a much more difficult problem to solve.

No matter how silly, quirky or inappropriate the complaint is, if it's being made to you, you are trusted. Return the compliment by listening actively and offering your undivided attention. “I greatly appreciate your bringing this to me … Let me make sure I have it right. You're saying that we … and that has you concerned because … Did I get that just right?”

The truth sets us free. Any time you're presented with the truth, no matter the source, you are more free. So anyone who tells you what is happening, no matter how grating or hysterical the particulars may sound, is, well, setting you free from delusion or misperceptions.

When you prioritize respect and dignity, no matter what someone else's agenda might be, you're offering a Christian response. A Christian doesn't return “an eye for an eye” or get distracted by the ego's needs. God's grace enables us to treat people with dignity and to go rooting for the truth. Once you've listened with respect and appreciation, you can address the possibilities of resolving any problem.

This is not a stoical brace against attack, nor a pessimistic resignation that life is fraught with problems. It is, rather, a Christian understanding that my ego is an easily bruised obstacle that can prevent me from responding with dignity, attacking problems wisely and creating more good.

Art Bennett is director of Alpha Omega Clinic and Consultation Services in Vienna, Virginia, and Bethesda, Maryland.