Just about everyone goes into marriage knowing that money matters are going to be the source of a certain amount of disagreement. But this awareness doesn’t seem to help once the issue raises its ugly head. What can we do now that it has done just that?

In a recent Money magazine poll, 84% of respondents noted that money issues cause tension in their marriages. A full 70% said they actually argue over money. The survey noted that most money arguments revolve around disagreements over the setting of financial priorities.

I’m a regular guest on Catholic talk radio. These statistics become very real and personal during these programs. During the latest show, two similar calls came in from women. Money was short in both circumstances, yet the husbands were continuing to spend on extravagant non-essentials, continuing the cycle of overspending that was already leading to increasing credit-card debt.

Don’t think I’m just picking on the guys here. I’ve had plenty of calls from husbands where it’s the wife who is overspending.

One of the most effective ways to end money arguments is for couples to recognize that the money they have isn’t his and it’s not hers. It’s not even their money. Everything they have ultimately belongs to the Lord.

I’ve seen so many marriages transformed when couples accept and then live this one concept. Rather than fighting to spend their share in the way they want, a recognition settles in that they are both called by God to manage the financial means he has entrusted to them in ways pleasing to him.

With that watershed moment behind them, it becomes a matter of seeking and discerning how Christ wants them to use those resources. Fortunately, God doesn’t leave us on our own to figure that out. Scripture and Church teaching point out some key principles we should be following: Keep God first. Keep the lines of communication open. Assess where you are and develop a plan. Live within your means and avoid debt. Be generous. Educate and form your children in the faith. Save for future needs, but avoid hoarding.

While knowing the principles is really important, just knowing them isn’t enough. We need to act in ways consistent with these principles. But this becomes much easier when the two of you are “singing from the same sheet of music.”

When I spoke with these women on the radio program, they conveyed a sense of hopelessness. I reminded them that there is always hope, and that they just needed to get started.

If money matters are a source of friction in your marriage, take your first step today toward making it a source of strength. Visit VeritasFinancialMinistries.com and register for My Veritas Plan. (It’s free.) You’ll find the tools you need to manage your resources in ways pleasing to the Lord.

God love you.

Phil Lenahan is author of

7 Steps to Becoming Financially Free: A Catholic Small Group Study (OSV).