How Can I Do It All?

Q Recently you wrote about the importance of being “relationship-oriented” at work instead of “task-oriented.” Can you offer any practical tips on applying this principle when your “job” is raising young children, supporting a husband, maintaining relationships with family and friends, keeping house, running an apostolate and home schooling?

A With a busy life such as yours, it may be tempting to try to put people on our “to do” list along with “apostolate” and cleaning the house. And on a day when it appears that “nothing” has gotten done (the kids are sick, the dishwasher breaks, you talk on the phone with your sister for two hours because she is in a crisis), you will be tempted to feel that your day was a failure.

Put first things first. Out of our love for God, out of our own daily prayer, arises the desire to serve him. And, in serving him, we are trying to achieve important, prayerfully discerned goals, not simply “do a lot of things.” Watch out for the trap of mere activity. When we fall into that trap, we are more likely to treat people as objects, as an annoyance or hindrance keeping us from getting to the “important” things on our list of things to do. What is “apostolate” but “bringing souls to Christ”? And you may not be able to put that on a list of things “to do.”

Another consequence of falling into the activity trap is to become completely discouraged when we think we haven't accomplished 100 things. Sometimes we may not have knocked off a lot of things on the list, but we are still on track for achieving our long-range goals (for example, raising our children in a faith-filled, loving home). Let's be realistic: Sometimes we hit bumps in the road. We get knocked down. But we can always get up again — as long as we keep our eyes fixed on Christ.

You asked for practical suggestions. Here are three: prayer, planning and Proverbs 3. What sometimes hinders our ability to accomplish what Christ wants us to accomplish in any given day is lack of a plan. As soon as the alarm clock goes off, our head is swimming with things to do. We jump out of bed, realize that we have no time to pray and rev up to full throttle. A lack of a plan will have us doing what is “urgent,” but perhaps not truly important. Pray first, since Christ is the source of our charity and our effectiveness. This relationship with Christ is the relationship par excellence upon which all others depend. Ask him to help you plan your day to fulfill his will. This will help you not to waste time and to become a more effective apostle. You will also keep your eyes on the truly important goals: loving your spouse, your family and friends, your neighbors and bringing as many souls to Christ as he puts in your path that day.

Our priest gave a homily today about “shaving in the headlights.” Do what you ought to do now — in the headlights — instead of wasting time debating whether or not you should do what you ought to do and end up shaving by the rear backup lights, which is much less efficient. Proverbs 3:27-34: “Refuse no one the good on which he has a claim when it is in your power to do it for him.” If there is something good that you are asked to do by someone who has the right, do it — now.

Art Bennett is the director of Alpha Omega Clinic and Consultation Service.

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