Our 7-month-old wakes up screaming multiple times every night. I’ve tried everything — from repeatedly nursing her back to sleep to the “cry it out” method. Nothing works. My husband and I are exhausted and stressed. It’s a source of deep marital strain. Please help!

Caroline: Sounds just like our firstborn, who, for the first two months of his life, woke up every hour on the hour, round the clock. I was more tired than I thought humanly possible, and I was panicked about falling asleep during the day and dropping him. My exhausted husband was at the breaking point. In desperation, I asked a mother of five what to do. Her answer shocked me: “Oh, I just put mine in the bed with us. He can nurse all he wants while I sleep.”

That also is our best advice to you. We know all the objections because we voiced them ourselves: “If you let him in now, he’ll never get out! Your 6-year-old will still be in bed with you.” Or “You’ll roll over and crush him!” Or “He’ll grow up spoiled!”

At least in our case, I can report that this same child is now 7 years old and wouldn’t dream of getting in our bed. (And he’s neither flattened nor spoiled.)

Babies have a real need to be near mom, and this doesn’t stop when the sun goes down. For nine months in utero, my son snuggled right next to me. He was used to the rhythm of my heartbeat and breathing. He was lulled to sleep every night by Tom’s melodious snoring. No wonder the poor thing couldn’t get any rest all alone in his cold, dark crib!

The minute we tucked him into bed with us, our lives changed. He slept longer than he had ever slept before, which meant that mom and dad slept well, too. When he needed to nurse he scooted over, barely disturbing my sleep. He awoke smiling and content, not sobbing miserably to be rescued from his little prison down the hall. Tom was able to share in some of the most happy times with the baby –– he’d wake me up first, then roll over to wake up Daddy and play. We three bonded in a whole new way.

The truth is that you can bring the baby into bed with you safely. Just follow some simple dos and don’ts. Don’t do it if you have a water bed, or a head board with a gap that could trap the baby. Don’t do it if either of you has had too much to drink. (Alcohol is what causes those crushing deaths you sometimes hear about.) Do put up a toddler rail so that the baby can’t fall out. And do research the practice first. Our favorite book on this subject is Nighttime Parenting by Dr. William Sears, a Harvard-trained pediatrician and Christian father of eight.

Tom: I was very reluctant to bring the baby in the bed with us. But, after a short time of adjustment, we were all well rested, happy and stress-free. I know it’s a paradox, but putting the baby between us helped bring Caroline and me closer together. It may not be the answer for everyone, but, given your situation, it is certainly worth a try.

Tom and Caroline McDonald are

family-life directors for the Archdiocese

of Mobile, Alabama.

Equal Time: Look for Dr. Ray

Guarendi’s advice on nighttime

parenting in a future issue of the

Register.