For all those parents who have children preparing for First Communion in the coming months, we know boys and girls experience the same thing: They receive the sacrament of reconciliation and then the body, blood soul and divinity of Christ. Human beings being what they are, there are accompanying experiences of a lesser degree, and there are differences in these. Here’s what to expect for boys, and girls ...
10. You have to remind boys that what’s happening is kind of important.
You have to remind girls that what’s happening is not the end of the world, and they can relax.
9. For girls, the biggest question is: “How does the dress look?”
For boys, the biggest question is: “What will it taste like?”
8. First Communion girls look like brides.
First Communion boys look like John Travolta.
7. Before first confession, the girls remember their sins with reluctance and embarrassment.
Before first confession, the boys remember their sins with a grin of satisfied pride.
6. After first confession, girls sit and ponder, slowly processing the meaning of what has happened.
After first confession, boys try to crawl under the pew to see what it looks like underneath.
5. Girls’ patron is Blessed Imelda, who died of ecstasy after her first communion. Imelda Marcos, who loved shoes, was named for her.
Boys’ patron is St. Tarcisio, who was beaten to death by a mob while protecting the host. Tarcisco Proietti, a Mafioso from Milan, was named for him.
4. For girls, getting to sit in the front all dressed up seems to make the Mass, and their moment in the spotlight, seem too short.
For boys, having to sit in the front of the church, all dressed up, makes the Mass seem to drag on and on.
3. Going through their cards after the reception, girls are impressed with how many people love them.
Going through their cards after the reception, boys are impressed with how much money they got just for receiving communion.
2. You elaborately adorn girls’ hair for First Communion.
You buzz cut boys for First Communion to make hair a non-issue.
1. On First Communion day in church, the girls imagine themselves princesses who will one day be brides.
On First Communion day in church, the boys imagine themselves swinging from the church’s rafters on Spider-man webs while the crowd below gasps and then applauds.
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Something is lacking in the above picture. Where does receiving Jesus Christ for the first time come into it? Bad teachers.
Thank you for the good laugh, Tom. Having prepared 8 of my children for the sacraments so far (with 3 more waiting in the wings) I will agree with you everything except one thing - my boys tended to look like stereotypical used car salesmen!
As good parents, we cover all the truths and graces of our Church- the Real Presence, the joy and grace of receiving Jesus and more but they will still be kids and all that comes with it. Expecting them to be something other than that is unrealistic and sets up parents to feel like failures. One of sons, after his First Confession, turned to me and in a loud whisper said clearly, “You forgot to tell me something!” I was horrified, what could I possibly have forgotten?? “You forgot to tell me how good I’d feel!” I felt that I had hit a home run in the parenting game that day.
How our children feel about the sacraments and how they experience is an important aspect and realizing that they will have real emotions and kid-like reactions to it can make for some great memories and great stories afterwards.
As my oldest, and a girl, prepares for First Communion next month, this is so funny and seemingly true. I get the feeling that in 2 years when my son makes his First Communion it will be much like you’ve described, including the buzz cut!
Very Funny!
Thanks Tom for the vision, right on target. Too funny
Tom, I must admit, I STILL imagine myself swinging from the church’s rafters on Spider-Man webs. (No gasping or applause necessary, tho.)
Yep, Steven. Me too. I wonder if women readers of this realize that that one isn’t a joke. I put it in because that’s what I did as a boy in church. When I showed my son this list, he noted the Spider-man one right away and said, “Hey, I do that!”
... but the congregation ALWAYS gasped and then applauded when I did this as a kid. Either I am more impressive or you are more humble.
“but the congregation ALWAYS gasped and then applauded when I did this as a kid. Either I am more impressive or you are more humble.”
There MUST be another explanation. Because I’m sure you’re not more impressive, yet clearly we can conclude from that I’m not more humble.
With all the Spider-Man comics in my closet and my years of cartooning studies at SVA, I’m sure I know everything there is to know about web-slinging. Perhaps the real explanation is that when I do it I’m distracted by the bad guy rather than by the onlookers.
As a mom of five boys I thank you for enlightening me on what they are thinking of in Mass. I have always wondered. It certainly rings true too! Very funny - thanks Tom!
For an oridanry catholic, it is not understood why in America such imaginary differences are projected. Boys and girls are children of God. It is the duty of the parish priest and the parents to give them correct education about Church and the sacraments Only if proper education is given, thier behaviour, faith and fidelity to the eucharist will continue to be catholic. It will give them awe, respect and faith in their journey of life. Please do not crack jokes or make funny writings on Eucharist and other sacraments
Rose,
Kids are kids - the jokes were about them, not the Eucharist. They understand what they understand, and they’re as reverent as they’re capable of being - hopefully increasingly so as they grow in age and wisdom.
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