Well written, Jennifer!  That is one of those discerning moments…do I share my faith (views) or do I know my friend before me isn’t at that time of her journey?  Prudence with each of our situations while witnessing Christ is really important…but can be oh so difficult!  May the Holy Spirit continue to guide you in every opportunity of sharing our faith.  My first thought was to suggest that you send your friend a copy of your article…my bad.  You know exactly where your friend is…May God’s blessings be upon you and your friend.  Again, well written!

When my first two children were young, I was really bogged down by the demands of parenthood. I hated it, I missed my life as a young wage-earning professional, and I complained frequently.  God did some work on me during this time, and after a six-year break and more children, I realized that the diapers are temporary.  Baby- and toddlerhood are temporary.  All child-rearing is temporary.  On those days when I am overwhelmed, I remind myself of this - sometimes while locked in the closet to catch a break.

Sometimes explaining why you do what you do is impossible… I have literally changed very few diapers in my life. I’m a chaplain at a Level 1 Trauma Center inner city hospital. I spend my time with those in crisis or facing end of life issues with patients of all ages. Do I “like” it? But I must accompany them.

@Lucinda: that reminds me of something I heard on Relevant Radio.  Sister Bridget was talking about how a documentary crew was filming Mother Teresa and her sisters caring for the poor in Calcutta.  At one point, one of the crew members looks at one of the nuns, who was cleaning a homeless person, and said, “Sister, I wouldn’t do this for a million dollars.”  And the nun replied, “Neither would I.”
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It truly is about what we give that makes us happy, not what we get.
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(Funny sidebar: on the Register’s blog posts this morning, Mark Shea’s reads “A Reader Asks A Question About Having Babies” while this one—“Do you want to spend the rest of your life changing diapers?!”—is listed right above.  Coincidence?  I think not.) :-)

I could never understand how my peers “knew” that they didn’t want (more than 2…) children, or how they “knew” that children were so much work / expensive, etc.  None of them came from large families.  None of them ever had to care for small children. I could not understand their resistance.
I am one of the oldest in a family of eleven.  I am the mother of six, grandmother of five. You have verbalized the truth about real joy and purpose in life.  God bless you!

You said it! I have six beautiful children, ages 8 through 22. And hubby and I have been in charge of his parents for the past 3+ years now. Before that, we called them daily—checking on them—because we had to move away for his job after living near them for so long. Two years ago after his father died, we had to move his mother near us. She has dementia, mobility issues, is nearly deaf, and requires more care than my babies did! We could not move her in with us, as she cannot do stairs and our house has several levels. So we found wonderful housing for her a mile away, but that means we have to come and go quite a bit to keep her comfortable. I have moments of thinking, “Enough!” but you know, even when she’s gone, I know something or someone else will need our help. Our oldest son was also disabled in a bad car accident almost two years ago. I am learning—albeit slowly—that just because the babies are out of diapers, it does NOT mean life is all fun and games! I am learning to find the joy in the trials. I am closer to God now than ever. And I do miss the baby days, because life was actually a LOT easier then. Things were physically tough. It’s hard to get by without enough sleep! But things are emotionally tougher now, with kids moving out, dealing with elderly parents. Those middle of the night phone calls that mean EMERGENCY! are just very startling. I understand the meaning of the phrase, “Handle with prayer” much more now. God bless! Enjoy those babies, toddlers, children,and whatever else God blesses you with. He has such great plans for us all!

Jennifer:
I have found that changing diapers has made me supremely aware of the amount of waste my family generates, and its impact on the world. Diapers inspired my whole family to take more responsibility for our own waste.  Which is not to say that I am one of those “one kids for a reduced carbon footprint” people; on the contrary, the simple act is a nexus of all the things that we are in our families and our communities.

On a miserable day of parenting, I actually sat down and figured out just how long I had been pregnant, recovering from the pregnancy, nursing, and changing diapers.  So miserable was I that I even included those short months I was pregnant that resulted in miscarriages.
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In that I have 11 living children, the numbers were, to me, mind-numbing and staggering.  I was stunned, sat down and cried.  When my dh got home from work, I showed him all of my hard work.  He took a look, gave me a kiss and hug and whispered in my ear - “Makes those years the Hebrews were waiting in slavery seem almost do-able, doesn’t it?”  He picked up our youngest and walked away…“then there’s the whole 40 years in the desert, then that waiting for the Messiah thing and now, us - waiting for Jesus to come back…..”  I both laughed and shook my fist w/ paper in hand at his retreating head.
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In other words - in that none of us really spends all our lives changing diapers even though over a decade of doing it might seem like it - time is relative.  What we have is a lifetime of trying to serving our children and each other in love as Jesus did.  And as a Mom whose diapers days are now, finally, in the rearview mirror, I almost miss them - almost! :-)

I would love to be changing diapers right now.  You really have that concrete evidence that your children need you when they have a diaper that needs to be changed.  They still need me now, but it is not so easy to help them as it once was.  I always wished I had at least one more baby - but if I had that one, I would probably still want more.  Today I invited my twin god children over for a play date - I think their mom enjoyed the companionship and they loved toddling around my shady yard.  I was happier when they were here than I have been all summer - and it was because I wasn’t thinking about me!

In honor of the Olympics, I’m going to give you a “perfect 10” on this one. :) You nailed it, siser!

Since I work outside the home full-time.  Changing diapers and bath time are all the moments I really get before I put them to bed.  I hope to change many more diapers in time (and hopefully find a way to retire in my 30s !).

My favorite part of this is when you say that you have babies because that is probably easier than whatever God has in mind next!  I can relate to that!  I don’t have babies any more.

I also grew up in the modern evangelical culture where we acknowledged that babies were gifts from God, just as long as we got the number that we WANTED. That way of thinking os so different from the Catholic understanding that the “are you done?”  question is never answered easily.

I didnt realize how Catholic I had become until I saw a FB post from a friend making a joke about her dog being her 3rd kid in a photo she posted,  but the caption to the picture was “We only WANTED 2 !”  Something in me just shuttered because I realize that they mindset I was raised with left us worshipping at “The Altar of Want”.

Its funny to me that changing diapers is societally an image of oppressive obligation…I see it as the short lived sign of the sweetness of new life.  I have worked with babies my whole nursing career (almost 30 years) and changed diapers on probably 10,000 babies and to me its a dear, sometimes a sacred thing.

A few weeks ago, I videotaped a mom putting a diaper on her son…the only one he would ever wear. Another mom put the diaper on, dressed the baby then covered her with fresh rose petals and wept sacred mother’s tears all over the roses. (she only spoke arabic yet I missed nothing in what she told me in her actions). They went to their final resting place just as their moms had tended. Neither of them has any surviving children and their hearts ache to change diapers…I hope I get to be there when they get to change their first big-ol-nasty-poop diaper, we will look at each other and smile

Meh, changing diapers isn’t so bad. I would rather spend eternity changing diapers than eternity without the opportunity for it.

After a long night with a crying newborn and three sick kids, I was about ready to turn in the towel and get back on BC. Thanks for writing this, I really needed to read it.

Jen,

As someone who once had three in diapers for a (very short) time, I can tell you that you are right on:  everyone always needs something.  My oldest son is mentally ill and in jail.  Today “diapering” him will consist of trying to arrange for him to get his medication while 900 miles away.  My second is doing very well but has been waiting more than a month to start a new, more lucrative job.  I will “diaper” him today by helping him find odd jobs around the house that will earn him a little spending money and keep him on track toward full independence.  My youngest needs shoes, pictures and hair products for her senior year.  Today I will “diaper” her by taking an entire day off from writing to spend just going to mass, shopping and having lunch (OK, this one is easy).
Are diapers easy?  No, but then again, neither is anything else that’s really worthwhile.

A wise friend once told me, “The days are so long, the years are so short.”...enjoy Jennifer!  Thank you for continuing to inspire by sharing your struggles will all of us!  One of my sons just left this morning for college 6 hours away, I will not see him until October.  I am still wiping my tears as I read this. Yes, this is an entire new set of challenges…you will look back someday and the diapers will not be so bad!  I miss the nursing, diapers, peanut butter and jelly and cheerios on the floor!  God is so good and He shines through you!

Susan Mathis ,
God bless you & your children.I’ll say a special prayer for your son.

Excellent!  I am convinced that the reason I became Catholic is because I changed lots of diapers. Jesus says that those who do what’s right will be drawn to Me by my Father (paraphrasing). When my oldest son was two, I opened a home daycare/preschool with the idea that ‘career can wait,’ and a real desire to help little children whose parents were working.  I was agnostic at the time and Jesus was not even on my radar, but thanks be to God, I was on His.

Pregnant with #7, I was at the dentist and the people there were all saying how much they couldn’t wait to “get rid of” the kids that they had, let alone “start over” with another baby. Very sad.

I told my mother once that someone we were angry with should be condemned to changing diapers as punishment.  She looked at me and said that person wasn’t worthy of the honor.  She (who had nine children after putting herself through college in 1938) said that the opportunity to take a dirty baby and make them clean and happy and then play with them a little was something not to give away lightly.

Thank you for posting this,Ms. Fulwiler.  It hits home for me because for a long time, my wife could not stay pregnant.  After several miscarriages and much pain, we accepted that we could not have children of our own.  So, we took the route of adoption, intending to bring one little girl home from Russia.  As it happened, we adopted a sibling group of three children, whom we brought home just this last January.  A month later, my wife became pregnant again, though we didn’t know until the end of the first trimester.  Both baby and mother are doing fine and we expect our newest arrival to come in November.
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So I guess my answer to your acquaintance would be “I’ll change diapers as long as God blesses me.” :)

Jane M,
What a lovely post.And what a wise mother you were blessed with!Thanks for sharing that!

Love this! The commments are great too! Rob, what an amazing story! God bless your family. :)

2 things:
1.  I love that this article is filed under “Culture of Death” (I know what you meant, but I giggled)
2.  Great to read - just found out pregnant with #3 - our third unplanned pregnancy (when God wants them, he wants them) and it is so important to remember that it isn’t just about me, but about the beautiful lives that he is asking us to raise for Him.

I spent only 14 years changing diapers for my 5 children, and when the youngest was done, I truly mourned the end of that phase of life.  It was but a moment in the big picture.

Honestly, I can think of a lot WORSE things I could do with my time than change diapers! The difficult and distasteful things about being a parent (sleepless nights, poop-splosions, etc.) are, in my opinion, totally worth dealing with just so you get to experience all the AWESOME things about being a parent. I really wish more that American society spent less time focusing on the hard stuff that comes with having kids. Is a good life really supposed to be a complete breeze? I mean, we don’t think it’s weird that getting a college degree (or running a marathon, or starting a business, or tending a garden, or a million other things that people consider extremely fulfilling) is difficult or exhausting or challenging, so why do we complain when marriage or child-rearing become tiresome or hard? Aren’t the best things in life things you have to put effort into? Isn’t the effort worthwhile when you see the fruits of your labor? Can’t the effort, at times, be just as fulfilling as the easy-peasy stuff?

I surprised myself by emphatically thinking, “Yes, I do!” when I read this article. At 31 and still single, I yearn for children of my own. In the meantime, I “practice” with a housecat, who recently has required multiple trips to the vet, and even had a stomach virus recently that kept me chasing after her all day when I’d hear her “I’m about to be sick!” meow. But it’s all just made me appreciate her even more - and show me that yes, I’m strong enough for all of that. (So why haven’t the husband and kids appeared, darn it! :~P )

Similarly, my mother cared for her father in his dying years, including changing his diapers. I had cousins who refused to visit while he was sick, and aunts and uncles who did little to help. Yes, my mother was stressed. Yes, it was hard for those of us with him to see him sick. But we were blessed, too, with the time we spent with him. I’m sure my mother would gladly go back to changing his diapers to have him with us again.

I had a good long haul at changing diapers myself, and thought it would go on forever.  Well, the last diaper was well over twelve years ago, and I’m here to tell you that Jennifer is right: the life of service just goes on.  We sent our Marine socks, food, books, music, and first-aid supplies during two deployments to Iraq; we are chaperoning a teenage daughter; we are advising grown sons setting out into the world; and helping with buttons, hems, ties, treats, copyediting, and the thousand things a large family needs as its members begin to spread their wings.  In a few years there may be grandchildren to help with and elderly relatives to assist.  And then we will die and leave the work in the hands we have brought up to do the world’s work.  All that matters is to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” at the end of it all.

I never found diapers to be a big deal.  Actually, I found diaper changing to be a good bonding opportunity.  I’m not saying that every diaper was a love fest, or that I would love having three kids in diapers and therefore more than 20 diaper changes/day.  But I can certainly think of far worse ways to spend time.  Every job has its drudgery.  I would choose the drudgery of cleaning up my sweet little baby (who is no longer a baby) over almost any other kind of drudgery I can think of.  And, I waited a long time to have my own baby to diaper.  Thank you for your witness to people who can’t get past diaper drudgery.

I more or less enthusiastically changed diapers for ten years straight.  When it was over, I wasn’t sad that it was over - I was ready for a new stage of life.  I think when you really “live” something, you don’t look back wistfully or nostalgically for the “good old days” because, well, some days weren’t all that good.  That is not to say that I didn’t love my children to pieces, I did and still do, even though they are not babies anymore.

Well, I guess that everyone’s experience is different, because I really lived the diaper stage, but I still view it nostalgically.  No, not all those days were good.  Like any stage, it had its good days and its bad days.  But in my case, the good days made it a stage that I still miss, even though I love the current one as well. Maybe I wouldn’t feel that way if I had had more children and more diapers to change, but I sure feel that way now, and it’s not because I didn’t really “live” it.

This was an excellent post, but I think I was even more blessed by the comments, which moved me nearly to tears, repeatedly. Thank you, each one who shared, and thank you especially to susie, Nurse Tammy, Joe Cool, Susan Mathis, Jane M, Smoochagator, Kathleen Wagner, and Claire, for your wonderful, articulate, UN-self-centered perspective.

Jennifer, your takes on motherhood are always so uplifting and encouraging to me. There is SO MUCH pressure to have a plan, to get on a schedule, to subscribe to the secular world’s way of having babies. I find myself almost daily having to remind myself that it’s OK that I want to be more self-sacrificing, that I want to be available and accessible to my daughter. Thank you so much for your encouragement, and your reminders that the counter-cultural lifestyle is indeed so very rewarding.