Well, the baby is here! Our fifth child in six years, our fourth girl in a row, arrived on June 22 sometime in the afternoon, weighing seven pounds and something-something ounces (I missed some of the details, as I was focused on tracking down the anesthesiologist to give him a little constructive criticism about epidurals and misset expectations). She’s as cute as she can be, with a full head of dark brown hair, and you know she’s going to be awesome because her middle name is Scholastica.
I have to admit, I’ve been surprised by how great everything has been these past few weeks. I have this tendency, which I think is pretty common in our culture, to think about the potential difficulties of adding another child to our family more than I think about the potential blessings. Maybe that’s because the challenges are more predictable? Here in the modern world, control is one of the things we prize most, especially when it comes to the future. We have lists of goals and five-year plans and detailed thoughts on what we’ll be doing well into our old age, and any question marks looming over our futures make us nervous. And so, at least with me, I tend to be afraid to count on all the good things that might come with every new child; it seems safer somehow to fixate on what the hard parts will be. During pregnancy I’m always excited about our new son or daughter as a person, but I spend a lot of time wondering if I as a mother will be able to handle the additional responsibility that will come with adding another member to our family.
And, sure enough, most of the stuff I worried about over this past nine months has come to pass: I thought we’d have a lot of medical bills, and we do. I thought I’d be tired, and I am. I thought the house would start feeling cramped, and it does. I thought I’d have those moments when the baby needs to eat and the toddler needs a diaper change and the three older kids are yelling and fighting and I feel like I just want to lock myself in a closet and scream, and I have. (I have had those moments, that is—I haven’t locked myself in a closet to scream. Yet.) The challenges have pretty much played out like I thought they would. But, as has happened with every other child, I didn’t count on the blessings.
A friend of mine who grew up in poverty in a third-world country once shared with me the saying that “every baby comes with a loaf of bread under his arm.” If you want to see God pour out blessings and grace, have a baby. It doesn’t mean that you’ll win the lottery or that you won’t still face serious challenges, but, if you look for it, you’ll see the hand of God in your life in a special way. Over and over again I’ve found this to be true.
In the midst of all the work and chaos, our house has been flooded with grace. It’s come through a variety of channels: In some cases God has worked through the Body of Christ, with people bringing meals so I don’t have to cook, offering free babysitting and playdates for the older kids—some generous friends even came together to give us a monetary gift to help with expenses. Our house has been a hub of activity, alive with warmth and love as people come to offer congratulations and support. Our four other kids have been far more excited about their new sister than I could have ever imagined. Then some of the blessings have simply been what my aunt would call “Godincidences”: an opportunity to get a nap coming at just the right time, finding a long-lost game for the kids to play just when they were getting out of control, the baby taking a long nap just when I needed to spend extra time with the three-year-old, and so on. And then some of it has simply been the unmistakable peace of Christ, those moments when I feel the overwhelming sense of God’s presence, even under circumstance where I’d normally be tearing my hair out.
The challenges that I had counted on are indeed there; but they’re far outweighed by the blessings I hadn’t counted on.
Since I obviously do not excel at pattern recognition, I hope I can keep this in mind whenever family size discernment comes up in the future. It’s easy to think mostly about would be difficult about having another child, and come to the conclusion that it would be too hard. But it’s important not to forget that we won’t have to shoulder the difficulties alone, and that there will be grace and blessings too.
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Congratulations! Thank you for this post; it is much needed in our home! We’re expecting #3 in just 12 short weeks (assuming all goes “to plan”) and I’m certainly feeling overwhelmed with the “how is this all going to get done???” mentality. In the end, we just need to make sure we have the right-sized diapers on hand, right??? (We’re fortunate in having already all the baby clothes we need…) Many blessings to your growing family. (Take *that*, overpopulationists!) ;-)
Some days are overwhelming for all people. Whether they have one child or half a dozen, or no children at all. I never panic when pregnant about how things are going to come together. Sure, some days will be harder than others, that’s how life works. Would I give up my family for an “easier” life? Never! Now I’m midway through my pregnancy with twins which will make children number 10 and 11. Do I wonder how I’ll manage with two babies at once? Of course. Do I worry? No. Because God is with me.
I wrote about being overwhelmed and motherhood here: http://www.largerfamilylife.com/2011/05/well-hello-there-tether-i-wish-i-could.html
What a wonderful post. I’m expecting #3 - a very unplanned surprise - in 12 weeks also. I confess that the lack of “control” has been much on my mind. All future plans have changed, emotions have been high, I can’t imagine how I’m going to do this all over again. (My olders are 9 & 12.) I’m not even sure where to put this baby (people used to put them in a lined dresser drawer, right?) But your post reminds me to let it all go and let God take over. I love these lines especially, “If you want to see God pour out blessings and grace, have a baby. It doesn’t mean that you’ll win the lottery or that you won’t still face serious challenges, but, if you look for it, you’ll see the hand of God in your life in a special way.”
Congratulation on your newest blessing, children are the most precious gift a mother can ask for. I have four beautiful children, a wonderful son in law, and a beautiful granddaughter who has brought out a new life in me. I pray that your blessing will be rich in our faith and love for God.
Blessings,
Denise
So glad you and your new baby are settling in. Keeping you both on the list until Baptism. I’ll remember you at Mass on Wednesday. :)
Jennifer, thank you so much for this post! I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this. I’m almost 2 weeks over due with #3, and we’re actually moving to a different state in not quite 3 weeks. There is just so much going on that it’s been easy for my husband and me to fall into a little bit of a state of panic. Thanks for your encouraging words, and congratulations!
Good article. I’m expecting daughter #3 and it’s easy to fret about all the worries another child brings. And too easy to forget about the blessings they bring too.
I love this post. It’s just what I needed to read, given that I’m about to marry, and I have some anxiety regarding kids that I have to let go of (the modern need to “control” can alas be quite stubborn). And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got something in my eye.
whoa! fantastic article. My wife and I just had our 2nd baby, 2 weeks ago. A lot of very very hard moments… But a whole lot of grace. Thanks for sharing!
Wishing the Fulwilers all the best! Thanks for sharing the blessings!
Congratulations and thank you for your awesome article. We’ve had 4 babies in 5 years and can relate a bit. God is Good!
As the mother of ten born in a span of fifteen years I fully understand your position. Now looking back on all of it I know it would not have been possible without God. Blessings came in abundance. Shortly before my husband died he asked me if I realized how blessed we had been. To quote him “we have never been without food, a roof over our head and a job”. Our pastor asked me one day if I ever wondered how I paid the bills—I truthfully answered him, yes, but every month they were paid. . My oldest is now 64. I figured out a few days ago that we have a total of 17 degrees ranging from Bachelors to a PHd with 8 masters in between. Yes, God is good!
Congratulations to you and your family! Many blessings to you all. What a great article—I will share with my sister, who is a mother of 4. I think she will relate!
Wow! I REALLY needed this “Godincidence” today. He works in such amazing ways, how good is our God! We found out just 2 weeks ago we are expecting baby #7, not expected, but not certainly not avoided. Both my husband and I agree that God knows what He is doing in our lives. This does not make all the worries and challenges disappear, and I so needed someone to verbalize what I knew just under the surface. As you so eloquently put, babies DO come with blessings. I will share this article with all those I encounter who raise their eyebrows at the size of our family in this very difficult economic time. I often get anxious when I too, think of the bills to come, the additional mouth to feed. Jesus, I trust in You! Mary had only a stable, the clothes on her back and some cloth to wrap her baby. I don’t think she worried about finances. If that stable was good enough for our Savior, I have nothing to fear! Thank you for reminding me.
Congratulations on the birth of your little girl. We are expecting our 7th child in 9 years in about 10 weeks. I’m getting tired, emotional and the house is a complete disaster area, but the older children are so excited to be welcoming another little one into our family. What a blessing! I guess the housework will get done one way or another!
As the mother of six, with the youngest now 15, I can only say that there is nothing like a big family! The blessings are abundant,the grace flows, and the years move by quickly. Enjoy these beautiful days. All too soon your home will be quiet and empty. You will miss the sound of the children’s laughter.
One gift for me, at this stage in my life, is that the grandchildren are coming before my home is completely empty, THanks be to God! Grandchildren are also such a joy!
Yep. Do I have days where I am stressed close to my breaking point and want to run away and hide in the closet with a pint of ice cream? Oh yeah. But I had those when I was in school too, and when I was at work, long before I had any kids! Everybody has days like that.
People tell me you forget all the pain about having a baby, but I never did. I remembered it and held onto it and magnified it in my mind. With my last child, I spent 9 months fearing and dreading the birth. When it happened, it wasn’t that bad at all! I did it without drugs, and it was 18 hours long, and yet I felt okay pretty much the whole time. I remember saying, I could do this again! Let’s have another kid someday. I can do this!
Also wanted to add, it is true that you take care of your children now but someday they will take care of you. My mom was a nursing home nurse, and it always broke my heart to visit the elderly without any family who were lonely day after day. I recently talked to a man who was one of 15 children. He said his mother (well into her 90s) is NEVER alone. One of the kids is always dropping by. She is still able to live in her own home, and not be a burden on any of them. So all her hard work paid off!!
Congratulations again! I love this post! I can not wait to have a child. At my age I probably won’t be able to have many, but I’ll take as many blessings as God will provide.
For those that are being blessed with multiple children please pray for those that haven’t been able to have one. Not everyone can just “have a baby”, please please pray for them.
Thank you so much for this post. I love your blog and have learned so much from it, especially from your writing about wrestling with your DVT diagnosis. I am getting married in a little more than 2 months (!!!) and my future husband has a genetic disorder that involves cleft palate and other abnormalities, which have a 50% chance of being passed to any children we (God willing) have. Both of us have come a long way in trusting God with this and not being afraid of our fertility or of having children with a genetic disorder that will require multiple surgeries. Other people in my family have suggested abortion and so on and reading your faith and family story unfold has been like a balm to my worrying heart. Please pray for me and my fiance!
I can definitely relate to such feelings, uncertainties about the future and lack of control. Baby #4 is due any day now, being our 4th in barely over 5 years. And I must admit, God intervenes - my anxieties are much less than I’d have thought- at least until now, here at the end when things are catching up to me a bit. (Thanks to all those prayer intercessions!) Of course there are worries about all those little things - the logistics of going places, not being late (how will I ever get my 5 year old to kindergarten on time with a newborn in tow??)
But, how can we say no to life? Such a precious gift from above, and yes the graces that flow from it! Just the other day, my husband said: “If only people would see the treasure that children are. If God decided to bless you every so often with riches/money, would you at some point say, ‘No more God, I think we have enough now.’
Why is that so many limit their family size and go with society’s norm ~ how sad that they should miss the greatest joys of life; not to mention giving their children siblings to share memories and laughter with…
God Bless all the families who are courageous enough to go against the tide and raise a large family - may you all be blessed with years of love and faith-filled marriages and homes!
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