Exactly!! Any of us who stand as guards at the gates of our homes endure criticism and rolled eyes from friends and family who are ‘shocked’ we don’t have cable TV, allow our children to watch certain movies or read certain books.  They worry how our kids can be ‘normal’ if they aren’t allowed to wander the mall, watch the latest movie smash (regardless of rating) and exist with a cellphone and unlimited access to texting.

It is hard to stand against the wave of secularism but we are the lifeguards for our families.  As parents, it is what we are supposed to do!!  So far so good for my kids (and yours, Danielle) and hurray for the Duggars as well.

I do like the Duggars and think that they represent a happy, wholesome family.  What I don’t like are the generalizations that the author makes about children who come from smaller families and attend public schools.  It’s stuff like that that make my blood boil.  Not all children who attend public schools are promiscuous, vapid, silly teens.  Why just pick on kids that attend public schools?  How about those that attend private or Christian or parochial schools - are they any less normal than the Duggars? Not all of us are called to live in rural Arkansas, have a boat load of children, build a gigantic house and star on our own reality show.

I agree you should protect your children from outside influences and monitor what they watch and do.  My parents monitor, to an extent, what we watched and were exposed too.  I think the Duggars are great parents from keeping their children away from some of the garbage that’s on TV.  I have nothing against the Duggars, but lets come back in 5 years and see if the adult girls are still living at home than we can judge how normal they are.  Let’s wait until the little ones that were born on camera are taken out of the spotlight than we can judge how normal they are.  I agree with Susan that not all kids that aren’t homeschooled experience promiscuous behavior, think their parents are embaressing and aren’t teased and made to feel insecure. My sister’s children were protected and activities monitor and self esteem and integrity was part of their daily life.  The activities and behaviors that they see at school that were not taught in their home these kids do not partake in.  Everyone has different ways of parenting their children, but balance should be one of them.  Only the future holds whether these children can make it outside there compound in Arkansas.

I like the Duggars parenting style they do not claim to know everything but they do put the needs of thier children First. In a large family you learn that the world doesn’t revolve around YOU. Teamwork is key and the simple pleasures in life are the times you spend together. As far as Homeschool congratulations to those who can do that, it is a definite benefit to every child.If you can not homeschool perhaps paying closer attention to the outside influences music, video games, & YES TV even DISNEY or Family channel. Some shows are not appropriate for young children less TV .

Good. Now I know that my public schooled children who also don’t watch the Disney channel and don’t listen to the local rock station and don’t just follow every cultural phenomenon because I ‘shelter’ (more like carefully discern) them from them, will turn out normal too, since it’s parents who are in control of what their kids watch and listen to and are influenced by, not schools :)I will never understand why people who home school have to defend their position but putting other parents and children down. When I was a kids my mom used to say people put others down when they are insecure in themselves. Here is a fact, ‘normal’ children come from all kinds of families, all kinds of schooling, and all kinds of atypical environments, (like extreme poverty for example).  I am 100 per cent behind home schoolers, I have wished I could do it for years but I can’t.  I wish every time I read about homeschooling (which I do often because it interests me and I try to create a HS environment at home for after school) I didn’t have to hear how my kids are basically destined for a life of debauchery, sin and failure.  It’s getting a little old. I also hope that this isn’t an endorsement of how the Duggars have raised their children, since a lot of what they practice can’t be considered OK for Catholic parents.  As for Michelle, I do also find her calm inspiring, but realize that when she’s that calm she’s also on camera :)

To Susan and ceecee: What is it about Danielle’s article that makes you feel attacked? She was only saying that it’s nice to see someone saying that having a large family and not attending public school does not turn out wackos.  She never claimed that if you don’t have a large family or put your kids in public school they are bound to turn out bad.

Gwen, I will answer if yo don’t mind.  For me it was not anything Danielle said but the excerpt from Charlie Richard’s piece that bothered me. It just seems wrought with (the typical) assumptions.

I apologize if my post came across as through I was shooting arrows back that wasn’t my intention. I don’t feel attacked, but I do feel that its not the end of the story. The children (even adults) are still living at home, so there is more to be found in the future.  My cousin was homeschooled and although she and her sister are very smart and well educated they continue to live at home because they aren’t able to deal with the real world. I agree with Shannon’s statement “I didn’t have to hear how my kids are basically destined for a life of debauchery, sin and failure.  It’s getting a little old.” I commend the Duggars for taking a stand in what they believe in because not enough people do this because their views are not popular.  Just do your thing without putting down anothers lifestyle.

I knew a family that had 19 children. The father worked as a post office manager. She also worked as a practical nurse.
The last baby was a down syndrom baby.
The mother died a year of eye cancer.

I’ve never seen this show - but will watch for it if it’s still on TV.  This sounds like the same faithful parenting problem that’s been around for centuries—the fam v. the world out there.  I’m thankful that in this world today, my kids are grown.  But I sure do worry about my grandkids. God bless all families who are trying to raise holy children.

As a parent of 2 children with developmental disorders and one with a genetic disorder, including one who will fly into a fit of rage with no warning over the smallest incident, I have to wonder why all large families have to be “happy” in order to be “acceptable.”  We have 4 kids, and they are not perfectly well-behaved.  This is not from lack of trying.  We are not perfect.  But the general attitude I get from “perfect” families, whether they have 1 kid or 20, is that we’re just awful people for our kids having the issues they have.  Most people say, “Well, as long as the baby is healthy.”  I try to think, “Well, the baby is here, praise God, whether she is here for 100 years or for a minute, she’s here.”

To Gwen,
I was responding to Charlie Richard’s perception that the Duggars are “more normal” than your average teen attending public school.  Why not say attending “school”?.  Why the constant put down of public schooled kids?
The Duggar girls seem happy.  But I know plenty of happy teens around my neck of the woods who help make dinner and babysit their younger siblings.  I also agree that the real test of how the successful the Duggar’s are is when the children become adults and have to live on their own.  It’s somewhat unsettling to me that the girls really have no outward sign of accomplishment (high school diploma or college degree).  I guess if things don’t work out on the marriage/family front they could be home heath aides or practical nurses or perhaps day care providers.  That’s fine if that’s what you want for your children.  I want more for mine, especially my daughters.

Judith, God bless you for your post!  I have 5 kids & several of them have neurological issues.  One of them has Tourette’s, another autism, & a 3rd has just enough ADHD to be somewhat oppositional.

***Our family cycles from functional to dysfunctional many times during any given day.  And I have no idea how successful their future life will be by worldly standards so that I can pass some people’s test of parenthood.  But I love them & they love me even though we do it imperfectly. 

***God does not call us to be successful only to try.  My biggest concern (& the Christian measure of parenting success) is whether or not my children make it to heaven.  All kids stumble & fall on the way.  Parents can only do so much - free will makes the children’s choices their own once they reach adulthood.

I’m sorry to say, thus far, I haven’t had the desire to view the Duggar family due to the few articles that I read that were a far cry from the way that I was brought up. : 

At 61 years old today and having lived amongst 17 children with parents who instilled God in us from the time we were born.  I can sadly say that there are many of my siblings who were truly affected ‘later’ on in life with an overwhelming sense of responsibility from the ‘older’ siblings. “Where did this all come from?” “I’ll never know!” -  As in my childhood; my Mother never put an adult or parental responsibility on any of us until we were well mature enough in years. My concern is that our children are not affected as some of my younger sibling’s voice today,and that happy and normal continue to lead us the way!   

What I’m learning through the years; is that this expectant behavior of helpfulness continues regardless of the size of the family under a loving mother wings!  Perhaps my family experience is simply sibling rivalry that can ‘only’ be met at the true and proper place of God’s discernment of givers and takers.

Thank you very much, Danille,  for your inspiring and helpful articles of large families that keep me my eyes on Him.

The only time I don’t watch the show is when I am really tired and have to get up very early the next morning (Thank God for reruns).

Who’s to say what’s a “normal” family, or “normal” behavior for that matter.  What the media and society considers “abnormal” may be perfectly “normal” to them.  That’s enough.

Besides, the cameras only show a very small portion of their everyday lives.  I’m sure there are lots of incidents that aren’t filmed or edited that we don’t know about, or only know from comments the parents-siblings.

Despite their differences in faith and lifestyle, I would not mind living with them for a couple of weeks.

This article is a short and sweet way of defending many families that our society considers “over protective”.  It is not an attack on those who do not homeschool.  “Sheltering” parents are the ones who are the most attacked and I think it is great when they are finally being defended against all the “eye rollers” which for the most include many close family, friends and of course general public.  The Duggars seem pretty humble which shows that they are not trying to prove anything to anyone, they are just trying to do what they feel is right.  I admire that.  I am sure they have more pressure now that they have gone public, but who are we to judge even if their kids don’t turn out to be perfect in the long run?  They are not saying their way is perfect on their show.  They are simply showing and exposing another way of life.  It just seems that so many are just waiting or even hoping for a mistake because they are so different.  But that just seems very imature and very pharasee like.  I am sure many parents homeschooling and non-homeschooling alike experience that “we’ll see how your kids turn out” pressure in parenting and we all know it doesn’t do a bit of good.  We should all just wish them the best since their children will be active members in our society and then worry about our own kids.

To Susan: Actually the five oldest Duggars do have high school diplomas (or probably GEDs, I’m not certain which). Some of the girls have talked about various career goals such as possibly going to nursing school. I believe the oldest two boys (one of whom is married with a daughter of his own) have their own businesses already. So those are some signs of outward accomplishment. ;)

I was actually watching “19 kids and counting” yesterday and I noticed too that Jinger especially was really really normal. It was some episode where Michelle was talking about the girls and makeup. I also like when their cousin Anna comes to visit. She seems just as religious as them but also very normal and she listens to an ipod.

Michelle and Jim Bob’s major concerns to raising children is to develop Godly character and a wholesome lifestyle. These people have
the courage and conviction to instill these precious things. Considering the major opposition they get. They know what the core issues are. The world has it backwards. The world makes
education and a good paying job the core issues. While families are falling apart, teen suicide a big problem among teens not to mention drug addiction. Those people who are worried about the kids not getting a college education forget that this family is extremely capable and resourceful. They don’t fret about trivial matters such as ISTEP test results or getting into a great college. They live there lives
knowing their accountable to God and they do the best they can.
People who are looking to see if there is something sinister under all this should look at there own lives or learn a few lessons from this imperfect family who look for the good in others.

@ jacqueline, Yes! There is no other ‘true’ way. What a beautiful message to share and follow,  regardless of the size of the family!

Thank you:-)

Truly,
Catherine Nagle

It’s a cult.  Nothing more, nothing less.

We should not be so blinded by the fact they do not use birthcontrol. They are part of a protestant group called quiverfull. They think all NFP is a sin, they stop breastfeeding at 6 months so they may produce another child, they think the wife has really no say in the home, they frown on college,and they practice cultlike tactics in keeping people in line. Sorry but this is a perversion of the beauty of the Catholic’s 2,000 year beliefs on marriage. So they have lots of kids. It is still a distortion of the Truth! This movement has many victims. Look up a search on women who were quiverfull. You may not like the place these ladies ended up but you can’t miss the pain in their writing.

Annie: Actually they are not part of quiverfull. That is a persistent misconception that has spread all over the internet (probably because they have a large family), but it isn’t true. You are right about quiverfull, though. Awful, awful movement that harms so many women. :(

So they believe everything about the quiverfull movement but they are not quiverfull?

I don’t know them personally, but I would say it’s extreme to say they believe “everything” about the quiverfull movement. (Is there even any definitive, all-encompassing belief system for the quiverfull movement?) For instance, Jim Bob and Michelle seem to have a true partnership in their marriage (as they should), unlike many quiverfull families in which the husband is the boss and the wife has no say. They obviously have many similar beliefs, but they have explicitly stated that they are not “quiverfull.” But I think I understand what you’re getting at - if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck… isn’t it a duck? They do hold many quiverfull beliefs, and they use a lot of the same terminology. (And they are associated with that creepy ATI and Bill Gothard!)

But even relating to having children, I’ve never heard them say that all family planning, including NFP, is sinful, and isn’t that what quiverfull people believe? I’ve only heard the Duggars say that they studied the Bible and read that children were a blessing, so they decided to welcome as many children as God would give them. They also often say that their lifestyle is definitely not for everyone.

I guess I’m just trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I enjoy watching their show, and I’ve read both their books. I find them fascinating. As a Catholic, however, I believe they are misguided, and I pray for them that they’ll discover the Catholic church!!

Wow.  For people that are so concerned about being judged and criticized, you sure do judge and criticize the Duggars, and the people that presented a pleasant article that I am sure was not intended to offend anyone.  I am a single parent of an only child that actually participated in all three forms of education: secular preschool at age 4, K-2nd grade was private Christian schooled, 3rd-7th grade was home schooled, and 8th-12th grade was public school.  There were positives and negatives to all three.  Do what’s best for you, your family, and especially for each child…be concerned about this, not what other’s may or may not think or say.