Over the weekend, Zenit ran an interview with Peter Kleponis, a Catholic psychotherapist who specializes in marriage and family therapy, men’s issues and pornography addiction recovery. The questions and answers, focused on about the prevalence and effects of pornography.
What I found most disturbing was Kleponis’ description of the pervasiveness of pornography, even among very young people, and its devastating effects on males and females. About males, he notes the addictive nature of pornographic images:
When a man looks at a pornographic image, there is a chemical reaction going on in the brain. Dopamine is released, there is euphoria, and, when combined with sexual arousal and orgasm, it becomes what I call the “perfect recipe” for an addiction.
About females, he points out:
“There are a number of younger women who are forced into this because their boyfriends insist that this be part of their relationship. They fundamentally don’t want it, and that’s a different issue. This gets into the issue of what pornography has taught young people. ... What this teaches young women is that in order to get a boyfriend and keep him, they have to be sexually active and participate in pornography. Right now it’s a popular thing for women to use their camera phones to take nude pictures of themselves and email them to their boyfriends. They feel that this is what they have to do. Do they like it? No. If you ask them, deep down inside they feel that it is degrading, and they’re very angry about it. But they feel that they’re stuck, that it’s what they have to do.”
Further in the interview, Kleponis describes ways that marriages are hurt by the use of, and addiction to pornography. He lists ways men can determine if they have a problem and has suggestions for wives who discover that their husbands need intervention.
“We recommend that when a wife discovers pornography use, she correct her husband by describing her betrayal pain to him. We also encourage her to try to master her anger by entering into a forgiveness process that often is initially spiritual, by praying, “God forgive him” or “God take my anger.” Strong correction should be given with an expectation of change and fidelity to the marriage and children.
The response to such correction varies. Some men are grateful that the darkness in their lives has been exposed, while others respond: “There’s nothing wrong with it; it’s not a problem; everyone’s doing it.” If the later response persists in spite of proof of pornography use, wives should insist on the couple discussing this problem with a third party such as a trusted relative or friend, a priest or a counselor. Most married men with pornography conflicts we work with are in our offices because their wives demanded treatment.”
As uncomfortable as this topic makes some of us, we don’t do our families or our marriages any favors by pretending it doesn’t exist. Modern technology makes easy access to pornography an everyday temptation, whether we like it or not.
Some resources that can help families combat this sinister reality:
MaritalHealing.com
Overcoming Sexual Addiction by Devin Rose
PornNoMore.com
TheologyoftheBody.net
Catholics Come Home
Clean of Heart
Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addictions Recovery
If you know of others to recommend, please do so in the comments.
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Danielle,
Here is another excellent resource that I refer individuals to on a regular basis - http://www.whodoesithurt.com/
Realisation that lust and its various branches of atractions are wrong because ultimate result is great fall into sin can only help. Contentment in this field is necessary and it comes from LOVE To ONE"S SPOUSE. We catholics should invite God in our bedroom too A firm faith in God only can help us
Thanks for the good post and link to my page, Danielle. Pornography is so pervasive and destructive, but with God’s grace men can overcome this sin!
Archbishop Naumann in the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas started a ministry to protect families from pornography - www.LoveIsFaithful.org The program includes a video that was shown during Mass with a man’s testimony, practical ways for parents to protect their children from pornogrpahy, and numerous options for recovery and healing. Bishop Finn in the Diocese of Kansas City - St. Joseph wrote a powerful article on pornography in 2007, and is a great leader in this area as well.
Great Article. Please continue to spread the word about Pornography Addiction. The following article was published in our local news outlet about a couple and their fight to overcome addiction.
http://www.rhyllcroshaw.com/recovery-from-porn-addiction-is-possible/
You can learn more about the couple by visiting
http://salifeline.org/steven-and-rhyll-croshaw-speak-about-pornography-addiction/
Thank you so much for posting all of this information. I’m currently struggling in my marriage with this issue with my husband. I have been speaking with a counselor about it, which has been helping, but for months I’ve still felt like I must be the only person in the world who is seriously hurt that my spouse keeps looking at pornography, despite me asking him to stop and explaining to him how it makes me feel. Other women around me talk to me like I must be crazy or insecure about myself.
Great article, but I would say that a wife who discovers pornography use by her husband should be careful about how she approaches the expression of her hurt.
It may be, that her husband knows this is wrong, wants to stop, and like any addict, just simply can’t. While empathizing with him in this situation may seem counterintuitive, it could greatly lower the risk that he feels backed into the corner and responds with the secular logic of the day that everybody does it and it is perfectly normal.
This is a reposting of a note I placed in another response-thread:
Secular science is finally catching up with the Christians about the realities and dangers of pornography addiction.
Folks, I strongly recommend the resources at the website “YourBrainOnPorn” (http://yourbrainonporn.com); they have a six-part video series which explains a lot about fighting the addiction and the damage it does, and the plague of men in their 20’s and 30’s fighting Erectile Dysfunction when they’re with a real woman because of the way their brain has become re-wired to focus on porn.
The series is delivered by a person with no apparent religious belief, but who doesn’t disparage religious belief. And, it gives a very detailed understanding of how pornography addiction affects the same portions of the brain as other addictions and what the consequences of this are.
There are also testimonies of people who kick their porn habit, the struggles they have doing this, and how long it takes for their brains to “re-wire” and return to a more normal dopamine response (enabling them to enjoy life and be ambitious and relate properly to real women again).
Again, this is not even a Christian, let alone a Catholic, site. Don’t expect folks there to sound pious. Still, the need to kick the pornography habit entirely is detailed extremely well merely by explaining how the dopamine “reward circuit” in the brain works. I found this information extremely helpful.
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