A Modest Proposal for a U.S. Entrance Exam
You would think the
threat of taxes would discourage people from immigrating to the
People are trying to get into the
Proposals range from building a wall on the border to giving everyone who wanders in the country a check for $10,000.
But
The Dutch have become the first nation to require an immigration entrance exam.
That’s right; to get into
I confess that I have never had
the tiniest urge to move to
You see, the test isn’t about anything that I would have thought was an essential part of Dutch culture. As part of the test, they show you a movie that shows images of, among other things, men kissing and a clothing-optional beach.
Some media accounts suggest that
the Dutch are doing this in hope of discouraging Muslim immigration. While the
Dutch may be busy kissing and romping naked on the beach, they have paused long
enough to view the news reports of riots in other places —
There is at least one serious flaw in the plan, of course; you can’t show a movie with this sort of content in a Muslim country — it would be against the law. But I’m sure that great legal minds are working on that problem.
If, as some media reports suggest, the goal of the Dutch program really is to keep certain “undesirable” people out of their country, I’m not sure the “culture shock” approach is the way to discourage immigrants. Seems to me an explanation of the Dutch tax code would be much more discouraging.
At any rate, you see their point.
They’re saying that people who move to
But
For
For Indiana: Watch the movie Hoosiers and weep when the little guys win the championship, explain why the Indianapolis Speedway is call “The Brickyard” and give a five-minute talk on Larry Bird’s basketball accomplishments.
For Mississippi: Explain the proper way to prepare catfish and hushpuppies, promise to be a NASCAR fan and sing a rousing version of “Old Man River.”
For California: Well … I suppose they might use the Dutch exam, but I would hope the folks on our Left Coast would be more creative and throw in some images of surfing, golf courses and Disneyland.
Being from
— Potential immigrant must sing all verses, in good voice, of “Bear Down, Chicago Bears.”
— Applicant must participate in a deep-dish-pizza-eating contest.
— Anyone wanting to live here must watch a highlight film of either the Cubs or White Sox (Sox film would be much longer, of course).
— And, of course, yous gotta explain da origin of da term
The
Of course all of this raises the question: What are our priorities and how can we best handle immigration in light of them? Which returns us right back to that bitter debate.
Jim Fair writes from
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- June 4-10, 2006