Great perspective. Never thought about it that concept. Of making yourself a god. But true on lots of levels, atheist or not.

This is an especially great aspect of being a Catholic Christian, as Christ has given us a sure guide in the Church to make very clear that which is most important, the content of our faith. Before converting from protestant, Ifound myself suffocated under the incredible weight of having to trust in myself as the final interpreter of the Scriptures.

I agree!
Thanks for the reminder.
:)

This is a great post, for I had indeed lived in that “hell of fear-driven selfishness” for sometime as a Catholic In Name Only.  And old habits do indeed die hard, though I do fear a lot less, because recognizing one’s own selfishness for what it is is the first step, and then there’s not just praying about it, but praying through it.  You’ve summed it up so nicely with these words:  “driven by a terrible fear that I would suffer too much or I wouldn’t be happy or everything would fall apart if I didn’t make all the right decisions.”  In the initial reversion stages back to fullness of the Catholic faith, I came to realize that if you behave as though everything in life is All About You, you will eventually begin to believe that everything is on you.  And even then, I was having momentary relapses, whereby I’ve had to learn to have faith that God can and does bring good out of evil and bad decisions.

I love this! And I am tempted to send it to my 28 yo son who says he does not believe in God. He was baptized, received Holy Communion, and was confirmed. But after being dumped by his girlfriend after basic training, he became kind of bitter and dumped all religion with a passion. He has since become a Border Patrol Agent in So. California, has met a lovely Catholic (I should say raised Catholic? Not sure how faithfully Catholic her family is) girl. They recently became engaged and are planning a wedding “on the beach”. When I asked who would perform the ceremony, he said “I have no idea.” First they planned on allowing NO children at the ceremony. I was devastated as that would mean excluding my darling grandchildren (his own nephew and niece!)They wanted to put all kids in a separate room with a TV and a babysitter and not allow them at the reception. I asked about having a Church wedding and he said to me, “You know, Mom, I am leaving all that up to you to plan. We will be willing to have a Church wedding the next day for the families, but you have to organize it.” I was speechless. I don’t know how to respond to this. He insists that religion is just and opiate for those who are struggling with things in their lives. He is 10 feet tall and bulletproof and doesn’t need any religion to make his life worthwhile. They have been living together for 2 yrs and are thinking they don’t want children. How do I answer such statements? Can you tell me how to respond to this wedding dilemma since you were once in his shoes?

Karen, I’m sorry to read what you’ve said.  Perhaps the best way to answer these statements is through engagement, patience, and prayer—not just praying about it, but praying through it.  I’ve been where your son is, too, and I regret very much to say that it hurt my mother terribly.  But she never gave up and never stopped praying for me.  If you do not already pray the Rosary, do so.  Ask Our Lady for help, and ask her persistently.  I’m sure you already know this, but I’ll say it anyway:  cynicism and platitudes, such as the one that your son is fond of saying, are the opiate of those who think that for God to be worthy of worship, He should only give us what we want, when we want, and how we want it.  Such attitudes never seem to account for the possibility that the way God sometimes punishes us is indeed to give us exactly what we want.  Your son’s faith needs to grow, and he needs to develop a more adult sense of what Catholics mean by “God.”  He—and none of us—should think for a moment that the faith that we knew as children is capable of sustaining us as adults.  That faith must be nurtured and it must grow, else it gets snuffed out.  And for that reason, it must be lived.  So he’s right to suspect a level of faith that is in reality childish (having been baptized, received First Communion, and having been Confirmed is not enough, I’m afraid).  But questions and doubts are not a reason to turn away.  They are an invitation to go deeper.  A God who is not one being among many, but instead the very energy of Being itself is one who can take our questions and who wants us to go deeper.

The Catholic faith is not merely “religion,” and to marry in the Catholic Church is not a mere “church wedding,” as though it were just one aesthetic option among many.  Catholicism is not an exclusively subjective, private matter that is only about one’s “feelings,” but a way of life and a way of seeing the world.  There is a great YouTube video on Fr. Robert Barron’s website (www.wordonfire.org) that deals with Doubting Thomas and asking questions about the faith.  There are good ways to do it, and bad ways to do it:  the first is always humble, which Ms. Fulwiler has alluded to before (why is the Church always wrong?  Could it be possible that *I* a the one who is wrong?).  The second is always aggressive and self-serving, and always questions that which we do not like, but never ourselves.  Gently prod your son vis-a-vis these hard questions that confront all of us, and as for marrying in the Church, make it more about what God really wants to give him and his future bride, and that this is no mere formality.  From what I’m reading, he’s seeing this primarily as what you want versus what he wants.  Whenever I hear those who were raised Catholic and who consider themselves Catholic opt to not marry in the Church, it saddens me, because I don’t know if they’re even aware of what God wants to give them.  Marriage is again an opportunity to discuss what Ms. Fulwiler discusses so eloquently in this article.  Through the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, God gives us all of the necessary graces that we need for the marriage to flourish.  We do not have to do it alone, and it is not at all ours to do alone.

Also, he needs to get to the heart of what’s really bothering and hurting him, instead his using it as an excuse to push everything and everyone away—you, children (not only those in the family, but his own future possible children), and of course, God.  Otherwise, it will harm his marriage and harm him, ultimately.  Everything you’ve described him as saying seems to be accompanied by a sullen, insecure,  teenagerish “I dunno” and “whatever.”  “Whatever” is not an option for a man who is 28 years old, who has his future ahead of him, and who plans on having someone else share that future.  The hell of fear-driven selfishness is bleak, bitter, heavy, cold, and barren:  no tough guy, no matter how tough and self-sufficient or smart he thinks he is, can ultimately withstand it.  In the end, however, it is his choice.  He can listen to you share your wisdom with him and why you believe what you believe, or he can find out himself and learn the hard way.  Whether or not he will listen will depend on his receptivity, and if he is not willing to listen due to his own stubbornness, you may have to be supportive, but nonetheless step back.

WSquared: Thank you so much for such a kind and thoughtful answer. I can’t believe that a total stranger would spend so much time helping me. God bless you. You have given me MUCH to think about. I will be taking your advice to pray the Rosary daily and pray my way through this. I have been being nudged lately to pray the Rosary anyway :) I never saw his “pushing away” before but you have given me a new perspective. I have always thought that underlying his “God is a fairy tale” narrative there was some anger and I always suspect it is directed at me. This may be so or maybe not, but I’m pretty sure anger is there. Or maybe, as you say, fear? He is so tough and self-reliant, that admitting any fear or need may make him angry. As I said, you have given me much to think about. Thank you again.

I read your blog with interest. Throughout my life, one of eight children, father died when I was seven. We as a family were surrounded with very faithful christians…my great aunt was a missionary for 30 years in India, my uncle at the age of 19/20 years old, who also lived with muscular dystophy, had a book published by Moody Publishing…Anyway, as time passed, my mother became an alcholic, family members died or began their own lives. The last four of the eight children, continued going to church during the struggles of life which we faced. My sister was in the 70’s “Jesus movement”, currently a “missionary” with her husband and daughter.  The reason I bring this background into play, is the reality that despite the struggles, we continued to seek God, in the Church, where Christ is the Head. We became the “needy”...we needed the reality of God whom loved us no matter the situation, that the Holy Spirit would be our Comforter through the sacrifice of Christ…versus the desire to become our own “gods”...“I’m o.k. you’re o.k.” It seems that over time psycology became part of the Christian experience… We sought God, we wanted Christ to help us live this life that now was burdened by so many losses.  We found that what we needed to do was to live out the Beatitudes.  Frankly, that is where christianity comes up against the realities of the psychology of human nature “creating” the destiny which God wants me and my children to “become”,  i.e. a “god”.  As I grew up and had my own family, I sought out books on “parenting”, those of the secular realm and those of the Christian.  Many well intentioned psycologists, have in my humble opinion blurred the line between what is “naturally” God’s will and that which is manipulative…i.e. human nature…i.e. “open and closed questions”..if I do this, this is what should happen next…that is when I realized that I didn’t have to be an atheist, an agnostic, to believe that I was “God”....I was “playing” God by putting my children, my faith in the belief that as a parent, I would be able to “create” a child whom believed in God by following the “steps” of psycologists…my/our children were Made by God, whom gave them their own personalities and gifts and desires and DNA…that only through the Beatitudes, remembering that God daily meets us in His son Jesus, who comes to us in the Celebration of the Mass, in Adoration and being moved by the Holy Spirit to say, “Yes” as Mary did….there is no other substitute for putting oneself into the hands of an ever loving God. It brings me to the image of Moses walking through the desert, finding himself the leader but not God, he was following God by leading the people in which case many struggles came their way…Moses never made himself God, but cried out to God to help him “lead” the people…humility..prayer.  As Moses, I appear to be the wanderer, seeking the “right path”, desiring to be my own God, by controlling the situations in my life, from how many children, to finances, etc. God points to Himself today in the Church, in the Eucharist, as He made Himself real to the people in the desert many times. Daily food (manna)given to them by the hand of God for 40 years.  That is truly a comfort, truly trusting God…it makes me wonder how many times the people tried to manipulate Moses to make their lives better, instead of looking around them and seeing how God was caring for them, He, God Himself, lived amongst them in the Tabernacle, that God Himself was in their midst, providing daily bread, however, they didn’t see God, they wanted Moses to be their god.

This reminds me of the scene in Flannery OConners “The Violent Bear it Away”  In an attempt to make him more self-relient, a creepy voice, says to the young Tarwater “It ain’t Jesus or the devil. It’s Jesus or YOU.”