Catholic voters, do you live in one of those states where the candidates are only weakly pro-life? Perhaps they say they want to protect the unborn, but they can't be trusted to actually vote that way? Or maybe they are strongly pro-life, but are utter nincompoops in every other way? Do you approach the polls with a weight on your heart and a clothespin on your nose, because you know you have a duty to vote for the single most important issue in the world -- but there just isn't anyone you're happy to vote for?

Oh, how I envy you.

At least you have a lesser of two evils to choose. Here, there is no choice. Here's what our ballot looks like in New Hampshire:

For Senate, it's incumbent Democrat Jeanne Shaheen vs. Republican Scott Brown, who is a resident of New Hampshire in the same persuasive way as Kevin Costner was a resident of Sherwood Forest

Jeanne Shaheen is unabashedly pro-choice. Scott Brown, conversely, says on his website, that he "urged the Republican party to eliminate language in the party's platform opposing a woman's right to choose"; that he "voted to protect federal funding for Planned Parenthood"; that "NARAL praised Sen. Brown for his vote to protect funding for Planned Parenthood"; and that, as a rep in Massachusetts, he "supported a bill requiring health care providers to cover contraceptives."  

And people keep telling me that, as a pro-life Catholic, I simply must vote for Scott Brown.

For Governor, it's incumbent Dem Maggie Hassan vs. Republican Walt Havenstein. Hassan is in lockstep with her party and is a competent administrator. Havenstein was more or less useless as an administrator in the private sector, and on his website he says (at least I think this is what he's trying to say, if he can ever manage to spit out a complete sentence) that he supports a woman's right to choose and would veto any attempt to defund Planned Parenthood.

And people keep telling me that, as a pro-life Catholic, I simply must vote for Walt Havenstein. 

Oh, but Simcha! You can write in the independent candidate who is running for governor! Yeah, this guy

For House, we have Democrat Ann Kuster, who is wrong about everything and also a moron, and Marilinda Garcia, who is pretty good, more or less pro-life, and seems like a competent and decent human being. I will vote for Garcia, but she will lose by at least 20 points.

People keep telling me and telling me that even if our candidates aren't perfect, it's super important for pro-life Catholics always to vote Republican anyway, because that will tilt the balance in our favor in Congress. I'm supposed to vote for the pro-choice Republican so he can join forces with the other pro-choice republicans, so they can all get together and . . . finally be pro-life? For some reason? What is this, homeopathic politics, where the more you dilute something, the stronger it gets? Are you telling me that somewhere, deep down, they're really pro-life, and they're simply not brave enough to tell the truth to the citizens they're supposed to represent, but as soon as they get some power, they're going to bust right out of their pro-choice disguises, buck the powers that be and start rockin' and sockin' to defend the unborn? 

Oh, and except for Garcia (who, remember, will lose), they're all pro-gay marriage, too. But as a Catholic, I simply must . . . 

I've had it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick and tired of telling these people, "Yes, please, this is what we want. No, thanks, I won't insist on you even pretending to represent me in the most important issue in the world. I'll vote for you because I always vote for you, because I always vote for you, and you know I always vote for you.  Oh, I'm sorry, was this crucifix around my neck getting in your way? I'll just twitch that to the side so you can twist the knife a little more easily."

Can't do it. Can't do it one more time.

Do what you want in your state. Maybe you have someone who is at least willing to lie to you and pretend to be pro-life. Maybe you even have someone who really wants to fight for the unborn. But don't you tell me that I have anything like a choice in my own state.