From time to time, I use the word "feel" when I'm writing. Almost always, some reader castigates me for being ruled by my emotions, for making decisions based on squishy, gooshy, lady feelings which have no place in the fine, solid world of reason, justice, and right thinking.
This, I'm happy to have finally figured out, is nonsense.
It's absolutely true that we should not be ruled by our emotions. We should not make decisions based solely on how we feel; and we should not mistake feelings for an end in themselves, as Mark Shea reminds us in "Love Is Not Feelings." We all know someone who allows himself to always to be dragged around by a hurricane of emotion, and it's a horrible sight, and makes no end of trouble for the people who must try and keep up -- and clean up afterwards.
Unbridled emotionalism also leads to bad law and bad public policy; and we've also seen this foolishness play out horribly in the Church: theology is replaced with hand-holding and doctrine is shuttled off as something cold and hard, while emotions are elevated on a flowery throne. This path, of course, leads straight to Hell. Better to have no religion at all, than to think religion is all about feelings.
However. In trying to avoid this mess, many people fall into the trap of rejecting emotion entirely -- trying to stamp it out wherever it arises, and always answering someone's "I feel" with a sneering "Who cares?" This exaggerated vigilance against emotion very often takes the form of misogyny (women are more likely than men to be open about their emotions; therefore women are inferior), or is used as an excuse for selfishness ("Why should my wife expect anything special on her birthday? I'm good to her every day of the year!") or cruelty ("Don't jerk me around with your photos of burned children -- Hiroshima was foreign policy's finest hour").
I spent many years trying to squash emotion whenever it arose, because every time I felt strong emotions about something, I would make a bad choice, and end up hurting someone. I thought there were two choices: either surrender entirely to an orgy of emotion, or kill off emotion altogether. I imagined saving myself by applying a tourniquet to a useless, hemorrhaging limb. I wanted that troublemaking aspect of my personality to wither, die, and fall away, leaving me light and agile and able to follow pure reason.
Well, that didn't work. Every time I thought I had learned to live life cleanly, approaching each day with a resolve to stay in the lines, emotions would sooner or later come roaring back. They were unstoppable. I would feel pity for people who didn't deserve it -- sorrow for things I couldn't change -- longing for the unattainable -- affection for the useless. It was as if I had built the strongest dam in the world, but every time I settled down to get some work done, I'd look down to see the water lapping at my feet again.
Apparently the things I despised most were at the very core of my personality. I couldn't understand why I was so weak, so shapeless, so base -- and yet I couldn't help myself.
Finally a wise priest sorted it out for me. Emotions aren't wrong, he explained. Emotions are a tool. They're not meant to be an end in themselves, but they aren't something to be ashamed of, any more than you'd be ashamed to have a sense of taste or touch or smell. These things not only give us pleasure, but they save us from danger: they prevent us from swallowing food that is rotten, and make us jerk our hand away from the flames. In the same way, emotions are a gift from God, and He wants us to use them wisely, as a means of discerning His will.
The truth is that sometimes emotions can tell us something that we cannot hear from any other voice. If you despise emotion, I ask: haven't you ever been forgiven? Forgiveness is not an emotion, but pity is -- and pity is often the first step toward forgiveness. Haven't you ever been respected? Respect is not an emotion, but admiration is -- and admiration is often the first step toward respect. Haven't you ever experienced true sexual union? Sexual union is not an emotion, but desire is -- and desire is often (!) the first step toward sexual union. Haven't you ever been loved? Love is not an emotion, but affection is -- and affection is often the first movement toward love.
Emotions are like cotyledons -- the first "seed leaves" that a plant sends up. Think of a maple seedling: the first two leaves are pale, simple and temporary, and do not resemble the full-grown maple leaf, which is tough and dark and robust. But the cotyledon comes up first, and supplies the embryonic plant with the first nourishment it needs. Cotelydons do a necessary job until true leaves are produced, and the transformative work of photosynthesis can begin.
The Church teaches that we have the responsibility to mold and educate our consciences, so that they will be a reliable guide for our actions. We ought to do something similar when forming our emotional consciences. We're not supposed to indulge our feelings, but we're not supposed to stamp them out, either. Rather, we should shape and inform our emotional capacity, to turn it into a useful tool for teaching us about how to treat each other.
It's important to straighten this out, because emotion is not a lady thing, or a sign of weakness: it something that men and women both have to learn how to use properly, if we are to learn how to treat each other well. It's easy to see that hysterical basket cases are weak. But what do you call someone who can't trust himself to withstand anything unexpected, anything not clearly defined, anything that makes us step outside our own experience of the world? What do we call someone who has to protect himself behind a rigid wall? Is that strength? In battle, fortresses make good strategic sense. In everyday life, though, only the weak and the paranoid hide behind walls.
Forming our emotional faculties is not easy. So many inconsequential or wrongheaded factors can play into our emotional state. But God wants us to understand ourselves, not pretend we're someone who we're not. It's a difficult process, and not one for the faint of heart! It involves that most dreadful act: looking frankly and honestly at our own motivations and desires -- in short, at our own souls.
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“Emotions aren’t wrong, [the Priest} explained. Emotions are a tool.”
Thanks for posting this, Simcha. I think the key to utilizing emotions as a tool is to learn how to impersonalize emotions. This is hard to do, and in today’s “me” society we are not really taught to impersonalize anything. Indeed, every tiny emotion or thought is supposed to reign supreme within us.
-When I have a strong emotion or feeling and I want to gain an insight from it, I remind my self to impersonalize it. That means (to me) to take ALL the PEOPLE out of the emotion, myself and everyone involved. That tends to help “sterilize” the situation for me, so that I can view it more intellectually than personally. I try to glean God’s wisdom or insight about the situation. I’m not saying this is an instant reaction…it usually takes me a while of being hammered about by my emotions before I remember to try impersonalizing them.
-I think impersonalization is a lost art..but it is one that we should try to cultivate.
Nice one… I would like to add that we can’t control our emotions. (We can only control how we express them.) We can’t dictate to our hearts how we should feel. ‘I should be angry… I should be happy.’ Feelings come upon us and sometimes we are even surprised by how strongly we feel… towards a word, a person, or an action.
When we acknowledge our feelings, they can help us to understand our true character and values. In the same way, studying what provokes a strong emoton in others can give us an insight to their values as well.
For example…I know what’s important for each of my teacher based on what offense gets the most reaction out of them… One teacher is very strict with punctuality while another easily gets irritated when students talk or text in class…There’s a teacher who really makes a big deal out of a student using a different colored ballpen other than black or blue…
Emotions are indeed tools. They are mirrors and lenses.
Another thing…(sorry, this came to me while rereading your post and my comment) I would also like to point out that we can’t have “emotional conscience” because we can’t control what we feel. We can only control how we express our emotions… and this is where conscience comes in. It is still okay realize that I am irritated, amused or offended. What is not okay is how these feelings sometimes make us hurt other people.
Good points, as always! I’d go even further, though: emotions aren’t really mere tools, are they? As an integral part of the whole human being, it’s actually desirable not just to do the right thing, but to feel the right things. To use examples from C. S. Lewis, it’s better to feel awe at Niagara Falls than indifference, and to feel delight in small children than annoyance. Emotions are part of how we perceive and respond to Creation. In a fallen world, our emotions won’t always be what they should be, but one of the things we can look forward to in Heaven (and work towards on Earth) is having the right feelings about the right things, not just getting beyond them as if they were mere tools to be discarded when we’re done with them. Not that I think you’re saying that, but the priest’s advice you quote sounds a bit like he was implying that.
Love is an act of the will & emotions often have a biological/hormonal component.
I always struggle with how to handle emotions, from being called a “cry-baby” in middle school to trying to be a Vulcan in college. Finding the right balance is tough. It seems odd to say they are a tool though, that’s like saying our body is a tool. There are people who hate the body and any pleasures it gives; there are others who are slaves to their bodies. Yet seeing it as a tool would separate you from it when in fact the human person is a body/spirit unity.
You know those times when you reach some insight after a painful struggle and then the readings at the next Mass you attend or a book you open or someone you meet directly addresses what you have been thinking about? This post was one of those ‘signs’ for me. I am seriously grieving for the first time in my life and sometimes have a hard time accepting what is happening to me emotionally, how vulnerable I am, how hard I take things. But of course it only makes it worse if one first feels bad and then feels bad about feeling bad! I am coming to realize that denying one’s emotions can be a form of unwillingness to bear the Cross; it’s like saying to God, ‘Thy will be done, just as long as I don’t have to feel it more than *I* decide is suitable.’
So true! I spent so much time, like you, trying to stamp out my emotions as if I would then be the Unfeeling Rational Arbitor of All Things. Even if I could have been, I never realized that that would have been even worse than being affected by emotion. As a result, I spent so much longer learning to control my emotions like a normal person, rather than attempting to stamp every trace of them from my being like a nutcase. I wish I could have read something like this way back then, it would have been a tremendous help. God bless you, Simcha.
I grew up with parents ruled by their emotions and it was often as you described- a “basket case” and a “hurricane.” Yep, that about sums it up. I have tried to swing to the opposite extreme but usually that results in me feeling anger for every negative emotion. Instead of crying like my mom always did, I get angry. I’m not sure which is better. I would like to know more about how to “impersonalize” emotions (how do you do that when it almost always is a person causing the emotion) and how to use them as a tool.
Thanks for posting this! I know a number of traditionalist Catholics who are very “reasonable” and reject emotions as unreliable. Maybe I should direct them to this article!
I think the reactions the priest referred to are more accurately described as reflexes, but perhaps he was speaking metaphorically…my “gut feeling” has certainly kept me out of trouble.
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Dominic: In general, yes; I know when I am upset, the worst thing I can do is attempt to control it. And I wouldn’t say that a person can necessarily make himself feel a complete opposite emotion. However, there is some evidence for “faking it ‘til you make it.” Choosing to dwell on reasons to be happy or pretending confidence, over time, can actually make people happier and more confident (I assume the people studied weren’t in the black pit of depression to begin with).
I am old and still struggling with my emotions..they change in your 50’s..actually for the better in some ways. But knowing yourself is the most important thing and realizing that God made you the way He did for His purposes and your family. Finding that balance and living it well is a daily endeavor. God bless you Simcha for hitting the nail on the head once again..you are an inspiration!!!!
I really appreciate this post because I am married to someone who is always telling me how I “should feel.” Usually I am on the receiving end of comments like this when I am upset with my husband, as a way of deflecting responsibility from himself and distancing himself from my pain. Or, when I am disappointed by something, I will hear “Look at all the things you DO have/ all the things that DID go right/ all the things I HAVE done for you.” It comes across as a dismissal, and implies the assumption that I should simply “reason myself out of” my feelings like an emotionless android, again, usually to distance himself from whatever it is I am feeling. This kind of thinking makes for a very lonely marriage and a very lonely world.
How many times have I had this drilled into my head, and yet still find myself saying: ...“I just feel like…” This is the red flag for me to reexamine what I just said, to make sure my motivations are beyond reproach, or if there is a taint of something else there.
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How wonderful when soaring emotions give us “lift off”.
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How rock solid when an “act of the will” makes love not *dependent* on soaring emotions, or even just general “niceness”.
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Another facet to this examination of conscience that has given me pause, when I am reacting to negativity, is the question:..“Have I given into sadness…?” That one has saved me countless times from “rolling around in it”.
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Thanks for this, from someone who has ridden the bucking bronco of “emotions gone wild” on a few occasions, and from someone who has also turned the tourniquet too tight as well. I think I’ve finally tamed the beast though… (your “meat tenderizer” analogy comes to mind).
G.K. Chesterton wrote, “The mad-man is not someone who has lost his reasoning, the mad-man is the one who lost everything but his reasoning.”
Lenin, Charles Manson, Karl Marx, Stalin - none of them are characterized as raving emotional basket cases. Rather they were cold, rational thinkers.
Use both your emotion and your rational mind to check each other. There may be times when you are about to “go off” on someone when if you stepped back and examined the situation with your rational mind you’d see that they are not the true source of your ill feelings. There are other times when you can be fed a rational argument, but if you simply gave it a “gut check” you’d know not to go down that road.
Oh, my. Good. God. *don’t pass over the link to Mark Shea’s piece*. Thank you for that too Simcha.
@ Kristi - My spiritual director called it being rational about my emotions instead of impersonalizing, but I think it is the same thing. For me, I worked after an event or trigger when I was all worked up to try to rationally anazlyze why something affected me - was I angry? fearful? hurt? Why? To distance myself from one individual who really pushed my buttons, I realized that his hurtful words and mannerisms were not my fault so that I could intentionally separate his behavior from my feelings. Identifying my wounds also lead to authentic healing instead of bandaids of controlling and pretending how I felt. After working at this, I am better at recognizing my emotions and better identifying what to do with them.
Simcha - thanks for your writing. So many things you have written have really been good for me.
Lovely post as always.
I had a college professor once tell me that I had the “emotional maturity” needed to become a teacher. I pondered what that meant for awhile, but I think she meant that when we form our “emotional consciences” as you say, we learn to use our emotions in the right context. And in working with young children and teens, as a teacher, I have to read the emotions of others in order to better guide them.
Not to detract but this, “We all know someone who allows [himself] to always to be dragged around by a hurricane of emotion, and it’s a horrible sight, and makes no end of trouble for the people who must try and keep up—and clean up afterwards.”, made me grin. Cute shift from the usual paradigm, ‘herself’.
Thanks, Simcha. In case it may help other readers, I’ll mention that I found the work of Conrad Baars, a Catholic psychiatrist who made use of Aquinas, helpful in articulating how reason and emotion properly work together.
Bob, I’ve known far more men who have done things that fit that description than women. Sure, women tend to be more emotional about smaller things, but when men blow up it is very much like a hurricane. I don’t see the paradigm shift at all.
The way I see it, the matter is simple in its essence. Emotions are bad when they are unreasonable and good, even ideal, when they are reasonable. And happily emotions can be to a large degree educated by reason. Note, for example, that unreasonable feelings typically come with a deliberately distorted picture of reality. When I am feeling sorry for myself (one of my greatest vices) I put in relief any current misfortune or disappointment and exclude or tone down everything else. It might be counterproductive for others to rebuke me when I am in that state,but I cannot conclude,in my case, that those who so rebuke me expect me to be an android or are merely shirking responsibility. Point is, we should distinguish attacks on the human from attacks on the unreasonable or the irrelevant. The language used in each case tends to be similar, so it takes careful evaluation.
We all hide behind walls—and lock doors too-especially at night. I am not disputing the central theme of this post. I like what Mother Angelica said about joy. She said that joy is the acceptance of or contenment with God’s will in our hearts.—that is the best that I can recollect her saying. She then added that joy is not a facial expression. I like that because I am not good at facial expression joy.
Great post. One of the great things to happen as a result of the recent renewal in moral theology in the Thomist tradition, is the (re)discovery of Aquinas’ treatise on the emotions and the role they play in the moral life. The virtues govern the emotions; courage and its allies govern the irrascible emotions (hope, despair, daring, fear and anger), and temperance and its allies govern the concusible (love, hate, desire, aversion, joy and sadness). St Theresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein) also has a wonderful treatise on the emotions in her work The Spirutality of the Christian Woman.
John B
Congratulations on a good article. It is amazing how many people are afraid of their emotions/feelings.I have a relative whon is like that and it causes a lot of problems.
I was a counsellor for 30 years, before I retired, and emotions were a very handy way to track down what was at the seat of peoples problems. Emotions, like anger, are only a problem when you hold onto to them and not use them for a positive purpose; to solve a problem or to take action to overcome wrong.
You are right on, Simcha—and we can take our cues about emotions from Christ himself, who wept when Lazarus died. Those were seemingly needless tears: Jesus knew He would be raising Lazarus from the dead, after all. Yet Jesus still allowed Himself those extravagant tears . . . in our imitation of Christ, we are free to grieve about pain in this life, and feel and express a full range of emotions.
I agree with Dominic that we can’t control emotions (feelings), only the expression of them. Some people are naturally more sensitive than others but everyone can learn to express their emotions or work them out in productive instead of destructive ways. It is our duty to be mindful of how we express our emotions in front of others. It’s one thing to cry and scream and carry on in a house you know is empty but it’s another thing to do the same thing in front of your family. Maturity involves self-control. Not controlling how you feel, but how you express that to others.
I used to be so put off when my siblings would say I’m too sensitive or I shouldn’t be upset by little things. I can’t help being sensitive but what I can help is reacting in such a way that it bothers by siblings or anyone else. One of my children has inherited this trait. I tell him,” I know you are constantly feeling strong emotions but you don’t need to let the rest of us know you are.” And I direct him to ways to work out that emotion (physical activity, hobbies, prayer, etc.)
It is a well known “pop psychology” way to understanding how a person relates to the world around them. For me I write “I see…..” for you it is “I feel…”, for others it is “I hear..”.....
So the discussion is more on how you, Simcha,are relating to the world around you than being just “emotional”. Try it, just listen to how any person talks and you will “see..” what I am talking about.
@MC: I just wanted to say that I am sorry for your pain and loneliness. I am glad for you, however, that you recognize your husband’s manipulation and isolation techniques for what they are; I was in a similar situation for a while but I believed the lies!
And as always, Simcha, thank you for putting into words the many things I don’t know how to say.
This may be off-topic, but as we get older, we experience surgery, illnesses and pain. As a spouse, I need to be sensitive to when my BW is in pain, whether from a recent surgery or a recurrence of back pain. I have been surprised that by my praying and placing a hand or two on the painful spot (back or foot, even!) that the pain apparently lessens for her. Prayer for relief from the pain doesn’t hurt; mental prayer as well as audible may be used.
She cared for me equivalently when I had a kidney stone, and more recently after some surgery.
If I make no attempt to LISTEN to her, I won’t be able to contribute to lessening pain for her when I should. Emotional pain can result from things others do, or actions others take. As a husband, I need to know this. I am called to help her in her spiritual journey, not become an obstacle. Similarly, she is called to help me; and frequently she is a grace in that way.
According to Marriage Encounter, “Love is a Daily Decision.”
Thank you, Simcha, for your post.
TeaPot562
For anyone who is interested in learning more about this, The Emotions God Gave You: A Guide for Catholics to Healthy and Holy Living by Art and Laraine Bennett is a really great read, explaining both what the Church teaches about our emotions and how we can use them to give greater glory to God.
Fantastic article about an eternal struggle I believe we are all familiar with. Thanks a bunch Simcha, good job.
What a beautiful post! Thanks so much for your clarity and good “common” sense. I have met MANY people along the ‘spiritual path’ who think that having any emotion is a grave defect. Consequently, they present themselves as cold, unreachable people. I think of Therese of Lisieux and how truncated her message would have been, were it not for the emotional aspect of her life that infused her spiritual works with the sweetness of love. Thanks for spreading the word.
LOVE. It must permeate the earth; the universe.
One of my favorite Bible stories is found in 2 Maccabees. A mother watches her 7 sons be tortured and killed for their beliefs. She stands there and encourages each of them. Chapter 7: 21 says, “she reinforced her womanly heart with manly courage…” This is a beautiful story about a mother who still has emotions but has them properly ordered to God.
The key is to strive for personal balance. Human personalities can naturally lean toward emotional or intuitive, thinking/judging, perceiving, extrovert, introvert, etc. While there is nothing wrong with any of these, if one characteristic becomes the dominant force in an individual, that person loses all credibilit and cannot function well with others in the world. So if emotion is your thing, you should work on developing your thinking abilities and vice versa. It’s difficult to change yourself, but with the help of God, you can become more authentically you.
“Apparently the things I despised most were at the very core of my personality.” Well put. I think this is a central truism to to understanding ourselves and others. It is also a great rubric for examinations of conscience: what I hate in others, I hate in myself, which is my sin. My irritation at the lack of charity in someone else is uncharitable. My resentment when someone neglects me out of selfishness is selfish. I don’t think it would work well as one’s only rubric for examinations, but it can help and, like Simcha said, it really gets at “core” character issues.
Dealing with emotion has always been a struggle for me. For whatever reason, I don’t think I developed good emotional reactions to difficult situations. Giving in to them led to disaster and trying to stamp them out led to catastrophe. Strangely, it was when a very dear friend was killed that I came to an understanding them and found a better way to handle them. When all the terrible, frightening or unholy feelings would threaten to overwhelm me, I didn’t wallow in them and then mentally abuse myself for having them. I just stopped, let the thought pass through, and would then tell myself that I was grieving deeply and these emotions weren’t truth and as time passed, I would have different and better feelings. And it worked. While I still feel his loss deeply, it is not accompanied by the self-loathing I once had. And the feeling of gratitude to my friend for this peace seems right and not irrational. And it feels good to be able to simply acknowledge how much I loved him and how much I miss him still.
@MC, I understand your situation quite well. You are not alone.
I will keep you in prayer.
Thank you for this excellent post!
Without an emotional response to what he saw, the Good Samaritan would never have been heard of.
Don’t forget that while we do not have direct control over our feelings we can cultivate good emotions with our activities, reading, music, the kind of people we associate with, or the kinds of thoughts we dwell one. We can also learn to recognize when emotions are not helpful and try to distance ourselves from them. For example, anger can be a perfectly healthy reaction to an injustice, but if we are always flipping out, we need to do something about it.
We want hard and fast rules to tell us how to behave, like “Never trust your feelings” or “Always follow your gut.” Problem is, there are no hard and fast rules: it is a matter of gaining experience, getting to know yourself, growing in virtue; in short, learning wisdom.
Even more to the point… Ignatius, Theresa. And many other spiritual masters suggest we use our feelings and emotions as the starting point for discernment :)
I think the fight we have with emotions may come too from our puritan cultural background.
I remember, as a child crying because my little sister cried when she skinned her knee. She stopped crying to ask me why I was crying. I was a bit over sensitive to people who cried because my other younger sister had died and the family spent a good deal of time crying during her illness, and at her death. I cried so hard when my brothers got spanked that my mom used to send me away before she spanked them. I had a deep felt sympathy for others. Flash forward to a time when I asked my Mom why I couldn’t pray for the devil. She said there are just sometimes you cannot be so tenderhearted.
I could not imagine anybody hating so much that they’d even hate to have somebody to pray for them to say they were sorry to Jesus. I learned very early in life that forgiveness is an act of will. And sometimes you are only rewarded with seeing somebody’s sorrow and then their joy, when you forgive them, even while you are still really mad at them. Seeing that joy in the forgiven person taught me a lot about forgiveness. If I wanted that joy, I’d better hope for forgiveness.
It served me well later in life when I lost my life savings to a swindler, with no chance of ever recovering. I hated him so much, but made an act of will to forgive him. As time passed on I began to consider what would happen to him if he didn’t repent. My fear of him going to hell over a few thousands of dollars put things in perspective. Money isn’t worth a man’s soul. Soon I was begging God to forgive the man. I asked Him to give the man a need to confess. It wasn’t a year later and I found out he was on his deathbed; his wife told me. I told ehr i had forgiven him. And a few days later a nurse accidentally overdosed him on one of his medicines. I like to think he’s somewhere up there praying for me now.
Emotions are indeed a tool.
Yea! I think, that there is some truth to emotions being an expression of reason, and very intuitive as well.
My prayer for a long time has been, “Jesus, be the bridge between my mind and my heart.” It’s my way of asking God’s help to use both reason and emotion for His glory, and to help me connect those two parts of myself, since I tend to lean toward reason. Going on an Ignatian retreat also helped, and I loved learning about St. Ignatius of Loyola’s understanding of how to use emotion as an aid to growing closer to God and others by being honest with yourself.
As usual, thank you for sharing and getting us thinking! :) In reading some of the comments, I realize that some people grew up in families where unbridled feelings reigned supreme, while some others of us grew up where feelings (including positive ones) were not demonstrated much, almost like they were taboo. Some of those differences come from culture; some of the extremes, one way of another, I think, may also come from dysfunction and inability to communicate, or not knowing how to deal with our feelings in a healthy way. God made us creatures with feelings. And Jesus gave us an example. Jesus wept over Jerusalem. Jesus wept when Lazarus died. Why did Judas betray Jesus with a kiss? Because the kiss was a customary display of affection…which Jesus had obviously not come to the world and objected to. At the Last Supper, St. John put his head on the breast of Jesus. Jesus praised the woman who poured precious ointment on his feet, who cried and wiped his feet with her hair. The problem is when we use our feelings - divorced from our faith, prayer and reason - as our sole way of making decisions…or to hurt someone. But there is nothing wrong with feeling what we feel or acknowledging that we feel. It has taken me a lifetime to figure this out. Also, I agree with what you said about the senses. I think to say “I shouldn’t feel” is perhaps akin to saying “I shouldn’t see” or “I shouldn’t taste”. Or, “I shouldn’t enjoy this birthday cake because it tastes good.” Or, “I shouldn’t marry someone I enjoy being with.” LOL. No, that’s not enough all by itself, but it sure helps if it’s a part of it! In 35 years of marriage, I can tell you it’s helped me get through the tough times when I look at my husband I “feel” love. If we shouldn’t feel, then all of our joy should come only from the “spiritual”; we are no longer creatures of body and soul, and I think there’s even an ancient heresy along those lines, separating the body from the soul, making only the soul important. (Is it manicheism? I don’t have time to look right now.) While we can’t let emotion rule us all by itself; emotion is still good. God made us as He made us! God has the wisdom. Let’s shout for joy about that, like David did in his Psalms! :) Again, Simcha, thank you.
I love emotions and passion and think that anyone who doesn’t is a total bore or a Buddhist (don’t you just hate the sound of the emotionless middle way) or a prudish Jansenist Catholic (if you laugh you have committed a mortal sin). Which brings me to my favourite Oscar Wilde quote: It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
By the way Simcha I think you are one of the charming ones and not at all tedious and I love the emotions and feelings in all you write.
After spending most of my life being labeled as overly sensitive and emotional, I am now on a medication that blocks not only pain signals, but anything that resembles emotion. It has changed my life completely. I am not as spiritual, not as good a mother or wife. Emotions made me a better person.
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